I'll answer your questions

Have you ever experienced magic?

If you could punch any one person right now with zero repercussions, who would it be?

I have been on the receiving end of some very dark magics, as well as been involved in the production of magic just as foul.

When presented with this hypothetical, I have become paralyzed with options. So many people deserve a good bashing, how can I decide? (that's a question for you, please answer it)

What number am I thinking of?

What number are YOU thinking of?

Have the answers to any of the questions you've been asked changed since you originally answered them? Would you give new answers if asked again?

You are thinking of the number 12, it's only natural.

I am also thinking of the number 12.

The answers change faster than I can keep up with. There's no such thing as a duplicate question.

Can you teach me magic?

I would probably punch Richard Dawkins. I would show him both of my fists and let him naturally select one to receive to the face. Hopefully he'd incorrectly assume I'm right-handed and choose my left.

Is there such a thing as a duplicitous question?

Can you teach me magic?

I would probably punch Richard Dawkins. I would show him both of my fists and let him naturally select one to receive to the face. Hopefully he'd incorrectly assume I'm right-handed and choose my left.

Is there such a thing as a duplicitous question?

I cannot teach you magic. It is a sacred and sexy rite. Blood must meet blood.

Your answer to the punch question was surprising. You have earned the 2nd Master Key. You are now very far ahead of the other questioners. If they can't catch up, you may be unchallenged when you begin your inevitable ascension of the 100 steps of riddledom.

There are duplicitous questions. Most questions are inherently treacherous. This "game" we play... it is a game of life and death. Can you feel it? (this is a question, you MUSN'T answer it, Schazer. Someone else can.)

Here is the Second Master Key: The Key of Scary Bones.

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How did you find Eagle Time and its unlicensed subsidiary, Hawkspace? How would you rate your user experience on a scale of to ?

What is your favourite emoticon? Do you partake of kaomoji? What is your earliest memory?

Could you please give me the third Master Key?

I feel it like a typhoon can feel glistening waterbottles on its chest.

What is your nose

I have "Pole Position", "Luminous Spark" (+500 to LIGHT), and "Gemini Elf" (1900 ATK / EARTH) face-up on the field. "Gemini Elf" is the monster on the field with the highest ATK, so it is unaffected by Spell Cards. If the opponent Summons "X-Head Cannon" (1800 ATK / LIGHT), "Luminous Spark" will raise the ATK of "X-Head Cannon" to 2300, making it the highest ATK monster on the field, so it's unaffected by Spell Cards, so it drops to 1800 ATK, then increases to 2300, then drops to 1800, etc. This would create an infinite loop. In this example, what card would be blocked from activating, according to the standard rules of the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game?

I have "Stripper Pole", "Red Light District" (+500 to ILLICIT BEHAVIOUR), and "Random Person" (1900 ATK / BIRTH) lying face down on a field. "Random Woman" is the Respectable Human Being on the field with the highest Illicit Behaviour, so it is unaffected by Republicans. If the opponent Summons "Guy being Shot Out of a Cannon" (1800 ATK / IDIOT), "Red Light District" will raise the Illicit Behaviour of "Guy being Shot Out of a Cannon" to Infinity, making it the most illegal person on the field, and in the universe, so it's unaffected by Republicans, so it drops to 1800 ATK, then increases to Infinity, then drops to 1800, etc. This would create an infinite jungle of laws and regulations. In this example, what Respectable Human Being would be disbarred, according to the standard rules of the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game? And when would the police arrive?

How did you find Eagle Time and its unlicensed subsidiary, Hawkspace? How would you rate your user experience on a scale of to ?

What is your favourite emoticon? Do you partake of kaomoji? What is your earliest memory?

Personal anecdotes are forbidden. The mystery of my timely appearance will unravel over time. I would rate my experience a solid "enjoying thoroughly".

My favorite emoticon changes all the time. Recently it's been x_x. I don't knw what kaomoji is. My earliest memory is me calling out for my parents from within the confines of some sort of... infant's crib.

Could you please give me the third Master Key?

Yes! You have earned the Third Master Key: The Key of Beatles

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Now the real competition begins... who will amass all 5 keys.... will it be me? no

I feel it like a typhoon can feel glistening waterbottles on its chest.

What is your nose

thx for answering. you have earned 0.5 crystal points.

my nose is... a nose..

I have "Pole Position", "Luminous Spark" (+500 to LIGHT), and "Gemini Elf" (1900 ATK / EARTH) face-up on the field. "Gemini Elf" is the monster on the field with the highest ATK, so it is unaffected by Spell Cards. If the opponent Summons "X-Head Cannon" (1800 ATK / LIGHT), "Luminous Spark" will raise the ATK of "X-Head Cannon" to 2300, making it the highest ATK monster on the field, so it's unaffected by Spell Cards, so it drops to 1800 ATK, then increases to 2300, then drops to 1800, etc. This would create an infinite loop. In this example, what card would be blocked from activating, according to the standard rules of the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game?

I have no idea. You have unlocked the title "nerd". Do not abuse your new rank, or mayhem will find you.

when will it happen?

Soon... so soon. You won't even notice that it's starting until it's well under way. Then, you'll wish you'd spent the time you had better. You'll wish you'd prepared more.

