Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

And not your drugs? I'm disappointed. Where is the illegally obtained codeine we have come to expect from you? This will not do. I'm afraid, we'll have to take away your pharmaceutical license. And also stab you.

Shank Pharmacy for not doing their job right

It's company policy, sorry. Oh, and it's not my company. It's Malky's. So take your revenge on her, for her corporate crimes against Pharmanity!

As for your papers, Ixcaliber, I have used them to file a court order against Malky for illegally impersonating a divine entity. I also wrote "Madness" in place of the "Gender" category, in order to ascertain exactly what kind of madness Malky has fallen into? This might not be your ordinary conventional madness, you know. Is it monkey madness? Is it pharmaceutical madness, propogated by all the "healthy" drugs that the Condemned Pharmacy has been passing around? Or is it some other type of madness we haven't heard of, caused by anything ranging from the inhalation of delicious, healthy, non-toxic fumes to the robot anarchy that's been taking place in the endless pool over there?That... that one's just an unhealthy mix of mercury poisoning (due to those built-in needles they carry around futilely), fascism, and unsanitary rioting practices.

SHANK: LOATHER
ELECT: WHIMBREL
ELECT: MALKYTOP

YOUR TRIBUTE IS WELCOME BUT WHY ARE YOU NOT GIVING ME BOTH YOU HEATHEN

SHANK: YD12K

It's schazer's literal mind 'kont'rol song.

SpoilerShow

btw that's a pun because kont is a rude term for buttocks in dutch trust me I'm a punologist.

[b]vote schazer again[/b[

The statement in question:

My puns are the hottest shit.

Puns are an unsanitary form of entertainment and will subject you to SEVERE REPRIMANDS as shown above c:

Of course, puns are the lowest form of wit. Appropriate considering we are all ending up in the gutter eventually.

Even you, dear Credit.

Elect: Crowsy
Elect: Cat

Let's take a moment to salute that brave, brave whale.

Announcing the Evil Shankers Alliance:

TARGET ONE: Undecided.

Members:
1. makerofthegames
2. Anonymous

Our creed:

WE LIVE TOGETHER.
WE SHANK TOGETHER. OR AT LEAST NOT EACH OTHER. WELL, OKAY, WE DO: BUT ONLY WHEN THERE'S NO OTHER CHOICE! IT'S NOT LIKE WE WANT TO SHANK EACH OTHER, OKAY, BUT SOME TIMES IT JUST HAPPENS!

Any takers?
If you join, I promise I won't shank you night one.

Shankvote: makerofthegames no alliances allowed

Pathological Business is a BRANCH of Guttership, established by the foremost professionals of Ba'al's Bureacracy Firm. It entails gutting people for not filing their tax returns to companies that are oblivious and have nothing to do with it in order to fuel corruption which keeps police officers in business! This is a Noble Profession requiring DILIGENCE IN COMPLETING UNDER-HANDED TASKS AND MURDERS.

With this much respect, you'd think that you should be Thanking me for my services to the country.

Shankvote: Tehpilot They can if I want!

You can't even give Credit. It's practically in your username.

Credit, what country? We are in international waters it is why we are allowed to literally murder each other at this resort.

Pharms, what even is that, also at this point I'm not really paying attention to anything unless it involves whales.

Speaking of that, I have a plan.

Elect Package 1: DragonFogel
Elect Package 2: Pharmacy

I challenge you to a duel. We shall fight on the back of a whale and our weapons will be whatever's in these packages. The winner shall be the undisputed Prince or Princess of Whales.

(But actually Prince because it will be me.)

Of course, but he's claiming bureaucracy. Which is absolutely ridiculous considering we are lawless brigands. In a dinky hotel resort. In fuckall nowhere. With pointy instruments.

SHANK: ICAN'TGIVECREDIT FOR QUESTIONING MY AUTHORITY AS GODDESS AND ALSO FOR IMPROPERLY FILING PAPERS BECAUSE THESE FORMS WERE CLEARLY FOR AN INDIVIDUAL TO FILL OUT FOR THEMSELVES YOU HAVE IMPERSONATED A GODDESS I WILL SEE YOU IN PRISON AND THEN IN HELL

That is in fact our National Slogan. To deter pesky customers who actually want to do business with our various shell companies. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. Also, I am part of our Advertising Syndicate and am the only one who is truly bound to our company motto. Others may partake in giving other types of Credit. Credit that isn't really tangible. Credit that melts in your hands when you buy something. Credit that melts SCUM LIKE YOU.

Did you know we are currently servicing other planets illegally? The length and magnitude of our terrible business practices extends beyond the galaxy!

You, too, can join our bid to gain UNIVERSAL DOMINATION through MASS-THEFT and MASS-MURDER (for the most devoted of us)

Fogel is this you?

Good idea, Fogel. We shall see. Who is the Prince/ss of Whales and who is the DOLPHIEND.

Dolphins suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Elect1: Fogel
Elect2: Pharmacy, the clearly superior whalemaster.

