Post making contest 5.0

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Blue she.

This Belushi enough for you?

unsubscribed and blocked

し し し し しし.

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gobble ;)

Passes 1, 2, and 3!

I'm off to bed! but I will leave you with this advice:

You all have to Be the Belushi.

Fixed.

Passes rules 1 and 3!

Bee, the Belushi?

Be the lushi?

Have we passed rules 4 or 5 yet?

Not yet! Passes rule 2!

This passes no rules!

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This passes rule 2!

This passes no rules!

Blue she.

This passes rule 2!

This Belushi enough for you?

Chwoka, you're a real Jim.
(This is a hint.)

Passes rule 2!

unsubscribed and blocked

Passes rule 2!

Passes rule 2!

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Passes rule 2!

Content Removed By user

Passes rule 2!

btp, you're a real Jim.

I am Jim.

btp, you're a real Jim.

This passes rule 2 and 4!

I am Jim.

This passes rule 2!

Goodnight everybody!

btp, you're the real John Belushi.
John, Jim, Joanne, Jones, Johnny, Johm, Job, Josh, Janice, Jody, Jill, Jonh, Jon, Gohn

Belushi, Bistromi, Beladdi, Buleshi, Delushie, Beslushy, Bartolamy, Beruddi, Belongi, Bistrome
I bet your skin is... Be-luscious.

Reyweld, you're a real Jim.

Reyweld, you're a real Johm.

Fixed.

Reyweld, you're a real Jim.

"Move over Belushi there's a new Jim in town!"

Real rules post later!

This is update #229.

I have just started my first game of Endless Legend.

OH MY GOSH WHY IS THERE SO MUCH EVERYTHING ON MY SCREEN

WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN

I PLAYED THE TUTORIAL BUT NOPE TURNS OUT THAT WAS MOLLYCODDLING ME BIG TIME

I ZOOMED OUT ON THE TECH TREE AND NEARLY GOT VERTIGO

WHEN PICKING MY FACTION I THOUGHT THE DRAKKEN IDEA OF KNOWING WHERE EVERYONE WAS SOUNDED INTERESTING BUT THAT'S JUST CLUTTERED UP MY VIEW WITH EVEN MORE NOTIFICATIONS

WHY ARE THERE HYDRAS IN MY BACKYARD

HELP ME

End of message.

This is update #230.

YEAR ONE SUMMARY

• I gave my Archivist hero the "Indiana Bones" skill to make them better at searching ruins. All of the next three they looked in were empty. Huh.
  
• "One of the roaming armies in Gadinak has the treasure you seek!" Okay, jolly good. One question... where the fuck's Gadinak?
  
• The swish-looking mouse yetis with wings really dig how peaceful we are. That's nice to know. They are definitely the coolest of all my opponents so I'm happy to be on their good side...
  
• I have to go find a relic in a ruin that is indicated by "rays of dust". I do not know what that means.
  
• oh wait it's the one with the big glowy golden threads hanging above it never mind that makes sense (do you think the lime green people will mind if I nip into their lands for this? It's a mission of vital importance! Honest!)
  
• Right, it's time to set an Empire Plan. It's reassuring to realise that, until now, I haven't had an official plan, because that chimes well with my actual experience.
  
• The lime green people were apparently the first people to pacify eight villages. I have pacified zero villages. I am definitely doing this right.
  
• I talked to my first minor faction and they told me that they would only consider joining me once other minor factions had joined me. That's... that's just unhelpful.
  
• Okay my actual local minor faction just wants some wine. That's more doable. There's some wine in one of the regions next door. Note to self: expand there at some point.
  
• Put yourself now in the shoes of Lilya of the lime green people Mezari. Last (insert whatever unit of time a turn is here), a gigantic fucking dragon traipsed past your city of Inolya, mumbling its apologies for trespassing and scaring the hell out of your citizens. This turn, said dragon walked back the way it came, only this time it was carrying a preposterously huge blue sword that looks like someone stuck a fighter jet on a knife hilt. What stance do you adopt towards this weird creature? I dunno, but it certainly shouldn't be "trustful". Seriously.
  
• I need to research open pit mines in order to extract wine. Do my people know what wine is?
  