Is the fourth key the Key of Enraged Monkeys?

when will it happen?

Soon... so soon. You won't even notice that it's starting until it's well under way. Then, you'll wish you'd spent the time you had better. You'll wish you'd prepared more.

If no conscious preparation will adequately prepare us, are we best equipped by preparing for no real thing in particular?

Alternatively, is this one of those "the journey is more important than the destination" dealies?

To what higher authority might I beseech the confiscation of Fogel's key, so I might later gain it for my own mostly-benevolent ends?

In a post-scarcity society where everyone was encouraged to spend their lifetime advancing knowledge in one particular thing, what would you specialise in?

In a post-scarcity society where everyone was encouraged to spend their lifetime salvaging bacon, what type of salted meat would you prefer? This is a very important question, integral to your survival.

I expect a clear-cut and rashonal answer to the above.

Goblin's do you ever wish that you people would answer your questions instead of the other way around?

What questions would you have for us?

Is the fourth key the Key of Enraged Monkeys?

No. No even a little.

If no conscious preparation will adequately prepare us, are we best equipped by preparing for no real thing in particular?

Alternatively, is this one of those "the journey is more important than the destination" dealies?

To what higher authority might I beseech the confiscation of Fogel's key, so I might later gain it for my own mostly-benevolent ends?

You will be best equipped by seeking actual equipment. Garner her favor. She watches. She will give the devoted the tools they might use to succeed. The Advanced Question Larder and the "power" "tool" are such weapons. The contents of the Master Chest... may be the most powerful of all.

You can beseech any higher authority. Ask goblin's

In a post-scarcity society where everyone was encouraged to spend their lifetime advancing knowledge in one particular thing, what would you specialise in?

The understanding of animal behavior, specifically the components and mechanisms of crow communication and community.

Or parasitology.

In a post-scarcity society where everyone was encouraged to spend their lifetime salvaging bacon, what type of salted meat would you prefer? This is a very important question, integral to your survival.

Bacon. When gold is gold, go for the gold.

Goblin's do you ever wish that you people would answer your questions instead of the other way around?

What questions would you have for us?

I make it clear when a question must be answered!

I will ask a series of questions now, though. Your answers will determine what rewards you will receive... or demerits.

1. Do you feel ready?

2. Who will you take with you to safety when the bloodbath begins?

3. What are you actively doing to win this game? Is it even a game?

Can you feel it? Nothing can save you.

didn't see the questions, sorry

I make it clear when a question must be answered!

I will ask a series of questions now, though. Your answers will determine what rewards you will receive... or demerits.

1. Do you feel ready?

2. Who will you take with you to safety when the bloodbath begins?

3. What are you actively doing to win this game? Is it even a game?

1. i'm ready

2. my cat

3. nothing; no, there are no rules or goals

1. Do you feel ready?

2. Who will you take with you to safety when the bloodbath begins?

3. What are you actively doing to win this game? Is it even a game?

1. Yes.

2. A goblin.

3. Answering questions and questioning answers. And yes.

What are you made out of?

3. Acting in accordance with my nature. No, but that doesn't prevent me from playing one of my own.

3. nothing; no, there are no rules or goals

What are the rules?

What is the goal?

I make it clear when a question must be answered!

I will ask a series of questions now, though. Your answers will determine what rewards you will receive... or demerits.

1. Do you feel ready?

2. Who will you take with you to safety when the bloodbath begins?

3. What are you actively doing to win this game? Is it even a game?

1. Wh-why are you asking? Huh? Are you going to make me ready? Do I look like some type of cake to you?

2. I will take the Blood Life Guard, who siphons all blood around him in order to save drowning people.

3. I am actively wishing to kill goblin's. That is the goal of the game. No, this isn't even a game.

4. Only when the moonshine gets cold

1. i'm ready

2. my cat

3. nothing; no, there are no rules or goals

Your confidence, and choice of companion are welcome. You have no sin to your name, so you will be left alone for now.

1. Yes.

2. A goblin.

3. Answering questions and questioning answers. And yes.

You are playing the game very well. You cannot take a goblin, though. goblins are banned from competition. conflict of interest.

Since you did not know, you will need a new companion. You may choose any mascot for any Sports team or United States College to take with you.

What are you made out of?

3. Acting in accordance with my nature. No, but that doesn't prevent me from playing one of my own.

I am flesh and blood, as we all are. Side games are encouraged, you will be punished down the line for your success.

3. nothing; no, there are no rules or goals

What are the rules?

What is the goal?

There are more rules than we could ever comprehend. Ask questions, answer questions. This is all we can do.

The goal is survival. Happiness. Please, just get me through this darkness.

1. Wh-why are you asking? Huh? Are you going to make me ready? Do I look like some type of cake to you?

2. I will take the Blood Life Guard, who siphons all blood around him in order to save drowning people.

3. I am actively wishing to kill goblin's. That is the goal of the game. No, this isn't even a game.

4. Only when the moonshine gets cold

For threatening me, and for stating mostly nonsense, you have reached level 3 Question Probation. Finally. You're here. You may ask for personal anecdotes now. goblin's still reserves all right to deny your questions.

I found a goblin under my house, what do I do with it?

give it anything it asks for