The 2am thread

I am curled up in bed listening to this to relax:



Here's hoping...

:)

Goodnight, Ix. Get some sleep at some point.

goodnight sruix i think you're cool actually i apologize for invective

All of the invective was justified under the circumstances and not taken badly. You are cool too, even if you don't know the alphabet. Goodnight, again, this time for serious. Honest.

things that are not great right now:
i'm so underweight i almost fainted just from standing up
i still can't see myself as anything other than fat
i haven't eaten anything more than a handful of biscuits all day
confronted with basic adult tasks i either freeze up or cry about it
i might have overstepped from being charmingly abrasive into full on a jerk at some point i'm sorry
i hate existing in general

Just woke up Fromm sorta-nightmare, the kind where it's dark and I'm on edge and I'm so tired/impaired that I can't think/walk straight and my vision is getting blurry and pushing elevator buttons is hard and i know if anything actively threatening shows up I'm completely defenseless in my current state?

Then I figure it's a dream and have to wrench myself out of it and spend a couple anxious minutes establishing that i haven't dream scene-changed to my bedroom and I'm actually awake.

Really great job by gimeurcookie in my dream though, who used repetitive architecture to really good narrative effect for the weird physically-posted in real life comic they were authoring.

I will try expand on specifics about this when its not 2am on a work night.

hello friendos it's 2am and I don't understand how to do Normal Day Things like laundry and chores and eating before 9pm

I made a couple cute things today though and my room is tidier than it's been in literal months (it's still a bombsite though) so it's not a complete waste of a saturday

kinda worrisome/annoying that I woke up at 5am, then dozed off and woke up a further three times before waking up properly awake at 11am

I was not physiologically constructed for a 9-5 desk job apparently but I'm not emotionally robust/self-disciplined and capable enough of setting personal goals to do something freelancey? Putting myself out there and dealing with new people and rejection and all that Real Shit on the regular?

In spite of those vague niggles I feel pretty ok though

I found some cool and good music from the pre-me decades, I love my friends, do a great job of tolerating the rest, and apparently all I need is a solid reservoir of quiet to charge my Horseshit Buffers for the anxiety zone that is work

This coming week is a week with more than five lessons though (holy shit!) so that means less time sitting around

Was kept up by late work

Its 2:47 but whatever

I feel like garbage! I've been skipping class because of a week long streak of depression and anxiety! One of my classmates contacted me to make sure i wasn't dead!

I'm already on the max dose of my medication so if i want to change i get withdrawals and symptoms from going onto a new one. Joy.

I went to sleep at 5:40 yesterday because I was reading

I haven't slept in days

it's hilarious

everything is hilarious when you haven't slept in days

heh

anyway, I need to stop choosing art over sleep when I have free time, but I haven't broken my 'draw something every day even if it's small' streak I've got going on and drawing stuff makes me calm down so, eh, I'll continue

fuck. this is why i need to stop playing dwarf fortress.

Oh hey it's that time of night again

I'm falling apart into little bits and I'm not coping with anything

also knives

1,417 words to go. Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me

but go re-kill foucault first

it is almost three
i have an awful AC
whys it so goddamn hot
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fot

YAY SGDQ

I'm tired but the Ocarina of Time run was just great. Not as great as PEPSIMAN, but I don't think anything could be.

oops i'm up this late, for once. only cause talking to my sweet gf for extended amount of time.

everything's pretty hopeless, but i have her, and i can do a pretty good job of convincing myself that things will turn out alright soon.

i'm very afraid of my own incompetence.

I had a friend in high school who was my absolute bestie. We spent a lot of time together, we talked about everything, we knew each other's comic stories and stuff inside out and we were attached at the hip

Then she broke my heart and sabotaged the friendship too, and disappeared off my radar when we left high school. Now shes surfaced again and is organising a lot of the local pokemon go hangouts

I feel.... weird about this

I feel a bit abandoned at the moment

sruix is obligated to post in here

I am posting in here, as is my duty.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa