I'll answer your questions

Wait a minute goblin's, you're married?!? What's her name? Why was I not invited to the wedding? :'(

I'm not afraid of non-commitment.

lizards

okay thats not true gila monsters are pretty crazy

marshmallows?

nah i guess i could choke on them

um. air molecules. final answer.

Your answer is correct! You have been given a lifetime supply of air. If ever you are in need of fresh air, simply ask for it and you shall receive.

FREE, RADICAL AIR MOLECULES

AT LEAST I'M AFRAID OF SOMETHING REASONABLE

You misread the question. I blame your horrible, horrible gloves

does my humanity bestow any BONUS abilities? what if i want to multiclass?

Yes! You get +5 to all rolls concerning having an opinion, and -5 to all rolls regarding childbirth. If you want to multiclass, you'll have to wait until fate delivers a new class unto you. Or take fate into your own hands.

drinking blood from the skulls of my enemies

I don't believe this is what you're least afraid of. For telling a doubtful tale, you have earned the Shroud of Doubt. I'd post it, but I doubt you'd even believe it's the right item.

Wait a minute goblin's, you're married?!? What's her name? Why was I not invited to the wedding? :'(

I'm not afraid of non-commitment.

I'm not married, but I still will not beat a wife. I love goblin. you will be invited to the wedding via skype.

For being unafraid of non-committal situations, I hereby give you 1 Get-Out-Of-Terrible-Circumstance pass. Use it to reverse any decision I make regarding you that you do not feel comfortable with. Including this one!

What happened to the Master Chest after I unlocked it?

I'm not afraid of jelly

Somehow I missed this one. I'll make a special note that you're not afraid of jelly... for later.

What happened to the Master Chest after I unlocked it?

It opened to reveal your treasures! Then it sprouted legs and ran back into my loving embrace. It is safe from all of you, now.

Does all of your furniture sprout limbs when the situation calls for it?

Do computers have limbs?

Was it worth it?

Slorange it's ok I've got a band-aid for that now

Is the Party Staph a one-time use item? If not, will it heal Slorange and/or convert him into my loyal undead servant?

Does all of your furniture sprout limbs when the situation calls for it?

Yeah, but rarely does the situation call for it

Do computers have limbs?

Sometimes. Not enough.

Slorange it's ok I've got a band-aid for that now

Is the Party Staph a one-time use item? If not, will it heal Slorange and/or convert him into my loyal undead servant?

The Party Staph is mysterious, but it has been kept in a jar for a reason. You could use it on Slorange, if you wished, but the outcome is entirely unknowable until it happens.

Where am I?

What are *you* least afraid of?

what would i have to do to take fate into my own hands? does it involve horrible times that require strength and wit? would i need to take a week off from work?

I'm gonna assume it adds him to my party, so I:

invert the bottle before opening
uncork it
dab the now-dampened underside of the cork on his eyelids
observe results

If there's no fluid in the bottle and nothing happens, I'll recork it for now.

Slorange, how does it feel to be Schazer's guinea pig?

Where is SeaWyrm?

Where is SeaWyrm's head?

Where is Gerald's dead body?

What a silly question. Obviously, my head is over there on the left side of my posts.

But then where's your post? You would say "on this forum".

"Where's the forum?"

"On the Internets"

And where, my good sir sea serpent, are the Internets? What dark god conjured the Internets from the spirit flame that molded and wrought this world into the shape that it is? You floundering fool! How can one having no idea of the inner workings of the location of the Internets claim to know where their own head is? You're just some person across the Internet from me and I don't even know where that is! How dare you mislead us! How dare you mislead us all, SeaWyrm!

Can SeaWyrm be eternally banished from this realm, gobwin's, please? I need a moment to myself

how do i do?

Where am I?

What are *you* least afraid of?

Answerland

I am least afraid of nice ground

what would i have to do to take fate into my own hands? does it involve horrible times that require strength and wit? would i need to take a week off from work?

In order to take fate into your own hands, you will have to steal someone else's hands. You may use strength, you may use wit, but you could certainly keep going to work.

I'm gonna assume it adds him to my party, so I:

invert the bottle before opening
uncork it
dab the now-dampened underside of the cork on his eyelids
observe results

If there's no fluid in the bottle and nothing happens, I'll recork it for now.

You invert the bottle, and the band-aid inside lands on the cork. The unmistakable rusted color of dried blood shows against the white of the bandage. You uncork the jar, and as the air escapes, you hear a brief sigh of mirthful laughter. You take the cork and the bandage with it and kind of mush the dirty part in SleepingOrange's eyes. Whatever you're doing, it appears to be very painful, as SleepingOrange begins to thrash about. You have to step back to avoid being struck. The jar shatters in your hand, and you watch the band-aid curl to ash. SleepingOrange has stopped shaking, and is now standing up. His shirt remains torn from your disembowelment, but his outrails are back to being entrails.

SLEEPINGORANGE is now suffering from a full blown PARTY INFECTION. All injuries have been HEALED. His STATS have DOUBLED. Also, what's this? A balloon descends from nowhere in particular and pops with a spray of confetti above SLEEPINGORANGE. Within are two items!

The PARTY STAFF

SpoilerShow

The ELEMENTAL PARTY STAFF

SpoilerShow

What a crazy turn of events!

Where is SeaWyrm?

Where is SeaWyrm's head?

Where is Gerald's dead body?

Answerland

Answerland

Answerl- wait where did it go?

Seriously I can't find her. Gerald's body is missing..

Can SeaWyrm be eternally banished from this realm, gobwin's, please? I need a moment to myself

No

how do i do?

Pull the wool over everyone's eyes

Sol.

Take my hands

off of my hands

please, get rid of them and buy some Aricept, damnit.

how do i crash a party in fifteen minutes or less

How do I crash

can i ask someone for their hands or do i /have/ to steal them?

Does Answerland have a government?

How did we get here?

Where are the largest carrots found?

Is PARTY contagious?