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SleepingOrange · 07-04-2009, 08:07 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

>Cuddle the fire

Dragon Fogel · 07-04-2009, 10:02 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

Sarah Wrote:Eat the point meter.

You can't do that! Not only would it stop being an ever-present threat, it would also taste delicious!

g0m Wrote:Attempt to "penis"

You do not respond to this command. This means that you actually responded to the command not to respond to a command, and thus the entire incident with the Lesser Paradox Beast was pointless.

[Image: command22u.png]

This has no effect on the Point Meter, because you previously sabotaged it to make sure it never goes down.

SleepingOrange Wrote:>Cuddle the fire

You decide to cuddle the fire.

[Image: command23d.png]

Unfortunately, it burns out just as you're about to begin, so this will not set you on fire.

[Image: command23e.png]

However, attempting to cuddle a fire that isn't there is still pointless, so that's what you do!

**OTTO** · 07-04-2009, 10:20 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Bradley.

Stare really, really, really hard at the device.

**OTTO** · 07-04-2009, 10:21 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by DimJim.

>Try producing a Neotank from the radar.
The radar isn't a troop-producing structure, so this is pointless!

**OTTO** · 07-04-2009, 10:22 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by andanotherone.

yell FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
azs loud as possible.

SleepingOrange · 07-04-2009, 11:37 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

>Dance! Everybody dance!

**OTTO** · 07-04-2009, 11:56 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Tangleworm.

>Declare the point meter itself pointless, thereby making it impossible to win.

Crowstone · 07-05-2009, 11:29 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

> Pick up toaster, throw it into the lava behind you.

Epamynondas · 07-05-2009, 11:31 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Epamynondas.

Crowstone Wrote:> Pick up toaster, throw it into the lava behind you.

Then put the cards into the toaster

**OTTO** · 07-05-2009, 12:14 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by snoomanwaff.

>rival in pointlessness: appear and challenge your rival to a duel to the death then commit suicide once he's accepted figuring that it would pointless to win.

g0m · 07-05-2009, 05:01 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by g0m.

Do something that an omniscient narrator comments on.

Dragon Fogel · 07-05-2009, 10:24 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

Bradley Wrote:Stare really, really, really hard at the device.

You stare at the device. Just as you hoped, absolutely nothing happens.

DimJim Wrote:>Try producing a Neotank from the radar.
The radar isn't a troop-producing structure, so this is pointless!

SpoilerShow

That sounds pointless! You head over to it and begin manipulating the outside, reasoning that all the buttons that do anything are probably inside.

[Image: command24c.png]

You somehow manage to produce a missile launcher. Fortunately, there are no air units around, so it will be completely useless to you.

andanotherone Wrote:yell FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
azs loud as possible.

You yell it at the top of your lungs.

[Image: command24e.png]

Absolutely nothing happens. Success!

SleepingOrange Wrote:>Dance! Everybody dance!

You go to great lengths to gather everybody who has appeared in the adventure so far, even if they're dead, and take them to a dance hall. You also bring along a few inanimate objects for good measure.

[Image: command24g.png]

Then you DANCE!

[Image: command24e.png]

Except none of that actually happened. However, you believe it did because you have no reason to.

[Image: command24h.png]

Your Point Meter increases by 1, because you now know what the amulet thief looks like. Even though there's no reason why you should.

Tangleworm Wrote:>Declare the point meter itself pointless, thereby making it impossible to win.

You do so. Now apparently it's impossible to win, or so you think.

[Image: command24j.png]

Of course, if it's impossible to win, then there's no reason to keep trying. So you will!

Crowstone Wrote:> Pick up toaster, throw it into the lava behind you.

You pick up the toaster.

[Image: command24l.png]

Then you throw it into the lava. Much to your dismay, the toaster seems to be fireproof.

Epamynondas Wrote:Then put the cards into the toaster

This is going to take a while, and will probably accomplish absolutely nothing. Perfect!

[Image: command24n.png]

You manage to throw every single card into the toaster's slots. (You moved the amulet to get one. You probably should move it back, but you could have just reached over the amulet to take the card, so moving it was pointless anyways.) Of course, you can't reach the toaster to turn it on now, and there's no way you could plug it in anyways.

snoomanwaff Wrote:>rival in pointlessness: appear and challenge your rival to a duel to the death

Your rival suddenly appears out of nowhere! He is Whatever, the Hero of Randomness. He does most of the same sorts of things you do, but he does them because they're random, whereas you do them because you're pointless.

[Image: command24p.png]

This means that you have no reason to make him your enemy, so you do. As for him, he thinks having a pointless enemy is really random, so he goes along with it.

