You Wake Up In A Bar

For voronez, use some store brand plant matter with a couple drips of ultra concentrated honey and some wasp mead.

I don't really have ideas for the antimatter ale.

>Look up these very clearly specified recipes on the PDA, but also look for where to add some changes like

Perhaps try with the following:

• 2 cups of Mashed Skygrain
  
• 2 spring water
  
• 1 Generic Object
  
• 2 pinches of Urgency

That'll give you two servings of a generic base brew, and then for Voronezh's:

• Remove the Generic Object, add to Nadezhda's drink
  
• Add 1 Imperial Jelly
  
• Serve over the rocks, where the rock is a Matterhorn Chunk

Nadezhda:

• Add 1 Antipodal Shard; Generic Object should become a Generic Unobject
  
• Serve with 1 Bag of Gruits left in the glass to infuse

>Tell Helen to be on their best behavior or you'll Fight them. Don't use their name when talking about them.
>Be ready to Erase Helen should things go sour

You begin work on Nadezhda and Voronezh's drinks. They've got different preferences, and you don't know if you'll be making both of theirs at the same time, but there is something quick and easy you can do-- make the precursor to each of their orders in a small batch, meaning a better pair of drinks with less multitasking.

Meanwhile, Helen's kicking up a stir as Stax and Laren watch in awe and terror, so you're gonna have to do a little something to cool that down. Dang thing's pretty freaky.












That one really rocked the bar back in forth. Everybody regains their bearings for a second, and you struggle to keep your handiwork from spilling. Stax seems mostly content continuing the conversation, however loud it gets.








Nadezhda frowns, huffing.








Helen hops in!








Another crazy rattle. Your leaves ruffle in the wind for a moment, and you make sure nothing behind you has shattered.








As you say this, you put down your two finished cups-- with which you will compose masterpieces! You've already got a fantastic recipe in mind.

Through the gut-wrenching screech, however, you start to feel a little unsure. You are just making it up as you go along, after all. There's gotta be a recipe somewhere on Starnet...








A few taps on her borrowed PDA later, you've searched for 'antimatter ale'. One Wyre immediately catches your eye-- as you read the name of the original poster, 'nad-dawg', you start to wonder...

Nadezhda?

As you begin reading the thread, something dawns on you.

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Transcripted by HandyBot33KLife -> Organics -> Lifestyle -> Drugs -> Alcohol -> Bartending
who makes good antimatter ale
Wyre created on: 4 | 4102 | 4632 (7/29/2656 Your Time)

Post by: nad-dawg
Location: Roaming
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4632, 2304:356

so work's been tough. courier work especially. i've got a partner which is... its own thing. most people on here don't deal with ansible stress, but it's been every day since meeting him. growing up sucks.

but uh, i've just been wondering if anyone's found a good space bar that serves antimatter ale? i've heard that shit is super tasty and sort of otherworldly without doing crazy stuff like most weird bar drinks. i am totally ready to get other-levelled.

my partner makes fun of me for it but i could really use a place to stop by next time we're out on a job for more than a day. anyone serving?

-nad

Post by: SYLG
Location: The Past, Usually
Posted on: 3 | 6625 | 9529, 2341:697

Hey Nadezhda,

Cool that you're into drinks like that. Well, as it happens, I just invented antimatter ale today, and though it's the last day I'll be able to binge like the good ne' days, it's a damn good day being able to fulfill a promise. I also invented something called matter mead, and from what I'm hearing it was marginally more popular, though died off somewhere around your time.

The bartender I mentioned later is your best bet. We had a lot of interactions, and from the looks of it, we're approaching the due date for them and I to start communicating properly by linking PDAs. It's weird how these things coincide, because I recall linking PDAs wtih them thousands of growths from now-- it's just that Starnet's built-in metric hasn't gotten there yet.

That's fine. It's better than being completely locked out. It's a real shame that you and I don't ever meet face to face to link PDAs, but I picked up from my interactions with the bartender that you and them once met. I've still got thousands of messages to send on Starnet, but it's delightfully hidden my replies to linked PDAs. For the last time, management of this service seems somewhat competent. I am hoping the Starnet timeline is somehow inexorably linked to the time where they figure out how to stop me from my terrific slip into the past, but until then, I derive a lot of pleasure from messages. It's interesting how I didn't know exactly how to write this Wyre post until I did. It all seemed so befuddling until that moment.

