Hamfia - GAME OVER - PICK YER POISON DID IT. SPECTACULAR. AMAZING.

Vote: Niall

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Spoiler

What is this terrifying sight? Clearly you are trying to summon Zalgo, citizen. The chance that you are using a different character encoding is just barely 99%! THIS IS OCCULT DEMONIC MESSAGING!


Unvote
Vote Woffles

Dammit Wheat is overqualified for this game!
Unvote
Vote: Wheat

He must be stopped lest his hammery consume us all! Come rally, fellow townsmen!

Everyone, come out from where you are hiding! ARE YOU TOO TERRIFIED TO BASK IN RUBY'S PRESENCE?

We are all hams here, don't be shy.

EBWOP:
We can't find the true HAMTAGONIST if there is nobody to fight for the title!

Now I wonder if that means hammy protagonist or hammy antagonist.

Halt!

I see your wily scheme, Professor!

You intend to cast doubt on the role of the HAMTAGONIST in order to sow dischord should they complain!

But I've seen right through your ruse!

Unvote
Vote: ProfessorLizzard

EBWOP: Whoops, I think I meant roleclaim, not complain.

OR DID I?

You fool! You can not stop my master plan.... of good! Soon all hamevil will be removed, and everyone will be free to talk loudly and show off their wonderfulness! Where nobody will have to be afraid of hamfisher, and will never have to hamclaim.

We must form the league of anonym hams. Like Anonym alcoholics. But without the "getting over the problem" part, because hamminess is not a condition, it is a privilege!

Ha, how dare you call me shy! Me, a mousy milquetoast? The sheer cheek of such a scandalous assertion would normally warrant me unleashing my wrath (and let me assure you, you'd be rather wise to write your will beforehand), but in the interests of limiting our wanton killings to the democratic deaths alone, as much as it pains me to do so you shall have be spared...

...okay in the interest of finishing this post sometime this century I think I might just have to cut the in-character crap. It really doesn't suit me well either, even if it does provide me with an opportunity to flaunt my loquaciousness...

Now then, to business: from tomorrow afternoon, I shall be absent until unfortunately a while after the deadline, on account of being elsewhere on this fine isle that very likely shan't permit me internet access. I'm sure I'll be sorely missed, but you all must stay brave, even without my presence to guid you. To that end, I shall place my vote come the morrow - the decision shall not be taken lightly, I assure you, but as of yet I have frightfully little to base it on due to the general lackadasical approach we appear to be taking. So, people, do as the good Professor says; come out of hiding, please, and talk.

Otherwise I'm sticking with Schaz, because she's dangerous. Like, ridiculously lethal, even in small doses. An estimated 800 people die each year in New Zealand alone by inhaling her second-hand air, and anyone in an eleven mile radius suffer potentially fatal internal bleeding every time she calls for her husbandos. Please, stop this cruelty. Vote Schazer.

...ok I'm doing all my posts like this from now on...

It was a dark and stormy night in Australia.


both dark and stormy. coincidentally it was a pleasant afternoon in the states.



Niall was backpacking through the wilderness of Sydney on this fateful and treacherous night.



artist's rendition of what it would've looked like during the day.


"I wonder why Sheila, my beautiful and loving girlfriend, would ask me to come out here tonight, and why she had to meet me instead of just accompanying me..." Niall wondered aloud.


niall's girlfriend, sheila. also via google images.


Suddenly, as Niall was swatting at gnats around his face, he heard the sound of a branch snapping to his left.


new and improved branch now with watermark.


Niall's heart jumped until he turned and he saw that it was Sheila who had made the noise. She stood there in the rain in the most gorgeous lavender dress he had ever seen, wearing the necklace he had bought for their two-year anniversary six months ago.


oh baby. if she was single i'd be allllll over that.


Niall opened his mouth to speak but Sheila interrupted him as she began walking slowly towards him. "Baby, the last two and a half years have been the best times of my life, and it's all because of you. You are what makes me wake up in the morning with a smile on my face. You're just perfect to me in every way. Even the small things about you are special to me. I love the way your nose whistles quietly while you sleep, or the way your face lights up when a commercial comes on the TV for a game that you want. I love the way you use your hands to talk even when you're on the phone and the fact that whenever that Bruno Mars song comes on the radio you put on a big performance for me. Niall, I love everything about you, and I'm not certain about many things in this world, but I do know one thing without the shadow of a doubt. And I know this isn't traditional, but I just have to do this..." She said the last sentence as she dropped to one knee.

"Niall, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She revealed a small box in her hand. "Will you mar-"

SSSSSSSSTHUNK

Sheila's head flew backward and she crumpled as something shot past Niall and into her forehead.

"Sheila!!" he screamed as he got on the ground to hold her. A wooden shaft with feathers at the end protruded from her skull and a single trail of blood ran down her face. "Sheila!" Niall cried again, but Sheila's eyes were vacant and her pulse nonexistent. He dropped his head and bawled before he heard footsteps behind him.

"Sweet, sneak attack, triple damage!" A man's excited voice rang out behind Niall. Niall turned his head to take a look at the monster and saw a drawn bow pointed directly at him. "You used to be alive like me..."

SSSSTHUNK.

"Then you took an arrow to the face," the man said, and began rummaging through Niall's, then Sheila's belongings. "Sweet! The girl had an amulet of Mara and a gold ring. Here, hold these."

