Post making contest: easier mode

Grand Battle.

Passes no rules.
Approaching rule 4.

This is episode #9.

• Trott you would appear to be willfully ignoring the fact you were the aggressor here. You also have -5 happiness and are building a caravansary in your most exposed city. Stop it.
  
• they are fighting with archers, war chariots and basic swords it is 1100AD
  
• oh Trott does not in fact have Construction
  
• IT IS TURN 115 HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE CONSTRUCTION
  
• things Trott cannot possibly have: coliseums, composite bows, crossbows, workshops, aquaducts (unless he's finished tradition) bridges, trebuchets, etc.
  
• Sjin has finally pointed out to Smiffy that roads have upkeep costs but Smiffy's response was to just completely ignore this information
  
• Sjin does not understand what a pincer movement is yet is attempting one anyway. It has three prongs.
  
• TROTT DID NOT ESCORT HIS GREAT GENERAL
  
• "He was sat on a catapult" not exactly
  
• Mark: "He just had a great person sat there." Rythian: "was it an admiral?" HONESTLY IT MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN
  
• ...was Trott seriously considering engineer-rushing a coliseum?
  
• Sjin: "You don't need to improve El Dorado, do you? It's just there." Sjin when was the last time you improved a natural wonder "Because I can't pillage it" Sjin in order to pillage it you would have to be able to move onto it when was the last time you moved onto a natural wonder
  
• (...as anyone other than Carthage...)
  
• Rythian's politely muffled snigger at this oh my goodness
  
• Smiffy: "I would try to help if I knew where the fuck anyone was other than Sjin and Rythian" THEN EXPLORE WITH SCOUTS OR FRANKLY ANY UNITS OTHER THAN WORKERS
  
• WORKERS ARE NOT EXPLORATORY UNITS
  
• THEY SHOULD NOT BE THAT FAR FROM YOUR BORDERS JESUS CHRIST
  
• ...oh Tom is trying to invade Mark again...
  
• ...he still has horse archers...
  
• ...and I'm worried it might even work?
  
• THIS JUST IN TROTT IS SURPRISED THAT THE GUY WHO WAS AT WAR FOR MOST OF THE FIRST SESSION HAS MORE THAN FOUR UNITS
  
• Smiffy no no no connected city borders do not constitute city connections no no no I understand the confusion given the lingo but no no no
  
• oh Sjin's given up already
  
• Trott: "HOW DO I PLAY THIS GAME?"
  
• Tom: "Geez, horse archers don't take down these swordsmen very quickly" HORSE ARCHERS ARE IRRELEVANT
  
• oh wow Rythian is gonna build the Leaning Tower uncontested
  
• also there are more islands than I was expecting I didn't think this was NQMap
  
• pfft Smiffy doesn't understand unit vision
  
• nor does he grasp the concept that maybe hills might get in the way of things
  
• NOR HAS HE REALISED HE NEEDS TO SET UP FOR RANGED ATTACK fuck me it's game grumps all over again
  
• RYTHIAN IS THE FIRST PLAYER TO GET A BEAKER COUNT HIGHER THAN THE TURN NUMBER HE IS GOING TO WIN THIS GAME
  
• Smiffy is spending 16 turns to research Industrialisation
  
• SJIN HAS OPENED EXPLORATION
  
• FULL TRADITION, THREE POINTS IN HONOUR, SHALL I FINISH IT OFF? MAYBE RATIONALISM (Sjin hovered over it for a good twenty seconds) NOPE LET'S GO EXPLORATION
  
• I mean exploration is a strong tree in the mod BUT FOR COASTAL EMPIRES THAT WANT TO SETTLE MORE CITIES IN THE MID TO LATE GAME NOT THE FUCKING MONGOLIANS
  
• ...why did Mark plop another citadel to conquer Nekker that was entirely unnecessary the city's defence was shit anyway
  
• TOM HAS JUST DISCOVERED THAT CONNECTING ROADS BETWEEN YOUR CITIES GIVES YOU GOLD
  
• THIS IS NOT TOM'S FIRST GAME OF CIV ON THE CHANNEL
  
• Trott please fuck up Mark's sole melee unit in the region it would help
  
• I am glad that Rythian has built some kasbahs you scarcely ever see them
  
• (BECAUSE THEY'RE SHIT REALLY SITUATIONAL)
  
• So Sjin has plopped a KHAN DOWN AS A CITADEL TO GET COTTON FROM RAGUSA WHEN HE ALREADY HAD COTTON
  
• DO YOU REALISE WHAT A KHAN IS SJIN
  
• Smiffy you can use the diplomacy overview to see how much gold per turn people are making
  
• Smiffy: "I think the road network might not be doing me many favours" ...
  
• Trott: "look how threatening I am!" you have a trebuchet
  
• Rythian please do not automate your workers pleeeeeeaaaaaase
  
• Mark: "well now I can't select units again" CITY BOMBARD CURSOR
  
• THIS KEEPS HAPPENING
  
• IT IS THE THIRD TIME
  
• RIGHT FUCKING CLICK
  
• I am surprised it was Trott who founded the World Congress I thought it would be Rythian

tl;dr - +cc Rythian gg

End of message.

This is episode #9.

• Trott you would appear to be willfully ignoring the fact you were the aggressor here. You also have -5 happiness and are building a caravansary in your most exposed city. Stop it.
  
• they are fighting with archers, war chariots and basic swords it is 1100AD
  
• oh Trott does not in fact have Construction
  
• IT IS TURN 115 HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE CONSTRUCTION
  
• things Trott cannot possibly have: coliseums, composite bows, crossbows, workshops, aquaducts (unless he's finished tradition) bridges, trebuchets, etc.
  
• Sjin has finally pointed out to Smiffy that roads have upkeep costs but Smiffy's response was to just completely ignore this information
  
• Sjin does not understand what a pincer movement is yet is attempting one anyway. It has three prongs.
  