• Also, why "extraction"? That's not a universally applicable word... though, honestly, I haven't figured out the strategic and luxury resource system yet. I found some gold in a ruin earlier and I still don't entirely know what I'm supposed to do with it.
  
• Oh hey, it's win- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALTAR THINGIMAJIG
  
• what are pearls
  
• okay my laptop is really not liking winter
  
• quick question how am I meant to figure out city tile yields for my expansion during winter?

End of message.

This is update #231.

YEAR TWO COMMENTARY

• one of my scouts is about to get its arse handed to it by my neighbour, the red necrophages
  
• or not I jammily managed a retreat phew
  
• okay I failed that Gadinak quest somehow and I do not care to find out what actually happened
  
• I just stepped on some pearls and picked them up. I totally meant to do that.
  
• huh I think the mouse yetis appreciate my inchoate pearl collection lovely jubbly
  
• oh my goodness I can send them a compliment that is utterly pointless right now but I just have to do it anyway
  
• aww they really liked it this is the best
  
• WHY AM I ONLY ALLOWED TEN CHARACTERS FOR CITY NAMES THAT IS CRUELTY
  
• look I am a bunch of dragons and I chose the purple colour scheme please let me name my capital "Artisan's Home" for christ's sake
  
• OKAY FINE GLIMMER IT IS
  
• Do you think the Bos will mind if I build my third city adjacent to their little camp?
  
• ...so the Bos didn't mind but it turns out the red necrophages really do not like the fact our borders now touch soooooo
  
• The Nidya in Hurricos (*cough*) would really like me to pacify some monsters for them. How could I go about maybe not doing that?
  
• actually all of my units are reasonably nearby perhaps I should give this a shot
  
• how do I heal units or are they doing it automatically I swear this guy who had to retreat twice is looking perkier than earlier but would really like to be sure of his continued survival
  
• Right, so now the Silics in Bel'sero want me to destroy the Nidya in Hurricos. Um.
  
• OH GOSH THE SOUND EFFECTS WHEN I ENTERED THE SECOND ERA WHAT THE HECK
  
• So I deliberately teched hard to enter a new era for the purposes of pacifying the Bos. Cue the thirty-second search for the Bos villages.
  
• OH WAIT I SETTLED RIGHT NEXT TO THEM NEVER MIND
  
• Time to show these monsters who's boss! It's probably them, but I want to make sure that they know this.
  
• oh dear lord these are gigantic fucking fennels made out of snakes I am supposedly able to beat them easily but I opted for a manual battle so really it's anyone's guess
  
• YOU IDIOTS I TOLD YOU TO STAY BACK YOU GOT HURT EARLIER AND NOW YOU'RE JUST RUNNING STRAIGHT AT THIS SLIMY VEGETABLE
  
• righty ho I won the battle and now the Nidya like me that's cool
  
• Wait, hang on. I got some wine earlier for completing a quest, and my local minor faction want me to give them wine. How do I do that?
  
• So, there's like one world wonder per era? That's interesting. The orange necrophages got it, which is fine - I wasn't going for it because I hadn't realised it existed.
  
• I have an altar now. It looks real bizarre AND WHY IS SOME OF IT FLOATING
  
• I do not understand any part of what I am looking at right now.
  
• The next step on my faction quest is to set the Military Ministry of the Empire Plan to level 2. I have never used the Military option in the Empire Plan. Huh.
  
• Okay in other words spend 180 influence on this pointless thing in eighteen turns fair enough I can do that I may have just spent 30 influence on assimilating the Bos but I'll save some up I guess...
  
• I presume my hero picked up a couple of bottles of Hurricos plonk on the way back past Glimmer because he just managed to deliver them to the Nidya village without hassle...
  
• STOP THE PRESSES THE FIGHTER JET SWORD WAS IN FACT A SHIELD THAT MAKES MORE SENSE
  
• Oh no the yeti mice actually really don't like my pearl collection. Shit.
  
• As a consequence of my aimless walkabouts, I have now accumulated 25 pearls. In the altar, there is an option to "pray", an action apparently costing 18 pearls. There are two things to pray for, both of which really sound like things I should be praying against. Sure. Fine. Whatever.
  
