Million Dollars But...

I'll take embarrassment over a health hazard. The sneezing one, then. I could bury, like, an ant or something. Plus if I don't like my neighbors, forcing them to watch something mundane would be funny.

But what if I don't have a yard.

I'll take the dead animal one, if it's nothing big, and I didn't kill it, it seems like a pretty ok deal. I rarely sneeze but I'll have to stop at many redlights everyday.

Just get a chauffeur with some of your million dollars. Or only travel by walking / helicopters.

Relocate to walk to work. But some lactaid.

SpoilerShow

Are we allowed to suggest our own?

Million but you get it 2000 years in the past OR you get it 2000 years in the future.

No adjustments for inflation all amounts in US or Canadian your choice.

uhhhhhhhhhhh. future? ill bequeath it to my greatwhateverchildren at least.

I mean, obviously you would be transported to the appropriate time to revive your briefcase of unmarked 2016 us bills.

But without the tears

then, past. the money would be worthless either way. i cant know if earth will still be here, and populated, by 4016. at least 16 ad was a cool time for rome!

Future for me.
Either humanity will have figured themselves out by then and money won't matter, or else the ancient dollar bills will be valuable antiques.
Or it'll be a radiation-infused apocalypse, in which case I guess I'll have to become a Brainer or Savvyhead.

Well, I didn't get any suggestions for nouns. Good thing there were cards with blanks for names, and I just pulled users from this thread.

Million dollars but whenever you think about Slorange,
you must eat whatever the nearest non-human animal is eating

or...

Million dollars but whenever you get stuck behind someone walking
slowly, you have to publicly confess your love for Fogel.

And yeah, feel free to put other ideas in here. I'm just pulling from the cards I have. I, for one, am not one to stop creativity.

Second one might actually make people speed up away from me

Goin' with that

fogel

i love you

So I just have to confess my love for myself?

Well, it'll be a burden, but I think I can manage that.

uh

poor fogel is going to be overwhelmed as everyone goes in for the easy money.

The nearest animal is probably the follicle mites that suck on the sebum in your face-pores. So really you just have to lick your lips.

But even knowing that, pretty sure I profess my love for DF on a regular basis anyway.