• TROTT DID NOT ESCORT HIS GREAT GENERAL
  
• "He was sat on a catapult" not exactly
  
• Mark: "He just had a great person sat there." Rythian: "was it an admiral?" HONESTLY IT MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN
  
• ...was Trott seriously considering engineer-rushing a coliseum?
  
• Sjin: "You don't need to improve El Dorado, do you? It's just there." Sjin when was the last time you improved a natural wonder "Because I can't pillage it" Sjin in order to pillage it you would have to be able to move onto it when was the last time you moved onto a natural wonder
  
• (...as anyone other than Carthage...)
  
• Rythian's politely muffled snigger at this oh my goodness
  
• Smiffy: "I would try to help if I knew where the fuck anyone was other than Sjin and Rythian" THEN EXPLORE WITH SCOUTS OR FRANKLY ANY UNITS OTHER THAN WORKERS
  
• WORKERS ARE NOT EXPLORATORY UNITS
  
• THEY SHOULD NOT BE THAT FAR FROM YOUR BORDERS JESUS CHRIST
  
• ...oh Tom is trying to invade Mark again...
  
• ...he still has horse archers...
  
• ...and I'm worried it might even work?
  
• THIS JUST IN TROTT IS SURPRISED THAT THE GUY WHO WAS AT WAR FOR MOST OF THE FIRST SESSION HAS MORE THAN FOUR UNITS
  
• Smiffy no no no connected city borders do not constitute city connections no no no I understand the confusion given the lingo but no no no
  
• oh Sjin's given up already
  
• Trott: "HOW DO I PLAY THIS GAME?"
  
• Tom: "Geez, horse archers don't take down these swordsmen very quickly" HORSE ARCHERS ARE IRRELEVANT
  
• oh wow Rythian is gonna build the Leaning Tower uncontested
  
• also there are more islands than I was expecting I didn't think this was NQMap
  
• pfft Smiffy doesn't understand unit vision
  
• nor does he grasp the concept that maybe hills might get in the way of things
  
• NOR HAS HE REALISED HE NEEDS TO SET UP FOR RANGED ATTACK fuck me it's game grumps all over again
  
• RYTHIAN IS THE FIRST PLAYER TO GET A BEAKER COUNT HIGHER THAN THE TURN NUMBER HE IS GOING TO WIN THIS GAME
  
• Smiffy is spending 16 turns to research Industrialisation
  
• SJIN HAS OPENED EXPLORATION
  
• FULL TRADITION, THREE POINTS IN HONOUR, SHALL I FINISH IT OFF? MAYBE RATIONALISM (Sjin hovered over it for a good twenty seconds) NOPE LET'S GO EXPLORATION
  
• I mean exploration is a strong tree in the mod BUT FOR COASTAL EMPIRES THAT WANT TO SETTLE MORE CITIES IN THE MID TO LATE GAME NOT THE FUCKING MONGOLIANS
  
• ...why did Mark plop another citadel to conquer Nekker that was entirely unnecessary the city's defence was shit anyway
  
• TOM HAS JUST DISCOVERED THAT CONNECTING ROADS BETWEEN YOUR CITIES GIVES YOU GOLD
  
• THIS IS NOT TOM'S FIRST GAME OF CIV ON THE CHANNEL
  
• Trott please fuck up Mark's sole melee unit in the region it would help
  
• I am glad that Rythian has built some kasbahs you scarcely ever see them
  
• (BECAUSE THEY'RE SHIT REALLY SITUATIONAL)
  
• So Sjin has plopped a KHAN DOWN AS A CITADEL TO GET COTTON FROM RAGUSA WHEN HE ALREADY HAD COTTON
  
• DO YOU REALISE WHAT A KHAN IS SJIN
  
• Smiffy you can use the diplomacy overview to see how much gold per turn people are making
  
• Smiffy: "I think the road network might not be doing me many favours" ...
  
• Trott: "look how threatening I am!" you have a trebuchet
  
• Rythian please do not automate your workers pleeeeeeaaaaaase
  
• Mark: "well now I can't select units again" CITY BOMBARD CURSOR
  
• THIS KEEPS HAPPENING
  
• IT IS THE THIRD TIME
  
• RIGHT FUCKING CLICK
  
• I am surprised it was Trott who founded the World Congress I thought it would be Rythian

tl;dr - +cc Rythian gg

End of message.

I'm going to say that this passes rule 3.

Hints, since this round has taken a while:
-All my judgement posts pass rule 5.
-There is a theme to the rules, which shouldn't be too hard to work out from my various comments on posts being "close to" whatever rule.

This is episode #9.

• Trott you would appear to be willfully ignoring the fact you were the aggressor here. You also have -5 happiness and are building a caravansary in your most exposed city. Stop it.
  
• they are fighting with archers, war chariots and basic swords it is 1100AD
  
• oh Trott does not in fact have Construction
  
• IT IS TURN 115 HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE CONSTRUCTION
  
• things Trott cannot possibly have: coliseums, composite bows, crossbows, workshops, aquaducts (unless he's finished tradition) bridges, trebuchets, etc.
  
• Sjin has finally pointed out to Smiffy that roads have upkeep costs but Smiffy's response was to just completely ignore this information
  
• Sjin does not understand what a pincer movement is yet is attempting one anyway. It has three prongs.
  
• TROTT DID NOT ESCORT HIS GREAT GENERAL
  
• "He was sat on a catapult" not exactly
  
• Mark: "He just had a great person sat there." Rythian: "was it an admiral?" HONESTLY IT MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN
  
• ...was Trott seriously considering engineer-rushing a coliseum?
  
• Sjin: "You don't need to improve El Dorado, do you? It's just there." Sjin when was the last time you improved a natural wonder "Because I can't pillage it" Sjin in order to pillage it you would have to be able to move onto it when was the last time you moved onto a natural wonder
  
• (...as anyone other than Carthage...)
  
