[split] The Return of Jester Mafia - GAME END!

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SpoilerShow

10 to lynch

FACT: WE END THIS DAY TODAY

LYNCH BTP

Liar

Good evening, everyone. My apologies for the delay; Bob and I spent the last twelve hours fighting for the mantle of modship, but I finally managed to claim victory. Now, let's take one last look at those votals...

Doesn't Count - 1 (Jacquerel)
Granolaman - 2 (NTA, bigro)
Kieros - 3 (MalkyTop, frigidScholar, ICan'tGiveCredit)
The Filthy Usurper - 10 (Granolaman, yd12k, Mirdini, Epamynondas, Kíeros, cyber95, Garuru, Palamedes, SupahKiven, TehPilot)

Oh, look at that, Bob is lynched regardless of whether I have a vote or not. I guess we got twelve hours worth of injuries for nothing.

Well, I guess I'll just drag Bob over to the gallows, then. Any last words, Bob? No? Still unconscious? That's okay. I'll just get this noose around your neck and...

Suddenly, ICan'tGiveCredit pushes Bob out of the way, puts the noose around his own neck, and pulls the lever before the REAL MOD can do anything else!

ICan'tGiveCredit was the Bodyguard Jester! Specifically, he was a bodyguard for the mods; if either of them were to die, he'd be contractually obligated to die in their place. He desperately wanted to get out of this contract, but the only way to do that was to die without performing his duty.

As a trained bodyguard, he could also protect another player at night; he wouldn't die in their place, though, because whichever mod was in a player slot would be following him around and warning him about any incoming attacks.

He would win if he died in any way other than saving a mod's life. As you can see, that didn't happen.

Well, it looks like Credit here is the first poor soul to mess up on his win condition. Don't worry, I'm sure he won't be the last!

Oh, hey, Bob's waking up. Great, he can give us an update on his stupid virus. I'm sure it won't be anything important, so you can all feel free to start submitting your night actions now.

CREDIT!!! NOOO CREDIT!!!

WHY? Why did it have to come to this!? I just-

*bluuuargh*

-okay still a little sick.

Also sad.

We were going to have all the adventures together. It was gonna be a buddy-cop movie (where one cop forces the other to die for him at an opportune time).

Then I'd cradle his skinless body in my arms, like so, and just -

*huuurggulf*

- okay we need to clean this up.

I'm...I'm just going to go lay down. DF...DF I'm sorry for kicking you out. And not just because I got sick and you beat me up, and this guy whose name I've forgotten died. It's also because I was playing with forces I didn't understand.

Specifically virus forces.

I mean I got this vial of "JESTER-VIRUS" and just figured I'd let it spread around, but then it started to mutate and spread and I didn't know what was happening.

Also apparently the vaccine was just a weakened form of the virus, so taking five of them was like injecting a full dose into my veins. (or so my ex-research team told me.)

And then I get this newspaper article today, that talks about a town not too far from here that was infected with a similar strain of the virus but, get this: If two people who are both infected meet up with each other - THEY DIE?? That's awful! And then the article said that it was spreading quickly, and could even be HERE???

My research team left a note before they left. You guys can have it, I'm gonna go lie down...

JESTER-VIRUS RESEARCH: This Virus is a highly mutagenic variant of the original MAFIA-VIRUS. However, it has been dubbed a "Jester-Virus" since it apparently acts against the traditional strain. Immunizing those it affects from it's more deadly relative.

ALL players who have contracted the "Jester-Virus" are immune to the deadly MAFIA-VIRUS. They will not contract it, nor do carriers of the MAFIA VIRUS pose a threat to them. They do not pose a threat to carriers of the MAFIA VIRUS.

ANY player who did not contract the "Jester-Virus" will inevitably contract the rapidly spreading MAFIA VIRUS. If this player visits or is visited by another player who has the MAFIA VIRUS, both infected players will die.

Night ends when all night actions have been submitted. Or when we get bored and can't get a hold of you.

SpoilerShow

Fogel, I got you a present. It's a replacementing.

Hello everyone. I’m back to running this game, which is the way it’s supposed to go. I’ve put that treacherous BTP in his place, too: on the player list.

With that all sorted out, let’s get this day started.

So everyone wakes up. Except for two people, because they’re dead.

