[Wizard Jail] (mini-battle)

Outside, in the market, there were clear adverts for the day's main wares. Today was a special event, for more rare items it seemed.


Gem of Great Dispel
Assassin Vine Seed Collection
Polymorph Potion X
MYSTERY ITEM


"What's the X about?"
"I just want to see the auction."
"Oh gods, please not Assassin Vines."
"Dispel? Why?"
"I only care about mystery items. Nothing else is worth anything."
"Time to invest in plant poisons..."
"Seriously, what's a Potion X?"

A loud and bustling crowd surrounded the Grand Hall as usual.

However, something was different. While it was normally difficult to get through the crowd, today it was seemingly impossible. Anyone with the sufficient Gold collection (as inspected by the Angels guarding the auction) would be allowed in. While that number of prisoners wasn't high, they simply couldn't get through. Whenever they were close, they were pushed back. As the crowd was outside of Angel jurisdiction, some fighting occurred, but those who tried to enter were ganged up on and thrown outwards.

The reason for this was, the inner section of the crowd was entirely comprised of Vanth Gang members, a complete show of Vanth Gang's numeric dominance. With scattered and few members of the other two major gangs about, along with the unusually high number of Vanth Gang members, nobody could force their way through.

Incidentally and unusually, the Crab King was also in the crowd, at a smaller size than he normally was. His eyes and mouth moved restlessly. Perhaps there was something he wanted today?


-------------------------------------------------------------------
Elsewhere, roughly a little less than two hours ago.

The Intelligence's spill with bad luck left him in unexpected dire straits, pummeled by a minor (yet still very muscular, looks to be some sort of ogre) jail thug. Whether or not he had a plan, an interruption came.

A black ball on the thug's belt began chiming in a rather shrill and annoying way. Sighing, he shook it and stared into it. A message floated inside the black orb and the words floated to the top.

"Fnd Jail Drud. P: 2 F: 1000"

This was a Blang Gang Pager, a testament to the gang's fearsome organizational structure. Unable to display too much text at a time, letters were strategically removed, along with shorthand usage. This message actually meant: Find Jail Druid. Participation, 2gp. Find, 1000gp. The Blang Gang rarely operated in units below gp.

"We'll leave it at that for now. If you don't want to continue later, I accept donations." The Ogre gave an unsightly grin and left The Intelligence on the floor.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Elsewhere, a little more than two hours ago.

"How long do you think the Druid would be able to evade the Blangs?" Vanth melodically asked Johnny, his small human wizard with a conical hat.

"Erm... lets see... given what we know..." Johnny's eyes went blank, and a unworldly glow appeared. He began floating in mid air, and the lights in the cafeteria went dim. Light streamed out of Johnny's eyes and mouth as he spoke with a voice of a timeless demon.

"The planet of justice foretells serenity. The dragon of the herald of lies will destroy the palace. The village of the plain is given to the army of the south. A time of war will begin."


Vanth sipped his pick drink from his swirling straw, and motioned his head at the Red-eyed Elf on the other side of Johnny. The elf nodded and smacked Johnny on the back of the head. "Wrong channel." She said sharply. Next to her floated a scroll and a quill, recording everything Johnny the Prophet said.

Johnny's lights flickered on and off, and then changed to a slightly different color.


"The traitor of light shall be forgotten. The hunters of greed shall seek and discover, but never find. The peaceful emperor will be forgotten. The guardian of innocence shall fall. The star of darkness foretells blood."


Johnny's lights grow dim, and he falls into the Elf's arms.

"Hmm. The line about the 'hunters of greed' and possibly the guardian of innocence sounds promising. There as quite a bit of probably extraneous information there, however. Maybe he's having an off day." The elf said.

Vanth swayed his head back and forth, considering. "Hmm... HMM... Do it." He concluded. If the druid couldn't last two hours, he had a few other things he could try.