• Rythian's politely muffled snigger at this oh my goodness
  
• Smiffy: "I would try to help if I knew where the fuck anyone was other than Sjin and Rythian" THEN EXPLORE WITH SCOUTS OR FRANKLY ANY UNITS OTHER THAN WORKERS
  
• WORKERS ARE NOT EXPLORATORY UNITS
  
• THEY SHOULD NOT BE THAT FAR FROM YOUR BORDERS JESUS CHRIST
  
• ...oh Tom is trying to invade Mark again...
  
• ...he still has horse archers...
  
• ...and I'm worried it might even work?
  
• THIS JUST IN TROTT IS SURPRISED THAT THE GUY WHO WAS AT WAR FOR MOST OF THE FIRST SESSION HAS MORE THAN FOUR UNITS
  
• Smiffy no no no connected city borders do not constitute city connections no no no I understand the confusion given the lingo but no no no
  
• oh Sjin's given up already
  
• Trott: "HOW DO I PLAY THIS GAME?"
  
• Tom: "Geez, horse archers don't take down these swordsmen very quickly" HORSE ARCHERS ARE IRRELEVANT
  
• oh wow Rythian is gonna build the Leaning Tower uncontested
  
• also there are more islands than I was expecting I didn't think this was NQMap
  
• pfft Smiffy doesn't understand unit vision
  
• nor does he grasp the concept that maybe hills might get in the way of things
  
• NOR HAS HE REALISED HE NEEDS TO SET UP FOR RANGED ATTACK fuck me it's game grumps all over again
  
• RYTHIAN IS THE FIRST PLAYER TO GET A BEAKER COUNT HIGHER THAN THE TURN NUMBER HE IS GOING TO WIN THIS GAME
  
• Smiffy is spending 16 turns to research Industrialisation
  
• SJIN HAS OPENED EXPLORATION
  
• FULL TRADITION, THREE POINTS IN HONOUR, SHALL I FINISH IT OFF? MAYBE RATIONALISM (Sjin hovered over it for a good twenty seconds) NOPE LET'S GO EXPLORATION
  
• I mean exploration is a strong tree in the mod BUT FOR COASTAL EMPIRES THAT WANT TO SETTLE MORE CITIES IN THE MID TO LATE GAME NOT THE FUCKING MONGOLIANS
  
• ...why did Mark plop another citadel to conquer Nekker that was entirely unnecessary the city's defence was shit anyway
  
• TOM HAS JUST DISCOVERED THAT CONNECTING ROADS BETWEEN YOUR CITIES GIVES YOU GOLD
  
• THIS IS NOT TOM'S FIRST GAME OF CIV ON THE CHANNEL
  
• Trott please fuck up Mark's sole melee unit in the region it would help
  
• I am glad that Rythian has built some kasbahs you scarcely ever see them
  
• (BECAUSE THEY'RE SHIT REALLY SITUATIONAL)
  
• So Sjin has plopped a KHAN DOWN AS A CITADEL TO GET COTTON FROM RAGUSA WHEN HE ALREADY HAD COTTON
  
• DO YOU REALISE WHAT A KHAN IS SJIN
  
• Smiffy you can use the diplomacy overview to see how much gold per turn people are making
  
• Smiffy: "I think the road network might not be doing me many favours" ...
  
• Trott: "look how threatening I am!" you have a trebuchet
  
• Rythian please do not automate your workers pleeeeeeaaaaaase
  
• Mark: "well now I can't select units again" CITY BOMBARD CURSOR
  
• THIS KEEPS HAPPENING
  
• IT IS THE THIRD TIME
  
• RIGHT FUCKING CLICK
  
• I am surprised it was Trott who founded the World Congress I thought it would be Rythian

tl;dr - +cc Rythian gg

End of message.

I'm going to say that this passes rule 3.

Hints, since this round has taken a while:
-All my judgement posts pass rule 5.
-There is a theme to the rules, which shouldn't be too hard to work out from my various comments on posts being "close to" whatever rule.

The Monitor was ready.

His contestants had been selected. He had prepared a special room for this occasion, as it was also to serve as a demonstration of his newly-completed device.

He held out a book he had just printed out. It was called, "The Waiting Room". A large claw-arm crawled across the ceiling, and placed it on a table in the center of the auditorium.

Then he pressed a button.

In an instant, seven beings appeared around the auditorium, all facing the center. The Monitor's voice spoke.

"Greetings, combatants. Welcome to the second Intense Struggle. Eight fighters from around the multiverse will be sent to arenas of my choosing in a battle to the death."

He paused, as a large device emerged from the ceiling.

"Now, those of you who possess the ability to count may have noticed that only seven contestants are present. That is because there is another reason I have brought you here. You will be the first beings to witness my latest creation."

A small sphere on the end of the device started glowing. A blue beam of light emerged from it, and struck the book.

The light shifted, and moved to an empty portion of the auditorium floor.

Slowly, an image of a man began to form in the light. After one minute, the blue beam vanished and the device retreated into its compartment in the ceiling. A spotlight turned on, highlighting the new arrival. He looked around, rather confused. It was as though something didn't feel quite right.

The Monitor spoke once more.

"This is Lloyd Conrad, also known as the Escapee. He learned he was in a book, and sought to escape. However, up until now, all of his escapes have been into other books, where he disguised himself as other characters. My device has allowed him to exist in the real world. His primary ability manifests when he is in a book - he is able to take on all skills and knowledge of the character he is portraying. However, he is also able to retain any knowledge he specifically commits to memory. It will be interesting to see if that aids him here."

The spotlight moved around the auditorium. A small girl of ten was now visible.

"Of course, you must all be introduced to your other competitors, as Mr. Conrad is not the only entrant in this battle. This young lady is Lillian Finch. The talisman on her wrist houses a kindred spirit which seeks to protect her from harm."

The spotlight shifted, and a young woman in a black dress with short black hair and a large sword on her back was standing beneath.

"This is Karen. She plays a game called Legends of Fate, in which her mind is transferred into the body of a computerized avatar, which closely resembles her real body. I discovered how to bring such an avatar here in the process of creating the device that has allowed Mr. Conrad to join us, and so I decided to enter one of the most skilled players of the game into this battle."

