The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

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>Hide in the log. Make sure you make a lot of noise while hiding, just in case there was something to hide from after all.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Apply shoe polish to the (already perfectly shiny) big red round thing on the robot.

You apply shoe polish you don't have to a robot that exploded some time ago in a completely different place, and to a device on it that was already shiny to begin with.

>Wear his labcoat. Since this would be easier if you removed it from his body first, do not do so.

You somehow manage to stuff yourself in Dr. N. Seyn's labcoat while he's still wearing it.

>This is obviously one of the members of your party that you saw with future you! Simply walk away and don't ever go anywhere near this guy ever again in order to cause a paradox.

You suddenly realize that Dr. N. Seyn was with you when your future self met you! If you run away now, you can cause a paradox by not having him in your party!



This is pointlessly difficult to do while wearing his labcoat with him still inside it.

>Alternatively, completely ignore the above statement, it makes too much sense.

Consider it ignored. You remain inside Dr. N. Seyn's labcoat.

Put the Doctor into the nonexistent suits of armor, in the process taking off your own nonexistent suit of armor, leaving you completely naked even though you aren't and wouldn't be even if you did have the suits of armor on in the first place. Act like you're naked anyway.

You decide that it would be pointless to put the doctor in your nonexistent suits of armor.



The end result of this endeavor is that you are still wearing Seyn's labcoat and he is wearing his spare labcoat.



You then pretend to be naked, so you hide behind a tree to keep this game from deserving the Mature rating you're trying to get for it.



And since you're naked, it would be pointless to act like you've still got the doctor stuck in a labcoat with you, so you do that.

> Take salsa dancing lessons.

It suddenly occurs to you that salsa dancing lessons would be of no use in getting out of this labcoat, and actually performing any salsa dancing would be pointlessly difficult. In addition, there are no salsa dancing instructors.



Dr. N. Seyn comments that he is a qualified salsa dancing instructor.



Oh. Well, never mind that idea, then.

Dr. N. Seyn: Ask Nopor Puss why he entered your office if he clearly lacks any medical or scientific problems.

You know why he was brought into your office - it was because he was unconscious and wearing two heavy suits of armor.



You solved that problem with an explosion, just like you solve
everything else.



Although you haven't gotten an answer from him about what actual injuries he had. You're pretty sure that they could be fixed with another explosion, though.

Nopor Puss: Observe a large number of buttons and machines, and refuse to touch any of them.

But there aren't any buttons or machines in this forest! It would be far too easy to refuse to touch any buttons when they aren't there, so you decide to look for some.



And clearly, you're unlikely to find buttons or machines by going deeper into the forest, so that's what you do.

> It's not yesterday anymore.

No, it isn't! You will now act like it's yesterday, because you have no reason to do so.

Nopor Puss: Get treated for every single problem that you don't have.

You describe a wide variety of problems to Dr. N. Seyn, none of which actually affect you in any way.



Then you remember that you're acting like it's yesterday and start describing all the problems you didn't have yesterday instead.

Dr. N Seyn: Misinterpret what problems Nopor Puss is saying.

Dr. N. Seyn gets confused by your descriptions, and ends up thinking the problems you described are exactly the problems that you have.



He concludes that the solution is an explosion, which he would have concluded anyways.

>Play Space Invaders! ...with your eyes closed!

You close your eyes and play Space Invaders on an arcade machine that isn't there. While refusing to touch any buttons or the machine.



Your score would normally be zero under these circumstances, so you think you achieved a record high score and you are very disappointed in yourself.

>Drink whatever is in those test tubes.

These test tubes? The ones back in Dr. N. Seyn's office?



That sounds like an excellent idea! You go even further into the forest to look for them, since you're sure you won't find them there.

>Get the crab

Yes! There's no crab here, so it's pointless to...





Oh. You stand corrected.



The crab attacks!

Doctor: madly fit Nopor Puss with dynamite

You don't even have to do that! Your lab coats are explosive, like everything else you make.



However, a little dynamite to enhance the explosion never hurts.

Nopor Puss: Pointlessly don't explode.

You aren't really sure what's so pointless about not exploding.



The crab grabs you while you consider the question!