1) Vanth had agents leak the information about James and the Blob about 2 hours ago.
2) The Blang gang is pulling out some money to track him down!
3) The Intelligence is injured. Probably should try to recover. The ogre who beat him up seems to be in the Blang Gang.
4) Johnny is a Prophet.
5) Some of that Prophecy might not be irrelevant after all...
6) Hey guys, Crab King is here!

Vocifer Vox squinted at the beginning of “the Gauntlet.” It was a perfectly innocuous-looking corridor leading to a void sheathed by magical darkness. It had no out-of-ordinary magical signature or even a speck of blood. Vocifer Vox sniffed at it suspiciously.

“What’s the matter, big boy?” Tittifer called out. The crowd surged behind her, eager for violent entertainment. “Scared of the dark?”

“Vocifer Vox is deeply suspicious of this entrance,” the dragon-man huffed. “Vocifer Vox knows that empty rooms always contain something hidden and unpleasant. It is simply a fact of life.”

“Ugh, ex-adventurers," the succubus turned to someone else. "Send in…the Orb.”

Vocifer Vox growled. He had enough of the doublespeak and innuendos of Butterflies. Just when he was about to question what exactly on this good and dragon-y world is “the Orb,” a distant grinding of gears answered his questions. A globe of absolute blackness dropped noiselessly to the ground, a good dozen feet away. Vocifer cocked his head, wondering what the fresh hell was this. He made his check.

It was a fucking Sphere of Annihilation. And it was rolling towards him. Vocifer shrieked like a kobold.

Vocifer plunged into the absolute darkness, where he couldn’t even see his own hands. The hallways were small; the walls grazed his shoulders. He ran through and set off spike traps, scythe traps, guillotine traps, arrow traps, pit traps, tourist traps, glue traps, gravity traps, reverse gravity traps, symbol traps, bear traps, owlbear traps, collapsing stairs traps, snare traps, boulder traps, mimic traps, and other creatively painful roadblocks. Roadblocks that can conceived only by the most twisted and bored of casters. It was miserable.

Fortunately, Vocifer had adventured in dungeons just as sadistic as “the Gauntlet” – if not more so – and poisons/diseases are pretty much garbage to his DRACONIC CONSTITUTION. Still, he got pretty dinged up in the process. Vocifer Vox pulled himself from an Olympic-sized pool of tapioca pudding, somehow magically enhanced to do acid damage. He splorched on the ground and laid still, groaning like a beached kraken. Only more cooler and sexier (he hoped).

“It seems you survived,” Tittifer sneered. “How vulgar.”

“Vocifer Vox is too old for this shit,” the dragon-man pulled a dire-piranha away from his crotch. “Did Vocifer Vox pass?”

“In a sense,” the succubus giggled. Vocifer found himself pulled up by the kyton twins and escorted somewhere else although only Tiamat knows where exactly. The possibility of challenges far more punishing and sadistic than the Gauntlet ran a chill up his mostly numb-spine. He couldn’t withstand any more tapioca.

--

1) Vocifer passes “the Gauntlet.”

2) Where is the Butterfly Gang taking Vocifer Vox to?

“Well, well, well,” Vanth said, “Look who it is.”

For all that the unicorn was several size categories smaller than him, Vanth made Nyctitus deeply uncomfortable. He deeply wished that he was still invisible; there was a coldness in the unicorn’s deep blue eyes that even the bottom of the sea couldn’t match. He had no doubt that he could simply pick the glorified horse up and take a bite out of it, but something told him Vanth might be poisonous.

“The kraken from the cafeteria,” the unicorn continued. “Spying? On us? I can’t imagine why.”

“I was hardly spying. This is a public hall,” Nyctitus retorted warily. Vanth members were gathering in a circle around him. They didn’t look friendly.

“We’ve made it decidedly un-public for the time being,” Vanth said. He tossed his pearly mane. “And yet you decided to show up anyway. Did you have designs on my prize?”