As the spotlight moved on, Karen reflected on her introduction. I guess it could be a fun scenario, she thought, but did they have to use that stupid meta joke?

The next combatant was a tall girl, who looked mostly human, but the black-and-white tone of her body, the exoskeleton she wore, and the six dragonfly wings on her back suggested there was more to the story.

"This is Dekowin. She is a Volkhanbet - they are a self-evolving artificial race. That exoskeleton has powerful retractable claws, and of course the wings allow her to fly. She can also make her spit acidic if she so desires. She is a very skilled warrior, you would do well to observe her with caution."

The light moved to a winged girl wearing goggles and a mask in the shape of a hawk, holding a staff with the aid of thin metal arms attached to her wings.

"Next, Sarika, a prophetess and former officer of the law. Despite what her appearance may suggest, she cannot fly, but she has exceptional jumping abilities. She has also been granted immunity to such petty concerns as hunger and aging by her gods. In addition, she has the power to see the future. When she blinks, she can switch between viewing the future and viewing the present. That staff is also an effective blunt weapon."

The spotlight moved to a strange robot, which looked almost like a heavily-armed three-legged chair.

"This is a hunterbot, serial number CH4-12-L13. Also known as 'Charlie'. In addition to its range of weaponry and armored exterior, it is capable of camouflaging itself and of walking across magnetic surfaces. It should be noted that Charlie's top priority at the moment is assassinating someone who is currently in another dimension, and it takes its missions very seriously. Who can say what it will do?"

The spotlight moved to a pale, muscular man in an armored suit. He almost looked like a neanderthal.

"This is Marcus White, a mercenary. He has been cybernetically enhanced, and so can push the human body to its limits. Do not be fooled by his near-primitive appearance - he is actually quite intelligent."

The spotlight then moved to the final combatant. It appeared to be an enormous floating rose bush.

"Finally, this odd-looking creature is Reudic Otsaceae, a viridioflorian. It has developed two mutations which make it unusual even for its own species - it can create illusions and has the capacity for mind control. As for the abilities more natural for its species, it can tangle you in its thick vines and slowly digest you, although it appears to me that some of you will be harder to digest than others."

The spotlight vanished entirely.

"Now that you have been introduced to your opponents in this battle, it is time to begin the first round."

There was a strange sensation, and soon, all the contestants found themselves alone, in small rooms with empty glass tanks. There were spots of green fluid on the floor.

The Monitor's voice spoke.

"Welcome to Training Facility ONX-5. Here, artificial life forms are created, and able to control their own evolution. This facility then tests their capacity to survive, often by pitting them against each other in battle. I felt it was suitable to use it to test you, as well. The doors in front of you will lead to a series of corridors filled with obstacles. You may also encounter each other as you advance. I believe it would be optimal for entertainment and gathering data if you made it to the point where you will all meet before killing anyone, but that choice is ultimately yours."

There was a brief pause.

"I should note that there are already creatures being tested in this facility, hence why the containment tanks near you are all empty. You might encounter them along the way. This facility is controlled by a computer, but it is a trivial task for me to keep its attention away from you for the duration of this round."

The Monitor did not mention that he would not necessarily continue to do so for the entire round. He had to leave some surprises, after all.

You glance around, and spot the old rope bridge passing by the Knob. It's not as secure as the walkways at the best of times, and it's far enough from the bases that it tends to be a low priority for repairs after the rain. It usually takes a couple of months after the storm for it to be in good shape.

But you're nimble enough that you don't need the bridge proper. You grab one of the ropes, and carefully climb across without even touching the rotting boards at its base. When you're close enough, you hop over to the Knob.

"Hey!" Alexander shouts. "That works well enough for you, but I'd like to see the hill for myself. And I'm not light enough to get there the same way you did."

"I'll see what I can do from over here," you call back.

Maybe there's something you can do about Rider's beast on this side. Or maybe there's some other way you can help him across.

The Monitor was ready.

His contestants had been selected. He had prepared a special room for this occasion, as it was also to serve as a demonstration of his newly-completed device.

He held out a book he had just printed out. It was called, "The Waiting Room". A large claw-arm crawled across the ceiling, and placed it on a table in the center of the auditorium.

Then he pressed a button.

In an instant, seven beings appeared around the auditorium, all facing the center. The Monitor's voice spoke.

"Greetings, combatants. Welcome to the second Intense Struggle. Eight fighters from around the multiverse will be sent to arenas of my choosing in a battle to the death."

He paused, as a large device emerged from the ceiling.

"Now, those of you who possess the ability to count may have noticed that only seven contestants are present. That is because there is another reason I have brought you here. You will be the first beings to witness my latest creation."

A small sphere on the end of the device started glowing. A blue beam of light emerged from it, and struck the book.

The light shifted, and moved to an empty portion of the auditorium floor.

Slowly, an image of a man began to form in the light. After one minute, the blue beam vanished and the device retreated into its compartment in the ceiling. A spotlight turned on, highlighting the new arrival. He looked around, rather confused. It was as though something didn't feel quite right.

The Monitor spoke once more.

"This is Lloyd Conrad, also known as the Escapee. He learned he was in a book, and sought to escape. However, up until now, all of his escapes have been into other books, where he disguised himself as other characters. My device has allowed him to exist in the real world. His primary ability manifests when he is in a book - he is able to take on all skills and knowledge of the character he is portraying. However, he is also able to retain any knowledge he specifically commits to memory. It will be interesting to see if that aids him here."

The spotlight moved around the auditorium. A small girl of ten was now visible.

"Of course, you must all be introduced to your other competitors, as Mr. Conrad is not the only entrant in this battle. This young lady is Lillian Finch. The talisman on her wrist houses a kindred spirit which seeks to protect her from harm."

The spotlight shifted, and a young woman in a black dress with short black hair and a large sword on her back was standing beneath.

