The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>Lick the floor. All of it.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Soak yourself in the water on the right of the room.

Yes, immersing yourself in water in a frozen temple is definitely pointless.



Wait... This is enchanted healing water! Apparently, enchanted healing water doesn't freeze. Your wounds are healed.



Your Point Meter has gone up by 1.

>Break down the doors as you go into the next room

Excellent idea! The doors are already open, so attempting to enter by breaking them down will be pointless!



Your attempt does not harm the doors at all, and instead sends you hurling into the next room.

> Lick a boulder and probably get your tongue stuck doing so.

What a pointless thing to do!



Wait a minute! This boulder is made of delicious ice cream, and your tongue isn't getting stuck to it! This isn't pointless after all, so you stop.

>Realize that following your future self's advice would serve a point, thus you should travel back in time without a time machine.

What do you mean? You would never advise yourself to do something that would serve a point.



But that means you have no reason to believe you would do so! So you do believe that, so you decide it would be pointless to ignore your future self's advice and travel back in time after all!



And now that you've decided to travel back in time, it's more pointless to do so without finding a time machine at all.



Somehow, this actually works. You have now gone back in time to one year before you opened the secret door.



The doors leading back the way you came are securely closed now.

> Warm random, non-contiguous sections of the floor of this room by rubbing them vigorously. The net effect this will have on the total warmth of the floor, much less the room, is miniscule, and your hand will become cold, numb, and painful relatively quickly.

You proceed to do this at once.



Wait... This floor is very soft, and hardly feels cold at all! Your hands are very comfortable with this procedure. You'd better stop.

> Do the same with your tongue, as it's likely to become frozen to the floor, leaving you immobile in a terribly uncomfortable position.

The floor also tastes delicious, and your tongue stubbornly refuses to get stuck to it.



So instead, you just decide to stay in a terribly uncomfortable position that you can get out of at any time.

Pointlessly disguise yourselves as each other, but with beards.

You pointlessly disguise yourself as Whatever with a beard, except you pointlessly leave out the beard.



Whatever, on the other hand, randomly disguises himself as you with a beard. Because he does things randomly, rather than pointlessly. The beard is blue, because it's more random that way.



You then pointlessly disguise yourself as Nopor Puss, and Whatever randomly disguises himself as Whatever.

Now that you've successfully cleared the way forward to the North, it would be far too useful and objective to actually go that way.

This is correct. Of course, you've already gone through the door, so it's a bit late to be thinking about the pointlessness of doing so. Which means thinking about it is pointless, so you continue to do so.

>When you're done messing around in this room, head out the South exit by slithering like a snake.

This is especially pointless now that the doors are closed. You are unable to leave.

>Read Dominic Deegan in its entirety forwards. This should be very pointless, as nothing in the area should have that written on it, and there should be no reason to expect this action to teleport you back to France, where it would be pointless to return to anyway.

You do so. Nothing happens. Just as you hoped, this was a completely pointless exercise!

Announce loudly to the fountain that you have always admired it, then propose to it. Someone will have to accept eventually.

You yell your proposal to the fountain in the other room.



It doesn't respond. This surprises you, because you were expecting it to respond. After all, you had no reason to.

propose to futre/past self.

You're pretty sure you don't have any future or past selves in this temple at this point in time.



So it's pointless to propose to them, as they aren't there!

Genital mutilation No, do genital mutilation

You pick a flower which is growing in a far corner of the room.

Wait. For an entire year.

Yes, doing absolutely nothing for an entire year is quite pointless! You do so!



A year later, the door opens.



Some time later than that, your past selves come in.



But they travel back in time before noticing you.

> say : "this sentence is a lie"

You do.

> attempt to ingest lesser paradox beast

The Lesser Paradox Beast does not appear. Instead, a note appears.



The note says: "The funds from selling this vomit-covered bagel cake will cover an unspecified number of paradoxes from you in the future, so we won't be bothering you for a while."



You unsuccessfully attempt to ingest the Lesser Paradox Beast anyways. You fail to do so, as it is not here.

> ponder burning the comm tower as it clearly traveled back in time with you so attempting to burn it would have failed. thus rendering the whole thing as pointless.

You ponder this, and head back to the other room where the comm tower was, in a pointless to attempt to burn it when it's not there.



Lacking any means of setting something on fire, you fail anyways. How pointless!

> realise there would be great point in advancing through the dungeon already, and so push a dragon statue in front of the doorway to render this impossible.

Excellent idea! You begin pushing.



It seems the statue doesn't appreciate this.



The statue comes to life and attacks!

>Lick the floor. All of it.

This is a very pointless way to respond to being attacked by a living ice dragon statue, so you do it.