“Perhaps I wanted to see what else was being offered,” Nyctitus said coldly. He made his skin flush blue-black, hoping to intimidate the closest gang members. It only partially worked. “I have no interest in your schemes.” This earned him a glare from the chaos Angel. Wrong answer.

“None? I’m almost offended.” Vanth paced in front of him, putting on an air of disinterest as his tail whipped elegantly from side to side. “I supposed everyone will know soon enough. Still, I can’t help but feel that I should discourage further incursions.” He gestured with his head and two of the burliest gangsters came forward, a cackling gnoll and a clanking iron golem. The gnoll hefted her broadaxe, grinning wickedly.

Nyctitus growled. With the interference from Vanth’s gem, his repertoire of spells was next to useless, and even his size couldn’t protect him for long. The blank eyes of the Angels on the stage promised him no help from that quarter, even from the shifting mass of Snarl’s servant. It seemed he’d exhausted all goodwill on his god’s part for the time being. “You are brave,” he told the unicorn, coiling his tentacles. “I’ve eaten more landwalkers than I count. Your followers are nothing more than appetizers to me.”

“That may have been true on the outside, but in here I’m afraid you’re high and dry.” Vanth laughed silkily. “I suggest you-”

“VOCIFER VOX DEMANDS TO KNOW THE LOCATION OF THE FALAFEL- STEALING CEPHALOPOD!”

Unicorn and kraken alike turned towards the entrance of the hall as the dragonman exploded through the barrier of Vanth gangsters in an explosion of flames, Butterflies close at his heels. He pointed dramatically to Nyctitus, his face was obscured by a gimp mask well-adorned with chains and studs. The rest of his outfit- well. At least it looked breezy.

“PREPARE TO FACE CHICKPEA-BASED JUSTICE, SQUID!”

James glanced around the corner carefully. There were several Blang members coming down another hallway; he could probably handle them if he took them by surprise, but it would be safer to take another route.

He went back the way he came, only to find a grinning ogre, clearly another Blanger, waiting for him.

"Easiest thousand I ever made," the ogre snorted. "I already found ya, now I'm gonna pound ya."

James was unimpressed by the ogre's rhyme scheme. He was more concerned with how noisy the fight would be. There were more Blang not far off, after all.

James' long-range spells were all rather loud, so he instead chose to focus on short range attacks. He pulled out a shiv, and it began to glow a bright red as he filled the metal with heat. At the same time, he channeled the powers of the Jail's animals, strengthening himself. Then he charged forward and thrust his short blade towards the ogre's heart.

But as he drew near, the ogre's shining jewelry began to glow, and he found the shiv simply bounced off. The ogre laughed.

"Maybe some Blang folk just wear this stuff to show off," he said, "but I know good gear to enchant when I see it. Goodnight, druid."

And with one strike, James collapsed to the floor.

He had just enough time before blacking out to be grateful that he'd hidden the innocent blob in a cell before he went scouting.

---

Sometime later, James woke up locked in a cell. The same ogre was glaring at him angrily on the other side.

"About time," he snarled. "Where the hell did you hide it? And talk fast, there's another thousand gold waiting on your answer."

"It's right behind you," James muttered.

"That dumb trick?" said the ogre. "Please. Even if I were stupid enough to actually fall for it, there's nothing you can to do me in there. Hell, maybe I should do it just to see what you try to pull."

The ogre turned around, snickering.

"So what are you going to..."

But James was already gone.

1. James left the blob somewhere.
2. James has spent most of the two hour time gap under observation by the Blang while they try to figure out where the blob is.
3. James just fled because the Blang didn't know about his cell teleportation tricks and locked him up alone.

NOT TOO LONG AGO…

Vocifer Vox came to a room resplendent with more opulence than any holding cell should have. Across the room, a woman sprawled on across a sumptuous lounge, tended to by groveling kobolds. Five dragon-masked heads sprout from her neck. Their bas-relief eyes, brimming with divine cruelty, waiting for him to make his first mistake. He obliged.

