Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

Final Vote Totals

Kíeros - 31 (Pharas, Schazer, Dalmationer, bigro, Dragon Fogel, Coldblooded, Not The Author, SeaWyrm, Sruixan, Red709, Palamedes, Solaris, Mister Visceral, speedchuck, Phish, Chwoka, Eidolonic, Everanix, Garuru, cyber95, Stiqqery, amosmyn, Chirality, yd12k, makerofthegames, TehPilot, Sotek, druplesnubb, Sanzh, Demonsul, antisequitur)
MalkyTop - 9 (Acionyx, Breadpocalypse, anacreon, fivex, Deviant One, Sai, AgentBlue, ICan'tGiveCredit, konec0)
Sruixan - 2 (Scoffles, Granolaman)
TehPilot - 1 (Plaid)
Pharmacy - 1 (Crowstone)
No Shank - 1 (Akumu)
Acionyx - 1 (OztheWizard)
Solaris - 1 (Pick Yer Poison)
"Dratini" - 1 (Cat)
Niall - 1 (wofferboggles)
Coldblooded - 1 (beruru)
SupahKiven - 1 (SupahKiven)
Sai - 1 (LegendaryQ)
Gnauga - 1 (Gnauga)
Dragon Fogel - 1 (Pharmacy)
amosmyn - 1 (Airey)
Not The Author - 1 (Kíeros)
Loather - 1 (Whimbrel)
ICan'tGiveCredit - 1 (icanhasdonut)
BlazerC - 1 (Kíeros)
Chocolate Pi - 1 (x1372)
konec0 - 1 (MalkyTop)

Abstaining - 9 (Seedy, Niall, Prime Intellect, Fragowump, Ixcaliber, BlazerC, Mikeee, Truegreen, Chocolate Pi)

With 69 players present, it takes 35 votes to groupshank a bitch, 19 votes if the day ends without a groupshank!

Day has ended!


MAIL ELECTION PACKAGE ONE

Dragon Fogel - 12 (Dragon Fogel, Pharmacy, SeaWyrm, Akumu, Palamedes, Granolaman, Coldblooded, makerofthegames, Eidolonic, Rivenforge, Breadpocalypse, fivex)
MalkyTop - 12 (druplesnubb, cyber95, Crowstone, MalkyTop, OztheWizard, Whimbrel, Phish, LegendaryQ, amosmyn, Airey, Sanzh, konec0)
Red709 - 6 (Red709, speedchuck, Niall, yd12k, Chirality, BlazerC)
Sruixan - 4 (Schazer, Garuru, Pick Yer Poison, AgentBlue)
Cat - 2 (Cat, Everanix)
Return To Sender - 2 (Sai, bigro)
Pharmacy - 2 (Demonsul, Solaris)
Granolaman - 1 (Sruixan)
Rivenforge - 1 (Dalmationer)
Scoffles - 1 (Scoffles)
Schazer - 1 (Mister Visceral)
"Mirdini" - 1 (Pharas)
Loather - 1 (ICan'tGiveCredit)
Deviant One - 1 (Deviant One)
anacreon - 1 (anacreon)
Stiqqery - 1 (Stiqqery)
Blow It Up! - 1 (x1372)

MAIL ELECTION PACKAGE TWO

Pharmacy - 13 (Dragon Fogel, Pharmacy, SeaWyrm, Akumu, Palamedes, Granolaman, Pick Yer Poison, Demonsul, Coldblooded, Solaris, Eidolonic, Breadpocalypse, AgentBlue)
Schazer - 10 (Sruixan, Schazer, Kíeros, Dalmationer, Crowstone, Pharas, Phish, makerofthegames, fivex, Sanzh)
MalkyTop - 7 (cyber95, MalkyTop, yd12k, OztheWizard, Whimbrel, LegendaryQ, Garuru)
THE SKY - 2 (Scoffles, amosmyn)
Airey - 2 (Truegreen, Airey)
Chirality - 1 (Red709)
Akumu - 1 (Niall)
konec0 - 1 (konec0)
Solaris - 1 (Mister Visceral)
Loather - 1 (ICan'tGiveCredit)
Crowstone - 1 (Everanix)
Return to Sender - 1 (bigro)
Deviant One - 1 (Deviant One)
Whimbrel - 1 (Rivenforge)
anacreon - 1 (anacreon)
Prime Intellect - 1 (Chirality)
Scoffles - 1 (BlazerC)
Stiqqery - 1 (Stiqqery)
Blow It Up! - 1 (x1372)
TehPilot - 1 (druplesnubb)