"This is Karen. She plays a game called Legends of Fate, in which her mind is transferred into the body of a computerized avatar, which closely resembles her real body. I discovered how to bring such an avatar here in the process of creating the device that has allowed Mr. Conrad to join us, and so I decided to enter one of the most skilled players of the game into this battle."

As the spotlight moved on, Karen reflected on her introduction. I guess it could be a fun scenario, she thought, but did they have to use that stupid meta joke?

The next combatant was a tall girl, who looked mostly human, but the black-and-white tone of her body, the exoskeleton she wore, and the six dragonfly wings on her back suggested there was more to the story.

"This is Dekowin. She is a Volkhanbet - they are a self-evolving artificial race. That exoskeleton has powerful retractable claws, and of course the wings allow her to fly. She can also make her spit acidic if she so desires. She is a very skilled warrior, you would do well to observe her with caution."

The light moved to a winged girl wearing goggles and a mask in the shape of a hawk, holding a staff with the aid of thin metal arms attached to her wings.

"Next, Sarika, a prophetess and former officer of the law. Despite what her appearance may suggest, she cannot fly, but she has exceptional jumping abilities. She has also been granted immunity to such petty concerns as hunger and aging by her gods. In addition, she has the power to see the future. When she blinks, she can switch between viewing the future and viewing the present. That staff is also an effective blunt weapon."

The spotlight moved to a strange robot, which looked almost like a heavily-armed three-legged chair.

"This is a hunterbot, serial number CH4-12-L13. Also known as 'Charlie'. In addition to its range of weaponry and armored exterior, it is capable of camouflaging itself and of walking across magnetic surfaces. It should be noted that Charlie's top priority at the moment is assassinating someone who is currently in another dimension, and it takes its missions very seriously. Who can say what it will do?"

The spotlight moved to a pale, muscular man in an armored suit. He almost looked like a neanderthal.

"This is Marcus White, a mercenary. He has been cybernetically enhanced, and so can push the human body to its limits. Do not be fooled by his near-primitive appearance - he is actually quite intelligent."

The spotlight then moved to the final combatant. It appeared to be an enormous floating rose bush.

"Finally, this odd-looking creature is Reudic Otsaceae, a viridioflorian. It has developed two mutations which make it unusual even for its own species - it can create illusions and has the capacity for mind control. As for the abilities more natural for its species, it can tangle you in its thick vines and slowly digest you, although it appears to me that some of you will be harder to digest than others."

The spotlight vanished entirely.

"Now that you have been introduced to your opponents in this battle, it is time to begin the first round."

There was a strange sensation, and soon, all the contestants found themselves alone, in small rooms with empty glass tanks. There were spots of green fluid on the floor.

The Monitor's voice spoke.

"Welcome to Training Facility ONX-5. Here, artificial life forms are created, and able to control their own evolution. This facility then tests their capacity to survive, often by pitting them against each other in battle. I felt it was suitable to use it to test you, as well. The doors in front of you will lead to a series of corridors filled with obstacles. You may also encounter each other as you advance. I believe it would be optimal for entertainment and gathering data if you made it to the point where you will all meet before killing anyone, but that choice is ultimately yours."

There was a brief pause.

"I should note that there are already creatures being tested in this facility, hence why the containment tanks near you are all empty. You might encounter them along the way. This facility is controlled by a computer, but it is a trivial task for me to keep its attention away from you for the duration of this round."

The Monitor did not mention that he would not necessarily continue to do so for the entire round. He had to leave some surprises, after all.

Passes rule 4, though it wouldn't if I were being super-strict.
Judging rule 3 on this one was tough, ultimately I decided no.
I had to double-check if Rule 1 was passed, it wasn't though. Even further from it than I would have guessed.

You glance around, and spot the old rope bridge passing by the Knob. It's not as secure as the walkways at the best of times, and it's far enough from the bases that it tends to be a low priority for repairs after the rain. It usually takes a couple of months after the storm for it to be in good shape.

But you're nimble enough that you don't need the bridge proper. You grab one of the ropes, and carefully climb across without even touching the rotting boards at its base. When you're close enough, you hop over to the Knob.

"Hey!" Alexander shouts. "That works well enough for you, but I'd like to see the hill for myself. And I'm not light enough to get there the same way you did."

"I'll see what I can do from over here," you call back.

Maybe there's something you can do about Rider's beast on this side. Or maybe there's some other way you can help him across.

Passes no rules, but it is very close on rule 3.

Eximo Pulvis
Konka Rar
Arkal of the Silver Anvil
The Memory Beast
Sirius
Cole Aran
Parsley Krose
Augustus and Azungrada
Damse

Eximo Pulvis
Konka Rar
Arkal of the Silver Anvil
The Memory Beast
Sirius
Cole Aran
Parsley Krose
Augustus and Azungrada
Damse

Not a rule 4 pass, but very much in the neighborhood.

Passes no rules!

Aph passes no rules

Aph passes no rules

This does not quite pass rule 4. But it's very much in the right spirit.
It does pass Rule 5.

This is episode #10.

• is Smiffy ever going to take Babylon
  
• I can imagine him bombarding it with planes many, many turns from now and still not managing to capture it due to his inability to throw more than two units at it at a time
  
• oh Trott finished Tradition jolly good the Liberty is a bit questionable but AT LEAST HE HASN'T OPENED EXPLORATION
  
• so Trott and Mark are just going to swap their forward settles that's hilarious
  
• OH MY GOD
  
• MARK THAT WAS PHENOMENAL
  
• so Trott had made a semi-serious peace offering when it looked like all hope was lost and then when it looked like he still had a chance at Dark Magician he just forgot about it BUT MARK DIDN'T
  
• MARK SIGNED THE PEACE TREATY SO BOTH DARK MAGICIAN AND NEKKER STAY IN HIS HANDS OH MY DEAR LORD
  
• (and then Rythian and Sjin quietly made peace)
  
• The other benefit of this is that Mark can devote his whole attention to dealing with Tom...
  