“A Beloved? Do the eyes of Vocifer Vox deceive him?”

“Ex-Beloved,” a head purred, her voice dripped with venom and honey. “Call me Judas.”

Vocifer Vox contemplated what sort of absurd situation he got himself into this time. He also realized his hands are bound, but that wasn’t really important. “What is this? Is this yet another one of the Butterfly’s vile machinations? Vocifer Vox encourages you to DO YOUR WORST.”

“Why would I? Yes, the Jail is my virtue,” Another head mockingly shrilled. Vocifer could see a third head taking a drag out of a hookah, the coals coaxed by a fourth head in the background. “However, Tiamat is the demon I cling to.”

“Vocifer Vox could see why Judas fell. Vocifer Vox also wonders what esoteric task is demanded of him.”

“I demand nothing.” The fifth head sneered. She blew a plume of sweet smoke into a kobold's face, sending him into a coughing fit. “But Tiamat requires something of you. From the mouth of the Dragon Queen herself: Snarl, Lord of Chaos, is being ‘a dirty cheating bastard.’ The task before you is quite simple. Tiamat wants him to pay. She wants you to do what you do best. Fuck. Things. Up.”

Vocifer Vox thought a bit. The fact he was consorting with what is essentially a divine servant did not really sit well with him. However, he figured there was no other choice. Plus, there seemed to be nothing insidious about the arrangement (for now) and busting up a certain squid was a very nice bonus.

“Very well, then. Vocifer Vox accepts.”

“Of course, there is an issue of your little massacre. The Arbiters would tear you apart if they catch even the slightest wind of you, which is why I present you this.”

A kobold, trembling like a chihuahua, presented him with an artifact. It radiated with moderately powerful abjuration that is sure to withstand at least casual scrying. Unfortunately, it was also a gimp mask. Vocifer Vox frowned.

“…Does Vocifer Vox need to wear this.”

All five heads of Judas focused on him. Vocifer Vox could see a tip of a tongue darting oh-so-subtly over the chin of one mask. It was very unnerving.

The mask was snug at least.

--

1) Vocifer is tasked to wreck the auction.
1a) There are Butterfly reinforcements included. Yeah.

2) Vocifer is intent on beating up Nyc.

3) Vocifer has a mask that allows him evade detection of Beloved-rank angels.

James was back in his cell, though only briefly. He suspected that Blang wanted the innocent blob, though for what purpose, he could not yet say.

He doubted scrying for it would work. If Blang didn't have their own scryers, they had the means to bribe others. They wouldn't waste time questioning him, then.

Of course, James had other means of gathering information. He called the rats, the spiders, the centipedes, all manner of vermin that lived in the prison.

None of them had seen the blob. That was worrying.

Well. There was one more way James could get information, though it was less direct. When he was ready to transport through the cells, he could sense whether a cell were empty or not.

If something left a cell, it might be the blob.

It was not much of a lead, but it was all he had. And so, he sent the vermin away, then let himself shift into the wall of his cell.

Soon after, he felt a cell empty. That seemed worth checking. He sent himself through the walls, and emerged.

There was no one in sight.

But there was plenty of noise nearby. James glanced down the hall, and saw a crowd struggling to get into the auction.

That warranted a closer look.

1. James has just about caught up to Nyctitus and Vocifer's timeline.
2. James emerged from the cell where Nyctitus turned invisible.
3. James is taking a look at the auction.

The sudden meeting of Vanth and Butterfly plunged the auction hall into chaos. The scantily-clad Butterflies roared in like a tide, taking advantage of Vanth’s confusion- evidently the gang hadn’t expected their rivals to overcome their distractions quite so quickly. The gangsters who had been guarding the door were bowled over and crushed beneath high-heeled feet, flailing in shock. The rest surged in with deadly intent behind Vocifer, his barely-visible eyes locked on Nyctitus.

