ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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Say you think you forgot something in Oregon and you have to go back there to pick it up, and it'll just take a minute

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Time to go on the Oregon Trail.

You'll need some oxen, spare clothes, a covered wagon, a musket, and a lot of ammunition.

This. Just ignore the tooth court plot and just have Jeff Winger load up his wagon and go on the trail from the after life to Oregon.[img]images/smilies/mspa_face.gif[/img]

Originally posted on MSPA by Hob.

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If questioned on why you wznt get to oregon so much, say that you have family/ex-con mates living there

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Portland's in Oregon, so all you have to do is convince them you're a hipster.

That's not going to work too well. From what you remember of your Afterlife Law class, hipsters are either rewarded with total oblivion (because eternity is for squares, man) or punished by being thrown into whatever afterlife is most popular at the time. You have no idea what the most popular afterlife is right now, but chances are it's not Oregon.

Say you think you forgot something in Oregon and you have to go back there to pick it up, and it'll just take a minute

You decide that trying to affect the outcome of your afterlife trial is way too complicated, you have no idea what the requirements even are to get into Oregon. So you make up an excuse that you left something there instead.

The judge barks disapprovingly at you, and holds up a form. You take a look at it. Apparently, you made such a request before and that was why you found yourself in a reanimated body in Oregon City. So apparently they figure you should have already gotten whatever it was before, and you don't get a second chance.

Well, that's just great. Time for a new plan.

Time to go on the Oregon Trail.

You'll need some oxen, spare clothes, a covered wagon, a musket, and a lot of ammunition.

You request as evidence two oxen, spare clothes, a covered wagon, a musket, and a large pile of ammunition. The request is granted, and they drag all of it into the courtroom.

Then you hitch the wagon to the oxen, toss everything else in, and run the heck out of there. The puppies chase after you, barking. You get the feeling they won't be too happy if they see you again, but right now, you're more concerned with just getting to Oregon.

You are now a dead hipster. You were bad at being a hipster, so when you were judged, you were thrown into the most popular afterlife as punishment. As it turns out, the most popular afterlife has been Oregon for the last few days.

What are you going to do?

Originally posted on MSPA by Whimbrel.

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Hunt some buffalo

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Party. You beat the game!

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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Find the nearest trail

Originally posted on MSPA by Hob.

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Decompose a bit

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Win.

> Decide to go to Shadow's House, as no one in their right mind wants to go there, and thus, ironic that your goal will be there.

> Decide to go to Oregon, a City on Jupiter's moon Ganymede, you see everyone's going to Oregon, U.S., Earth, and thus, ironic that your goal will be a place named like it.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Hunt some buffalo

> Party. You beat the game!

Find the nearest trail

Decompose a bit

> Win.

> Decide to go to Shadow's House, as no one in their right mind wants to go there, and thus, ironic that your goal will be there.

> Decide to go to Oregon, a City on Jupiter's moon Ganymede, you see everyone's going to Oregon, U.S., Earth, and thus, ironic that your goal will be a place named like it.

Completely ignore everyone's suggestions because you're a hipster and taking suggestions is too mainstream

Yeah, like you care what anybody thinks you should do. These guys don't have your cred, man.

Not that you have much cred. That's why you ended up here, after all. But they've got even less.

Sure, you could declare victory, or hunt buffalo, or go to a city on another planet's moon, but instead you're going to go and read your favorite piece of interactive fiction.

Wait, what the hell is this? Where'd all these suggestions come from? Dammit, did this thing get popular? Great, now it's ruined. You're going to have to rant about this on your blog.

(Which isn't on Tumblr, of course. Yours is underground, man. Nobody's heard of it.)

This is going to take all day. Normally this would be the point where the perspective shifts to someone else because what you're doing is dull and time-consuming, but screw that, you don't follow that noise. Perspective shifts are so mainstream.

So what's going in your blog? Not that you're going to follow any of the suggestions you get, of course.

Originally posted on MSPA by Anomaly.

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You're certainly not spreading national secrets, and those nonexistent secrets are certainly not about the cotton candy industry.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> You're eating a form of cheese that you developed yourself.

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> It's your blog. Because blogs about nothing are so mainstream, it's looped back and and now -error-

> Quetazl. You know what it is, cause you come from the underground, where as I'm not

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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There. You spent three weeks working on this blog post explaining the cotton candy industry's sinister plot without actually explaining said plot in a way anyone could understand, and managed to do it while not mentioning the Quetazls despite their heavy involvement everywhere up and down the line. And you did it all in excruciating detail, not eating any cheese the whole time.

You're feeling pretty confident nobody's going to read this post. Just like you wanted it. And nobody's going to read about the process of putting it together. You spent three weeks on that while ignoring potential perspective shifts, and not even leaving your house or looking out the front window.

Consequently, you haven't taken any notice of the huge crowd of characters gathering in your front yard. For that matter, you are completely oblivious the sinister plot that has been woven around you, and will culminate the moment you actually publish this post that no one will read.

Which you'll do at 3 AM. Any other time is way too mainstream for you.

You are now Zoosmell Pooplord again. You are in the front yard of some dead hipster's house in Oregon.

