The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>Anagramize yourself from NOPOR PUSS to PORNS OPUS

Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.

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Stick your sword in that there toaster.

Originally posted on MSPA by Nopad.

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>Read Dominic Deegan in its entirety backwards.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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I'll update this sometime today or tomorrow.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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> Whatever: Fall asleep

Whatever falls asleep, totally at random.



He then randomly wakes up and asks what he's missed. Curses! That was pointless, and you didn't think of it first!

Pointlessly destroy any teleporters you come across. Clearly they would be a way out, and thus, would be pointless to destroy.

What an excellent idea! You'll destroy that one over there first.



But wait! It's being protected by a missile launcher. You'd better take your wings out so you'll be a flying unit, and thus vulnerable to it.



The missile fires on you.



The attack knocks you to the ground. Your wings appear to have stopped working, so you're in no danger from the missile launcher. Well, you'll have to do something about that before you can destroy the teleporter.

Pointlessly change your gender status. Doing so is either impossible, or would have absolutely no effect whatsoever on the quest.

You ask Whatever if he knows of any way to change your gender. It turns out that he does. Well, in that case, it's more pointless to ignore this knowledge.

Since you do pointless things, you should do something with a point!

This reasoning doesn't make any sense.



Which means there's no reason why you should listen to it!



You put the key and fish in the chest and put it in your inventory. You're certain the key will be useful, so this has a point, even if the other two items won't help you at all.

>Raise point meter.

It'll be pointless.

The Point Meter goes up by 1, but this is a result of your picking up the chest with the fish and key in it, not because you simply willed it. You believe the latter because you have no reason to.

> Stuff bones down your shirt and walk around like a gorilla.

If anyone gets that reference, I will be amazed.

You don't get the reference, but it sounds pointless. You start gathering bones.



You have unlocked the UNDERSHIRT equipment slot. You now have the Bone Undershirt equipped.



You walk around like a gorilla. So does Whatever, because it's really random. Your pointless hatred of him increases.

>Anagramize yourself from NOPOR PUSS to PORNS OPUS

You consider this, but then decide that this might confuse somebody trying to kill you with a Death Note. That's enough of a point to deter you.

Stick your sword in that there toaster.

You don't have a sword!



So you stick your nonexistent sword in the toaster. Which is not plugged in. Of course, it *is* in the middle of a pool of lava...



You are electrified by nonexistent electricity flowing through your nonexistent sword. In addition, you are actually set on fire.



You put your nonexistent sword away, inexplicably putting the toaster full of cards in your inventory at the same time, and realize that the nonexistent electricity and existent flames are about to make you pass out. You have time to do one thing before then, you'd better make it not count.

>Read Dominic Deegan in its entirety backwards.

You write "Dominic Deegan" on a slip of paper, then read it backwards. "Nageed Cinimod". This strikes you as a sufficiently pointless action to do before you fall unconscious.



As you black out, you hear a voice coming from the teleporter... "Destination selected: Nageed Cinimod. Please enter and prepare for transport." Drat, maybe that wasn't so pointless.



You wake up sometime later in a snowy field, outside some sort of extravagant palace. Whatever and the strange man are still with you. For no reason at all, you believe you are in New York City.



Back in Hell, Satan returns. He's upset that someone destroyed his back door, and reduced his throne to rubble. And what the heck is that missile launcher doing there?

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>You're in New York, go get some really good bagels

Originally posted on MSPA by DimJim.

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>Missile Launcher: Blow up Satan. His head is high enough.

Originally posted on MSPA by g0m.

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Do whatever commands are directly above and below this one.

Originally posted on MSPA by Captain Lhurgoyf.

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For the record, the "Stuff bones..." thing was a reference to one of my other favourite websites, rinkworks.com. They have a feature called "Adventure Games Live", where they have HTML text adventures, and a recurring theme in them is a command called "Be Weird". The most famous "Be Weird" response, judging by how much it gets used, seems to be "Stuff leaves down your shirt and walk around like a gorilla", or something like that.

Anyway, eat the sign before anyone gets a chance to read it.

Originally posted on MSPA by CheeseDeluxe.

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BAGELS, BOY. GET THEM BAGELS.

SHOVE 'EM UP YOUR POOPERS.

Originally posted on MSPA by Plet53.

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BAGELS, BOY. GET THEM BAGELS.

SHOVE 'EM UP YOUR POOPERS.

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

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> Spin around, using your fingertips to slice the sign into bite size pizzas, then shove them up your poopers... AT THE SAME TIME.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>You're in New York, go get some really good bagels

Yes! Perhaps this ornate palace is actually a bagel store!



In which case, it would be pointless to look somewhere else for bagels. So you will!

>Missile Launcher: Blow up Satan. His head is high enough.

Satan is out of your firing range!

Do whatever commands are directly above and below this one.

