Fanfiction - ADVENTURE IS YOU

QWERTY is UIOPing

QWERTY, distraught by the recent departure of Nitebat and by his tragic, mysterious past, finally snaps.

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"Barkeep! One Bulldozer please!"

"Wow. A bulldozer? Do you even know what's in that crap of a drink?"

"Hey! Don't knock the bulldozer! I have it on good authority that drink was made by strogthest man alive."

:...after the mysterious destruction of MoonWalk Co's inventory warehouse...:

"I heard it was made by some cultist."

"Well there are always rumors."

:...the president of the inflatables company is still missing...:

"What are you eating there?"

"Oh this? Just a sub - extra pickles, cayenne peppers. Want a bite?"

"Ugh. No thanks. I'll stick to edible food."

"Don't what you're missing."

:...following a string of recent thefts, authorities struggle to find a connection...:

:...Arborial Futures Stock dropped another 5% after rumors of corporate espionage...:

"Okay, I have to ask, what are you wearing?"

"You like it?"

"It's just, unique."

"Heh. Yep. It's one of a kind."

"You made it huh?"

"Nah, some guys made it for me."

"Who? I'd like one."

"Sorry, buddy. 'Unique' means that it's just for me. Part of my identity, if you get what I mean."

"Whatever, it's kind of weird anywa-hey...water's out..."

"Doesn't bother me. Fill 'er up!"

:...University Professor Renee Fisher on the recent prevalence of so called 'cults of identity', Welcome Professor...:

"Hey why'd you turn that down? That was some interesting stuff!"

"You're kidding right? Bunch of cultist freaks if you ask me. I'm sick of hearing about them."

"Do you even know what they're about?"

"Bunch of wierdos who think they're reincarnations of a bunch of dead guys - or guys who never existed."

"HA! Okay so you do know about them!

...but you shouldn't be so harsh on guys like that."

"Why not? They're delusional!"

"Not delusional, disillusioned."

"What?"

"Look, you liked my necklace here because it was unique right? You hadn't seen it before."

"Yeah, but that's just some jewelry."

"Jewelry that only I own. The uniqueness gives it appeal."

"Yeah. You got some bling. What does that have to do with cults?"

"People today, they're looking for something that shows their own uniqueness. In the last 20 years fashion styles have shifted so rapidly that you're hardly surprised by what people wear now. I mean, look at yourself! Pink tie, green pants. 30 years ago you'd be laughed right out of a job! Now people see that as the new norm."

"Hey! I like this tie!"

"Yeah and so do the probably thousands of other people that saw it in a department store and thought 'this will stand out'."

"So what, these cultists are fashion designers? You've had too many syrup-blasted cider bombs."

"No 'these cultists' are the ones that realized that the constant struggle to be 'unique' is stupid. They've changed their focus. Instead of trying to change or customize these little things-"

"Hey! Don't touch the tie!"

"okay okay, instead of trying to change the little things, they change the whole person. They find someone who truly is unique and become them. If they're dead, who cares, they're not using that identity anymore. If they were never real in the first place, even better."

"Oh god. I just figured it out."

"Hm?"

"You're one of them aren't you? One of the cultists."

"I guess so. Though I like to think I'm just along for the ride."

...

"What...Is that?

Hey turn that up!"

"Sorry buddy I've heard enough of your- Hey! Get down from there!"

:...tower. Authorities have been unable to get ground forces to the area. News choppers have been recording the footage, trying to provide intel. Some believe these individuals could be related to the recent disablement of the downtown sector water main. One appears to be in the possession of some sort of advanced robotic drone...and is holding a man hostage. The other has some kind of jetpack and is yelling at the - Shots have been fired. Repeat shots have been fired:

"GOD DAMN QWERTY. THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Hey! HEY! YOU STILL HAVE A TAB!"

HaHA YEAH. StoneJONES is SO STONGTH. He EATS the NUCLAR SUBS and DRUNKS A BULLDOZER.

oh baoi yeash QwerTY is all snapped. He's gat new PEOWERS

WOT r they!?
UIOP?

A COW