Well, that answers that. If you exploded now, you'd destroy the crab!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

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>Attack its strong point for minimal damage.
>Negotiate with crab over trading rights.

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>Describe how delicious you are to the crab

Originally posted on MSPA by zeddidragon.

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Feeding the crab wouldn't be pointless, as it would make him happy. Getting eating would also be pointless, as it would kill yourself. You need to find a way to get perish without the crab getting fed in any way.

>Shield the crab from the explosion, THEN explode.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Hide in the log. Make sure you make a lot of noise while hiding, just in case there was something to hide from after all.

You can't reach the log while you're being held by the crab, so you try to hide in the log anyway.



You then make a lot of noise so you can be found. This startles the crab and causes it to drop you. Drat! You can move freely again!

>Attack its strong point for minimal damage.

Show Content

SpoilerI was completely expecting this command.

You make an attack where it will be the least effective! The crab is unfazed.



Meanwhile, Dr. N. Seyn thinks about how to make the crab explode.

>Negotiate with crab over trading rights.

You enter heated negotiations with the crab over which of you gets the rights to trade with anybody!



The crab pays no attention to your ramblings and simply growls menacingly.



You conclude that this means you have failed in your negotiations, and so the crab has all your trading rights.

>Describe how delicious you are to the crab

You begin telling the crab how delicious you taste.



It seems your words have gotten the crab quite hungry!

>Shield the crab from the explosion, THEN explode.

You decide to throw your labcoat at the crab to protect it from the explosion, because you see no reason why the labcoat would be explosion-proof.



Suddenly, the labcoat explodes, blowing the crab to bits!



The crab leaves a strange potion behind.



Also, defeating it raised the Point Meter by 2.



Well, now what will you do?

Originally posted on MSPA by Anomaly.

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> Guzzle that potion. It doesn't matter what's in it. Do it anyway.

Originally posted on MSPA by Gustave.

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>Use the potion like shampoo.

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>Give Doctor N Seyn deep-muscle massage using the potion as oil. This option causes the most awkwardness and wastes the potion, making it the most pointless option.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

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Show Content

Spoiler

I was completely expecting this command.

I figured. Somebody had to say it.

>Pour the potion into the pond.

Originally posted on MSPA by zeddidragon.

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>Pour the probably deadly acid in the water, then drown yourself.

Originally posted on MSPA by Epamynondas.

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>Hug Whatever for being such great antagonist.

Originally posted on MSPA by eerr.

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You could actually get something done in this grassy area! you must sally into the cave to allow furthur pointless activities.

Originally posted on MSPA by Xander.

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breathe underwater.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Guzzle that potion. It doesn't matter what's in it. Do it anyway.

You drink the potion without a second thought!



The potion restores you to full health! However, you were already at full health, so this has no effect.



Wait... The potion bottle mysteriously refilled itself! And the potion seems different this time.

>Use the potion like shampoo.

Not bothering to question the refilling properties of the bottle, you pour the potion into your hair.



Well, that was strange. And also pointless.



The bottle refills again.

>Give Doctor N Seyn deep-muscle massage using the potion as oil. This option causes the most awkwardness and wastes the potion, making it the most pointless option.

You come up with a new way to attempt to use up the potion, since you evidently have an endless amount.



You start using it as oil to give Dr. N. Seyn a massage. Pointlessly, you do this while he still has all his clothes on.



Dr. N. Seyn finds this whole situation very awkward. He is now far too nervous to recommend that you give him the bottle so he can make it explode.



Once again, the bottle refills itself upon emptying.

>Pour the potion into the pond.

In yet another failed attempt at using up this potion, you pour it into the water.



The water changes color.



And the potion refills itself again.

>Pour the probably deadly acid in the water, then drown yourself.

You pour the potion into the water again.



This time, the water returns to normal.



And once again, the potion refills.



You then jump into the water, planning to drown yourself.



Wait... what's going on?



You appear in a strange and ornate palace.

>Hug Whatever for being such great antagonist.

Whatever is not here! So you give him a hug.

You could actually get something done in this grassy area! you must sally into the cave to allow furthur pointless activities.

That's right! Why, you've already discovered some mysterious ruins. Who knows what else you might find!