• A new quest from a minor faction on the west coast - sign a peace treaty in the next ten turns. I do not know how to propose peace treaties. That says a lot.
  
• ah okay got it there's a tech in this era that I need to research first FAIR ENOUGH
  
• Right, I just searched a ruin and it triggered a quest that requires me to search another specific ruin with, and I quote, "a strong Infantry hero (Level 4 minimum)". This is a trap.
  
• also by Archivist buddy is a support hero so nope not doing this quest
  
• A competitive quest has just showed up in which an archaeologist wants me to go rifle through some ruins in Histrel. I do not know where Histrel is. Come to think of it, I still haven't found Gadinak...
  
• RIGHT I'VE LEARNT HOW TO MAKE PEACE WHO WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND
  
• pfft the red necrophages are "mildly jealous" and WHY HAS THE MOUSE YETI GONE BLACK
  
• OH MY GOODNESS ITS COAT CHANGES COLOUR IN THE WINTER THAT'S ADORABLE
  
• okay I made peace with the mouse yeti whose name I should probably learn perhaps it would also be wise to make peace with my neighbours
  
• Turns out lime green doesn't favour a peace deal and there's no option present for the red necrophages WELP
  
• IT'S OKAY I'M OFFICIALLY AT PEACE WITH THE EMPIRE THAT'S FURTHEST AWAY FROM ME WHOOPDIE DOO
  
• so I figured out how to unlock a blessing at the altar but now I need to remember to actually build the Ice Works at some point okie dokie
  
• As a reward for signing that peace treaty, the minor faction gave me 20 quicksilver. I do not know what quicksilver is.
  
• *clicks End Turn for a bit*
  
• BYE BYE WINTER THANKS FOR NOTHING

End of message.

This is update #232.

YEAR THREE COMMENTARY

• Once again, I failed the quest in the far-flung location that I have yet to discover. Go figure.
  
• Can I get away with founding a city in a desert? Let's find out! Good luck, Scorch!
  
• The locals want me to fuck up some more monsters. I can do this. I can do this. I can...
  
• If I put everyone in Hurricos onto production, I can crack out the Industrial Megapole in ten turns. I am very tempted to do this, just because I love its name.
  
• Note to self: empire plan influence costs go up every time so that 180 I needed turned out to be 240. Fortunately I had 376 banked but still.
  
• At this point, I stopped for dinner, during which something of great importance occurred to me: I don't know what the win conditions are.
  
• ...so it looks like I've been aiming for a time score victory then...
  
• I auto-resolved the monster battle. Does that make me the true monster?
  
• I made peace with the dark green people. That was my first interaction with them this entire game.
  
• Turns out you can get... hints? when you hover over quest objectives. My new mainline quest requires me to defeat three armies with a hero and the tooltip hint is "Armies can be defeated by pounding their heads in."
  
• AND I IMMEDIATELY GET INTO A BATTLE WITH A ROAMING ARMY
  
• Orange, red and lime green have closed their borders to me. Huh. That means I can't get out east any more. Ah well.
  
• I just beat the lime green people to settling Inelle Toasty by a turn. They are going to be so pissed.
  
• okay so overexpansion penalties exist that's good to know, by which I mean oops
  
• I did not get the Industrial Megapole. I got a refund instead. Now that's pretty cool.
  
• I ran into another roaming army and could only resolve the fight in a draw, so I ran towards Colossus and got reinforcements for the next turn in the form of the city garrison. That is also pretty cool.
  
• The luxury resources revealed from entering the third era include "blood crystals", "moonleaf" and "titan bones". Um.
  
• oh goodness I have a lot of adamantian and palladian
  
• ROADS ARE SO COOL
  
• dark green have decided we shouldn't have a peace treaty any more UMMMMMM
  
• You are quite distant so I'm not worried about you invading me and all but why aren't you content with just being friends? Was it something I said?
  
• ...I closed my borders to my red necrophage neighbours and they really didn't like that...
  
• I finally remembered to unlock the marketplace. I get the feeling I should have got round to this much earlier...
  
• And the yeti mice finally close their borders to me. At least they had the decency to dress it up like a good idea...
  