[Image: command24q.png]

Whatever challenges you to a duel to the death, figuring that it's really random to show up in Hell and do that. You're pretty sure you have no reason to accept these conditions, so you do!

[Image: command24r.png]

A battle has begun!

snoomanwaff Wrote:then commit suicide once he's accepted figuring that it would pointless to win.

Whatever thinks to himself that while it would be pretty random to commit suicide after starting a duel to the death, if he did that he wouldn't be able to do more random things.

[Image: command24t.png]

So instead, he randomly surrenders and randomly offers to join your party!

[Image: command24u.png]

Seeing no reason why you should allow your longtime rival to accompany you, you accept his offer!

[Image: command24v.png]

Whatever has randomly joined the party.

g0m Wrote:Do something that an omniscient narrator comments on.

Pac-Man already comments on all of your actions! He'll do this no matter what you do.

[Image: command24x.png]

Whatever notes that it's really random to think that Pac-Man is narrating your every action, so he decides to think that, too.

**OTTO** · 07-05-2009, 10:27 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by DimJim.

Wait, if our mission is to be pointless, wouldn't there be a point to doing pointless things?

...So it would be pointless to do things that have a point because we're trying to do pointless things.

Dragon Fogel · 07-05-2009, 10:55 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

DimJim Wrote:Wait, if our mission is to be pointless, wouldn't there be a point to doing pointless things?

...So it would be pointless to do things that have a point because we're trying to do pointless things.

No, your mission is still to obtain the Inflatable Amulet of Pomposity. Which has been stolen, and is probably nowhere near Hell. If you obtain it and somehow avoid making a pointless excuse for why it doesn't count, you win.

You do pointless things in order to avoid accomplishing your mission as much as possible.

g0m · 07-05-2009, 11:02 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by g0m.

Go get that amulet. But do it while hopping. Naked.

Dragon Fogel · 07-05-2009, 11:12 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

g0m Wrote:Go get that amulet. But do it while hopping. Naked.

Hopping is nice and pointless, but why would you do it naked? Your robe lowers all your stats and increases your vulnerability to all elements! You'd be better off naked most of the time!

[Image: command25b.png]

In any case, you take the fake amulet. You then hand it to Whatever, because there's no reason to trust your longtime rival with such an important item.

g0m · 07-05-2009, 11:18 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by g0m.

So you're saying you should keep your robe on... for a reason? A... point, if you will?

Dragon Fogel · 07-05-2009, 11:20 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

Attempting to overanalyze pointless reasoning is pointless.

Therefore, Nopor Puss highly encourages it.

**OTTO** · 07-06-2009, 02:38 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Sarah.

Give Whatever a big kiss. [img]images/smilies/icon_heartbeat.gif[/img] Since you're (presumably) not gay, it's pointless to give another man (and your rival, no less) a sign of affection.

Dragon Fogel · 07-06-2009, 03:22 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

Sarah Wrote:Give Whatever a big kiss. [img]images/smilies/icon_heartbeat.gif[/img] Since you're (presumably) not gay, it's pointless to give another man (and your rival, no less) a sign of affection.

You kiss Whatever right on the lips. Neither of you enjoys this for romantic reasons, so you find it pointless and he finds it random. So you're both pleased with the results!

[Image: command26b.png]

Somewhere in the multiverse, a bad slashfic is written about this moment.

[Image: command26c.png]

Inside the teleporter, the strange man is surfing the Multiversal Internet while waiting for you to come in so he can teleport you out of Hell. He figures eventually you'll arbitrarily decide that entering it is the most pointless thing to do.

[Image: command26d.png]

Suddenly, he comes across the slashfic.

[Image: command26e.png]

The strange man leaves the teleporter. He seems somewhat disturbed.

Crowstone · 07-06-2009, 12:32 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

> Whatever: Fall asleep

**OTTO** · 07-06-2009, 05:29 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Kgummy.

Pointlessly destroy any teleporters you come across. Clearly they would be a way out, and thus, would be pointless to destroy. Pointlessly change your gender status. Doing so is either impossible, or would have absolutely no effect whatsoever on the quest.

g0m · 07-06-2009, 06:24 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by g0m.

Since you do pointless things, you should do something with a point!

**OTTO** · 07-10-2009, 08:01 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by CheeseDeluxe.

>Raise point meter.

It'll be pointless.

**OTTO** · 07-11-2009, 03:52 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Captain Lhurgoyf.

> Stuff bones down your shirt and walk around like a gorilla.

If anyone gets that reference, I will be amazed.