Earth Escape

>See if any of the pipes is leaking water. Collect moisture with your underwear.

>Squish a bug on the seed, create a monstrosity for shits and giggles.

>Does your lighter have fluid in it? and if so, is it enough to use on the seed and still be able to use said lighter?

>Worst comes to worst, you can use the black liquid. It shouldn't have any DNA issues...right?

>Prepare a place for this most precious seed; you can do this, you've got a green thumb.

> After we get out of here, can we finally give you a name?

> Try to fanagle some leaky water out of those pipes. If unsuccessful, why not try some of your saliva instead?

Are you healthy? Because according to google, if you're healthy, your pee probably wouldn't contain DNA and would therefore be safe to use. And if you aren't, there probs isn't enough DNA in your pee to make it... super grotesque maybe?

Are you healthy? Because according to google, if you're healthy, your pee probably wouldn't contain DNA and would therefore be safe to use. And if you aren't, there probs isn't enough DNA in your pee to make it... super grotesque maybe?

Or it might become a **** monster...

IT'S TOO LATE YOU'RE ALREADY SWEATING ON IT

IT'S TOO LATE YOU'RE ALREADY SWEATING ON IT

oh shit, a gym monster.

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Author's Note Heads up, the art style is subject to change as I figure out how I wanna draw this. Also wow beans this one wound up being long. Didn't see a point in splitting it up.

???:
Amount of 'fun' aside, G45, let's just get out of here.

>Prepare a place for this most precious seed; you can do this, you've got a green thumb.

???:
I do. I do have a green thumb. So does most of my species, though.

MC-G45:
Regardless, you’re good with plants.

???:
Oh. Well. Thank you!

MC-G45:
It's not a compliment, it's a fact. Just plant the seed you egomaniac.

???:
Right.

MICROCHIP G-45:
Lucky for us, the floor is filthy enough to use as a dirt-bed. Nameless carefully prepares the seed.

MICROCHIP G-45:
With that done, all that remains is the exponentially more difficult part, finding something to water it with.

???:
Alright then. Suggestions?

>Squish a bug on the seed, create a monstrosity for shits and giggles.

???:
Yeeeesh how about no.

MC-G45:
Hey, come on, that's a good idea! We should--

???:
NO.

MC-G45:
Hmph. Alright then, how about...

>See if any of the pipes is leaking water.

???:
Yeah, okay, that's not bad. One of them might have something good.

MICROCHIP-G45:
Or not. As far as either of us can tell all the leaking pipes are dark-liquid pipes. It’s not looking good for water-hunting here.

>Does your lighter have fluid in it? and if so, is it enough to use on the seed and still be able to use said lighter?

MC-G45:
How about lighter-fluid? Would that work?



???:
It’s not water, but maybe. The trouble is, this seed is going to take on some of the characteristics of what it absorbs as well, not just DNA. It’s a guessing game what takes over. We could wind up with--

MC-G45:
Extremely flammable?

???:
Yeah. Which may not be a problem but it isn't the best plan not knowing what's up there. Regardless of how much fluid is in here, we should consider other options first.

MC-G45:
Well, there’s always….

>Worst comes to worst, you can use the black liquid. It shouldn't have any DNA issues...right?

???:
I... don’t know about that. We don’t know what that stuff’s made of. There’s no telling how it’ll turn out. We only get one shot at this.

Are you healthy? Because according to XXXXXX, if you're healthy, your pee probably wouldn't contain DNA and would therefore be safe to use. And if you aren't, there probs isn't enough DNA in your pee to make it... super grotesque maybe?

???:
Er, even if I did have to uh, do that right now, I’m not taking my chances on how that'll turn out.

MC-G45:
Hmm... Well, you better think of something. All you’re doing is turning things down.

???:
I know, I know, I just… Ahh!

MC-G45:
Hey it’s this or death, “pal”. Self-destruct is still on the table.