With you are your dad, who seems to be involuntarily breathing fire; some weirdo who was fighting your dad for a while and is constantly pelvic-thrusting; some weird animal you've never seen before wearing your favorite hat; a four-armed, three-legged lizardman in a space helmet (who keeps passing gas); a four-armed, four-legged, gas-passing lizardman carrying a pizza; a sun nun carrying a sign that says "I AM A FOUR-ARMED THREE-LEGGED LIZARDPERSON" in one hand and a big pile of packages in the other; a second sun nun dressed like a lawyer and carrying a big pile of packages; a chain-smoking guy in a hospital gown wearing black leather pants; some well-dressed rich gentleman and rich lady; a Sun Frenchman; the entire government of Sun France arguing about some bill or other; Sun Lance Armstrong; a guy carrying a bad ideas ray; and an undead pterodactyl dentist-lawyer.

Meanwhile, up in the sky above, a giant flying fortress made of cardboard is fighting a giant planet-ship, apparently over ownership of a floating restaurant. You've got no idea what the deal is there.

In fact, you don't know why anyone else is here. You're only here because, through an unlikely and incredibly dramatic series of events, you discovered that your "pal" stupidJerk was actually working for some unknown nefarious entity. You don't know the details, all you've managed to figure out is that stupidJerk was working with the Sun God and some tattooed lizardman and some old lady who lives in a farmhouse, and collectively they were manipulating events so that the dead hipster in this house would post something on his blog. So naturally, you have to stop it, even if you're not sure what this blog post is actually going to do.

So what's the plan, Pooplord?

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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dance party

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Zoosmell: Get on Dad's back and ride him to the fortress.
> Dad: Get on pelvic thrust guy's back and ride him to the planet-ship.
> Pelvic Thrust Guy: Get on lizard guy's back and ride him to the restaurant.
> Lizard Guy: Get on pizza lizard guy's back and ride him to the blogger's house.
> Pizza Lizard Guy: Get on sun nun's back and ride her to the fortress.
> Sun Nun: Get on second Sun nun's back and ride her to the planet-ship.
> Second Sun Nun: Get on chain smoker's back and ride him to the restaurant.
> Chain Smoker: Get on rich gentleman & lady's backs and ride them to the blogger's house.
> Rich Gentleman & Lady: Get on Sun Frenchman's back and ride him to the fortress.
> Sun Frenchman: Get on the government's back and ride them to the planet-ship.
> Sun France Government: Get on Sun Lance Armstrong's back and ride him to the restaurant.
> Sun Lance Armstrong: Get on bad idea guy's back and ride him to the blogger's house.
> Bad Idea Ray Guy: Get on dentist-lawyer's back and ride him to the fortress.
> Dentist-Lawyer: Die again.

Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.

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> Sneak into the house like a ninja.

Originally posted on MSPA by OldManRupee.

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Dance a little

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Sneak into the house like a ninja.

Yes, that's easy enough. Sneak into the house unnoticed and pull the plug on his computer to stop the post from going through.

Except you have no idea how to be stealthy and also a very short attention span and you're already bored, what was it you were even going to do again?

Dance a little

Oh, right. You were going to DANCE. Or maybe you weren't, but who cares, you're bored enough to give it a shot.

You start dancing. Really awkwardly. Then you fall over into the front door and end up pushing it open. It turns out it wasn't locked this entire time.

dance party

It seems your dancing, clumsy as it was, has inspired everyone else. They all dance over you, into the house, and somebody starts playing some music.

You are now the dead hipster again. Dammit, who are all these people? And that music they're playing! It's not even slightly underground!

You can't stand for this. How are you going to get them out of your house?

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

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> Kinfuse them all, and then kick their collective __ off your yard.

Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.

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> Tell them all about your many, extremely niche interests. It drove off the last 600 people you told, maybe it will work with these guys too.

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Kill them. If their music isn't underground, they soon will be.

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

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Try to move the party into playing complicated improv games that would be great if everyone got the rules but nobody ever does and it sucks because they just get shut down after like half a minute of polite participation

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Tell them all about your many, extremely niche interests. It drove off the last 600 people you told, maybe it will work with these guys too.

You would, but that music's too loud. You don't think you have strong enough lungs to shout about your niche interests long enough to bore them away.

> Kill them. If their music isn't underground, they soon will be.

What? That's a terrible idea! Portland is the most popular afterlife right now, that's why you're here. If you kill them, they'll probably just show up again. Heck, one of them looks like he's already dead.

Try to move the party into playing complicated improv games that would be great if everyone got the rules but nobody ever does and it sucks because they just get shut down after like half a minute of polite participation

Improv games? Those sound suspiciously popular. This plan seems way too mainstream for you.

Seriously, though, there's way too many people here. Ugh, it's like your place has become... popular.

Wait, crap. It totally has. You've got to get out of here before your style gets any more cramped.

But where will you go? You can't even leave the city thanks to dumb afterlife rules. The Man is always keeping you down, man.

Well, you gotta think of someplace. Where's it gonna be?

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

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> Into the dungeon!