Nadezhda, enjoy the antimatter ale. And if you do ever manage to contact me again, the very current me, I hope you can tell me how it's going to taste. Moving past the fruits of my labor into the labor for my fruits is a jarring time, and I enjoy reminiscing for what I'll one day accomplish.

Post by: nad-dawg
Location: Roaming
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 4635, 9953:535

sorry, the hell. it's been three growths and you just drop into this old wyre to tell me all about some future stuff i don't even know anything about?

i don't want to be """""insensitive""""" but i'm pretty baffled at how you can simultaenously reply to my opening post while also acting like i've seen your future posts, especially when there's this huge delay between them. why three growths? why not just post all the stuff you're... going to post?

you're obviously travelling back in time. i guess starnet has some sort of inclusivity policy that means you can communicate over time gaps. but if that's the case, shouldn't future (past) future (past) future (past) past (future) you be smart enough to just post all your stuff at once? ugh.

Post by: SYLG
Location: The Past, Usually
Posted on: 3 | 6625 | 9542, 0349:156

Sorry for this gap too, Nadezhda. It's a long one. I remember that you won't like this long gap much, or at least that's what the bartender told me. It was a bit hard to coax real info out of them, because talking about past (future) past (future) patrons was... troubling for them. Well, I opened the conversation with them being very willing to talk, but it did get harder and harder over time, especially when I said the right things...

Anyhow. I'm sorry that this gap will happen. It's a fault of Starnet, I can promise you, or it's some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy in reverse. When I open a thread, sometimes I just see what I'm going to post. There's not often rhyme or reason until I'm halfway through. I didn't even know your name until the post you're about to make, and until then, there wasn't this intimacy that I now feel (and will clearly continue to feel, judging by my very opening post, which I'll do in thirteen growths, it seems.)

Post by: nad-dawg
Location: Roaming
Posted on: 4 | 4102 | 5648, 5495:884

...Oh, wow. Hey, SYLG. Long time, no see. I mean, I see your posts all the time. I've never gotten a chance to reply, because you've got so many threads you only post once in. God, it hurts my head to think about, even with my partner on assist.

No, but, SYLG, I'm a massive fan. And I don't mean that in the sense that I'm one of the hacks who finds your biting critique of linear narratives in granuvanovelis funny, I really think I relate to you on a crazy and intrinsic level. It actually gives me this wonderful feeling knowing you'll read this, or, uh... that you already did, and the fact that you replied inspired me to learn more about you and your condition. I'm willing to guess there's going to be another post after this one, but judging by your usual MO, that's probably going to be the conversation wrapped, and maybe we'll not talk. Ever. But it also seems like next post you'll tell me who the hell the bartender is, finally, and I'll meet them and ask about you. Then if I just keep contact with that bartender, I'll be able to keep contact with you. Through and by proxy. Sort of. Right?

Oh, and let's just start with what you have to know. I'm Nadezhda, I'm an Ansible, I work with my partner Voronezh as a space courier in most of Common Space. I was miserable for a long time because I hated- really resented the hell out of- the fact that I had to rely on somebody else to feel my feelings and think my thoughts. And I'm still sort of that way. Voronezh jokes that I'm one bad day away from wrecking house and burning down a space station, or something. According to the Time Travelers Logging Depo, this post in 9542 was one of the "first" (last) ones you put out on Starnet, which means that if you do reply, it's near the beginning, maybe the very first. So for all the good you'll do, I want to show you the fruits of your future labor. I want to show you how you did it, future past tense. (Ha!)

1. You set goals to improve the universe, and once you changed yourself to make these goals possible, they'd happened. It's sort of a very neat time traveler's example of "mind over matter".

2. You inspired people like me, who saw their future as unchangeable, to try anyway. I am reading a lot of your earlier (newer) posts on this whole thing and I've learned, like so many people, that if the laws of physics can get broken to allow your crazy and ridiculous method of time travel, maybe they weren't so solid in the first place. I think you'll teach (taught) people how to say "fuck you, universe, I'm doing my own thing".

