Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-24-2013, 03:31 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
Xindaris Wrote:>Fry some idiots. You tried that. Several thousand times. You could fry a few more idiots, but it won't really do anything about the underlying boredom.
See, look, you're going to toss a few solar flares over to earth. One at some idiots piloting a giant cardboard fortress, another at some idiots holding each other hostage in a police station in Portland. And, yep, still bored. Granted, it's going to take about eight minutes for your divine flames to reach Earth, so you haven't actually gotten to hear the screams of the idiots as they burn, but man, it's not like their screams are going to be that different from the thousands you've heard before.
You are now the mysterious evil mastermind behind the whole scheme, and you've come to realize how incompetent your henchmen are. First off, the old woman lost track of the hipster. Then there's your hacker, who's too lazy to hack the hipster's computer. Meanwhile, your agent on the planet-ship has left it before you had a chance to destroy their civilization and is just running around Portland for some reason. And the sun god can't keep his nuns on task... and oh, look, he just flung solar flares at the cardboard fortress and the Portland police station. Both locations play a key role in your needlessly complicated master plan.
You immediately calculate that the downsides of prematurely revealing your existence outweigh the consequences of leaving these idiots to keep screwing everything up. You'll just have to head to Portland yourself to resolve these issues.
Obviously, with your superior intellect you have already calculated precisely what needs to be done, and so you are not in need of any suggestions in that regard. It would be meaningless to solicit them, as any suggestion would be inferior to your existing plan.
You are, however, in need of a name. You've managed all this time without one, since you just had to be mysterious when contacting your underlings, but that is a luxury you can no longer afford. Your contingency plan requires you to introduce yourself, after all.
What will your name be?
Posts: 2,172
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns: she/her!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Location: Imagine Cucumber
03-24-2013, 07:28 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.
Steve.
Hideo Kojima.
Riiiiiiiiiiiidge the Racer
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-24-2013, 08:00 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
Quote:You immediately calculate that the downsides of prematurely revealing your existence outweigh the consequences of leaving these idiots to keep screwing everything up. You'll just have to head to Portland yourself to resolve these issues.
If staying hidden outweighs leaving this to them, wouldn't it mean that it'd better to stay behind? : p
> Metata
> Elazul
> Turbo Racer
> just say you have no name, it's not like there's a whole lot of known entities without one.
> Squall
Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-24-2013, 08:16 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:If staying hidden outweighs leaving this to them, wouldn't it mean that it'd better to stay behind? : p Perhaps it would if you had an inferior intellectual understanding of the word "outweigh". But your mind does not constrain itself to such limited definitions, unless it is necessary to explain the concept to an underling.
Regardless, you have the perfect name. It took you mere moments to devise.
You fly towards Portland, as swift as the wind. You arrive with a whole two minutes before the solar flares reach the atmosphere. Plenty of time.
You haven't been eager to use your powers, but there is little choice now. If you don't act quickly, everything you've worked for will be destroyed.
You raise a hand, and the solar flares are sent back towards the sun with intense force. That idiot sun god will just have to deal with his own mess now.
You float towards the hipster's house. Along the way, you see him leaving Powell's through a window nobody ever uses, and you decide to bring him along with you. With a wave of your arm, he's dragged into the street, along with a Powell's clerk who apparently helped him to the window.
The hipster's a little freaked out, but that's not your concern. You just need him to make this post, and then you have no further business with him.
You also send out an alert to your underlings to all meet at the house. Incompetent as they are, you might need them as a distraction.
You soon arrive at the hipster's house. The lizardman arrives wielding an axe and accompanied by an irritated firefighter. The old woman arrives, and soon after the Sun God flies in with your hacker. You note with some amusement the recent burns on the Sun God's forehead.
In addition, the mayor of Portland and some random homeowner arrive, being pursued by the Portland police department and an army of strange subterranean creatures.
Good. Backup plan 14D is proceeding as expected. You should have no trouble. Your lizard minion bashes down the door; unnecessary, as you could deal with it yourself, but you appreciate an underling with initative.
