Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime

Imitate the Inquisitor! Surely they fear him! and he's crazy enough to pull something like impersonating an peasant in the dungeon.

Well, I suppose that's worth a try...

Ahem! You imbecile! I am Ichabod the Inquisitor! I disguised myself as a peasant to test your loyalty, and I must say I am very disappointed.

"Oh my! Well, er, your Inquisitiveness, I didn't mean... er... whatever it was I did. You can, um, go now?"

Good. See to it that it doesn't happen again!

"What is all that noise down there? Are you imbeciles chasing an escaped prisoner?"

"Er... no, your Inquisitiveness, wait, how is it you're at the top of the stairs and also down here?"

"What are you babbling about? Oh, never mind! I'm coming down there to have a word with you myself!"

Oh no! The real Inquisitor is coming! I don't think my bluff is going to work much longer, I'd better come up with another plan in a hurry...

Hit him in the face!

H is for Hit!

"What - OW! My nose!"

Really, you'd think they'd cover their noses. That's quite the glaring weak spot. And now...

>Distract him and attempt to escape! He couldn't run too fast in all that armor, could he?

While he's distracted by that punch, and then by the Inquisitor coming down to yell at him, I'll make my escape!

"Huh? Hey! Wait, your Inquisitiveness! I was trying to figure out how you were in two places at once!"

"And what exactly do you mean by that nonsense?"

"Er... Um..."

As interesting a conversation as this would be to listen to, I think it's best that I put some distance between myself and those two. So, more running!

"You there! Halt!"

Oh drat, a knight's spotted me! And this hallway appears to be a dead end. Er, hello again, Keith, was it?

"What? Keith? No, I'm Kurt the Knight. And I don't think you have a good reason to be running around this dungeon."

Ah... Er...

What should I do here?

> discover the alliteration in their names!

>"Didn't you get the Dispatch? Nametags are now mandatory for all knights!"

>Inform him that you have a very good reason to be down here! Bluff and tell him that the king sent you to tell him that some villain is impersonating the Inquisitor, and only Kurt can be trusted to apprehend him!

>Inform him that you have a very good reason to be down here! Bluff and tell him that the king sent you to tell him that some villain is impersonating the Inquisitor, and only Kurt can be trusted to apprehend him!

Oh, that might just work.

Ah, good! You're just the knight I was looking for. You see, I'm here to deliver a message from the king! He says that someone is impersonating the Inquisitor for nefarious purposes, and that only Kurt the Knight can be trusted to apprehend this scoundrel!

"Really. He said that, did he."

Yes! Absolutely!

"And he sent a filth-covered peasant down here instead of a royal messenger?"

Er... yes.

"Now why, exactly, would he do that?"

Ah... Well, er, you see...

Oh dear, I don't think this is quite working. Should I try to keep up the bluff, or should I find another way to escape?

Bluff! Clearly, the royal messenger would stand out if he were to come down here, and the imposter would have plenty of time to make him disappear. Peasants are basically this place's main import. They'd never see it coming.

The filth is Beneficial to my Health, I'll have you know!

"oh you know how the king is, sending peasants on obscure but informative quests in lieu of corporeal punishment. Why do you think it's been so quiet down here anyway! I mean only 2 prisoners? It's just what's been happening!"

Ask him what the king did with the last peasant he brought in. Maybe, sent him on some crazy errand? He does this all the time.

Implore him to go stop the inquisitor impostor immediately, because the longer he stands here doubting you, the more mayhem the impostor causes. The king fears he may even be intent on causing him injury!

"oh you know how the king is, sending peasants on obscure but informative quests in lieu of corporeal punishment. Why do you think it's been so quiet down here anyway! I mean only 2 prisoners? It's just what's been happening!"

Oh, of course! That's why I'm looking for letters, after all.

"Here now! What did you just say?"

I was stage whispering. You couldn't hear it, but the audience could.

"Oh! I see, sorry about that. But you still haven't answered my question!"

Ah, yes, I was just getting to that. Surely you realize that the king has been sending disobedient peasants on errands lately? That's why the cells down here are so empty.

"Hmm. I have heard about the king doing such things, but it still seems odd to send a peasant to do the work of a royal messenger..."

Bluff! Clearly, the royal messenger would stand out if he were to come down here, and the imposter would have plenty of time to make him disappear. Peasants are basically this place's main import. They'd never see it coming.

Ah, well, consider this! The impostor would take note of a royal messenger, wouldn't he? He'd stand out here. Whereas a peasant would simply be assumed to be another prisoner.

"That... does make a certain amount of sense. But something is still odd here... I'm just not quite sure about this message."

[b]Implore him to go stop the inquisitor impostor immediately, because the longer he stands here doubting you, the more mayhem the impostor causes. The king fears he may even be intent on causing him injury!

But just consider what the impostor could be doing as we speak! He may even be plotting to harm the king! Can you really take that chance?