So you head back to the forest...



And enter the cave.

breathe underwater.

There is no water here!



So you breathe as though you were underwater, and soon fall unconscious because you don't have gills.



You wake up in a small room. The only visible exits are blocked off by cave-ins. Whatever is also here. What will you do now?

Originally posted on MSPA by Chwoka.

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Tell Whatever about that time you took LSD, and now you're orange juice forever.

Originally posted on MSPA by Draykon.

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Blame fairies.

Also, seeing as how we'll probably never return to that mysterious ruinsey area, or even talk about it, we have no real reason to figure out a proper way to refer to it.

I vote we call it England.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

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>Set fire to the dirt

Originally posted on MSPA by zeddidragon.

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Put out that torch on the wall. It's pointfully making you see things.

Originally posted on MSPA by Kgummy.

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Put out that torch on the wall. It's pointfully making you see things.

Then, once it's out, put it out with the potion.
After that, leave and pour the potion in the lake, then jump in and jump back out.

Originally posted on MSPA by Leylite.

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Nopor Puss: After you've jumped into the lake, look for a different lake to jump out of. Then jump back out of the original lake surface since it would be very pointless to discover a secret underwater passage and not discover what's at the end of it.

Originally posted on MSPA by Xander.

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Suddenly Dragons! None of them! Nowhere in sight! You must destroy them!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Tell Whatever about that time you took LSD, and now you're orange juice forever.

You tell Whatever about your experiences with drugs.



Except you never took any drugs, because it was more pointless to hallucinate without taking any actual hallucinogens.



So instead you just drank orange juice and then hallucinated that you were orange juice, and have continued to do so to this day.



Whatever thinks that sounds really random. He rejoins the party!

Blame fairies.

You have never encountered any fairies or seen any proof that they even exist.



So it is clearly pointless to blame them for your problems, and consequently you decide to do that.

Also, seeing as how we'll probably never return to that mysterious ruinsey area, or even talk about it, we have no real reason to figure out a proper way to refer to it.

I vote we call it England.

Good idea. You make a mental note to never mention the ruins of England again, or to visit it.

>Set fire to the dirt

You have nothing to set it on fire with!



Well, you could use this torch on the wall.



But it's more pointless to set it on fire with nothing, so you do that instead.

Put out that torch on the wall. It's pointfully making you see things.

Good idea!



The room goes dark.

Then, once it's out, put it out with the potion.

You left the potion outside the cave.



And, of course, using a potion you no longer have to extinguish a torch that's already out is pointless, so that's exactly what you do. To make it even more pointless, you just put the nonexistent potion under the torch instead of pouring it.



This inexplicably lights the room up again.



So you decide to stumble around like you're still in the dark.

After that, leave and pour the potion in the lake, then jump in and jump back out.

You have no apparent means of leaving this cavern!



So obviously you will attempt to follow this command regardless of its impossibility.



Somehow you manage to pour the potion in the lake despite being nowhere near said lake. Not that you realize this.



And... apparently you managed to jump in, too? Okay, I'm just confused now.

Nopor Puss: After you've jumped into the lake, look for a different lake to jump out of.

You jump out of an underground lake in the cavern... but you're already there...?



This is extremely confusing, and consequently you are not puzzled by it in the least. You join your own party.

Then jump back out of the original lake surface since it would be very pointless to discover a secret underwater passage and not discover what's at the end of it.

You, you, and Whatever jump out of the lake, without having jumped in any lakes in the first place.



I have no idea what's going on any more.

Suddenly Dragons! None of them! Nowhere in sight! You must destroy them!

And to top it off, you are suddenly attacked by zero Invisible Dragons. What will you do?

Originally posted on MSPA by slipsicle.

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If you look down, you'll see a copy of Carl Sagan's "Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark", because it has no reason to be there. Find the section which talks about an invisible, incorporeal, heatless-fire-breathing, floating, soundless dragon. After reading it, said dragon suddenly doesn't exist, just like the other invisible dragons that don't exist! However, since it is also incorporeal and breathes heatless fire, it should easily not destroy the other dragons that also aren't there.

Originally posted on MSPA by Tasr.

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Summon underpants.