Night One: Whale Of A Time

The pool remained whaleless, and the resort's cleanerbots had long since removed any trace of Rivenforge's unfortunate fate. The Bitches In Residence had only the setting sun to keep them company as antisequitur stepped up to Kíeros, shank in hand.

Despite ostensibly not having more than half the crowd behind him, Kíeros' assailant went for it anyway; whether it was the energy of the crowd or something far more insidious none could say. The important thing was

shanking happened.

Kieros has been groupshanked and survived.

Kíeros shrugs off his now-ruined vest, indignant in the face of this entirely undemocratic upset. He marches off the roof to return to his quarters, while the rest of the bitches turn to squabble over the one remaining order of business: package business.

Dragon Fogel and MalkyTop stood over the first package, shanks in hand, daring one another to make the first move. This caught Fogel flat-footed when konec0 dove into the fray (and soon after into the pool) - having most recently paid attention to the package - and tossed it in MalkyTop's direction.

Malky scarpered off with her prize, leaving a Fogel sad and packageless.

The other package went to Schazer in an obviously fair and transparent vote.

The sun sets, and a golden orb appears around Schazer as the GOLDEN MIC levitates out of wherever she's keeping it.

With a rockin' screech, it decrees

SCHAZER IS SHANKPROOF TONIIIIIIGHT

and vanishes into thin air like its whale presenter before it.

Night One Has Started! Please have your actions in asap, deadline's in 48 hours at 11:00 AM EST on Sunday, July 13.

Livelist

1. Schazer
2. Solaris
3. Sai
4. NottheAuthor
6. ICan'tGiveCredit
7. Akumu
8. AgentBlue
9. Seedy
10. Crowsy
11. Donut
12. Garuru
13. SupahKiven
14. OztheWizard
15. Palamedes
16. Pharmacy
17. Granolaman
18. Seawyrm
19. Coldblooded
20. TehPilot
21. Cat
22. anacreon
23. Visceral
24. cyber95
25. Niall
26. makerofthegames
27. bigro
28. Stiqqery
29. amosmyn
30. Red709
31. Eidolonic
32. Airey
33. Deviant One
34. Sanzh
35. druplesnubb
36. Pharas
37. Phish
38. konec0
39. fivex
40. Prime Intellect
41. Chirality
42. yd12k
43. Dragon Fogel
44. Gnauga
45. Pick Yer Poison
46. Sotek
47. Whimbrel
48. Fragowump
49. Ixcaliber
50. LegendaryQ
51. Chwoka
52. antisequitur
53. Kíeros
54. Dalmationer
55. Sruixan
56. x1372
57. Breadpocalypse
58. beruru
59. Scoffles
60. Acionyx
61. BlazerC
62. Plaid
63. speedchuck
64. wooferbattles
65. Mikeee
66. Truegreen
68. Demonsul
69. Everanix
70. Chocolate Pi
71. MalkyTop

Day's being held up firstly by the sheer amount of things going on and secondly by RL taking up more time than expected on Monday (E: And even more on Tuesday!).

Day will start at 2:00 PM EST on Wednesday, July 16th.

Day Two: By The Power Vested In Me...

You all wake up to find an incredibly obnoxious announcer swimming in a pile of vests. You don't know where they came from. You don't know who they are. But you are compelled to listen to them.

HOLY CRAP LOOK AT ALL THESE VESTS.