???:
Quit saying that! We’re not dying, just give me a minute.

MC-G45:
We don’t even know where we are. Who’s to say we have a minute? Someone could be coming any second to do cosmos-knows-what to us and you’re too scared to make a spider monster and get out of here.



???:
But what if that kills us, huh? That’s still a possibility! All those legs... Could you imagine it? Gah! Now I'm thinking about it!

MC-G45:
And what if the dark liquid kills us, or the small insects kill us, or someone outside this room comes in to kill us? You need to take a chance.

???:
I took a chance coming to Earth and look where that got us!

MC-G45:
Yes, well, you are an idiot, but my point is it doesn’t matter. I personally don’t care which happens so long as we actually do something instead of stand here turning down perfectly good options. It’s like you want me to kill us.

???:
No I don’t!

MC-G45:
So, what then?

???:
Gaah! I don’t know! You're making this way more stressful than it needs to be!

MC-G45:
And you're making this more complicated than it needs to be. Pick something, or I'm going to trigger that alarm again. Then we'll both be dead, blown to smithereens in a nondescript room. Is that what you want? Is it?

???:
Th-there’s just so much that can go wrong! So many ways we could get killed or mutilated or I don’t know experimented on or something? I mean who knows what’s up there and--

IT'S TOO LATE YOU'RE ALREADY SWEATING ON IT

???:
Ahh!

MC-G45:
Finally.

MICROCHIP-G45:
In their panic, a droplet of stress-induced sweat descends on the plant. Nameless freezes, holding their breath.




As the chemical compounds react, the seed begins to rustle. Something deep inside it awakening. Very soon it will--




Nameless smacks against the back wall and lands with a thud as the newly spawned plant bursts from its shell and reaches for the ceiling. They lay back a moment, dazed, staring up at its topmost tendrils curling around the pipes, trying to comprehend what happened.

???:
I... What...*huff*

~Unnamed quickly remembers how to breathe. Their heart races.~

???:
Oh right. *huff* *huff* Sweat...doesn’t have DNA in it, does it?

MC-G45:
It wasn't a perfect plan, but it worked.

???:
*huff* Plan?

MC-G45:
Don’t worry about it. Or should I say, don’t sweat it. Ha.

~Nameless sits up slowly, propping themself up against the back wall.~

???:
Oh dear cosmic entity I thought we’d made a monster...

MC-G45:
Well, the day’s still young. You alright? I’m not detecting any injuries.

???:
….Yeah. Yeah I’m fine. You’re still a jerk, but I’m fine.

MC-G45:
Good.

???:
So are those crystals...

MC-G45:
Sodium. From your sweat.

???:
Gross.

MC-G45:
It’s only gross when you overthink it. Let’s gather our stuff and go.

~Still recovering, Nameless pockets the items they left on the floor and gets ready to climb~

> After we get out of here, can we finally give you a name?

???:
What do you mean ‘we’? And besides, I HAVE a name! It’s

NEXT

> George Morlan, the Outer-Space Water-Heater King!

...actually no *Ctrl-As and Ctrl-Xes the shit out of that prompt*

> Skibber.

Nivek.

I kinda like George Morlan!

>Timathew VanJornzen

Jaque LeFuer, Junior Medical Officer for the ICP. (That can be either the Intergalactic Confederacy of Planets or the Insane Clown Posse... your choice.)

Jaque LeFuer, Junior Medical Officer for the ICP. (That can be either the Intergalactic Confederacy of Planets or the Insane Clown Posse... your choice.)

Jaque LeFuer, Junior Medical Officer for the ICP. (That can be either the Intergalactic Confederacy of Planets or the Insane Clown Posse... your choice.)

ye

on your planet you don't have names, just emoji. your name is gun pineapple money_mouth carousel_horse pencil2 wavy_dash flag_tk postal_horn gun ok_hand. that name's a lot to put on a baby and you've never quite lived up to it

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Author's Note I'm not using this one but I wanted to take a moment to appreciate it.

on your planet you don't have names, just emoji. your name is gun pineapple money_mouth carousel_horse pencil2 wavy_dash flag_tk postal_horn gun ok_hand. that name's a lot to put on a baby and you've never quite lived up to it

And now back to our regular scheduled programming

> George Morlan, the Outer-Space Water-Heater King!