• Smiffy: "How do you tell what is and isn't rough terrain?" ...
  
• Rough: hills, forests, hills with forests, jungles, hills with jungles
  
• Open: plains, grasslands, marsh, desert, tundra, coast and ocean
  
• ALSO LOOKING AT THE TILES HELPS
  
• calling it now Smiffy is going to lose his general
  
• Rythian, talking great general strategy: "you need to keep a unit on top of him and also have him surrounded by a ton of other dudes to protect him and get the bonus" SMIFFY HAS ONE UNIT
  
• (okay there's also a pikeman in the far south but eh)
  
• SMIFFY IS HAVING BARB ISSUES
  
• Tom: "why have been attacking a city state?" Smiffy: "because I wanted their city?" Tom, incredulously: "why didn't you just... build one?"
  
• Sjin actually built an island city. A one tile island city. I mean actually to be fair it has a lot of fish and two atolls and eventually Treasure Fleets will make it good buuuuuuuuuut.
  
• everyone is going to freak the fuck out when Smiffy enters the Industrial Era but it will have taken him 16 turns to research Industrialisation
  
• also he has two cities and is incompetent
  
• wow Mark went a reasonable way into Honour that's actually helpful
  
• Sjin: "does Old Faithful count as a mountain?" this is honestly not as silly as it sounds because in context he's talking about the observatory yields for mountains and some natural wonders are classed as mountains for unmodded observatory bonuses so does the NQMod take this into account? I do not know?
  
• Rythian entered the Industrial Era halfway through the turn Smiffy also entered? Well gee, I wonder what happened there...
  
• Tom: "okay, so you're saying that... roads are good?" LORD HAVE MERCY
  
• "I just thought that roads were really fucking expensive"
  
• ...does Rythian know about the change to the factory route to ideologies?
  
• "Angor has entered the Renaissance Era" ...ah...
  
• Sjin: "oh, I can see how much money Rythian is making by clicking on him" AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
  
• TROTT HAS THE CITY BOMBARD CURSOR PROBLEM NOW
  
• okay comparison time it took Smiffy 16 turns to research a first-level industrial tech it is currently taking Rythian just 5 turns
  
• Trott's casus belli: Mark renamed Nekker to Kuriboh
  
• yeah that is not going to be a sufficient defence goodbye Dark Magician
  
• Sjin are you going window shopping because if so that is not how you do it. Try an open borders agreement. Not declaring war...
  
• Smiffy says one of his reasons for declaring war on Sydney was to get their horses. They were already giving him their horses when they were his ally. Fucking hell.
  
• Smiffy: "how do I ally with somebody?" ...well you managed to do it before... good luck now because your resting point is utterly shot due to the repeated war declarations...
  
• What was that Sjin used his Oxford for? Navigation? Has Sjin actually been clever? Is this whole Exploration schtick part of a plan to invade Rythian from the sea with the frigates he's just unlocked? Hmmmmmm...
  
• EVERYONE'S DIVULGING THEIR BEAKERS PER TURN OH MY GOODNESS THIS WILL BE FUN
  
• Tom: 85 / Mark: 50 / Trott: 95 / Smiffy: 95
  
• Smiffy: "I'm guessing Sjin and Rythian are above us both" YES BY AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE
  
• Mark is barbarian-spawningly unhappy. None of Mark, Tom or Trott seem to know how to manage happiness. Somehow they are doing worse than the person who didn't know how much happiness luxuries give...
  
• Rythian: "I will say that it is at least three digits" Sjin: "Is it above one hundred?" UH HUH UH HUH
  
• It's been a whole minute guys come on.
  
• Rythian: 285 / Sjin: 213
  
• I'VE ALREADY SAID RYTHIAN WILL WIN. MANY TIMES. FREQUENTLY.
  
• And Rythian's building the Porcelain Tower, so he's opened Rationalism. Sjin has not done that. In fact, I don't think anyone else has opened Rationalism at all. It's all Liberty and Honour across the board.
  
• WELP
  
• SMIFFY HAS JUST CONFIRMED HE'S QUEUED HIS TECHS UP BY SHIFT-CLICKING SOMETHING FROM THE FUTURE
  
• ...aaaaaand the barbarians have spawned in Egyptian territory, despite the capture of Dark Magician. DOUBLE WELP.
  
• Sjin has cannons. Half the people in the game are completely floored by this revelation.

tl;dr - cc+ Rythian gg a-fucking-gain

End of message.

This is episode #10.

• is Smiffy ever going to take Babylon
  
• I can imagine him bombarding it with planes many, many turns from now and still not managing to capture it due to his inability to throw more than two units at it at a time
  
• oh Trott finished Tradition jolly good the Liberty is a bit questionable but AT LEAST HE HASN'T OPENED EXPLORATION
  
• so Trott and Mark are just going to swap their forward settles that's hilarious
  
• OH MY GOD
  
• MARK THAT WAS PHENOMENAL
  
• so Trott had made a semi-serious peace offering when it looked like all hope was lost and then when it looked like he still had a chance at Dark Magician he just forgot about it BUT MARK DIDN'T
  
• MARK SIGNED THE PEACE TREATY SO BOTH DARK MAGICIAN AND NEKKER STAY IN HIS HANDS OH MY DEAR LORD
  
• (and then Rythian and Sjin quietly made peace)
  
• The other benefit of this is that Mark can devote his whole attention to dealing with Tom...
  
• Smiffy: "How do you tell what is and isn't rough terrain?" ...
  
• Rough: hills, forests, hills with forests, jungles, hills with jungles
  
• Open: plains, grasslands, marsh, desert, tundra, coast and ocean
  
• ALSO LOOKING AT THE TILES HELPS
  
• calling it now Smiffy is going to lose his general
  
• Rythian, talking great general strategy: "you need to keep a unit on top of him and also have him surrounded by a ton of other dudes to protect him and get the bonus" SMIFFY HAS ONE UNIT
  
• (okay there's also a pikeman in the far south but eh)
  
• SMIFFY IS HAVING BARB ISSUES
  
• Tom: "why have been attacking a city state?" Smiffy: "because I wanted their city?" Tom, incredulously: "why didn't you just... build one?"
  
