Issue Investigator

go back and stab the treasure chest, make sure it's dead

>Lick the text above you.

im just trying to be a detective please stop giving me an existential crisis.
> go back and stab the treasure chest, make sure it's dead
You quickly head back behind you to make sure that the treasure chest is dead.

It seems dead.

SHIT ITS A VAMPIRE

And that solves that!

Or not.

The excessive amount of blood from the vampire chest pushes you towards the hideout of....

THE DASTARDLY ROB! HES KNOWN FOR FROWNING AT KITTENS AND LOITERING! YOU MUST STOP HIM!
"Greetings Douglas, I've been expecting you :)"
What do?

>Make weird mouth noises at the Rob

He's loitering RIGHT NOW! He can't weasel his way out of this one!

lift your other foot off the ground

> Pee in his face.

>He's loitering RIGHT NOW! He can't weasel his way out of this one!

"Stop right there, criminal scum!" is what you were trying to say. Unfortunately it comes out as more of an angered fart sound.

>lift your other foot off the ground

You've vaguely threatened him!

> Pee in his face.

Ew, no.

wield dagger with shoe, dub it the knifeboot

>Confess your undying love for him and get married

>Insult his mother!

> Throw your hat at him!

>Insult his mother!
You call his mother a "not very cool person." Unfortunately, Bad dudes don't care about their moms so you've done nothing!
> wield dagger with shoe, dub it the knifeboot
You can't! The dagger is still stuck inside the mimic!
>Confess your undying love for him and get married
You only have one love.
The justice system.
Oh, and the happy meal too.
> Throw your hat at him!
You take off the hat and throw it towards him.

You've awoken the brain tentacles.

They have awoken.
They are hungry.

You did it!
Now how in the heck do you get out?

>swim through the blood

>The lever and platform will catapult you to the top of your detective agency!

>

>swim through the blood

You try to swim through the blood but end up slipping, kicking the lever and flying backwards.

You hear a loud clunking sound as stairs rise from the ground and a scream echoes from the other room!

>Oh that sounds fun,perhaps someone is in trouble? up the stairs we go!

> Scream: Turn out to be from a kitten-lady hybrid.

>Oh that sounds fun,perhaps someone is in trouble? up the stairs we go!


Huh.
This seems like some kind of facility.
Neat.

>Neat! Maybe will find some rad science stuff, onwards!

>Neat! Maybe will find some rad science stuff, onwards!
You keep walking forwards, until you find a split in the path.
Knowing yourself fairly well, you take the left path.

Oh, haha! Someone was just playing music! No-ones actually hurt!


Whats that sound?

>Oh dear! We blacked out, what happened?

You're awake.
And you arent in the same room anymore.

A tinny voice crackles from a semi-busted intercom.
"GREETINGS DETECTIVE! IT IS I, THE EVIL MASTERMIND "DEATHMAN"."
You inform the intercom that you've never heard of him.
"WELL! SHUT UP!"
"IF YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THIS ROOM, THE WATER WILL RISE AND THE SINGULAR PIRANHA WILL EAT YOU ALIVE!!!"

>Observe wooden plank

>Pfft, a single piranha? We, the best detective ever, look around for possible escapes!