Vanth whinnied and reared in fury, striking a wayward kyton with his gleaming hoof. “To me!” he called, the rest of his forces gathering around his flanks. The sorcerer he’d trusted with the gem raised it like a beacon behind the charging unicorn, letting its eerie sky-blue light flood through the hall. His fighters seemed to take courage from its glow, rushing forward to meet the Butterfly forces with bloodthirsty indignation.

Nyctitus scrambled backwards as Vocifer cleared the brunt of the Vanth fighters and rushed at him, swinging his enormous axe with a vicious grin. It had been years since the kraken had fought without magic and he felt weak and naked without it- though not nearly as naked as Vocifer was right now, to his deep discomfort. Vocifer bellowed and thrust his axe forward as Nyctitus barely blocked in time, wrapping a tentacle as thick as the warrior’s waist around his arm.

Growling with effort, Nyctitus dragged Vocifer towards him as the pair struggled madly over the axe, turning every which way. The draconic fighter was surprisingly strong for such a pitifully small creature, but Nyctitus’ weight advantage began to tell as Vocifer slid slowly, inexorably, towards the kraken. He parted his foremost tentacles, revealing a razor-sharp beak as long as Vocifer was tall snapping just shut of a draconic wing.

“Give up,” Nyctitus hissed, flaring his exposed gills and tightening his grip on Vocifer’s arm. The fighter snarled back and pushed the axe forward a precious inch towards the kraken’s heaving body, its razor edge glittering. The human took a deep breath, his chest trembling, and Nyctitus laughed with his beak wide open. “Tired already, human? You should- rrraaAAGGH! Motherfucker!”

The dragonman had loosed a torrent of white-hot flames from his mouth straight into the kraken’s yawning beak. Nyctitus choked and reeled as in the same instant Vocifer slipped his axe free of his grip and sent it crashing down on the nearest tentacle.

Nyctitus bellowed in pain, flattening a few of the nearest Vanth fighters from the noise alone as he withdrew a bleeding stump where one of his tentacles had been. “You’ve cut off my arm,” he said, shocked. The disembodied limb- one of his feeder tentacles, a dozen meters longer than the rest- thrashed about like a maddened snake, crushing the smaller inmates in its path. Blue blood spattered wildly from its stump.

“Vocifer Vox will cut off more than that,” the draconic fighter said, kicking a goblin out of the way. He pointed his axe between Nyctitus’ eyes. “You are already dead, squid!”

Furiously Nyctitus charged, his beak open wide to devour the impudent dragonfucker, but Vocifer had the advantage of speed and maximum number of limbs. He sidestepped Nyctitus’ swinging tentacles and sliced again with his axe, severing another limb as the kraken gurgled in renewed agony.

“Vocifer dutifully swore to repay the loss of his falafel, and Vocifer will motherfucking succeed!” the fighter roared. He leapt nimbly atop the crest of one of Nyctitus’ thrashing arms, running along the slick surface as easily as if it were a forest path. He dived and ducked underneath the swinging tentacles, carving out footholds with his axe as the kraken frantically rolled, trying to dislodge his vicious passenger.

“Let it be known,” Vocifer roared, “That all who stand between Vocifer Vox and his falafel will perish in agony!” and he slammed his axe down on Nyctitus’ breathing prosthesis, shattering the glass and flooding the chamber with seawater as the kraken collapsed, gasping for water. Blackness overtook him as Vocifer prepared the axe for another strike, the edge glittering high above him like the sliver of a malicious moon, waiting to fall from the sky.

___

“He’s not so big up close, is he? No wonder that dragonfucker nearly did for him.”

“Maybe not big, but definitely ugly. Eurgh, he’s still bleeding everywhere. Gross.”

Someone kicked him. Nyctitus opened one swollen eye, dark shapes swimming before him.