• Huzzah! I finally managed a to rack up a legendary deed! 2000 influence accumulated just like that! I do not understand my reward but I don't mind that! It's the feeling of having achieved something that I was aiming for...
  
• I've started an empire-wide campaign of watchtower construction in an attempt to make me feel safer. I don't know how this will help; I'm hoping it's the thought that'll count...
  
• That was definitely the longest winter yet...

End of message.

on a scale from 1 to 10 how well did civ 5 prepare you for this

This is update #233.

on a scale from 1 to 10 how well did civ 5 prepare you for this

At this point, I dunno, maybe a 4 or a 5? I'm comfortable with the whole city management shebang, from worker assignment to district construction, and I'm beginning to understand the various yields, but combat and diplomacy are still complete mysteries, the former especially...

YEAR FOUR COMMENTARY PART ONE

• okay so praying for winter effects is kinda like trying to guarantee the best worst case scenario because the game just suggested I might get -15 approval in all cities next winter and I would really much rather -10% health regen because that's not even a detriment at this point
  
• I managed to get dark green to agree to peace again. I've yet to try actually forcing factions into peace with me because the cyan yeti mice and this lot are the only two with whom I can make peace, and they're both quite willing to do so...
  
• (I do not understand the diplomacy system and am playing a faction whose recommended victory is the diplomatic victory)
  
• I put a wyvern in the queue. It's about time I got something that can actually fly...
  
• Right, this time I beelined the strategic resources required to build the third era wonder, and Hurricos is now a production powerhouse that can churn it out in six turns. Fingers crossed...
  
• I figured out that you can surround city districts with others to upgrade them and now Glimmer looks even more swish. And, um, more, erm, foreboding than I was expecting...
  
• OH MY GOODNESS THE ROADS OUT OF THE CITY HAVE LITTLE PILLARS EITHER SIDE OF THEM WITH CUTE DRAGON STATUES ON TOP
  
• And there's another legendary deed - I've made 4000 gold dust so far this game! I've spent absolutely none of it!
  
• I finally managed to stumble into another roving army to compelete my mainline quest and now it would like me to research eight technologies from the second era. I have already done that, so I'm guessing I'm a touch behind here...
  
• (...there are nine left, in case I need to notch 'em up again...)
  
• Nope okay just needed to tick another turn over - now I need to find somewhere to build a nursery... it looks like Glimmer's big enough, I'll just shove it in the queue...
  
• So the current competitive quest would like me to defeat a "guardian" roaming about in Jayain. That's a place only I can get at - it's the frozen wasteland to my north. I'm just on my way there to deliver some Palladian to the local Kazanji... maybe I should pick up some reinforcements on my way there?
  
• I GOT TO BUILD THE ALCHEMICAL INSITUTE WOOHOO WONDER WHORING AIN'T A DEAD ART YET
  
• is 1am a good time to learn how to design units yes or no
  
• WAIT SHITTING HELL THE YETI MICE JUST GOT MURDERED
  
• SWEET JESUS
  
• ORANGE NECROPHAGES YOU SCOUNDRELS THEY WERE MY ONLY FRIENDS
  
• oh shit sudden loud chanting that must mean I've reached the next era somehow
  
• okay "pixie blood" is a new luxury they are making this shit up as they go along
  
• So one of the legendary deeds for this era is to be the first to achieve an Empire Approval rating of 100. My lowest city approval rating is currently 71.9 and I have a wine booster available that says it'll add 30 approval per city. This seems very doable and finally gives me a hint as to what boosters are meant to be used for...
  
• EVERYBODY LOVES ME (within my borders)
  
• what is that
  
• why is there a big golden puddle in the middle of that major intersection
  
• there are spikes growing out of it and everyth- oh it's a new luxury
  
• I have no hyperium whatsoever. There goes the plan of beelining for the next set of strategics to get the fourth era wonder...
  
• oh huh there's some in the frozen wastes to my north - maybe it's time I expanded a bit more
  
• FUCKING HELL THE GUARDIAN IS HUGE
  
• LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING
  
• I just threw a random selection of upgraded equipment at the army of mine that's accidentally ended up standing next to it and now they are just going to dig in for a while. With any luck this won't end in tears...
  
• IT BUGGERED OFF THANK GOODNESS
  
• wait no now it's standing in front of the minor faction village that I'm trying to get at THIS IS NOT OKAY
  
• okay made it I've dropped of the delivery jolly good now I'm going to bed

End of message.

btp, you're the real John Belushi.
John, Jim, Joanne, Jones, Johnny, Johm, Job, Josh, Janice, Jody, Jill, Jonh, Jon, Gohn

Belushi, Bistromi, Beladdi, Buleshi, Delushie, Beslushy, Bartolamy, Beruddi, Belongi, Bistrome
I bet your skin is... Be-luscious.

This post passes no rules!

Reyweld, you're a real Jim.

This post passes rule 2 and 4!

Reyweld, you're a real Johm.

Fixed.

This post passes rule 2!

Reyweld, you're a real Jim.

"Move over Belushi there's a new Jim in town!"

This post passes rule 2 and 4!

Real rules post later!

Passes rule 2!

This is update #229.

I have just started my first game of Endless Legend.

OH MY GOSH WHY IS THERE SO MUCH EVERYTHING ON MY SCREEN

WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN

I PLAYED THE TUTORIAL BUT NOPE TURNS OUT THAT WAS MOLLYCODDLING ME BIG TIME

I ZOOMED OUT ON THE TECH TREE AND NEARLY GOT VERTIGO

WHEN PICKING MY FACTION I THOUGHT THE DRAKKEN IDEA OF KNOWING WHERE EVERYONE WAS SOUNDED INTERESTING BUT THAT'S JUST CLUTTERED UP MY VIEW WITH EVEN MORE NOTIFICATIONS

WHY ARE THERE HYDRAS IN MY BACKYARD

HELP ME

End of message.

Passes rule 2!

This is update #230.

YEAR ONE SUMMARY

• I gave my Archivist hero the "Indiana Bones" skill to make them better at searching ruins. All of the next three they looked in were empty. Huh.
  
• "One of the roaming armies in Gadinak has the treasure you seek!" Okay, jolly good. One question... where the fuck's Gadinak?
  
• The swish-looking mouse yetis with wings really dig how peaceful we are. That's nice to know. They are definitely the coolest of all my opponents so I'm happy to be on their good side...
  
• I have to go find a relic in a ruin that is indicated by "rays of dust". I do not know what that means.
  
• oh wait it's the one with the big glowy golden threads hanging above it never mind that makes sense (do you think the lime green people will mind if I nip into their lands for this? It's a mission of vital importance! Honest!)
  
• Right, it's time to set an Empire Plan. It's reassuring to realise that, until now, I haven't had an official plan, because that chimes well with my actual experience.
  
• The lime green people were apparently the first people to pacify eight villages. I have pacified zero villages. I am definitely doing this right.
  
• I talked to my first minor faction and they told me that they would only consider joining me once other minor factions had joined me. That's... that's just unhelpful.
  
• Okay my actual local minor faction just wants some wine. That's more doable. There's some wine in one of the regions next door. Note to self: expand there at some point.
  
• Put yourself now in the shoes of Lilya of the lime green people Mezari. Last (insert whatever unit of time a turn is here), a gigantic fucking dragon traipsed past your city of Inolya, mumbling its apologies for trespassing and scaring the hell out of your citizens. This turn, said dragon walked back the way it came, only this time it was carrying a preposterously huge blue sword that looks like someone stuck a fighter jet on a knife hilt. What stance do you adopt towards this weird creature? I dunno, but it certainly shouldn't be "trustful". Seriously.
  
• I need to research open pit mines in order to extract wine. Do my people know what wine is?
  
• Also, why "extraction"? That's not a universally applicable word... though, honestly, I haven't figured out the strategic and luxury resource system yet. I found some gold in a ruin earlier and I still don't entirely know what I'm supposed to do with it.
  
• Oh hey, it's win- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALTAR THINGIMAJIG
  
• what are pearls
  
• okay my laptop is really not liking winter
  
• quick question how am I meant to figure out city tile yields for my expansion during winter?

End of message.

Passes rule 2!

This is update #231.

YEAR TWO COMMENTARY

• one of my scouts is about to get its arse handed to it by my neighbour, the red necrophages
  
• or not I jammily managed a retreat phew
  
• okay I failed that Gadinak quest somehow and I do not care to find out what actually happened
  
• I just stepped on some pearls and picked them up. I totally meant to do that.
  
• huh I think the mouse yetis appreciate my inchoate pearl collection lovely jubbly
  
• oh my goodness I can send them a compliment that is utterly pointless right now but I just have to do it anyway
  
• aww they really liked it this is the best
  
• WHY AM I ONLY ALLOWED TEN CHARACTERS FOR CITY NAMES THAT IS CRUELTY
  
• look I am a bunch of dragons and I chose the purple colour scheme please let me name my capital "Artisan's Home" for christ's sake
  
• OKAY FINE GLIMMER IT IS
  
• Do you think the Bos will mind if I build my third city adjacent to their little camp?
  
• ...so the Bos didn't mind but it turns out the red necrophages really do not like the fact our borders now touch soooooo
  
• The Nidya in Hurricos (*cough*) would really like me to pacify some monsters for them. How could I go about maybe not doing that?
  
• actually all of my units are reasonably nearby perhaps I should give this a shot
  
• how do I heal units or are they doing it automatically I swear this guy who had to retreat twice is looking perkier than earlier but would really like to be sure of his continued survival
  
• Right, so now the Silics in Bel'sero want me to destroy the Nidya in Hurricos. Um.
  
• OH GOSH THE SOUND EFFECTS WHEN I ENTERED THE SECOND ERA WHAT THE HECK
  
• So I deliberately teched hard to enter a new era for the purposes of pacifying the Bos. Cue the thirty-second search for the Bos villages.
  
• OH WAIT I SETTLED RIGHT NEXT TO THEM NEVER MIND
  
• Time to show these monsters who's boss! It's probably them, but I want to make sure that they know this.
  
• oh dear lord these are gigantic fucking fennels made out of snakes I am supposedly able to beat them easily but I opted for a manual battle so really it's anyone's guess
  
• YOU IDIOTS I TOLD YOU TO STAY BACK YOU GOT HURT EARLIER AND NOW YOU'RE JUST RUNNING STRAIGHT AT THIS SLIMY VEGETABLE
  
• righty ho I won the battle and now the Nidya like me that's cool
  
• Wait, hang on. I got some wine earlier for completing a quest, and my local minor faction want me to give them wine. How do I do that?
  
• So, there's like one world wonder per era? That's interesting. The orange necrophages got it, which is fine - I wasn't going for it because I hadn't realised it existed.
  
• I have an altar now. It looks real bizarre AND WHY IS SOME OF IT FLOATING
  
• I do not understand any part of what I am looking at right now.
  
• The next step on my faction quest is to set the Military Ministry of the Empire Plan to level 2. I have never used the Military option in the Empire Plan. Huh.
  
• Okay in other words spend 180 influence on this pointless thing in eighteen turns fair enough I can do that I may have just spent 30 influence on assimilating the Bos but I'll save some up I guess...
  
• I presume my hero picked up a couple of bottles of Hurricos plonk on the way back past Glimmer because he just managed to deliver them to the Nidya village without hassle...
  
• STOP THE PRESSES THE FIGHTER JET SWORD WAS IN FACT A SHIELD THAT MAKES MORE SENSE
  
• Oh no the yeti mice actually really don't like my pearl collection. Shit.
  
• As a consequence of my aimless walkabouts, I have now accumulated 25 pearls. In the altar, there is an option to "pray", an action apparently costing 18 pearls. There are two things to pray for, both of which really sound like things I should be praying against. Sure. Fine. Whatever.
  
• A new quest from a minor faction on the west coast - sign a peace treaty in the next ten turns. I do not know how to propose peace treaties. That says a lot.
  
• ah okay got it there's a tech in this era that I need to research first FAIR ENOUGH
  
• Right, I just searched a ruin and it triggered a quest that requires me to search another specific ruin with, and I quote, "a strong Infantry hero (Level 4 minimum)". This is a trap.
  
• also by Archivist buddy is a support hero so nope not doing this quest
  
• A competitive quest has just showed up in which an archaeologist wants me to go rifle through some ruins in Histrel. I do not know where Histrel is. Come to think of it, I still haven't found Gadinak...
  
• RIGHT I'VE LEARNT HOW TO MAKE PEACE WHO WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND
  
• pfft the red necrophages are "mildly jealous" and WHY HAS THE MOUSE YETI GONE BLACK
  
• OH MY GOODNESS ITS COAT CHANGES COLOUR IN THE WINTER THAT'S ADORABLE
  
• okay I made peace with the mouse yeti whose name I should probably learn perhaps it would also be wise to make peace with my neighbours
  
• Turns out lime green doesn't favour a peace deal and there's no option present for the red necrophages WELP
  
• IT'S OKAY I'M OFFICIALLY AT PEACE WITH THE EMPIRE THAT'S FURTHEST AWAY FROM ME WHOOPDIE DOO
  
• so I figured out how to unlock a blessing at the altar but now I need to remember to actually build the Ice Works at some point okie dokie
  
• As a reward for signing that peace treaty, the minor faction gave me 20 quicksilver. I do not know what quicksilver is.
  
• *clicks End Turn for a bit*
  
• BYE BYE WINTER THANKS FOR NOTHING

End of message.

Passes rule 2!

This is update #232.

YEAR THREE COMMENTARY

• Once again, I failed the quest in the far-flung location that I have yet to discover. Go figure.
  
• Can I get away with founding a city in a desert? Let's find out! Good luck, Scorch!
  
• The locals want me to fuck up some more monsters. I can do this. I can do this. I can...
  
• If I put everyone in Hurricos onto production, I can crack out the Industrial Megapole in ten turns. I am very tempted to do this, just because I love its name.
  
• Note to self: empire plan influence costs go up every time so that 180 I needed turned out to be 240. Fortunately I had 376 banked but still.
  
• At this point, I stopped for dinner, during which something of great importance occurred to me: I don't know what the win conditions are.
  
• ...so it looks like I've been aiming for a time score victory then...
  
• I auto-resolved the monster battle. Does that make me the true monster?
  
• I made peace with the dark green people. That was my first interaction with them this entire game.
  
• Turns out you can get... hints? when you hover over quest objectives. My new mainline quest requires me to defeat three armies with a hero and the tooltip hint is "Armies can be defeated by pounding their heads in."
  
• AND I IMMEDIATELY GET INTO A BATTLE WITH A ROAMING ARMY
  
• Orange, red and lime green have closed their borders to me. Huh. That means I can't get out east any more. Ah well.
  
• I just beat the lime green people to settling Inelle Toasty by a turn. They are going to be so pissed.
  
• okay so overexpansion penalties exist that's good to know, by which I mean oops
  
• I did not get the Industrial Megapole. I got a refund instead. Now that's pretty cool.
  
• I ran into another roaming army and could only resolve the fight in a draw, so I ran towards Colossus and got reinforcements for the next turn in the form of the city garrison. That is also pretty cool.
  
• The luxury resources revealed from entering the third era include "blood crystals", "moonleaf" and "titan bones". Um.
  
• oh goodness I have a lot of adamantian and palladian
  
• ROADS ARE SO COOL
  
• dark green have decided we shouldn't have a peace treaty any more UMMMMMM
  
• You are quite distant so I'm not worried about you invading me and all but why aren't you content with just being friends? Was it something I said?
  
• ...I closed my borders to my red necrophage neighbours and they really didn't like that...
  
• I finally remembered to unlock the marketplace. I get the feeling I should have got round to this much earlier...
  
• And the yeti mice finally close their borders to me. At least they had the decency to dress it up like a good idea...
  
• Huzzah! I finally managed a to rack up a legendary deed! 2000 influence accumulated just like that! I do not understand my reward but I don't mind that! It's the feeling of having achieved something that I was aiming for...
  
• I've started an empire-wide campaign of watchtower construction in an attempt to make me feel safer. I don't know how this will help; I'm hoping it's the thought that'll count...
  
• That was definitely the longest winter yet...

End of message.

Passes rule 2!

on a scale from 1 to 10 how well did civ 5 prepare you for this

Passes rule 2!

This is update #233.

on a scale from 1 to 10 how well did civ 5 prepare you for this

At this point, I dunno, maybe a 4 or a 5? I'm comfortable with the whole city management shebang, from worker assignment to district construction, and I'm beginning to understand the various yields, but combat and diplomacy are still complete mysteries, the former especially...

YEAR FOUR COMMENTARY PART ONE

• okay so praying for winter effects is kinda like trying to guarantee the best worst case scenario because the game just suggested I might get -15 approval in all cities next winter and I would really much rather -10% health regen because that's not even a detriment at this point
  
• I managed to get dark green to agree to peace again. I've yet to try actually forcing factions into peace with me because the cyan yeti mice and this lot are the only two with whom I can make peace, and they're both quite willing to do so...
  
• (I do not understand the diplomacy system and am playing a faction whose recommended victory is the diplomatic victory)
  
• I put a wyvern in the queue. It's about time I got something that can actually fly...
  
• Right, this time I beelined the strategic resources required to build the third era wonder, and Hurricos is now a production powerhouse that can churn it out in six turns. Fingers crossed...
  
• I figured out that you can surround city districts with others to upgrade them and now Glimmer looks even more swish. And, um, more, erm, foreboding than I was expecting...
  
• OH MY GOODNESS THE ROADS OUT OF THE CITY HAVE LITTLE PILLARS EITHER SIDE OF THEM WITH CUTE DRAGON STATUES ON TOP
  
• And there's another legendary deed - I've made 4000 gold dust so far this game! I've spent absolutely none of it!
  
• I finally managed to stumble into another roving army to compelete my mainline quest and now it would like me to research eight technologies from the second era. I have already done that, so I'm guessing I'm a touch behind here...
  
• (...there are nine left, in case I need to notch 'em up again...)
  
• Nope okay just needed to tick another turn over - now I need to find somewhere to build a nursery... it looks like Glimmer's big enough, I'll just shove it in the queue...
  
• So the current competitive quest would like me to defeat a "guardian" roaming about in Jayain. That's a place only I can get at - it's the frozen wasteland to my north. I'm just on my way there to deliver some Palladian to the local Kazanji... maybe I should pick up some reinforcements on my way there?
  
• I GOT TO BUILD THE ALCHEMICAL INSITUTE WOOHOO WONDER WHORING AIN'T A DEAD ART YET
  
• is 1am a good time to learn how to design units yes or no
  
• WAIT SHITTING HELL THE YETI MICE JUST GOT MURDERED
  
• SWEET JESUS
  
• ORANGE NECROPHAGES YOU SCOUNDRELS THEY WERE MY ONLY FRIENDS
  
• oh shit sudden loud chanting that must mean I've reached the next era somehow
  
• okay "pixie blood" is a new luxury they are making this shit up as they go along
  
• So one of the legendary deeds for this era is to be the first to achieve an Empire Approval rating of 100. My lowest city approval rating is currently 71.9 and I have a wine booster available that says it'll add 30 approval per city. This seems very doable and finally gives me a hint as to what boosters are meant to be used for...
  
• EVERYBODY LOVES ME (within my borders)
  
• what is that
  
• why is there a big golden puddle in the middle of that major intersection
  
• there are spikes growing out of it and everyth- oh it's a new luxury
  
• I have no hyperium whatsoever. There goes the plan of beelining for the next set of strategics to get the fourth era wonder...
  
• oh huh there's some in the frozen wastes to my north - maybe it's time I expanded a bit more
  
• FUCKING HELL THE GUARDIAN IS HUGE
  
• LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING
  
• I just threw a random selection of upgraded equipment at the army of mine that's accidentally ended up standing next to it and now they are just going to dig in for a while. With any luck this won't end in tears...
  
• IT BUGGERED OFF THANK GOODNESS
  
• wait no now it's standing in front of the minor faction village that I'm trying to get at THIS IS NOT OKAY
  
• okay made it I've dropped of the delivery jolly good now I'm going to bed

End of message.

Passes rule 2!

You're a real Jim, btp. ;)