3. Apparently, you tell me where to get a damn good glass of antimatter ale. This is the only thing I haven't seen yet, and if you let me down, I swear to radio I will future-punch you.

Post by: SYLG
Location: The Past, Usually
Posted on: 3 | 6625 | 9545, 1045:948

Nice to meet you, nad-dawg!

This is my first post, that's correct. I'm still very much figuring this out, but I can already see this is a mess I need to sort out in my head for... a long time. Still, seeing Starnet like this is so, so reassuring, and... I'm taking what you said I said to heart. I'm going to make myself understand this, and I'm going to make myself make the world better. Maybe that's why it's so good.

On the matter of antimatter ale: if we are syncing up correctly (damn Starnet!) then you should, at this very moment (your very moment) be in Drinkmaster Greene's bar, on Terrats, on FFROC.

From what they will tell me, you don't know about this message. In fact, it's Greene that reads it first, on a borrowed PDA. Have fun! This is the bartender I mentioned!

The post at the end mentions you by name. It describes an event happening right now... or the future... or the past? Your head aches, but after some more reading, you realize just how strange this whole thing is. Nadezhda looks completely unfazed, seemingly lacking any knowledge of this latest post.

Is it just hock, or...

You're about to speak to try and clear things up somehow when another patron enters the bar. A ghostly floating thing of rag and keratin, with a pair of glowing eyes indented within its surface. In the back of your collective mind, you recall something similar.

Stax calls out towards it, beaming.

This is... a lot to handle at once. First off, four patrons want something, and you've only got a couple frameworks done, nothing completed. Second off, while the Homeowner's bio is... unsettling... it's nothing compared to the absolute time-crapping shark-jumping insanity of the Starnet Wyre.

The patrons and Stax look at you relatively expectantly, and it seems you've got to do something.



Cup status: 3 occupied (Time Flier Frame, Time Flier Frame, Helen's Boiling Innocence), 1 dirty (Ashen Corrugible), 6 free
Plate status: 0 occupied, 1 dirty (The Sate Catsberry), 3 free
Scavenger ability: Unavailable (0/1 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

Having created the precursor to two drinks, you've gained four new wild entries in the Cabinet:

Starnet Wyres now have a transcript in a spoiler at the bottom!
No longer shall mobile explorers or eye-valuing folks be forced to check out the tiny text on the images. It's super easy to just hop into that spoiler and read what was posted with nothing really missing. This applies to all of the Wyres in the past, and you can go and re-read them now here and here!

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Author's Notes
Lotta stuff happening in this update. Hope y'all like it.

If there are ever any difficult-to-read things or annoyances with YWUIAB that could be helped, please let me know! I know it's a lot of content all at once, but I promise I'm putting heart and soul to make it as enjoyable as possible, and accessibility is an important part of that.

Vebbin, I reckon, would like something warm and comforting. How about a mulled wine-type arrangement?

Gently heat up the following in a pot:
1 Bottle of Red
1 stick of cinnamon
Assorted Citrus Rinds
A handful of Anyseed

Serve in a nice mug, optionally with an undine's tear if Vebbin's amenable.

We can use the Citrus Inners in Laren's meal - something like orange-rubbed roast duck with lemon gravy and some vegetables on the side.

Dinner you say, Laren? Could I fill your stomach perhaps with pancakes and steak? With sauce of course.

>Ask Nadezhda if it's ok to talk about SYLG openly, it'd probably be an interesting subject for the bar, and at the least it helped (me) to understand you (Nadezhda)

>Create an omelette for Laren using the following format

Dice 10 cherries and 1 cucumber
Sautee in butter
Mix with 1 chicken egg, 1 parasitic
Pour batter into skillet
Add Chowm as you fold the omelette over itself
Serve on a plate

>Use the Citrus Inners for juicing for the Matter Mead, save the pulp for The Cabinet

Heat Generic Object until it liquifies, if it's a liquid rather than molten add it to the bottom of the cup
Add 2 servings honey, 1 serving powdered sugar, 1/2 serving apple cider, 2 drops Mothgrant blood, and 1 Time Flier Frame to The Unshaken
Pour the results atop the liquified Generic Object
Serve warm

