Let's go vampire hunting

But are the burgers bloody enough for you to die?

"But are the burgers bloody enough for me to die?" You hastily and jokingly ask to regain your cool.

"Heh" She responds, nice save

Be suave, man! Be suave!

>"Whoa, sorry there miss. I just can't control myself around a pretty woman like you."

Eyebrow wiggle for emphasis. THAT IS AN IMPORTANT STEP.

"Sorry there miss. I just can't control myself around a pretty woman like you." You continue, throwing in some good ol' brow wiggle for good measure. Because, i mean, nevermind the fact that you were thrown into a demonic dimension of madness or whatever and this is the only humanoid creature that speaks english or how those little monsters outside lied to you making you think this was a vampire castle, or the fact that there's still vampires out there being bad waiting to be killed. Fuck all of that you gotta show off, be suave and woo this lady.

The best part is that she's absolutely falling for it.

"Bring me the spiciest burger you have, babe" You say, in the suavest voice you can muster (the suavest there can possibly be, obvs).



Hehe, poor thing couldn't handle it and had to run as quickly as she could.



Heh, bloody enough for you to die.

>Just sit there and be suave while you wait for your burger, clearly nothing terrible is going to happen.

> Awwww yeah, you really scored this time. Give yourself a hi-five.

Look! It's the S is for Sucks dragon!

Level up your eyebrow waggle

Lean back, relax, wait for your burgerOH MY GOD IT'S ON FIRE

Pick the biggest, baddest guy and insult his mom. That way he'll start a fight with you, and when the waitress gets back, you can be calmly defending yourself from a vicious attacker. It'll inspire sympathy and awe at the same time! Two birds with one stone!

> Wait are you gonna have to eat an actual hamburger drenched in blood

Hey, wait. She probably knows demon. If you SUCCESSFULLY SEDUCE HER, you could bring her to the SIDE OF GOOD or something, and then CALLOUSLY MANIPULATE HER IN ORDER TO MURDER SAPIENT CREATURES.

you're the best hero ever.

Level up your eyebrow waggle

You don't know how a brow can level up but you add more sharpie for extra fake bushiness.

Pick the biggest, baddest guy and insult his mom. That way he'll start a fight with you, and when the waitress gets back, you can be calmly defending yourself from a vicious attacker. It'll inspire sympathy and awe at the same time! Two birds with one stone!

Yeah gotta show all these freaks who's boss and woo the biggest amount of ladies around, there's that big mouthed thing that never stops yelling, the giant eye with tentacles looks pretty creep- oh but there's also that big bad muscular minotaur with the weird snake-bird thing and oh my god those fire head girls look pretty intimidating too you think you'll just stay here and wait for your burger.

> Wait are you gonna have to eat an actual hamburger drenched in blood

"One Dauntingly risqué intestinal burner!"



Wait what

What are you waiting for? Chow down!

Om nom nom nom nom

Wait, did you forget to order it to go?
You should remedy this so you can take the burger to someone who needs it.

Dude, did she need tongs just to pick up the plate?

Okay okay

You are not going to eat that. It will kill you.

But you've ordered it so you have some macho points for it even being in your presence. You can get out of this and maybe be better for it.

> make small talk with the waitress. Like "so, where did a cutie like you learn English?" or "you've seen any vampires around here lately?"

Oh also

> "oh sorry, I wanted this to-go"

be a man
eat the burger

Looks delicious.

Stuff it down your face hole.

> Dude, you probably need the fiber anyway.

Eat it all in one bite. Girls love that.

Dude, did she need tongs just to pick up the plate?

Of course! Are you color blind or something?! The plate is boiling red, it's a wonder it isn't melting, maybe it's demon trickery or something. The burger's sole presence is making your nose drip and your eyes wet. There's no way you're eating that, even if you need the fiber.

Okay okay

You are not going to eat that. It will kill you.

But you've ordered it so you have some macho points for it even being in your presence. You can get out of this and maybe be better for it.

> make small talk with the waitress. Like "so, where did a cutie like you learn English?" or "you've seen any vampires around here lately?"

Oh also

> "oh sorry, I wanted this to-go"

"So"

You quickly address the waitress before she leaves, some small talk shall give you some time to think of how to dispose of this cursed burger without looking like a total wimp. Also you're so totally not done with this lady.

"Where did a cutie like you learn English? Also i am looking for vampires have you seen any?"

"Oh, so you're a vampire. I should have known"

Wait what is she talking abou-



WAAAGH

Stammer something incoherent about how any guy would lose his cool a bit around such an charming lady.

C-can the waitress translate?

Fight for your honor! Save the waitress!

Ed you sneaky.

PLEASE STOP
ACTING SO WIERD,
SIR. YOU ARE DIS-
SING MY GIRL.

> fail to translate, catch the words "ACTING" and "SING", think he's inviting you to a underworld acting troupe. Entertain the idea before dismissing him.

Ed you sneaky.

Wait, you didn't already know how to read that?