“Oh, good, he’s awake,” a voice said, and someone leaned over him with a blindingly bright lantern. He hissed and tried to pull away- tried, he realized, with his two missing limbs.

The figure standing over him- no, on him- resolved itself into a smug-looking harpy, her bare chest glittering with heaps of golden chains. “Hi there, big guy,” she said, grinning. “You owe us a lot for saving you. So much that, in essence, you basically belong to us now. Pretty good deal, huh?”

___
1. Vanth's orb has such a strong antimagic field that the angels can't see what's going on around it. Why did they let it get sold in the first place? Do they know about it?
2. Vocifer trashed up Nyctitus pretty bad, but Blang saved him somehow. Now he owes them bigtime, they figure.

A GOOD FEW MINUTES AGO…

Vocifer Vox finally did it. The clerical cephalopod was at his mercy and all he needed to do was drop the axe. He would now but he wanted to perfect the final blow, to savor the fear in those moon-saucer eyes - and also to first acknowledge the nearby mage. He was human, slight and plain-faced. He displayed a surprise. A hostage.

“Vocifer. Let us see what you value more. Your victory – ,” the mage hissed as he struggled with the canvas. The canvas displayed a Vocifer in repose, in glorious nude. The mage held a gilt knife to his facsimile’s throat. “ – Or your ego.”

“No,” the dragon-man gasped. “You won’t dare.”

The mage responded by cutting an ugly scar and throwing the mess down. The canvas landed face down, the paints leaking into the blood and saltwater.

“How DARE YOU,” the dragon-man roared, turning his attention on the impetuous caster. “VOCIFER VOX WILL RIP YOU IN PIECES. VOCIFER VOX WILL TEAR YOU APART IN NO TIME.”

“Time?” The man forced a smile. “You gave me all the time I needed.”

Then Vocifer knew. He turned around. Nyctitus had been dragged off, leaving only a trail of glass and blood for his troubles. Vocifer turned back, hoping that he could at least axe the mage. However, the mage was gone too – a stink of conjuration left in his place. Vocifer had been tricked. Hornswoggled! He nearly broke his axe over his knee in frustration.

--

RIGHT NOW

Vocifer Vox trudged back to the makeshift office of Judas. Her first head was taking a fashionable drag out of a cigarette. The second head was chewing on a plug. The third head, however, was in some sort of trance, eyes vacant, horns halo’d.

“Yes, yes.” A pause, nod. “I understand.” Another pause. “I will tell him.”

Some facsimile of focus returned to her eyes and the head turned towards the dragon-man. “Vocifer, you did such a good job,” she praised mockingly. “Tiamat is pleased with your performance.”

“Vocifer Vox would like to remind you that the alliance is only temporary. Vocifer Vox will get out one day.” He paused. Then screamed. “AND TRIUMPH OVER THE FALSE GODS ONCE AGAIN.”

“Your energy is admirable,” the fourth head smirked. The fifth head spat at a kobold and continued. “I hope you have enough. Tiamat requires another task of you.”

“Vocifer Vox is curious.”

“Oh you know,” she lazily waved. A kobold came with a steaming cup of tea. “The gem?”

It took all of Vocifer’s willpower not to say oh shit. “…Yes?”

“It is so interesting. I want it,” her third head stated matter-of-factly. A trembling kobold replaced her burnt-out cigarette. “And I can’t even see it.”

“Wait, the gem?” The dragon-man sputtered. “From the unicorn? He’ll tear me in half. Vocifer Vox might be good as dead.”

“How uncharacteristically cowardly of you,” the second head sneered, tobacco juice dripped between her teeth. “Aren’t you always putting yourself in life or death situations?”

“…Vocifer Vox sees your point.”

--

1) Blang gang got to the dragon “masterpieces” first.

2) Blang gang hostaged the “masterpieces” as a distraction to take away Nyc.

3) Vocifer is tasked to steal the antimagic gem from Vanth.