THEY'RE THE BEST. BEST VESTS! GOOD THING CHIRALITY DIED AND LEFT THEM ALL TO ME!

Chirality had made his fortune in vests, but then that cunning Lizzard had bought him out before he even knew what was happening. Since he was bought out with LIZZARD INC. shares he now had more vests than Voestsus, and decided to try and up his shares' value by promoting them. Both with free giveaways and some shanking to raise awareness.

It was going to work out so well, too!

Chirality was a VEST MAGNATE. In addition to regular shanker powers, he started out with 12 (TWELVE) LIZZARD INC. SHANKPROOF VESTS (DELUXE EDITION), which each block TWO shanks.

Each night, he was required to hand one out as a FREE SAMPLE.

His win condition was: be the last player standing, or end up alive with no vests in his inventory.

OUCH! CHIRALITY ONLY GOT SHANKED ONCE, TOO! AND SO MUCH BLOOD!

TOUGH LUCK, BITCH!

BEFORE WE GET BACK TO THE VESTS, LET'S CHECK OUT THE REST! OF THESE DEAD BITCHES!

Kíeros was A REGULAR SHANKER!

He could vote each day, and shank each night, and started with a LIZZARD INC. SHANKPROOF VEST (REGULAR EDITION).

His win condition was to be THE LAST BITCH STANDING.

SHANKED TWICE? SHANKED NICE!

Waterbottles was a CHATTY SHANKER!

In addition to regular shank powers, she could send her shanking target a message of unlimited length!

BOTTLES ARE PLURAL, AND SO WERE THE TWO SHANKERS THAT WANTED HER DEAD!

LegendaryQ was A REGULAR SHANKER!

ONLY SHANKED TWICE? THAT'S NOT LEGENDARY AT ALL!

Airey was an INSANE TELEVISION SURVIVALIST! In addition to the power of a regular shanker, his NEED TO GET RATINGS meant he didn't wear a vest.

Instead, he could set up a TERRIFYING TRAP GAUNTLET in his room twice during the game. The following night, anyone visiting his room would be MERCILESSLY SLAIN. He could also survive the first shank on him through SHEER FORCE OF SURVIVAL WILL.

AT LEAST AIREY'S STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE. THREE SHANKS, THAT'LL MAKE FOR SOME GOOD TELEVISION!

Eidolonic was a SHENANIGANS SHANKER. In addition to regular shanking powers, he could SWAP TWO PLAYER'S TARGETS for the night, causing them to target each other's targets!

WOW! EIDOLONIC'S CORPSE IS HARDLY RECOGNIZABLE! WHO'S DOING THIS? HE'S POPULAR, TOO! THREE BITCHES WENT TO TOWN ON HIM!

Cat was A REGULAR SHANKER!

AND WE'RE BACK TO MEDIOCRITY! ONLY TWO SHANKS!

SeaWyrm was A REGULAR SHANKER!

ONE SHANK'S ENOUGH TO KILL THIS PANSY SEAWYRM!

OztheWizard was A REGULAR SHANKER!

AND THIS "WIZARD" TOO! WHERE'S YOUR MAGIC NOW, YOU HIPPIE?

Last, but not least it's

ICanhasdonut was a DOUBLE-VESTED BOMB SHANKER!

In addition to regular shanking powers, he had an EXPLOSIVE VEST that would trigger on his death, taking his murderer with him - NO MATTER THEIR VEST STATUS! This EXPLOSIVE DEATH would also be obvious!

His win condition was: be the last player standing, or Maplehoof (no players left alive at the end of the game).

WHILE HE'S BLOWN TO BITS, I HAVE A GREAT TIP TELLING ME DONUT WAS SHANKED TWICE LAST NIGHT. TWO VESTS, TWO KILLS!

AND THAT'S IT! NOW THE REST OF YOU GET TO HEAR ALL ABOUT...

WHAT? WHAT'S THIS?

THEY'VE GONE MISSING?

