"Woah, man. You look tired."

"Yeah...I found out yesterday. Apparently, I never sleep."

"Ha! Dude. You can't take that stuff so literally."

"The council seems to take it pretty literally..."

"Yeah but the council knows the texts are open to interpretation, and more importantly, YOU get to be the one that interprets it."

"Not sure how I can get around 'doesn't sleep'".

"Dude, look at me. I'm supposed to be so 'STONGTH' that I can 'DRUNK A BULLDOZER'. Now, I know that I am not going to shove a three ton landscaping machine down my drink tube, but that's what the council expects. So I concoct this little guy, one part vodka, two parts cider, and a helping helping of syrup, dub it THE BULLDOZER, and chug it down whenever I want! The council's happy, I'm wasted, and the world has a brand new way to get smashed."

"I'm not a fan of Bulldozers."

"It's an aquired taste. Point is, you have to be creative."

"I guess..."

"Hello Mr. Vantas. Here take a seat."

"Please, call me Qwerty"

"Oh, okay...is that a nickname? because your resume says-"

"It is the facet of my identity that I would prefer you to address me as."

"Huh...

...So what can you tell me about yourself, uh, Qwerty?"

"I suppose I should start with what is most relevant to you."

"That would be nice."

"Simply put, I am your ossmmm friend."

"'osshmm'? I...I'm sorry there must be a mistake. This is an interview for the accounts receivable position."

"Yes, I am fully aware of the pretext for our meeting, Mr. Reeves."

"P-pretext? I am sorry Mr. Vantas but if you're not seriously interested in this position I will have to ask-"

"Please allow me this time, Mr. Reeves. Despite your position, you are a very difficult man to get a hold of. They keep you busy."

"I have other interviews to get to."

"Your next appointment isn't scheduled until 9:15. You've been allocated 2 hours to conduct interviews in this office and have left your materials for your other projects at your workspace in your cubicle. Your access at this workspace is restricted to my resume, cover letter, personality profile, and your interview assessment form. Essentially you are faced with the choice of allowing me to speak with you for the following ten minutes or sitting idly until your next appointment arrives."

"How do you-"

"Do you know how many Reeves there are in the nation, Henry? You don't mind me calling you Henry?"

"I-"

"334,241. Do you know how many Henry Reeves there are? Exactly 326, and that's just in the northeast."

"How would you even get these numbers?"

"Don't tell me you've never thought to search for yourself over the network? I am certain you have at least once. Everyone does. They seek to see exactly where they fall amidst the crowd of an ever growing ever connected population."

"I suppose I have."

"And I know what you found. You found exactly what decades upon decades of technology and information from millions upon millions of sources have culminated to bring you: the truth, objective unbiased truth. A truth that you, Henry Reeves, are not unique, not special, and not needed."

"...I think you should leave."

"Please. Please, hear me out. It is only natural to want to shut out this truth. It's why you only search for yourself once you've managed to forget what you found at first. It's why for ages people have clung to the mantras of 'you are special' and 'everyone is unique' when in actuality the uniqueness of who you are is found only in the most unimportant, insignificant details. It is only been today that we have been able to see our true perspectives, our true identities."

"I have an identity, thank you. I am the executive accounts manager for the foreign supply subdivision. And I am certainly not hiring you for the accounts receivable position!"

"Is that really your identity, Henry Reeves? The title given to you by your company? A title that can apply to any person who sits in that desk and wears that badge? Or is your identity more than that? Is it that you are one of 154,252,153 people who owns a cat? One of 218,400,248 people who drive alone to work? One of 318,200,281 who changes their voicebox message once a month?

There are so many statistics, Henry Reeves. So many numbers which show exactly how your preferences and habits are shared by so many in the population. Before, we could shield ourselves within the masses, bury ourselves within the growing and seemingly diverse population. But now we are too connected. Our lives and our identities are too open. We know exactly who we are and we are no one."

"...Is that all?"

"It could be, Henry Reeves. It could very well be all that there is for you. But I know better. I know you, Henry Reeves. I am your ossmm friend. I know who you really are."

"And who am I, again?"

"I afraid I do not have time to tell you here, but I will gladly show you later. Simply contact me. You have my address on my resume...


...oh and one more thing."

"Yes?"

"One of those other 326 Henry Reeves happens to be in this building today. He's a bright young person. Recently obtained his MBA and plays tennis with the daughter of the VP of Finance. He'll be climbing the ladder quickly if he does well on his interview."

"They aren't doing any other accounting interviews today. Certainly not...not for the assistant director's position! I was told the applications were still in the screening process."

"You were told that. My time is up. Goodbye Henry Reeves."

"I am not comfortable with this. This is making me very uncomfortable."

"That is fine. How can I assuage you?"

"Uhm. Unhook me?"

"That is not fine. You must fly to start the mission."

"But I've never flown before!"

"Ah but you will. Remember who you are. Remember your identity."

"Why isn't Stonejones here?"

"He volunteered to obtain and consume the nuclear subs."

"Great. He's having lunch while I'm strapped to a jetpack."

"I will release the hangar doors shortly. Remember to yell when you reach the trench. The president's safety depends on you."

"Wait, you're not coming?"

"I will arrive in my own way."

"but-aaaaaaaa"

"Godspeed. Nitebat."