Million Dollars But...

I just got a great Apples to Apples/Cards Against Humanity-esque game, in which the goal is to combine two cards together, one specifying what happens, and one specifying when that event happens. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone near me to play it with, so I figured I'd do the next best thing: Shitpost with it in Hawkspace.

Whenever I feel like it, I'll pick two sets of cards, and pose them here. You get to choose which one of the two options you'd rather do to get a million dollars. Feel free to talk about why you chose whichever option you did, or come up with hilarious scenarios for either option, or just shitpost more in here. Who'll be able to tell the difference?

So without further ado, your first choice to make you rich is...

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Million dollars but whenever you see a helicopter flying,
a parade spontaneously breaks out around you

or...

Million dollars but whenever you wash your hands,
your next five meals have to come from a gas stations

rather than playing this game I just want to post a juvenile comment about a "million dollars butt"

I'd probably go with the helicopter thing though because they are pretty rare in these parts

The parade doesn't seem like such a huge downside as long as I never move back to NYC. And if I did well....the parade stuff is kind of the norm anyway.

I mean really a choice between "very occasionally a bunch of people will appear" and "either buy literally every meal from a gas station or stop washing your hands for the rest of your life you disgusting goblin" I think one of them is definitely worse.

Who eats five meals between washing their hands? ? ???

rather than playing this game I just want to post a juvenile comment about a "million dollars butt"

I mean, when this game was being promoted, it had the hashtag of #ButStuff for a reason, and that's because everyone is a horrible person which is what makes this so hilarious.

ANYWAY, Yeah, I'd probably go with the helicopter parade. I mean honestly, I'd wash my hands before eating gas station food OH WHOOPS GUESS THAT I HAVE TO GO EVEN MORE.

It specifies that you have to actually see the helicopter, and it has to be flying.
So when you hear one coming - and let's face it, they're not terribly good at sneaking up on people - then you shut your eyes. Or just don't look up.

I think I would wear gloves if I had to do the gas station thing, but parades still seem more convenient.

A problem would arrive if it called a parade of helicopters and helicopter enthusiasts though.

What happens if you see a picture of a helicopter? Does that still cause the parade?

Or does it cause a picture of a parade?

I mean, I think if you saw a picture of a helicopter flying, that's still you seeing a flying helicopter, so PARADE TIME FOR YOU.

Does the picture of the helicopter have to be flying or can it just be a picture of a flying helicopter.

This is a lot tougher of a pick now that I don't live near an airbase anymore. Also depends on what qualifies as a meal. I do a lot of grazing so if snacks count I could probably survive by skipping the sink after a piss or carrying a bag of moist towelettes everywhere with me. Parades are hella inconvenient.

It didn't specify washing your hands in a sink so I assumed that using hand sanitiser or cleansing wipes would also count as washing your hands

It's hard to take a bath without washing your hands. I don't want to have to wear gloves my whole life for a million dollars.

infinite gas station meals

the food has to come from a gas station but i don't have to eat it there right?

live in the gas station for the rest of your life

But what happens if someone who took the helicopter option comes in and spots a helicopter while they're in your gas station?

honestly, just plaster a sign saying "gas station" over your house. and have a thing that pumps gas. and you're good to go.

Well, wasn't that fun. Feel free to continue discussing that, but there's a new set in town. Today's set of choices are...

Million dollars but whenever you stumble, you look
like an infamous dictator to everyone but yourself.

or...

Million dollars but every time you hiccough, your
actions are narrated by the move trailer guy.

i'd take the latter over the former any day

being narrated would obviously be frequently inconvenient but tbh it could be kind of cool as well

it's not like I get hiccups that often anyway, but I am very clumsy

Is there like.....a downside to getting narration by a movie trailer guy or?

Cause I only see positives in the latter. Sounds like a good way to have a laugh while also having hiccups and/or being sick.

I cough kind of a lot. And I suppose other people would hear the narrator?

How long would I keep looking like the dictator post-stumble? Can I pick which one? I mean, if I get Stalin for a few seconds instead of Kim Jong Un or Hitler for a few hours I wouldn't mind much.

Is there like.....a downside to getting narration by a movie trailer guy or?

Cause I only see positives in the latter. Sounds like a good way to have a laugh while also having hiccups and/or being sick.

There might be thing you don't want a disembodied voice advertising to everyone around you