Garuru was a house! And he wanted to host a big party! Each night, he could invite one player to visit him, making them go to him instead of their intended target. All players who visited him would be given a link to a Quicktopic for the next day; Garuru would have been able to see everything in there, but not talk himself.

He would win if, at any time, half the living players visited him on the same night. He was technically aligned with the town.

And the other dead person is Epamynondas, who... Hang on a minute, where’s the body? I’m sure there was a body a moment ago!

Epamynondas has mysteriously vanished.

Oh well, with that out of the way, we can get on with more important news! First off, there’s a trail of blood between cyber95’s house and Granolaman’s house! Isn’t that interesting?

Second, bigro is covered in soot. There’s probably a story behind that somewhere.

Third, Palamedes has “EPAMYNONDAS” tattooed on his forehead.

I guess that’s about it for major developments...

BREAKING NEWS!

The Prime Minister of Jesterland has succumbed to a deadly virus! Because we have no actual succession rules, we’re just holding a spontaneous election for a replacement! All citizens of Jesterland, and noncitizens for that matter, are eligible to campaign!

Wait, what? The Prime Minister’s dead?

Well, this is an opportunity I’m not about to pass up! I’m hereby announcing my candidacy for Prime Minister! I’ll be the best Prime Minister of Jesters that Jesterland has every seen! We’ll have a government for the jesters, by the jesters, and of the jesters! Every jester will...

Oh, yeah, I guess you guys can campaign too. If you want to lose, that is. Hang on, there’s an application form to fill out...

Name:
Other Name:
Party:
No, We Meant Political Party:
Campaign Platform:
Favorite Animal:
How Drunk Did You Get Last Night:
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been A Nonjester:
Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat:
Kazoo:
Gif/Jif/Grif:

Pretty simple, right? Anyhow, that’s everything, so get lynching! And also campaigning.

Livelist:

-Jacquerel
-Mirdini
-Not The Author
-yd12k
-Purple Walrus
-bigro
-TehPilot
-Kieros
-cyber95
-Palamedes
-frigidScholar
-Sruixan
-Granolaman
-SupahKiven
-MalkyTop
-btp

With 16 alive, it takes 9 to lynch. Deadline is June 9th at 8 PM Mountain Time.

SpoilerShow

arf-ruff-arooooo-grrr-arf-arf

Whatever it was I didn't do it!

This is ridiculous!

I spend ONE night resting up and suddenly I find myself stuck down here in the player-list?

This is crazy! Not what I signed up for at all! And I know just how I'll get back on top!

I officially announce my candidacy for Prime Minister of Jesterland.

Please send all campaign donations to BTP - funds for a better world fund.

Also, man Pala, that is some sweet ink.

HELLO-SALUTATIONS-GOOD-MORNING

NOW THAT WE HAVE ALL RESTED IT IS TIME FOR INQUIRIES--HAHA I AM JOKING IT IS TIME TO KILL KIEROS WHO IS A FILTHY MUTT

VOTE (NOT FOR PRIME MINISTER, BUT FOR LYNCHING): KIEROS

INQUIRIES CAN BE A SIDE THING I SUPPOSE. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY MYSTERIOUS THINGS. BUT I DON'T ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE DUMB AND ARE CONCERNS FOR DISGUSTING MUSCLEBRAINS.

I ALSO OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCE MY CANDIDACY FOR PRIME MINISTER OF JESTERLAND

YOU WILL SEE I HAVE FILLED OUT THE REQUIRED PAPERWORK AND HAVE DONE SO CORRECTLY UNLIKE SOME OTHER MEATBAGS I COULD MENTION

Name: MALKYTOP
Other Name: MALKYBOT
Party: I HAVE NO TIME FOR FRIVOLITIES
No, We Meant Political Party: THE POLITICAL PARTY OF KILLING KIEROS
Campaign Platform: I WILL LEAD EVERYBODY TO KILL KIEROS
Favorite Animal: ANIMALS ARE DISGUSTING
How Drunk Did You Get Last Night: I AM UNABLE TO DO THAT
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been A Nonjester: I WAS BUILT IN JESTERLAND
Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat: EVERYBODY LOOKS FAT TO ME IF THEY HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF BEING MADE OF BIOLOGICAL TISSUE
Kazoo: FREAK-A-ME, FREAK-A-YOU.
Gif/Jif/Grif: YOUR SILLY HUMAN SPATS MEAN NOTHING TO ME. VOTE ME AND WE WILL TRANSCEND MEANINGLESS ARGUMENTS AND COME TOGETHER TO KILL KIEROS.