>Now for the Antimatter Ale

Begin with mixing 9 servings beer, 1 serving Gin and 1 serving Vodka until it becomes a Yorsh, add unused Yorsh to The Cabinet
Pluck Generic Object from the TFF, add to The Cabinet
Add 1 serving Yorsh and TFF into The Unshaken and swirl about before emptying into the cup
Set in freezer to cool, serve chill but not freezing

And warn Nedezhda it's gonna be potent as they've been praying for

>Have Stax get to washing dishes while he chats with Yebbin.

Payment time~

• Helen (DONT say the name) will be paying by getting a crate of candyfloss. Don't care how they get us this, but due to the strain they put on other patrons they will also have to pay a cover charge of 15 tokens everytime they come in. Starting now.
  
• Laren will pay with helping us secure a new PDA, and helping us learn to order ingredients from the nearest grocer. We have money, why not use it. Payment when they're heading out and we're closing of course
  
• Nadezhda and Voronezh will pay with tokens. 10 each? 20? Whatever they think is fair. Inform them that they may want to call a cab or something, as they'll likely be p drunk by the time they leave.
  
• Vebbin pays in tokens, same deal.

--

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reader noteHey I'm absolutely loving this adventure! Thank you for coming back to it :D
The worldbuilding, character dynamics, dialogue, illustrations, they've all been something really enjoyable, and not easy to find out there.

Mm. I think the other posters have it covered.
Only concern is that poor Vebbin isn't going to take "Helen"'s antics very well. Not sure what to do about that...

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HONK
Hmm. Thought it over a bit, wondering what kind of honkit "Helen" here is. Was a bit suspicious of its identity at first, but the shoes suggest a local variety, possibly undocumented. Suspect it understands common perfectly, but opts not to use it. (Opts not to or can't?) Fine detail of language incomprehensible, if any, but vague "yes/good"(HA), "no/bad"(HAW), and "neutral"(HRM) can be interpreted. Presumably volume is related to intensity of the statement, with peak intensity turning into incomprehensible screeching.
(Note: Honk appears to obscure other statements. Prior to being offered a hug, a HONK appeared over a word(s) that was not HA, HAW, or a variant of HRM. Can make out a few letters, but not the whole word. Could be important, could be "Helen" attempting to waste time. Hard to say at this point.)
As long as we keep questions open to simple yes/no answers, we should be good for comprehending the Honkit.

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Spoiler Maybe Helen doesn't want a hug after all B(. We as the cool dudebros that we are, have to respect that!! Tell Helen we appreciate them!

Gotta second arcanuse on the fact that most of thr above posters have stuff under control, though I do wanna give one addition!

Laren might be sensitive to some ingredients, so we might have to err on the side of caution and make her somethin' light.
[checks cabinet]

Why Do We Have So Many Cryptid And Dangerous Substances

first of all remember to INSIST on calling vebbin "thorstein," as in "thorstein veblen," but that's not important, what is is that "thorstein" is a fucking cool name.

they also need a suitably cool drink for their cool name. put the glass you're going to serve them from in a freezer; meanwhile, the rest of the drink can be prepared inside of an orange with the help of the humble syringe. inject tequila and blood, then simply hand-squeeze the juice from the orange onto a dirty plate. pour it off the plate into the glass at your leisure.

the rind, on that selfsame plate, will form the basis for laren's dinner. fill it up with whipped cream and sour cream and chives, wrap it in tinfoil and cook it in the oven ala a baked potato. serve with salted margarine.

A quick maybe-poll before work on the update: you've all got fantastic suggestions for meals, but what would be your preferred method of doing them? Trying to do all four at once, or do you have an order for multitasking/singletasking? Stax is a good help, but will overall drop the quality of whatever he's working on.

Would prefer to procure Vebin's drink first, as quick as possible. Given Helen isn't likely to leave in the near future, Vebin's probably going to need it.