• Sjin actually built an island city. A one tile island city. I mean actually to be fair it has a lot of fish and two atolls and eventually Treasure Fleets will make it good buuuuuuuuuut.
  
• everyone is going to freak the fuck out when Smiffy enters the Industrial Era but it will have taken him 16 turns to research Industrialisation
  
• also he has two cities and is incompetent
  
• wow Mark went a reasonable way into Honour that's actually helpful
  
• Sjin: "does Old Faithful count as a mountain?" this is honestly not as silly as it sounds because in context he's talking about the observatory yields for mountains and some natural wonders are classed as mountains for unmodded observatory bonuses so does the NQMod take this into account? I do not know?
  
• Rythian entered the Industrial Era halfway through the turn Smiffy also entered? Well gee, I wonder what happened there...
  
• Tom: "okay, so you're saying that... roads are good?" LORD HAVE MERCY
  
• "I just thought that roads were really fucking expensive"
  
• ...does Rythian know about the change to the factory route to ideologies?
  
• "Angor has entered the Renaissance Era" ...ah...
  
• Sjin: "oh, I can see how much money Rythian is making by clicking on him" AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
  
• TROTT HAS THE CITY BOMBARD CURSOR PROBLEM NOW
  
• okay comparison time it took Smiffy 16 turns to research a first-level industrial tech it is currently taking Rythian just 5 turns
  
• Trott's casus belli: Mark renamed Nekker to Kuriboh
  
• yeah that is not going to be a sufficient defence goodbye Dark Magician
  
• Sjin are you going window shopping because if so that is not how you do it. Try an open borders agreement. Not declaring war...
  
• Smiffy says one of his reasons for declaring war on Sydney was to get their horses. They were already giving him their horses when they were his ally. Fucking hell.
  
• Smiffy: "how do I ally with somebody?" ...well you managed to do it before... good luck now because your resting point is utterly shot due to the repeated war declarations...
  
• What was that Sjin used his Oxford for? Navigation? Has Sjin actually been clever? Is this whole Exploration schtick part of a plan to invade Rythian from the sea with the frigates he's just unlocked? Hmmmmmm...
  
• EVERYONE'S DIVULGING THEIR BEAKERS PER TURN OH MY GOODNESS THIS WILL BE FUN
  
• Tom: 85 / Mark: 50 / Trott: 95 / Smiffy: 95
  
• Smiffy: "I'm guessing Sjin and Rythian are above us both" YES BY AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE
  
• Mark is barbarian-spawningly unhappy. None of Mark, Tom or Trott seem to know how to manage happiness. Somehow they are doing worse than the person who didn't know how much happiness luxuries give...
  
• Rythian: "I will say that it is at least three digits" Sjin: "Is it above one hundred?" UH HUH UH HUH
  
• It's been a whole minute guys come on.
  
• Rythian: 285 / Sjin: 213
  
• I'VE ALREADY SAID RYTHIAN WILL WIN. MANY TIMES. FREQUENTLY.
  
• And Rythian's building the Porcelain Tower, so he's opened Rationalism. Sjin has not done that. In fact, I don't think anyone else has opened Rationalism at all. It's all Liberty and Honour across the board.
  
• WELP
  
• SMIFFY HAS JUST CONFIRMED HE'S QUEUED HIS TECHS UP BY SHIFT-CLICKING SOMETHING FROM THE FUTURE
  
• ...aaaaaand the barbarians have spawned in Egyptian territory, despite the capture of Dark Magician. DOUBLE WELP.
  
• Sjin has cannons. Half the people in the game are completely floored by this revelation.

tl;dr - cc+ Rythian gg a-fucking-gain

End of message.

Passes no rules, I think.

Arkal coughed as the smoke dispersed through the room, and quickly covered his mouth.

Can't work like this, he thought. Better get out and look for a better workshop.

He walked towards the door, ignoring everyone in his way, stopping only to pick up one of the stone playing pieces Xadrez had discarded. He examined it once he was safely in the hall.

Hmm. Looks like quartzite. Nice craftsmanship. Not sure I can use it for anything more than decoration, though... well, might as well hang on to it anyways.

Arkal stuffed the chess piece into a pouch and walked down the hallway. The walls of this building were made of unfamiliar metal - he would have to look at acquiring some later. Perhaps he could construct some tool for that purpose.

He paused as he saw a small machine stop by a wall, upon which the words "FRIEND COMPUTER CAN KISS MY A" were written - the sentence seemed to have been finished with a splatter of blood.

The machine directed a blast of flame at the words, slowly obscuring them. Arkal looked on with great interest.

He unlocked the chain holding his anvil to his back, and slammed it on the floor with great force. Then he did the same with his forge. He walked over to the strange machine, and picked it up once its flame stopped.

"You'll make a fine mace," he said to it admiringly, as he placed the scrubot on the anvil and began hammering at its outer covering.

Arkal coughed as the smoke dispersed through the room, and quickly covered his mouth.

Can't work like this, he thought. Better get out and look for a better workshop.

He walked towards the door, ignoring everyone in his way, stopping only to pick up one of the stone playing pieces Xadrez had discarded. He examined it once he was safely in the hall.

Hmm. Looks like quartzite. Nice craftsmanship. Not sure I can use it for anything more than decoration, though... well, might as well hang on to it anyways.

Arkal stuffed the chess piece into a pouch and walked down the hallway. The walls of this building were made of unfamiliar metal - he would have to look at acquiring some later. Perhaps he could construct some tool for that purpose.

He paused as he saw a small machine stop by a wall, upon which the words "FRIEND COMPUTER CAN KISS MY A" were written - the sentence seemed to have been finished with a splatter of blood.

The machine directed a blast of flame at the words, slowly obscuring them. Arkal looked on with great interest.

He unlocked the chain holding his anvil to his back, and slammed it on the floor with great force. Then he did the same with his forge. He walked over to the strange machine, and picked it up once its flame stopped.

"You'll make a fine mace," he said to it admiringly, as he placed the scrubot on the anvil and began hammering at its outer covering.

Passes rule 4.

Vote:Dragon Fogel

Day 1

The Modjester stands in front of the assembled crowd.

"Good day, everyone! I see we're all ready for the day's events. Well, then, start competing for the right to be lynched."

Suddenly, there's a puff of smoke, and a box appears in front of the Modjester. The box seems to be making some barking and meowing noises, among others.

"Hmm? What's this?"

The Modjester picks up the box and looks inside. He pulls out a balloon in the shape of a wiener dog, and it barks at him for a bit, then explodes in his face. He blinks a few times before continuing.

"Well. I'm not sure how exactly this happened, but it seems we have some Exploding Live Balloon Animals in here. So let's have a little fun, shall we? While you're trying to Vote on who to kill, you can also Elect someone among you to have these fun little toys. You can't Vote for yourself as the day's lynch, but you can vote to Elect yourself."

And with that, the Modjester puts down the box, and readies himself for the day's shenanigans.

DDiDD you know i'm an emotional DDisaster? well now you DDo. this is a threaDD DDeDDicateDD to just how often i get wreckeDD.

instance one: this morning/yesterDDay i was reaDDing the book The Bees, which is about bees and i crieDD because a bee DDieDD. wreck score 3/10

i'm gonna see some movies tomorrow/toDDay so i woulDD fully expect further wreckage to follow.

Vote:Dragon Fogel

Passes rule 2!

Day 1

The Modjester stands in front of the assembled crowd.

"Good day, everyone! I see we're all ready for the day's events. Well, then, start competing for the right to be lynched."

Suddenly, there's a puff of smoke, and a box appears in front of the Modjester. The box seems to be making some barking and meowing noises, among others.

"Hmm? What's this?"

The Modjester picks up the box and looks inside. He pulls out a balloon in the shape of a wiener dog, and it barks at him for a bit, then explodes in his face. He blinks a few times before continuing.

"Well. I'm not sure how exactly this happened, but it seems we have some Exploding Live Balloon Animals in here. So let's have a little fun, shall we? While you're trying to Vote on who to kill, you can also Elect someone among you to have these fun little toys. You can't Vote for yourself as the day's lynch, but you can vote to Elect yourself."

And with that, the Modjester puts down the box, and readies himself for the day's shenanigans.

Doesn't pass rule 2 but it gets close.

DDiDD you know i'm an emotional DDisaster? well now you DDo. this is a threaDD DDeDDicateDD to just how often i get wreckeDD.

instance one: this morning/yesterDDay i was reaDDing the book The Bees, which is about bees and i crieDD because a bee DDieDD. wreck score 3/10

i'm gonna see some movies tomorrow/toDDay so i woulDD fully expect further wreckage to follow.

Passes no rules.

Post Making Contest
Good Patent Ideas
The thread for flipping shits (and tables)
fuck,
Swamped

Eagle Time

Vote:Dragon Fogel

Arkal coughed as the smoke dispersed through the room, and quickly covered his mouth.

Can't work like this, he thought. Better get out and look for a better workshop.

He walked towards the door, ignoring everyone in his way, stopping only to pick up one of the stone playing pieces Xadrez had discarded. He examined it once he was safely in the hall.

Hmm. Looks like quartzite. Nice craftsmanship. Not sure I can use it for anything more than decoration, though... well, might as well hang on to it anyways.

Arkal stuffed the chess piece into a pouch and walked down the hallway. The walls of this building were made of unfamiliar metal - he would have to look at acquiring some later. Perhaps he could construct some tool for that purpose.

He paused as he saw a small machine stop by a wall, upon which the words "FRIEND COMPUTER CAN KISS MY A" were written - the sentence seemed to have been finished with a splatter of blood.

The machine directed a blast of flame at the words, slowly obscuring them. Arkal looked on with great interest.

He unlocked the chain holding his anvil to his back, and slammed it on the floor with great force. Then he did the same with his forge. He walked over to the strange machine, and picked it up once its flame stopped.

"You'll make a fine mace," he said to it admiringly, as he placed the scrubot on the anvil and began hammering at its outer covering.

This post passes all the rules!

Post Making Contest
Good Patent Ideas
The thread for flipping shits (and tables)
fuck,
Swamped

Eagle Time

Vote:Dragon Fogel

Arkal coughed as the smoke dispersed through the room, and quickly covered his mouth.

Can't work like this, he thought. Better get out and look for a better workshop.

He walked towards the door, ignoring everyone in his way, stopping only to pick up one of the stone playing pieces Xadrez had discarded. He examined it once he was safely in the hall.

Hmm. Looks like quartzite. Nice craftsmanship. Not sure I can use it for anything more than decoration, though... well, might as well hang on to it anyways.

Arkal stuffed the chess piece into a pouch and walked down the hallway. The walls of this building were made of unfamiliar metal - he would have to look at acquiring some later. Perhaps he could construct some tool for that purpose.

He paused as he saw a small machine stop by a wall, upon which the words "FRIEND COMPUTER CAN KISS MY A" were written - the sentence seemed to have been finished with a splatter of blood.

The machine directed a blast of flame at the words, slowly obscuring them. Arkal looked on with great interest.

He unlocked the chain holding his anvil to his back, and slammed it on the floor with great force. Then he did the same with his forge. He walked over to the strange machine, and picked it up once its flame stopped.

"You'll make a fine mace," he said to it admiringly, as he placed the scrubot on the anvil and began hammering at its outer covering.

This post passes all the rules!

This post passes rules 2, 4, and 5. It technically passes rule 3.

It's vaguely around Rule 1.

A haiku is not
The answer this time i think.
I love making posts.

A haiku is not
The answer this time i think.
I love making posts.

Passes no rules.

g0m