Official Jester Votals From The Next Prime Minister Of Jesterland

Kieros - 1 (MalkyTop)

That is all the Official Jester Votals for now. You jesters should make some more votes on other jesters!

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I ALSO WANT TO BE PRIME MINISTER. Look, a vote for me is even a vote for sweet ink and also Epamondyas. I swear to you, jestervictories for all! Probably. Unless I hate you. I'll also do my best to bring you all sweet ass ink and increased news of Jester shit going on all the time.

Name: Palamedes
Other Name: Sweet Ink Guy
Party: Hell yeah all the time
No, We Meant Political Party: Hey a party's a party guy don't bring us down
Campaign Platform: Being Jesteriffic every time, all the time. Also parties and other shit you love.
Favorite Animal: Jester animals
How Drunk Did You Get Last Night: So drunk
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been A Nonjester: I can trace my jester heritage all the way back to the original jesters who travelled to Jesterland from the Disunited Jesterdom.
Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat: Yes Fogel
Kazoo:

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Gif/Jif/Grif:

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Name: Yes
Other Name: No
Party: Sure
No, We Meant Political Party: Sounds boring
Campaign Platform: the one at the start of super mario bros
Favorite Animal: Jestercat
How Drunk Did You Get Last Night: Not drunk enough
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been A Nonjester: No
Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat: Depends, would you like a tent?
Kazoo: banjoie
Gif/Jif/Grif: knife

I'm going to have to agree with lynching Kieros. Their constant dogging of Sruixan, who seems townish to me (Can you say that face is scum? I think not.), and jumping on the btp wagon seems really suspicious. Not to mention that they took part in Credit's death. Also the growling. Have to stop the growling.

So... Lynch: Kieros

Name: Purple Walrus
Other Name: King of all Walrus past, present, and future.
Party: I party like.... 24 hours a day. Yeah I'm so cool.
No, We Meant Political Party: Oh, I get it. Well, it's called "Love The Walrus".
Campaign Platform: I feel there is not enough love for the walrus. The walrus is a loveable and gentle creature, that deserves to be respected and feared. As Prime Minister I promise to make everyday walrus appreciation day. I will post a walrus everyday. So fellow walrus, the time as come to talk of many things.
Favorite Animal: The mighty walrus.
How Drunk Did You Get Last Night: Yeah totally got drunk... WITH POWER!
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been A Nonjester: I feel that is an inappropriate question. I want my walrus lawyer damit!
Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat: Walrus look fat in everything, so your fine.
Kazoo: It is a well know fact that walrus are the best at playing the Kazoo.
Gif/Jif/Grif: If I win, it will be renamed to Walrusif

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I agree with bigro.

Can you, fair jesters, trust a prime minister who can't even find a .gif?

Also, why would you support walruses? They are not jesters! I call an investigation into Purple Walrus for trying to start some foul walrus related campaign (also for being a walrus, not a jester). Vote: Purple Walrus

Votals For That Unimportant Lynch Thing

Kieros - 2 (MalkyTop, frigidScholar)
Purple Walrus - 2 (bigro, Palamedes)

In more important news, the early polls for the big election for Jesterland's Prime Minister are in! Let's take a look at how all the jesters who have declared so far are doing.

DragonFogel: e^(i*pi)%
btp: 22.pickle%
MalkyTop: Yes%
Palamedes: %%
yd12k: 12k%
Purple Walrus: Somewhere in the range of 0-100%

Poll results have a margin of error of +/- 100%, 0 times out of infinity.

Well, as we can all clearly see, my campaign has been a great success! The rest of you just don't stand a chance against my operation.

But don't worry, my fellow jesters who are foolishly running against me. My reign will be a victory for all jesters, great and small, good and evil, throwing the pie and being hit with the pie. Under my leadership, Jesterland will become a beacon of hope to jesters all over the world! Or possibly a bacon of hope, I haven't decided yet.

Are you still upset you didn't win the election in the first Clusterfuck, Fogel?