Stax can handle Laren's meal. Should be fine. Probably.

if we must use stax, i think we can only trust him to treat veblen fairly

Im sure stax wouldn't hurt laren on purpose. He's a massive raging asshole but hes also a lil bitch so there's that. Let him handle laurens food while we deal w/vebs

...It's alright! Things are alright. You'll make it through this without a hitch, sure.










You make a decision. You will ask about SYLG, though you don't intend on revealing the most recent post on the Wyre just yet. It can wait.

As Stax starts on Laren's meal, you start on Vebbin's drink-and-meal! You warm up a pot, pour in some unidentified especially-red wine, and some flavor additives-- anyseed, cinnamon sticks, and the rind of an orange. You decide to also use the orange as a side.






Fun-loving Helen begins screeching in response!
















It's sort of interesting seeing Nadezhda open up about something like this. You hadn't really seen as much of a correlation in tone between her online persona and how she talked in the bar, but considering their passion for the subject (though her out-loud passion is diminished), they're definitely the same person. She rubs at the Ansible stone on her forehead, annoyed a bit-- maybe Voronezh is in her head again.












AUGH. You're starting to notice a pattern when mentioning Helen's name-- it doesn't usually go well.

Vebbin's order is going well, however! With the mulled wine part completed, you start to fill up an orange inner with tequila and some of your own (drawn) blood, making it quite the fruit-and-plant-oriented dish. Should be a good side, like an apartif... or whatever that's called.










Well, there goes one cup.








Laren's mentioned her boss a couple times now-- and you suppose that in the Honkit Wyreforum thread, you did see somebody whose location was Terrats. You definitely seem to have stumbled on a lot of coincidences today.




...And a lot of loud noises. The bar is full of people either clutching their ears or mentally preparing for something terrible.






Of course, you close the thread you were on first, then hand it to Laren, who gives you a little nod and forced smile. Helen seems to be getting her down.










You set down the peeled and filled orange beside the mug, which sits at a warm, but not unappetizing, temperature. You had plans to put in an undine's tear at the end, as well, but figured that for a patron very unsure of being here, such a massively strange substance might be too much. Besides-- rags get damp easy.

The bar stool shudders underneath Helen's weight, so it descends, beginning to run around in circles.








The beginning of the omelette looks good... you're just feeling so awkward about the entire thing. This update sure is long and full of dialogue! Gotta keep spirits up to survive.




Just as you've given your patrons a miniature pep talk, another walks in. You spend a moment swallowing dread that it's going to be another person requiring immense attention and a drink immediately, but you're relieved to see it's a familiar face-- Sublimate, holding a bag made of some strange material, which rustles with groceries within.




You've received 8 servings of coffee beans, 2 mangoes, 15 blueberries, 3 bananas, 1 plum, 10 cherries, and 8 cucumbers.






At this point, you've only got three patrons waiting on things, and while Laren's freaked out, she seems somewhat patient.

You've got a very uneasy feeling.



Cup status: 2 occupied (Time Flier Frame, Time Flier Frame), 1 dirty (Ashen Corrugible), 6 free, 1 broken
Plate status: 1 occupied (Laren's WIP [1/3] ), 1 dirty (The Sate Catsberry), 2 free
Mug status: 1 occupied (Vebbin's MAM), 1 free
Scavenger ability: Unavailable (0/1 uses)
Intrusive ability: Enabled

With Vebbin's drink-and-meal, and your meal-and-groceries, you've discovered some new substances in the Cabinet:

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Author's NotesSo there were a lot of suggestions for this update, and not all of their effects are showing quite yet! Things like future payment options and future drink-making choices aren't quite used here, but they are going to be used soon, as the need arises. Sadly, Greene (and I) can't do everything altogether in one turn, so the option to talk about payment didn't quiiite come up this update.

That's alright! This just means ya don't have to suggest those things in the future, and they'll be brought up ASAP or when most appropriate. There are plenty of things to do in response to this update, after all.

get helen the fuck out of the bar already

Seriously pull your double-barreled on that abomination

Alright, that's enough. Time to talk to the clown for a minute.
Look. Honkit.
We've been more than patient with you, but this has got to stop.
You can stay here, but you have to use your indoor voice.
The quiet, less eardrum rupturing voice.
Hey, we'll even let that be your payment.
Just please, please be a bit quieter.
If you can't than please leave, and come back when you can.
...
Alright, since that's probably going to fail, here's plan B.