A female's voice could be heard over the sound of rumbling thunder. The heavy rain made the two lovers' blood dilute and pool together. The puddle slowly grew larger. "I am sworn to carry your burdens..." She sighed.


~~~~

okay, i hope that was over-the-top enough. hey guys! i'm brian, i'm replacing Niall. you can reach me at itsbrianyay on AIM or just PM me. okay? okay! :D

edit for grammarz.

edit again to put realniall in.

...

Well, my fire instinct was "kill it with fire", then my second was "it's so awesome it needs to be voted for" and I finally settled on "it's actually awesome but sheesh could you not have grabbed the picture of Niall in the photo-swapping thread of these here boards".

I'm a pedantic arse, see.

Oh, and welcome. That too.

if you'd be so kind as to link me to that, i could fix it! and thanks!


edit: nvm found it.

Here you go!

Also, you appear to be a rather courteous, agreeable chap. My "kill it with fire" instinct is henceforth in overdrive, but that's a casual fear of strangers for you. Make yourself at home; pull up armchair, I'll put another log on the fire, then wheat can entertain you whilst I go and stick the kettle on. I'm sure I can rustle up a smorgasbord of tea-time delectables before I depart tomorrow; are you partial to Battenberg?

fire instinct

BUUUUUURN BABY BURN DISCO INFERNO BUUUUUURN BABY BURN DISCO INFERNO


BUUUUUURN BABY BURN DISCO INFERNO BUUUUUURN BABY BURN DISCO INFERNO


VOTE SRUIXAN

i've just been informed editing isn't allowed. sorry!

Okay lesse
*ahem*
Puny cracker-man, the frivolities and specifics of me and my partners lovehatethinkmeets are personal for a reason.
I assure you, sharing the details of them would lead to disaster.
And not just a slow one.
Now, I was initially planning on staging a game against you, but then this newcomer came in.
And what an entrance he made indeed.
Very delightful and entertaining it was, but still makes me feel weary.
Now, I'm a very busy man, with a lot of things on my mind besides this whole lynch business, so how about we see how you two deal with each other.

I propose that wheat and brian have a hamoff.

ANNND apparently there's no communication off-thread, so disregard my AIM and PM comment.

gosh, if only there was a posted list of rules, amirite?

I propose that wheat and brian have a hamoff.

fuck mafia let's just post gifs

OH HEY I REPLACED NIALL PROBABLY BECAUSE HE HASNT CHECKED HIS PMS (STRIKE ONE) AND PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT.

SAY HI TO BRIAN WHO HAS ALREADY MADE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

MEANWHILE I AM GOING TO DO A GODDAMN VOTAL.

SRUIXAN (2): , WOFFLES
MIRDINI (1): SOLARIS
DRAGON FOGEL (1): JACQUEREL
(1): SRUIXAN
BRIAN (1): PYP
WOFFLES (1): PROFESSORLIZZARD
WHEAT (1): GRANOLAMAN
PROFESSORLIZZARD (1): DRAGON FOGEL

IT TAKES ERRORERRORERRORERROR TO LYNCH, AND BARING SOME MIRACULOUS CONSENSUS, IT TAKES ERRORERRORERROR FOR A SOFT LYNCH AT DEADLINE.

WHICH IS 10:00 PM CST MONDAY THE 12TH. AN EXTENSION MAY BE AVAILABLE IF ENOUGH REQUEST FOR ONE.

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SpoilerWow, that soft lynch threshold is terrifyingly low.

So Wheat, what I'm getting from your strange otherworldly cipher is that I should eliminate Sruixan immediately so Schazer has no one else but me to lovehate?

Where's the romantic drama in that?! Nay I say! I shall prove my worth against the loquacious Englishman first! Only when he's broken and weeping at my feet shall I strike the final blow!

fuck mafia let's just post gifs

was it about clusterfuck 3

ALSO VOTE MIRDINI BECAUSE IT IS THE WILL OF THE MANY

11. BTP

Vote: BTP

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!

Deadline is fast approaching, and yet none among our number has stood out as suspicious. At this point, it seems unlikely that there will be a lynch, or if there is one, it will be a halfhearted soft lynch that everyone simply goes along with out of apathy.

Ah, but there is an alternative option. An obvious one, when all the facts are considered.

IT TAKES 7 TO LYNCH, AND BARING SOME MIRACULOUS CONSENSUS, IT TAKES 3 FOR A SOFT LYNCH AT DEADLINE.

Note two key points!

-He said "baring" when the proper word in this context is "barring".
-If 7 are needed to lynch, then the soft lynch threshold should be four, not three as he claims.

Simple mod error? Or something far more nefarious?

I think the correct course of action is clear.

Unvote
Vote: soundlyParanoid

I ADMIT TO NOTHING ALTHOUGH THE SOFT LYNCH THRESHOLD REALLY SHOULD BE FOUR VOTES OH WELL.

NOW AWAY WITH YOU.

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SpoilerWow, that soft lynch threshold is terrifyingly low.

NO NEMESIS OF MINE WILL ADMIT TO FEAR, 'SPECIALLY NOT OF ANY PIDDLING ABSTRACTION LIKE DEGREES OF CONSENSUS

I mean seriously stopping the all-caps for one moment that's pretty weaksauce for someone who's wanting to tango with this bitch.

With one mega-sugoi rivalmantic interest that all the boys are vying to do the chafed-wrists waltz with, it takes one to hammer the Homecoming King (At St Mortus' Technical Institute of Kinky Torture).

AbstainingBeing a cocktease (1): Schazer