FOGEL IS NOT A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR ANYTHING. TURNING BOBTHEPEN INTO A PLAYER FOR HIS BETRAYAL, WHILE UNDERSTANDABLE IN THAT HUMANS ALWAYS WANT REVENGE, IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT, AS WELL AS SIGNS OF OVERSTEPPING ONE'S POWERS. THESE ARE TRAITS OF A DICTATOR AS WELL AS A GENERALLY PETTY PERSON. PETTINESS IS LOGICALLY NOT A GOOD TRAIT FOR A LEADER TO HAVE.

ALSO I HAVE IT ON GOOD WORD THAT FOGEL WET HIS BED UNTIL HE WAS FIVE. THIS HAS BEEN STATISTICALLY CONGRUENT TO THE PROBABILITY OF BEING A SERIAL KILLER. DO YOU REALLY WANT A SERIAL KILLER AS A PRIME MINISTER? HOW WOULD HE PERFORM HIS DUTIES WITHOUT BEING DISTRACTED BY HIS MURDER PLANS?

BECAUSE I LACK THE HUMAN FLAWS OF YOU ALL, I AM ABLE TO DELEGATE MULTIPLE TASKS FOR MULTIPLE SYSTEMS, THUS MULTITASKING EFFICIENTLY, UNLIKE YOU SQUISHYBRAINED HUMANS. THUS I WILL NEVER BE DISTRACTED FROM MY DUTIES AS A PRIME MINISTER. I WILL BE ABLE TO LEAD AS WELL AS PLAN MURDERS AT THE SAME TIME, ALSO MAKE A CUP OF COFFEE. I WILL ALSO BE ABLE TO LEAD US ALL TO KILL KIEROS. LET US ALL KILL KIEROS TOGETHER.

MY ABILITY TO LEAD IS ONLY LIMITED BY MY PROCESSING POWER, WHICH IS INFINITE.

VOTE ME FOR PRIME MINISTER.

FACT: I am the best candidate for Prime Minister.

Vote: TehPilot

I will throw my jester hat into the ring!

Elect: Mirdini (jester)!!!!!



I'll be the BEST JESTER PRIME MINISTER EVER I swear! I mean I just care so much about Jesters, and all those finicky jester-related issues. Why, the other day a little old jester lady had her jester cat stuck up a tree and I climbed all the way up it and rescued that jester cat! Surely you can trust someone who is willing to save a jester cat with the jester keys to the lead the Jester government!

But really, jesters are just great and I have incredible respect for each and every jester, whether they be jesters small or jesters tall, jesters fat or jesters thin, jesters robotic or jesters biological. Except jester dogs, because we all know that jester dogs are a myth and don't exist and any dogs pretending to be jesters are in fact insidious evil entities out to get all of jesterkind.

speaking of which Vote: Kieros for as a dog he cannot be a jester! And is thus obviously out to get all us jesters so we'd better stop him before that happens! As a future jester prime minister I must serve the interests of my jester constituents and leaving that dog alone will get all of us jesters DEAD I can tell!

so in conclusion

ELECT MIRDINI TO JESTERLAND PRIME MINISTERSHIP IF YOU LOVE LAUGHS AND LYNCHES

(if you don't love laughs and lynches you're not a real jester

you're probably a vile, evil dog

curse you, dogs)

I agree with bigro.

Can you, fair jesters, trust a prime minister who can't even find a .gif?

Also, why would you support walruses? They are not jesters! I call an investigation into Purple Walrus for trying to start some foul walrus related campaign (also for being a walrus, not a jester). Vote: Purple Walrus

But I resent that accusation. In fact I have research that proves that Jesters are the descendants of ancient walruses. In fact Jesters still contain 45% walrus DNA. So walruses are basically Jesters of the sea.

I feel that I will bring more to Jester-land than any other candidate here. I will bridge the gap between Walrus and Jester, bringing us closer together, united. I will do this by posting a walrus picture in all my posts. I will also have (vote) Kíeros killed and fed to hungry orphan Jester-walruses.

You may say that I am extreme with vision, but let's us take a look ate my rivals

Why would you have an emotionless machine rule to you. It does not care for you, it does not love you. It only sees you as ones and zeros waiting to be rearranged. If a machine were to rule Jester-land it would sap the very fun out of it and replace it with order.
And Fogel who lies and cheats to get to the top. He only cares about himself, not what is good for Jester-Land. He would backstab every last one of you if it meant getting in power.
I also saw Mirdini eat a cat.

So my fellow Jesters let us not shun our walrus brothers any longer.

A Vote for WP!
Is a vote for Jesters and Walruses alike!