Elect Package 1: DragonFogel
Elect Package 2: Pharmacy

Elect1: Fogel
Elect2: Pharmacy, the clearly superior whalemaster. LIKE I SAID.

And by National Slogan I mean the "country" you like to call a Universe. Can you not COMPREHEND the nature of interactions between ally Universes? CLEARLY YOU DO NOT CONFORM TO OUR KILLING PRACTICES AND MUST BE SLAIN IMMEDIATELY.

However. You may seek insane asylum if you weld yourself to the ShankRazor we are currently manufacturing against Malky the Mad (a villain that has gone loose over the past few months after escaping from Space Prison without a RECEIPT and has since then been proselytizing her own name in order to scam HUNDREDS OF INVESTORS WHICH HAPPEN TO BE US).

i forgot who i was shanking guys

I like this plan.

Elect Slot 1: Dragon Fogel
Elect Slot 2: Pharmacy

Parcel Panic

Kíeros - 14 (Pharas, Schazer, Dalmationer, bigro, Dragon Fogel, Coldblooded, Not The Author, SeaWyrm, Sruixan, Red709, Garuru, Palamedes, Solaris, Mister Visceral)
MalkyTop - 11 (Acionyx, Breadpocalypse, anacreon, fivex, Phish, Deviant One, cyber95, Granolaman, speedchuck, Sai)
Sruixan - 2 (Rivenforge, Scoffles)
Pharmacy - 2 (konec0, ICan'tGiveCredit)
TehPilot - 2 (Plaid, makerofthegames)
Acionyx - 1 (OztheWizard)
Beruru - 1 (Sotek)
Niall - 1 (Everanix)
Palamedes - 1 (Demonsul)
Solaris - 1 (Pick Yer Poison)
"Dratini" - 1 (Cat)
Niall - 1 (wofferboggles)
"Capitalism" - 1 (Loather)
No Shank - 1 (Akumu)
Coldblooded - 1 (beruru)
Garuru - 1 (amosmyn)
SupahKiven - 1 (SupahKiven)
cyber95 - 1 (Kíeros)
"God" - 1 (Stiqqery)
Sai - 1 (LegendaryQ)
Gnauga - 1 (Gnauga)
bigro - 1 (Crowstone)
Dragon Fogel - 1 (Pharmacy)
Stiqqery - 1 (AgentBlue)
"KaiDash" - 1 (Eidolonic)
amosmyn - 1 (Airey)
"XCOM" - 1 (Chirality)
Rivenforge - 1 (druplesnubb)
Not The Author - 1 (Kíeros)
Loather - 1 (Whimbrel)
Schazer - 1 (yd12k)
makerofthegames - 1 (TehPilot)
ICan'tGiveCredit - 1 (MalkyTop)

Abstaining - 14 (Seedy, Donut, Niall, Sanzh, Prime Intellect, Fragowump, Ixcaliber, Chwoka, antisequitur, x1372, BlazerC, Mikeee, Truegreen, Chocolate Pi)

With 71 players alive, it takes 36 votes to groupshank a bitch, 17 votes if the day ends without a groupshank!

Day ends at 1:00 PM EST on Friday, July 11, or in ~43 hours!


MAIL ELECTION PACKAGE ONE

MalkyTop - 6 (druplesnubb, cyber95, Crowstone, Solaris, MalkyTop, OztheWizard)
Sruixan - 4 (Schazer, Garuru, Palamedes, Granolaman)
Red709 - 4 (Red709, speedchuck, Niall, yd12k)
Dragon Fogel - 4 (Dragon Fogel, Pharmacy, SeaWyrm, Akumu)
Return To Sender - 2 (Demonsul, Sai)
Cat - 2 (Cat, Everanix)
makerofthegames - 1 (makerofthegames)
Granolaman - 1 (Sruixan)
konec0 - 1 (konec0)
Rivenforge - 1 (Dalmationer)
Scoffles - 1 (Scoffles)
Schazer - 1 (Mister Visceral)
"Mirdini" - 1 (Pharas)
Loather - 1 (ICan'tGiveCredit)
Whimbrel - 1 (Whimbrel)

MAIL ELECTION PACKAGE TWO

MalkyTop - 7 (cyber95, Palamedes, Granolaman, MalkyTop, yd12k, OztheWizard, Whimbrel)
Schazer - 7 (Sruixan, Schazer, Kíeros, Dalmationer, Crowstone, Solaris, Pharas)
Pharmacy - 4 (Dragon Fogel, Pharmacy, SeaWyrm, Akumu)
Chirality - 1 (Red709)
makerofthegames - 1 (makerofthegames)
Akumu - 1 (Niall)
Kíeros - 1 (druplesnubb)
konec0 - 1 (konec0)
THE SKY - 1 (Scoffles)
Solaris - 1 (Mister Visceral)
Loather - 1 (ICan'tGiveCredit)
Crowstone - 1 (Everanix)