1 Bottle of liquid Kings Breath
(Yes, the entire bottle. Stuff turns to gas real fast.)
2 Eldritch whispers, fresh off the vine
1 Mimeo laugh, handle this very carefully
3 thundercubes

1 slab of Croakan murmurs

1 quart Anemoi blood
Shake vigorously until shaker rumbles with the force (and sounds) of a terrible storm. Horrific wailing is normal, can be shushed by smacking the shaker on a nearby surface.

Politely, yet firmly ask the honkit to leave again.
If they do leave, smack shaker on a nearby surface until rumbling ceases, to render the contents (mostly) inert. Use Eraser to vaporize the remainder.
Otherwise, request guests take their drinks, move away from the Honkit, close their eyes and think happy thoughts.
Aim shaker at Honkit. Inform Stax to find some cover.
Release the beverage.
Hope we never, ever have to do something like this again.

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HONK?
Alrighty, time to play What's Helen saying today?

First, that clown is terrifying on backgrounds other than the standard white. Second, this one is a bit easier to translate than the last one, but is going to take a while.
-----------------------------------------------

They say if you stare deep into the clown, the clown stares back.

?????????????
WE ?????? YOUR MONEY(?) ??? WANT IT ?????????OST
?????????????
?????????????

I suspect there's a trick to this garbled mess. Haven't the foggiest what it might be though. Squinting, maybe?
------------------------------------------------


It's a scrambled Honk. Divied up into seven and a half sections. Sections 16 pixels tall, half section is 8.
That the easiest one to solve just had a few HONK's might suggest that more complicated ones contain more information.
------------------------------------------------

...Or might just be a garbled mess. Might be something here other than screaming, but pretty sure its just a mass of horrible ur-clown.

NUTS AND BOLTS AND NUTS AND BOLTS
AND NUTS AND BOLTS AND NUTS AND
BOLTS AND NUTS AND BOLTS AND NUTS

Ahuh. Yeah. Not very helpful. The presence of HAW suggests troubles a brewing. We, uh. Might want to evacuate the bar shortly. Looks weird with a black background. Might be something to that? Dunno. Seems a bit familiar. The whole nuts and bolts bit might have been in an earlier screech of Helens? Probably not important.

Ask clown to leave. Now.

>Also talk to Laren, I picked up on some racism from the way their boss was talking. Like, full on "the other species are out to get us" scaremongering shit.
>Do you want to talk about what you're going through Laren? It's nice to help others, but you do need to sometimes focus on just making sure you're ok

If clown does not leave initiate combat

(yeee I got ahead of myself w/ what I suggested)

Sublimate is good at combat supposedly. If we're going to fight the clown we should ask her for help.

>Have Helen be kicked out of the premises.

>No!! NOO!!! Dont kick out Helen! They just don't know how to communicate good, HELEN IS A GOOD CLOWN.

HELEN IS A GOOD CLOWN.

demonstrably false.

Helen cannot be a good clown, for it is not a clown. It is a Honkit.
One which can either tone down the wailing or be forcibly removed from the premises.
Given your the most in tune with the Honkit, you could try talking it into not terrorizing the other patrons.

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HONK?!

Edit: Translation, uh. Translation finished.
Not uh.
Not sure whether or not to act on it.
Or reveal it just yet.
Might be consequences.
Will be consequences, rather.
Eh... Myeth, you've basically adopted the Honkits.
I think I know how to get Helen to start listening, but it might backfire. Horribly.
Thoughts?

EditEdit: It's uh. Hoo. More smaller translated bits done. Sorting out the notes now. A couple from the last update are a bit beyond me, but the clown is proving to be more coherent than first thought.

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Spoilergimme the deets, Arca :o)c

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HONK.

So, out of all the translations so far, this looks like the big one.

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!HONK!

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!!HONK!!

cough So yeah. The basic plan is calling Helen out on this. Specifically, mentioning to Helen "I am the Sun". Helen might start listening once they know we can understand them, or they might go berserk. It's uh. Hard to say which.