The Ice Dragon statue freezes Whatever in a block of ice! You are fighting alone for now!

Originally posted on MSPA by DimJim.

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>Do some sort of Bros. attack with Whatever because he's frozen.

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

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>Do the macarena

Originally posted on MSPA by Kgummy.

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Get your tongue stuck to Whatever. Then, pointlessly assume you can just walk away as if your tongue isn't stuck. Pointlessly declare this action as winning the battle, especially if the battle is already over. Then, pointlessly attack the other ice dragon statue. Claim that it called someone "Dragon", and for that it must pay. After that battle, decide to call everyone you see, and don't see "Dragon".

Originally posted on MSPA by suomynonAyletamitlU.

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As the dragon is a guard monster, it is very likely it would be programmed to resist all attempts to charm it or persuade it to your side. This would make any attempt to do so pointless; however, as it's possible you would succeed, it is more pointless to pretend you have already done so and treat it as an ally from now on.

Originally posted on MSPA by Mikethefoxhog.

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Attack the statue that hasn't yet come to life. And miss. On purpose.

As the dragon is a guard monster, it is very likely it would be programmed to resist all attempts to charm it or persuade it to your side. This would make any attempt to do so pointless; however, as it's possible you would succeed, it is more pointless to pretend you have already done so and treat it as an ally from now on.

If you choose this course of action, pointlessly decide that you are now the enemy that you, Whatever, and Ice Dragon Statue are now fighting. However, since that would make attacking yourself have a point, attack Whatever.

Originally posted on MSPA by Epamynondas.

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>Hug Whatever

Originally posted on MSPA by quarg.

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now whatever is cold ...
> lick whatever and then push him to the pool and use hime as a wedding ring as to propose to yourself
> travel back in time again and then popose to yourself using whatever as a ring
> sell the vomit bagel cake to the lesser paradox beast that might arrive
EDIT: burn vomit bagel cake instead!

Originally posted on MSPA by Leylite.

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Well done on the previous update! I think it came out very well. [img]images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/img]

I haven't mentioned it before, but this adventure seems to be a very interesting study in philosophy, and also in creativity.

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Nopor Puss: Attempt to trigger the icicle trap again, which should definitely be pointless since it's already been triggered and you've assumed it only works once for some reason.

Nopor Puss: Check your inventory, Whatever's inventory, the ice dragon's inventory, the other dragon statue's inventory, the Janitor's inventory, and the inventory of the third and fourth members of the party, and write all of this information on a list. Make a pointlessly large yet otherwise useless number of copies of said list.

Nopor Puss: If the ice dragon's inventory would burden you or give stat penalties any worse than your current outfit, make sure to steal them from the dragon in order to assist the dragon's combat abilities, but afterwards not wear any of the equipment. This is because although said hypothetical equipment would burden you, that would make doing pointless things too easy, and they may turn out to be too useful in specific situations. This assumption is more pointless to make than its inverse (wearing said clothing) because you have plenty of evidence of equipment being too useful occurring anyway in your past experience.

Whatever: Resolve to obtain a cloth shirt and corduroy pants at some point, which should closely approximate functional nakedness without any of the associated effects of being naked. This is clearly a random thing to be doing while frozen in a block of ice.

Originally posted on MSPA by 036012.

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This adventure makes my brain hurt..

Nopor: Propose to the ice dragon

SpoilerShow

n.b. I signed up to post this.. XD

Originally posted on MSPA by Remetheus.

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>Completely ignore the Ice Dragon Statue you are fighting and instead push Whatever in front of the doorway.

Originally posted on MSPA by Captain Lhurgoyf.

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> Sit on Whatever.

Originally posted on MSPA by Baphomet.

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Make a pointlessness meter like your point meter that goes up when you do pointless things. However, make it punish you in exactly the same way the point meter punishes you, thus punishing yourself for every action or lack of action you take.

Originally posted on MSPA by quarg.

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Make a pointlessness meter like your point meter that goes up when you do pointless things. However, make it punish you in exactly the same way the point meter punishes you, thus punishing yourself for every action or lack of action you take.

this sounds pointless ... do it!

Originally posted on MSPA by Draykon.

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>Decide that the previous sequence of events has been interesting, so you should totally forget all about it!

>Run off and steal a cyborg lich's vacuum cleaner.

Originally posted on MSPA by quarg.

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Eat the vomit bagel cake as to cause a paradox.

Originally posted on MSPA by nupanick.

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Sing about your adventures.

Originally posted on MSPA by nupanick.

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Eat the vomit bagel cake as to cause a paradox.

This won't work... he waited around for a year inside the chamber, remember? He's all caught up with time now.

And you still technically haven't disobeyed your future self because you haven't found a time machine yet.

Originally posted on MSPA by Cake Ninja.

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Just finished reading this and the first one, It's utterly hilarious! I just wish that this would stop being dead. [img]images/smilies/blacktear.gif[/img]

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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I actually have an update planned. The main thing holding it back is that I don't have a sprite to use for Whatever trapped in a block of ice, and would prefer not to do a total copout by having everything happen in battle text until he thaws out.

Originally posted on MSPA by Patashu.

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I actually have an update planned. The main thing holding it back is that I don't have a sprite to use for Whatever trapped in a block of ice, and would prefer not to do a total copout by having everything happen in battle text until he thaws out.

Just use a McGeneric ice block cropped into the proportions of an RPG Maker human being. Steal one from any SNES game.

> Push or otherwise annoy the other ice dragon statue to make it harder for yourself.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Welcome to the Anniversary Update for the Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Of course, the actual anniversary was May 23rd, so it's pointless to declare this the anniversary update. So that's what I'm doing!

Note that I'm not done yet, but I'm expecting it to take a while to get screenshots together for all the commands (yes, I am doing all the commands), so I figured I'd do a bunch and then show you where I was.

>Do some sort of Bros. attack with Whatever because he's frozen.

Excellent idea! A combination attack won't work if one character is disabled, so it's pointless to try one!



You jump on the block of ice Whatever is encased in, waiting for him to throw you. Which, of course, will not happen as long as he is frozen.

SpoilerShow

A word of thanks to my good friend YK, who put together the frozen Whatever sprite.

The dragon calls forth a freezing breath that fills the room, but only up to a certain height. Being on top of the ice block, you are completely safe. Drat!

>Do the macarena

You do the Macarena while standing on top of Whatever's ice block.



This completely fails to teleport you to Macalania Temple, which you were expecting it to do for no reason.

Get your tongue stuck to Whatever.

You jump down and lick the ice block. Your tongue actually gets stuck to it!

Then, pointlessly assume you can just walk away as if your tongue isn't stuck.

You assume this. Now that you've assumed this, it's pointless to stay here, since you assume you can just walk away, so you do.

Pointlessly declare this action as winning the battle, especially if the battle is already over.

You declare that assuming you can walk away makes you win the battle.



Since winning the battle would probably have a point, you stop assuming you can walk away. So you try to walk away!



But your hands and feet are also stuck to the ice block, so you can't.



So you keep trying!



The ice dragon statue is getting very annoyed by your antics. It flies up in preparation for its next attack.

Then, pointlessly attack the other ice dragon statue. Claim that it called someone "Dragon", and for that it must pay.

You decide that the most pointless thing you could do is attack the other ice dragon statue, which hasn't come to life. Especially since you can't move very easily.



Dragging the heavy ice block along with great effort, you pointlessly accuse the statue of calling someone "Dragon", as a pointless justification to your already-pointless attempted attack.



Your desperately flail about, somehow flinging the ice block into the other statue.



This smashes the ice block, freeing Whatever, and destroys the other statue immediately. It seems it was just a statue and doesn't come to life. Whatever is dazed from the collision, however.



The ice dragon, meanwhile, has finished its attack, but it was only prepared to swoop at where you were before you started flinging ice blocks around. And you're not there any more, so it missed.

After that battle, decide to call everyone you see, and don't see "Dragon".

You start calling Whatever and the Ice Dragon "Dragon".



You also start calling the Lesser Paradox Beast, the Janitor, the GiantMonst, the narrator, and everyone else you have encountered (or not encountered!) on this adventure "Dragon".



The fish in your chest vanishes and hits you on the head, then falls back in your chest again.

As the dragon is a guard monster, it is very likely it would be programmed to resist all attempts to charm it or persuade it to your side. This would make any attempt to do so pointless; however, as it's possible you would succeed, it is more pointless to pretend you have already done so and treat it as an ally from now on.

After carefully considering the situation, you decide that it is pointless to treat the dragon as your ally. So you will!



The Ice Dragon Statue does not join the party, but you pretend it does!

SpoilerShow

More to come. I have a plan for all the rest of the pending commands, but I'm expecting to take somewhere around 50 screenshots and felt this was a good point to take a break.

Feel free to make more commands, but don't be surprised if they end up being saved for a third update. Also, if any commands made at this point relate to the ice dragon battle, they will end up being irrelevant by the time I get to them, and therefore pointless, so feel free to continue making such commands.

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

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>Command your buddypal, Ice Dragon Statue, to attack itself, which is pointless because you will be hurting your ally, not defeating your enemy

Originally posted on MSPA by Gustave.

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>After the battle ends, prepare for battle!