Above: "Blow up Satan." Well, he's not here, so it's pointless to try to blow him up!



You start an explosion somewhere that Satan isn't. Now, what's below this command?



"Eat the sign before anyone gets a chance to read it." All right.



But wait, somebody might have read it before you got here! You'll have to go back in time to eat it before it can be read!

Anyway, eat the sign before anyone gets a chance to read it.

You just analyzed this command! But on the other hand, there's a small possibility that no one read the sign, which means you *could* do this without traveling back in time. So it may not be pointless!



But wait! You have an idea!



You read the sign. It says, "Welcome to the Ice Palace of Nageed Cinimod." Now you definitely have to go back in time to eat it before it can be read!



Which means it's pointless to eat it now. After all, you'll just have to eat it again once you can travel back in time.

BAGELS, BOY. GET THEM BAGELS.

Well, this ice palace now seems much less likely to have any bagels, since the sign didn't say "Bagel Shop". So that's where you'll look!



What the...? This room is filled with frozen bagels! Your pointless plans have been foiled once again!

SHOVE 'EM UP YOUR POOPERS.

You've been set on fire twice recently. You have severe burns down there. Frozen bagels would only ease the pain, so that isn't pointless enough for you!

> Spin around, using your fingertips to slice the sign into bite size pizzas, then shove them up your poopers... AT THE SAME TIME.

Considering you already ate the sign, and pieces of wood are likely to aggravate your burns, this is definitely pointless!



It is also incredibly difficult to convey with still images, so instead we'll cut to Satan wandering too close to the missile launcher.



Ooh, Satan isn't happy about that.



And now back to our story. Somehow, your pointless antics have resulted in the door to the next room opening.



Also, Whatever shoved a frozen bagel down his shirt while you were doing that, because it was a random thing to do. His Ice resistance has increased.

Originally posted on MSPA by CheeseDeluxe.

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Oh dear.
>Do the opposite of the next command.

Originally posted on MSPA by Sruixan.

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>Follow the previous command.

*whistles*

Originally posted on MSPA by CheeseDeluxe.

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SRUXIAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WHAT
HAVE
YOU
DONE??

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

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Oh dear.
>Do the opposite of the next command.

>Follow the previous command.

*whistles*

[img]images/smilies/icon_sadder.gif[/img]

>Do a square dance through the door

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>Sit still. Forever.

Originally posted on MSPA by DimJim.

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>Sit still. Forever.

This is how a secret door opens in which the Inflatable Amulet is.

Whatever will grab it and give it to you even though he wanted to use it himself because he thought it would be 'random' to act pointless for once.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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What's this? An update?

>Do the opposite of the next command.

Yes, that sounds pointless. Since you have no idea what the next command will be, it's pointless to decide to do the opposite.

>Follow the previous command.

*whistles*

Okay, then you won't follow the previous command! Which means you aren't doing the opposite of this command. So you follow it, and follow the previous command, which means you're doing the opposite of this one and not following the previous command, which means...



The Lesser Paradox Beast is back. It seems annoyed.

>Do a square dance through the door

You could easily do this, since the Lesser Paradox Beast is only blocking one side of the door.



So that means it's pointless to try to go through the side the Paradox Beast is on!



Your attempt aggravates the Lesser Paradox Beast.



It attacks!

>Sit still. Forever.

Yes, it's very pointless to do absolutely nothing. Especially in an ice palace, where you'll probably eventually freeze to death. And even more so while you're in the middle of a battle.



The Lesser Paradox Beast asks you to pay a fine once again.



Whatever does a square-dance, because that's a random thing to do.

This is how a secret door opens in which the Inflatable Amulet is.

Whatever will grab it and give it to you even though he wanted to use it himself because he thought it would be 'random' to act pointless for once.

Suddenly, your mind constructs a scenario in which sitting still is not pointless.



Of course, you have absolutely no reason to believe that this scenario is actually going to happen.



Which means you *do* believe it. You'll have to think of another way to stop yourself from getting the Inflatable Amulet of Pomposity!



The Lesser Paradox Beast is getting rather insistent that you pay that fine.



Whatever continues to act randomly.

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

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>Whatever: Accidently trigger Icicle Trap
>Icicles at the bottom of the screen: Shoot out from the wall
>One of the icicles: Fly out that window, ricochet off the roof of some random house in the countryside, and begin to orbit planet.

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>propose to the lesser paradox beast

Originally posted on MSPA by Captain Lhurgoyf.

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Well, if you pay the fine, that means you will live, so that has quite the purpose. If you don't, you'll probably have to fight the beast, and there would be a purpose to fight him so you don't get killed.

Clearly, the only option is > Pay him...in your own snot.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dermonster.

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CONTINUE TO NOT NOT BOW TO HIS HOLE-NESS. THE MIGHT BLACK HOLE.

SO YEAH.

Originally posted on MSPA by Daedalus.

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> BBQ