YOU'RE KIDDING ME!

Garuru, TehPilot, anacreon, Mister Visceral, speedchuck, and MalkyTop have all VANISHED IN THE NIGHT!

OKAY HOLD ON I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS. WE'LL CONVEST ABOUT THIS PILE OF VESTS LATER. GO VOTESHANK EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING, I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

Livelist

1. Schazer
2. Solaris
3. Sai
4. NottheAuthor
5. ICan'tGiveCreidt
6. Akumu
7. AgentBlue
8. Seedy
9. Crowstone
10. Garuru???
11. SupahKiven
12. Palamedes
13. Pharmacy
14. Granolaman
15. Coldblooded
16. TehPilot???
17. anacreon???
18. Visceral???
19. cyber95
20. Niall
21. makerofthegames
22. bigro
23. Stiqqery
24. amosmyn
25. Red709
26. Deviant One
27. Sanzh
28. druplesnubb
29. Pharas
30. Phish
31. konec0
32. fivex
33. Prime Intellect
34. yd12k
35. Dragon Fogel
36. Gnauga
37. Pick Yer Poison
38. Sotek
39. Whimbrel
40. Fragowump
41. Ixcaliber
42. Chwoka
43. antisequitur
44. Dalmationer
45. Sruixan
46. x1372
47. Breadpocalypse
48. beruru
49. Scoffles
50. Acionyx
51. BlazerC
52. Plaid
53. speedchuck???
54. Mikeee
55. Truegreen
56. Loather???
57. Demonsul
58. Everanix
59. Chocolate Pi
60. MalkyTop???

With 53 players alive, it takes 27 votes to groupshank a bitch.

Day ends at 2:00 PM EST on Saturday, July 19, or in 72 hours!

OUR GOD IS GONE WHO DO I WORSHIP NOW

That wascly TehPilot evaded my shank this time, but he can't run forever!

Shank: TehPilot I don't care if you're not here we've probably got heat seeking shank missiles somewhere on this island

Me worship me

Shank Red709
ive had an epiphany in the last four minutes and it is that to strengthen the spirit first we must strengthen the body which is to say i need to stab you for you to reach your true spiritual potential, thus truly being worthy of being my god

yourself, naturally

I wonder if I can steal a vest while Mir's not lookin....

tehpilot ain't even here

Shank: granolaman

That'll teach you to be made of tasty foods[/b]

heat seeking shank spoons to eat granola with

Shank Red709
ive had an epiphany in the last four minutes and it is that to strengthen the spirit first we must strengthen the body which is to say i need to stab you for you to reach your true spiritual potential, thus truly being worthy of being my god

this is our new era, our new mantra

Solaris brings up a good point
let's help Red blitz his chakras

Shank: Red

I just tried to get some shuteye and y'all try to shank me in the night what's up with that

Man, why didn't Fogel and I got the packages. SUCH UNFAIRNESS.

I suggest you give us both each a vest, so we may attempt to bludgeon each other to death with. IN HONORABLE BLOODSPORT.

SpoilerShow

GET REKT, PERSON WHO I'M FAIRLY SURE I EXPLODED

Shankvote: tehpilot

granolaman, together, our heatshank seekermissile will outshine the others

SpoilerShow

Aw man, I was so invested in this.

Apparently no one attempted to stab me last night, I clearly haven't been trying hard enough.

Pharms, I accept your challenge. We will, of course, fight on the back of a whale.

I am sure the corners are sharp enough to take out an eye.

Oh, right. Shank Red, this is less important than Pharms and I settling our rivalry through whaleback duel so I forgot to mention it in my last post.

Shank Red

Also Fogel we need to settle this whaleduel almost once and for all because it is obvious one of us might not last the day.

I'm going to withhold my shankvote until after this whale-back duel. I'd hate to see a premature hammer cut it short.

Especially since some people's votes seem to count extra and its hard to tell when lynchshanks will actually happen??

My poor package :'(