???:
Ugh. No way. Don’t you ever bring up that name to me again. The only good part of having an AI in my head is that you block out all those stupid commercials the Infonet keeps projecting to us.

MC-G45:
Nothin’ stops your moanin’ like Morlan!

???:
I hate that catchphrase. Why are they moaning? What is Morlan doing to them?

MC-G45:
Heating their water and melting their hearts.

???:
Ew.

I kinda like George Morlan!

???:
Everybody does, that’s why it’s so creepy. He gets away with whatever he wants because he's just so charming. It makes me sick. I'd rather get hypothermia than have him fix my water.

MC-G45:
Yes, you certainly have some issues I don't really care about. If your name's not George Morlan then what is it?

> Skibber.

MC-G45:
Hm. That sounds right.



???:
That’s not right at all. I can just tell you, you know. It's--

Jaque LeFuer, Junior Medical Officer for the ICP. (That can be either the Intergalactic Confederacy of Planets or the Insane Clown Posse... your choice.)

???:
Quit it! I-- Er. Oh. Actually, that’s not far off. The occupation's right anyway.

MC-G45:
Insane Clown Posse?



???:
No! Junior Medical Officer! Intergalactic Confederacy of Planets! What even is that other thing?

MC-G45:
Relax, I'm still messing with you. I know that much, mainly because of how many rules you're breaking by not only having me activated, but being off-ship at all without clearance. You can yell at me all you like but you’re the one who started our illegal shenanigans. You wanted this.



???:
Yeah, well.

MC-G45:
Anyway, regardless of what your real name is, I think it’s safer if we use something different. We’re less likely to be hacked if I don’t know.

???:
...That’s actually a good point. If we are still on Earth, it makes sense to use a human sounding name, I guess.

MC-G45:
So Jaque it is?

Jaque:
Jaque it is.

MC-G45:
Okay, but Skibber is your new nickname. Jaque “Skibber” LeFuer.

Jaque:
Sure. Whatever. Let’s just go.

MICROCHIP-G45:
With that settled, Skibber--I mean Jaque clambers up the salt-stalk to the pipes, avoiding the dripping dark liquid.



When they reach the top, they dig through their pockets to find the right coin to undo the screws. Once the panel is free, they carefully lay it down.








That done, Jaque reaches for opening but hesitates before lifting themself up. Something feels off, but something always feels off when you suffer from anxiety. Time to push through.

Deep breath.

MC-G45:
Ready?

Jaque:
Ready.

Jaque:
Well. This doesn't look good.

NEXT

>Let's not be too hasty and judge the situation before the facts are all in place. This could be a terrifying lab of horribly painful and amoral experiments, OR it could be that you've stumbled onto a harmless movie studio between filming sessions. Honestly, this could be your big break into showbiz.

God you're such a downer Jaque can't you see this is in fact wicked fucking sick and also rad as hell

>knock on the bunny boi's glass enclosure. Be annoyingly loud too while repeating "what's up doc?" like a broken record.

>Look at those monitors! Someone or something has been keeping tabs on your situation. That means they still might be nearby, recording this all like some sort of twisted game!

>Quickly and quietly check for threats/enemies. If none are found, perhaps popping out an ally or two would be helpful?

>Jaque: Uh oh. Oh no. You feel an anxiety attack rising, hide behind something!
>Jaque: Discover the something is actually someone.

I like the room design!

> PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS

> IF THERE ARE NO BUTTONS, FIND SOME AND PRESS THEM

> LOOK AT THE SCREENS, AT LEAST