"Hmm. You raise a good point. But now I know what's been bothering me. If you were a messenger from the king, surely he would have given you some way to prove you were sent by him! At the very least, a trinket with the royal seal on it. So let's see the proof, hmm?"

Oh dear. This could be problematic. How am I supposed to convince him now?

Draw a forgery in the dirt!

Wait, that probably requires writing the word "king" which starts with some mystical letter we've never heard of.

Display your birthmark. Claim you are secretly a prince from a distant land on a mission of peace.

But wait! Don't you have the Autograph of the King on a Family Heirloom?

Well, er, if you could just Give me an Audience with the king for a bit? He'll confirm what I said! But he won't be happy that you're Delaying my duties!

Well, er, if you could just Give me an Audience with the king for a bit? He'll confirm what I said! But he won't be happy that you're Delaying my duties!

Ah... Well, you see, the King is a very busy man and I believe he must have forgotten about that small detail when he issued my sentence. If you insist, you could take me to see him, but I doubt he'll be happy at the delay involved. After all, the impostor could be doing anything!

"Hmmph. I have a better idea. I'll send you off to Terence the Torturer and then ask the king about your alleged messenger duties. That way, I should be safe whether you're lying or not."

Er. Um.

"What's all the racket down there?"

Hmm? That sounds like Keith's voice.

"I've found an escaped prisoner! I'm going to capture him!"

"What? No you're not, I'm capturing him! I've got seniority! Don't let him leave until I arrive!"

"What are you two yelling about?"

Er. And now that sounds like Kevin?

"Just get over here, both of you! And you there, don't move!"

Ah... yes, that seems like a good idea while you've got your sword at my throat.

"Don't play smart with me, peasant."

"There he is!"

"Don't get any ideas, Kevin! He's mine!"

Oh my. Three knights.

"Stand down, Kurt. I'll take care of him. You two, watch closely. You might learn something."

Oh dear. Even if I defeat Keith the Knight somehow, I'll still have Kevin and Kurt to deal with.

G is for Gauntlet!!

This looks to be difficult. What should I do?

Just stand in between all of them, and Duck when they swing at you.

Perhaps you could Kick someone in the Family Jewels?

Claim one of them Insulted the Others.

Grab his hilt! Armor is heavy! Defeat his balance!

Just stand in between all of them, and Duck when they swing at you.

or Jump depending on how he swings.

Claim one of them Insulted the Others.

Yes, perhaps I can turn these knights against each other.

Pardon me! I believe Kurt the knight called you... er... a Fool!

"What? Kurt, did you say that?"

"No! I never! He's just tryin' to pull some trickery, like when he told me a story about being a messenger for the king."

"Did he now? I suppose I'd best be careful about listening to what he says."

I don't think it worked.

Just stand in between all of them, and Duck when they swing at you.

All right, if I can't turn them against each other with words, I'll take a more direct approach.

"All right, peasant, time to... eh? Why're you runnin'?"

Because you're swinging a heavy sword at me!

"Hey! What're you doing over by Kevin? I'm the one fightin' you!"

"What's wrong, Keith? Can't keep track of one lousy prisoner? Do you need me to hold him down for you?"

"Hardly! He's just a peasant!" *swing* *clang*

"Hey! Watch where you swing that sword, you could dent my armor! And it's not cheap to polish!"

"Urgh... Fine, if he tried that again, grab him. Right now, though, he's mine."

Oh dear. Well, one of them was hit, but I don't think that plan will work again. I need to think of something else.

Perhaps you could Kick someone in the Family Jewels?

I beg your pardon! First of all, that would be very rude. And second, they're all wearing full armor. I'd just end up hurting my foot.

And most importantly, I don't know what letter that starts with.

"Hey! Quit talkin' to yourself and try to put up a decent fight!"

But I don't even have a weapon!

"Too bad for you."

Er, I could use some more ideas. I'm rather fond of not being struck with a sword.

Frighten them all!

Conjure your Dagger from the Earth!

Grab one of their swords, then attack!

Conjure your Dagger from the Earth!

Wait, can I do that? Well, I suppose there's only one way to find out.

C is for Conjure!

Oh, would you look at that! It worked! I could have had a weapon all this time, isn't that funny?

Frighten them all!

How am I supposed to do that?

"Wh... What did he just do, Kurt? How does he have a weapon?"
"It's witchcraft! Keith, you'd best finish him quickly!"
"H... ha! Do you really think you can stop me with that puny dagger?"

Oh. That was easier than I thought. Although Keith has a point; this dagger is evidently magical, but their swords have longer reach.

Grab one of their swords, then attack!

Oh! Well, I suppose I can try that. Keith seems a bit thrown off, after all.

G is for Grab!

"What the... Let go of my sword, peasant!"

Urgh! He's got a rather tight grip on it, perhaps this wasn't the best move. If I'm going to get his sword away from him, I'd best do it fast; I can't possibly stay this close. Although I suppose I could give up on this and do something else.

What do you think?

Distract him with an Attack from your Dagger. Then extract the sword!