You lower yourself to the ground, and order the lizardman to grab the hipster. Your plan will soon succeed. You just need to take care of a few minor details.
You are now Zoosmell Pooplord again. You are at a sweet dance party with your dad and a bunch of strangers. You remember there was something you were going to do, but it was probably boring so who cares.
Suddenly, a mysterious figure with his face obscured by a hood walks in, accompanied by a stupid jerk, an old lady, the Sun God, and a four-armed three-legged lizardman carrying a hipster.
"All of you, stop dancing at once."
Nobody does. Then he waves a hand and the boom box gets flung out a window.
"I told you, stop dancing at once. Get out of my way, and you will not be harmed."
Oh right, this is the bad guy. You were going to stop him, you guess.
Oh, and he's suddenly looking directly at you.
"With the exception of the Pooplord boy. He will be destroyed regardless."
You tell him that's dumb, you're just some kid with a stupid name. And sure, you stumbled onto his evil plans, but stopping them was way too much work. Why does he want to kill you?
"Why do I want to see you destroyed? An excellent question, young Pooplord. Allow me to answer that."
The unknown mastermind laughs wickedly as he removes his mysterious hood.
SHOCKING REVELATION WITHIN!!!!
Show Content
Spoiler![[Image: buttshitmastermind.png]](https://dl.dropbox.com/u/73600486/buttshitmastermind.png)
"Because your very existence stands in the way of my destiny!"
You tell him you don't really understand that. He sighs.
"I suppose I should begin by introducing myself properly."
Solaris Wrote:Steve.
Hideo Kojima.
Riiiiiiiiiiiidge the Racer "I am... STEVE HIDEO KOJIMA RIIIIIIIIIIIIDGE THE RACER."
He pauses.
"Wait, no. That's a terrible name now that I say it out loud. Let me try that again..."
Ross_Varn Wrote:> John Egbert "I am JOHN EGBERT. And you, Zoosmell Pooplord stole my rightful place in this world."
You're still confused.
"Do I have to spell it out, Pooplord? I AM YOU. Or rather, I would be you if not for your stupid name! I would be at the center of a grand story about the creation of new universes! Not a story where everyone plays Oregon Trail for some reason!"
Oh, great, looks like he's launching into the full villainous monologue now. He's probably going to explain his needlessly complicated plan in great detail now. Man, that's going to be so boring.
So what are you going to do while you wait for him to finish?
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-24-2013, 08:27 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> ...Get your hammer.
Posts: 747
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns: she/they
Location: a deeper level of texan hell
03-25-2013, 12:09 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Anomaly.
Pull down his pants. Embarrass him in front of his minions.
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-25-2013, 12:25 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.
Bake a cake
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-25-2013, 03:42 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.
This is the best plot twist I have ever witnessed.
> Continue dancing.
Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-25-2013, 04:36 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
Professor Science Wrote:> Continue dancing. Well, there's no music since Jerkface knocked the boombox out the window, but you can still dance anyways. You keep dancing as he keeps babbling.
"...and this game has the power to rewrite the universe. But in all the universe, only one computer exists with the processing power to run it, and that computer is on the planet-ship flying overhead. Of course, merely running the game would have unpredictable results, which is why I needed an agent on the planet-ship itself to ensure the session ran smoothly..."
Wow, he just won't shut up. You should try something else.
Anomaly Wrote:Pull down his pants. Embarrass him in front of his minions. That's... kind of awkward. I mean, he's essentially you, it would be like pulling down your own pants. You aren't all that comfortable with the idea...
...oh, and your pants just fell down. Luckily, nobody seems to have noticed because this guy's still babbling about his plan, so you have time to pull them back up.
"...and I also needed a delivery mechanism to bring the game over there. This was why I contacted the Sun God, as he has the means to transport agents across vast reaches of space. It was simple enough to secure his cooperation; I merely explained that the new universe would grant him a far larger sun."
"A green one! As big as the universe! No, bigger!"
"...yes, there were some details to negotiate. Unfortunately, it seems his Sun Nuns failed to install the game, and have instead brought all the copies here, abandoning their mission for the sake of a dance party. Disappointing. I'll have to grab a copy and install it myself; fortunately, the ship is close by."
There, you've got your pants back on. Now you need to think of what to do while this guy keeps babbling.
DS Piron Wrote:> ...Get your hammer. You don't have a hammer! But it might be useful to have a weapon of some kind. You try to think about what sort of weapon you might be able to actually use. Meanwhile, your other self keeps babbling.
"....however, two clandestine organizations on Earth had the resources to stop the plan if they caught wind of it in time; these two gentlemen are representatives of those agencies. I needed to get them out of the way..."
Knives, no way, you'd probably cut yourself on those. In fact, anything sharp is probably a bad idea, no swords or axes or chainsaws... oh, hey, that pelvic-thrusting guy is yelling at whatshisface.
"Wait, you set me up?"
"Your entire agency, yes. My hacker inserted two directives into their files. One, to disable your rival agency by eliminating the pumpkins they relied on for power. Two, some large-scale, useless task to distract the agents, I left the details to him."
"Yeah, I went with setting the world on fire."
"...Perhaps I shouldn't have left the details to you after all. Regardless..."
So nothing sharp, what about clubs... no, you'd probably hit yourself on the head. So that rules out hard objects too... hey, now your dad's yelling at him.
"You made our pumpkins disappear?"
"Not disappear, precisely. The device actually transported them to my laboratory, where I converted them into an army of Pumpkinmen. I used them to take over the celestial restaurant, which exists outside of normal time and space..."
What about a gun... no, even dumber, you wouldn't know the first thing about using it properly, why would you even think about that?
Man, this is dumb. What can you wield as a weapon that's not hard or sharp or too dangerous for someone like you to carry around?
omegawill Wrote:Bake a cake Suddenly, you're struck by a terrifying thought.
You never got a birthday cake!
And everyone here is too busy listening to the bad guy blab on and on to make you a cake. You'll just have to do it yourself, you guess.
Not that you know anything about baking, but hey, how hard can it be? You head off to the kitchen and oh man you can still hear him babbling ugh time to look through the cookbooks.
"...and with the restaurant under my control, I was able to prepare for the arrival of the cardboard fortress. I knew very little about it, even with my genius and resources. But now, it is under the control of my pumpkinmen, and it is keeping the planet-ship occupied. If all had gone as planned, the chaos of the battle would allow the sun nuns and my agent on the planet-ship to manipulate the outcome of the game, but it seems none of them were able to install the game, or for that matter even stay on the planet-ship..."
Wow, this hipster's recipe books suck. None of them even mention cakes at all, or for that matter, any kind of food you've ever heard of.
How are you going to make a cake under these circumstances?
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-25-2013, 07:58 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> DON'T PANIC
>> Destiny Draw the recipe from the ether, as this is your darkest hour.
Bluh bluh long string of commands
Show Content
Spoiler>>Preheat oven to 350 degrees
>>> Grease Cakepan
>>>>Find flour, sugar, baking powder, allspice, baking soda, cinnamon and cloves and mix them in bowl.
>>>>>Add tomato soup, shortening, eggs and water.
>>>>>>Beat until mixed, using mixer at low speed.
>>>>>>>Pour into Pan
>>>>>>>>Bake 40 minutes or until done.
>>>>>>>>> Somehow manage to get a decent cake.
Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-26-2013, 02:19 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:> DON'T PANIC You start having a nervous breakdown. What were you thinking? You don't know how to cook! Even if there was a recipe here, you'd probably screw it up! Oh, and that guy may still be babbling, but he wants to kill you and rewrite the universe and arrgh you can't take any more of this aaagh!!!
You just run around the kitchen in a panic, randomly throwing things around. When you finally calm down, you realize that you've ended up with some sort of cake in the oven. But it's going to take a few hours to finish. Great, now what are you going to do? There doesn't seem to be much of anything to do here except listen to that guy keep blabbing...
"...of course, I needed to ensure the oil on that land remained untapped, otherwise it would have unpredictable effects on the Portland economy and might interfere with my plans to draw national attention to it. It would only take a few unusual news stories; the mayor robbing a police station, the subterranean residents of Underportland emerging because of the smell of a burning house right above their primary route to the surface, the protests caused by Powell's sudden decision to only serve dead customers..."
...and yeah, you're not going to listen to him blab. In fact, you hear a lot of snoring from the other room, sounds like everyone else has fallen asleep. Not that he's noticed, of course.
So how are you going to pass the time while you wait for this cake to finish?
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-26-2013, 03:20 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> ...Get your computer. It is time. to GET your play on
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-26-2013, 12:07 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.
draw rude stuff on everyone's faces
Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-26-2013, 10:32 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
omegawill Wrote:draw rude stuff on everyone's faces Oh, hey, there's a thought. Everyone's asleep, you can just doodle moustaches on them with a permanent marker. You start doing that while Jim Eggburg or whatever his name is keeps babbling.
"...and as a result of the sudden media attention, people are going to start looking at blogs in the Portland area. One man will stumble upon this dead hipster's blog, and the post he reads will inspire him. Inspire him to create a universe. This is the key to everything. Once we connect him to the game, everything will unfold as planned. The universe will be recreated, and YOU shall be no more!"
Oh, huh, he's pointing at you. You guess this is the part where you 're supposed to say something heroic and defiant. Although it's hard to think of anything when you're drawing a moustache on a space helmet.
Also, man does it stink in here. It's like three lizardpeople have been passing gas for twenty minutes or something.
Oh, looks like you missed your chance for heroics, Eggbutt is talking again.
"And I see now that the post is already written up and on his computer. Excellent. Only three steps remain before my plan is complete. I need only post this message, install the game in the planet-ship, and connect my universe's creator to it. All of which is quite trivial at this stage."
Oh, great, he's walking over to the computer now, and waking up his minions so they can go and do the other stuff.
This would probably be a good time to stop him, you know, before he erases your existence and rewrites the entire universe. But what are you going to do?
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-26-2013, 11:42 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> Is the cake done yet?
> Your father is sleeping, ask him about your stupid name, and win adventure.
> get him to continue monologing; ask about the pajamas he's wearing.
>> Unplug the Hipster's computer.
>>Run headfirst* into the house's circuit breaker.
>>> Resist unfathomable urge to burn up and die due to the electrical current coursing through you.
*or, you know, use your head, grab the axe, and run it headfirst...
...Oh! and as always.
> Kin-fuse with John.
Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-27-2013, 03:40 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:> Is the cake done yet? You have no idea. You just set the oven timer to whatever. You'll check when it goes off.
DS Piron Wrote:> get him to continue monologing; ask about the pajamas he's wearing. It suddenly occurs to you that maybe you can stall by getting Eggburn to start blabbing again. In desperation, you ask where he got those pajamas.
"Pajamas? You ignorant simpleton! To think, that your pitiful existence stands in the way of mine! These clothes represent the power I have gained! The power to..."
Well, it seems to have worked. His minions have fallen asleep again, right in the middle of whatever the heck they were doing. But you're not too alert yourself right now, you can feel your eyelids dropping...
You have to act fast, before you pass out!
DS Piron Wrote:>> Unplug the Hipster's computer. You rush over to the power bar as you start to yawn, and you grab the plug. You're about to pull it out...
But you can't stay awake any longer. You collapse with your fingers still around the cord...
...and your head falls on the power button, shutting it off.
"NOOOOOOO!"
You wake up with a start as your other self starts screaming. So does everyone else. You're kind of dazed and confused, but you realize that now you've got a chance to act. It's time to put an end to this.
DS Piron Wrote:> Your father is sleeping, ask him about your stupid name, and win adventure. Namely, an end to wondering about your stupid name. You turn to your dad and ask why he gave you such a stupid name.
"Well, you see, son," he begins, awkwardly, breathing out fire with each syllable. "It all started when..."
"DAMMIT! It wasn't supposed to go up now, that's way too mainstream a time!"
Everyone stares at the hipster. After a few minutes, the pelvic-thrusting man decides to break the silence.
"Didn't your computer get shut off?"
"Exactly, man. Losing all your data when the computer shuts off is way too mainstream. Mine posts any unsaved data to my blog, you wouldn't understand."
There's another pause before Eggbill starts laughing again.
"This is exactly as I planned it!" he declares. "Now we need only run the game and connect the creator to it! What are you waiting for? Move!"
And now the lizardman's rushing outside with the package, and the old lady's following him for some reason. Meanwhile, the Sun God is flying off with your stupid jerk friend, who grabbed the bad idea ray from that one guy.
Well, this is just great. It looks like you might have to actually do something.
You are now some webcomic artist. You just checked the news sites today, and it seems like a lot of crazy stuff is going on in Portland, Oregon. The mayor tried to rob a police station, Powell's is refusing to serve living customers, and a race of subterranean creatures have started marching through the streets.
You feel like looking a little deeper into this stuff, maybe you can get a comic idea out of it. You start checking out some Portland blogs to see what the locals think.
Oh, that's a weird blog name. You feel compelled to take a look, though you're not entirely sure why.
Wait, what exactly is the name of this blog?
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-27-2013, 06:14 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> ░i͏̶į͢͝i�͠i▐i⊰i̡� i•ิ
Posts: 1,776
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns: Her, but They is also okay
Location: The Frigid Northlands
03-27-2013, 06:17 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.
FancySantaz4eva.web
Posts: 1,802
Joined: Jul 2012
Pronouns: girl
Location: usa
03-27-2013, 06:19 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.
>recap~
>Large ghostly eyeball monsters The Game The Movie The Blog
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-27-2013, 07:27 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.
Kevin's Last Stand
The Maltese Fancast
Heaven's Regard
Jumpin' Jupiter, Jazz-man!
Welcoming Her Into The Fold, We Silently Surrender Our Hopes For Tomorrow
Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-27-2013, 08:16 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:> ░i͏̶į͢͝i�͠i▐i⊰i̡� i•ิ MrGuy Wrote:FancySantaz4eva.web Crowstone Wrote:>recap~
>Large ghostly eyeball monsters The Game The Movie The Blog omegawill Wrote:Kevin's Last Stand
The Maltese Fancast
Heaven's Regard
Jumpin' Jupiter, Jazz-man!
Welcoming Her Into The Fold, We Silently Surrender Our Hopes For Tomorrow Ah, yes, the blog's name is ░i͏̶į͢͝i�͠i▐i⊰i̡� i•ิ FancySantaz4eva.web recap~ Large ghostly eyeball monsters The Game The Movie The Blog Kevin's Last Stand The Maltese Fancast Heaven's Regard Jumpin'Jupiter, Jazz-man! Welcoming Her Into The Fold, We Silently Surrender Our Hopes For Tomorrow. With a name like that, you really have no idea what to expect.
On further investigation, the blogger seems to be some kind of hipster, and he apparently picked the name ironically and/or so it wouldn't be too mainstream. Well, that makes sense, you suppose. You decide to take a look at the latest post and...
...It seems to be some kind of conspiracy theory about the cotton candy industry. Except you aren't at all sure what the alleged conspiracy is supposed to be. You forget about whatever you were planning to do and attempt to reread this incomprehensible post several times, in hopes that you may discover the truth within.
This course of action obviously has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with someone pointing a bad idea ray at you.
You are now some guy in Edmonton. You had this dumb idea a while ago to make an adventure called ZooStuck and now you're trying to remember what the hell was going on, seriously man, what were you thinking?
Crowstone Wrote:>recap~ You suddenly decide to look back on your ridiculous story and try to figure out where it went wrong, besides everywhere.
RECAPLOG:
Show Content
SpoilerYou started off with some kid who was named Zoosmell Pooplord for whatever reason. He was going to ask his dad why he got that stupid name, but his hat wanted to prevent that from happening, who knows why.
As it turned out, the hat didn't need to do much of anything, because Zoosmell got bored really easily. This was fortunate, because the hat wasn't actually able to do anything, other than being picked up by a gust of wind and blowing onto Mr. Pooplord's head. Given that the main villain seems to have powers over wind, this may not have been as coincidental as it seemed.
Regardless, Mr. Pooplord, as it turned out, was a secret agent for some organization that used pumpkins as a power source. He had been temporarily detained by the police for running over a car, which was made of cardboard. Once that matter was settled, however, he made his way to work.
In the process, he stumbled upon an enemy agent, with a medical condition that caused him to do constant pelvic thrusts. The enemy agent planted a device that would make the agency's pumpkins disappear, then received orders to set the entire world on fire. Before officially embarking on the mission, however, he headed to the hospital to find his pet - a creature unknown in this world, apparently called a "cat".
Mr. Pooplord followed the pelvic-thrusting agent to the hospital, where the strange cat was eating everything. Mr. Pooplord got into a fight with the enemy agent, which concluded with the cat being shoved down his throat after its lips were set on fire. Somehow, this lead to Mr. Pooplord constantly exhaling fire, even after he coughed up the cat.
During this time, an unknown patient stole Zoosmell's hat and ran off.
Meanwhile, Zoosmell Pooplord had already grown bored of the quest to learn his name and instead tried to draw a crocodile. It ended up looking more like a four-armed three-legged lizardman.
At that very moment, a four-armed three-legged lizardman who lived on a planet-ship was very concerned that a mysterious package he had received was actually the game prophesied to destroy his entire civilization if it were installed. As it turned out, the game was actually Oregon Trail, and the civilization-destroying game was in an entirely different package.
The lizardman began playing Oregon Trail. Somehow, his main character ended up being the patient from the hospital who had stolen Zoosmell's hat, and somehow he had gone two hundred years into the past. His name was also Will Smith all of a sudden.
Will Smith guided his party (minus the one who had died of drowning) to the Oregon Fortress, a mysterious building made of cardboard. After its defeat, the lizardman playing the game suddenly died of dysentry and was cloned with a new immunity to dysentry. However, the game continued, and Will Smith stumbled across the mysterious cat, whose name was revealed as E.T. "Dark Vader" Phonehome. The cat wanted his hat for reasons related to its insatiable hunger, but a gust of wind blew the hat away.
In a creepy flashback, Dark Vader revealed that it and Will Smith had once lived in a mysterious celestial restaurant, but they were forced to flee when a large number of pumpkinmen came in and complained about the service. But outside of the restaurant, Dark Vader was unable to control its hunger, and it believed the hat could lead it to a solution.
Meanwhile, on the planet-ship it was discovered that the immunity to dysentry had come with a side effect: the entire population was now passing gas. The game-player got in line for a space helmet to cover his ears and block the smell.
At that time, Zoosmell Pooplord received his own copy of Oregon Trail, having been badgered by his not-quite-friend Stupid Jerk into entering the beta. He then tried to smash, eat, and hide the package, wear it as a hat, and install it in his computer without unwrapping it. Somehow, the last attempt worked and he was playing the game as Bill Riff, the four-armed three-legged lizardman who was still waiting in line for a space helmet.
However, Zoosmell soon got bored with the game and threw his computer out the window. This somehow messed with the functions of the planet-ship and caused it to immediately prepare its package scanners.
Bill Riff, now freed of Zoosmell's direct control, rushed home after securing his place in line and sought to throw the disastrous package out the airlock, only to discover a line there as well. Evidently he wasn't the only one to receive such a package.
It soon became apparent, however, that the airlock was not a viable solution. As the evident demise of his civilization drew near, Bill Riff decided to get back in line for a space helmet.
Meanwhile, at an exclusive demonstration of the newly-programmed Oregon Trail, Lady Hopkins (who was actually casino owner Urts Quavavar) was scheming to get the deed to a small farmhouse from Lord Huffington, inhabited by his elderly aunt. In the course of this scheme, they ended up playing the new game, all the while unaware that the MC had been kidnapped and replaced by the pelvic-thrusting agent.
Over the course of the party, the agent tried to use the game machine to set the world on fire somehow, but was ambushed by Mr. Pooplord. In the process, the game was somehow programmed to freeze the area around it instead.
Despite the damage to the machine, Lord Huffington and Lady Hopkins continued playing, and their characters were riding on buffalo towards Oregon. But at that very moment, Dark Vader had somehow made his way to Sun Paris and was eating the Sun Eiffel Tower.
After a brief interlude into Sun French Politics, it was revealed that somebody was remotely beaming bad ideas into Sun Lance Armstrong's head from the moon. The moon-person suddenly realized that they didn't actually have a good reason for doing this, and after accidentally inspiring you to create this terrible adventure, instead moved the beam so it would hit space because it couldn't actually be shut off.
As it turned out, the moon-person was actually beaming the bad ideas onto the planet-ship, where undercover sun nuns were trying to get the game installed. One of the sun nuns - actually Stupid Jerk's character in Oregon Trail - was trying to order a pizza in order to prove it wasn't better than sun pizza. Her attempts to do so, however, soon landed her in jail, despite the best efforts of the prosecutor, who was also an undercover sun nun.
Not long after, Zoosmell got bored enough to give Oregon Trail another try, this time with advice from Stupid Jerk. However, Bill Riff tried to talk back, and was dragged off to the insane asylum. Not long after, Stupid Jerk guided his sun nun out of the prison; along the way, she came across a four-armed three-legged lizardman covered in tattoos who advised her on how to escape.
As she left to meet with Bill Riff, the planet-ship's global computer system decided to start several sessions in Oregon Trail, one of which involved you and another of which involved Zoosmell Pooplord. The most immediately relevant one, however, concerned Jeff Winger, an undead pterodactyl who was both a dentist and a lawyer.
Jeff Winger soon turned out to be merely a dead pterodactyl when the gigantic gun he was in fired. He was sent to be judged for where his soul would rest in the afterlife, but fled to Oregon in order to win the game first.
Meanwhile, in Portland, Oregon, a dead hipster decided to post something on his blog and spent three weeks working on it. During that time, many important plot threads advanced, and most of the major characters had gathered on the dead hipster's lawn.
In that time, Zoosmell Pooplord had learned that Stupid Jerk, Lord Huffington's elderly aunt, the tattooed lizardman, and the Sun God had all been working for someone wanted the dead hipster to make a blog post for nefarious purposes. Their mysterious benefactor turned out to be John Egbert, who was furious that Zoosmell had taken his place in the universe and was involved in a really stupid adventure.
After Zoosmell mucked around doing stupid stuff like trying to bake a cake while Egbert explained his excessively complex plan in detail, the blog post went up and some guy decided to read it multiple times because there was a bad idea ray pointed at him. This is a critical element in Egbert's plan.
Then for some reason you decided to recap the whole stupid thing, and now here you are, wondering why you wrote all that.
Well, you've taken the adventure this far, might as well wrap it up. So what happens next?
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-28-2013, 12:30 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Xindaris.
>Zoosmell: Do the pooplord thing. It definitely trumps the windy thing.
Posts: 10,065
Joined: Jul 2011
Pronouns:
Location:
03-28-2013, 04:02 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
Xindaris Wrote:>Zoosmell: Do the pooplord thing. It definitely trumps the windy thing. Oh, of course. That takes care of that. Time to get this stupid thing done!
You are now Zoosmell Pooplord and you've decided to do the pooplord thing. Except you have no idea what that is.
Maybe it's breathing fire? Your dad seems to be doing that a lot. You attempt to breathe fire and end up just coughing wildly while Eggbone laughs about how his plan will soon come to fruition. Everyone else is just kind of running around at random doing who-knows what.
Oh, hey, you hear beeping. Your cake must be ready. You head over to the kitchen and take it out.
...BLECH! This cake tastes awful. Well, that was a waste of time. What are you going to do with this stupid cake now?
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-28-2013, 04:17 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.
> Throw it at Eggdumb
Posts: 4,983
Joined: Jan 2000
Pronouns:
Location:
03-28-2013, 10:47 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> Well, he's you, this is your birthday, might as well share the cake, perhaps it just SMELLS bad.
|
![[Image: egg005.png?raw=1]](https://www.dropbox.com/s/cm0pzbv31rhi5da/egg005.png?raw=1){kind=small}