The Firebird and Three Princes

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This is another collab brought to you by DragonFogel and MalkyTop. It happened when I was ranting about this fairy tale (which you don't have to read really, in fact, I actually think it's best if you don't for now and just suggest any random thing here first) and Fogel read it over and said, "You know, this could possibly make a good adventure." And thus it was born.

Title subject to change.

The Golden Apple



Once upon a time, there was a far-off kingdom.



It was ruled by Tsar Vyslav, who had three sons: Dimitri, Vasilii, and Ivan.



Tsar Vyslav had a special walled garden, with many rare trees that grew precious gems as fruit.



His favorite tree, and the rarest, was one that grew golden apples.



One day, however, Tsar Vyslav came to the tree and saw it was missing one apple.



The Tsar discussed the matter with his two older sons.

"All right, boys. Somebody's been stealing my apples at night."
"Shocking, Father! This thief must be dealt with swiftly!"
"Oh, come on. I don't see what the big deal is, Dad. The tree's growing more. You'll have it back in, like, a week. Hell, you've got, what, three trees that grow diamonds?"



"It's the principle of the thing! Nobody steals from the Tsar and gets away with it! Now, one of you had better solve this problem, or I'll disown you both!"



"Don't worry, Father! I will find the thief for certain."
"Yeah, uh, sure. I'll do that, uh thing. What he said."



"Good. Whichever one of you solves this problem gets to be heir, since I've had a hard time figuring out which of you two is less worthless, and this seems like as good a test as any."



"Hey! Why can't I be your heir?"
"Because you're too young, Ivan. And also a spoiled brat. Now stop listening in on our conversations."

Vasilii and the Golden Apple



You are now VASILII.



As the middle prince, you never really expected Dad to give you the throne over your older brother Dimitri. You figure every time he's suggesting you might be the next Tsar, he's just doing it to keep Dimitri in line. Still, you might be able to come up with an idea to catch this stupid apple thief and then you'd know for sure if Dad was serious.



You could search the garden and see if there are any clues. Or you could talk to the castle guards; maybe one of them saw something last night. You could also try sabotaging Dimitri to make sure he doesn't catch the thief first. Or you could do something else entirely!

What will you do?

>Hatch assassination plot to end Dimitri's meddling once and for all!

Well, he is a big jerk and all... but you don't hate him THAT much.

Although if he doesn't stop criticizing your taste in music soon, you might have to resort to that after all.

Leap to conclusions, specificially to the conclusion that Ivan stole the apple. Interrogate him until he admits it.

You suddenly remember that your younger brother Ivan really likes golden objects. You've even seen him try to snatch them from guests on occasion. He might just have taken the missing apple!



You decide to question him.



"Hey, squirt. Did you take Dad's stupid apple?"
"No way! You know he doesn't even let me near the garden! He keeps saying I'll just grab any old jewel before it ripens!"



Hmm. It's true that Tsar Vyslav has left strict instructions not to let Ivan in. Maybe this line of investigation is a dead end. Should you try asking Ivan more questions, or investigate someplace else?

> Ask a few more questions. Maybe he knows something about what might have happened to it?

"Do you have any idea what might have happened to the apple, then?"
"Beats me. Maybe the thief eats gold or something. How should I know?"

Hmm. That wasn't very helpful.

>Interrogate him some more, ask where would he hide such a valuable object if he stole one.

"Well, let's say you had stolen it. Where would you hide it? Maybe the thief had the same idea."
"Pfft. Like I'd tell you where my hiding spots are. I checked 'em all already, anyhow. No apple there."

Frisk your little brother to see if he has the apple on him.

"Hmm. Stand up."
"Why?"
"So I can make sure you're not hiding that apple on you."



"Fine. But make it quick. I'm not hiding anything."
"We'll see about that..."



"...What is it with you and gold, anyways?"
"Hey! Lay off me! You don't see any apples here, right? So leave me alone!"

Well, he's got a point. You could tell Dad, but you're supposed to be catching this apple thief right now. Ivan's rampant kleptomania can be dealt with later.

>Apologize to Ivan before he figures out a way to get you in trouble later. Make a deal with him to help you find the thief.

"Uh, sorry, Ivan. I guess I should have believed you. Tell you what, want to help me catch the apple thief?"
"Nah, not really. Doesn't sound fun."

See if your brother will work with you to one-up Dimitri.

"Aw, what a shame. Because Dimitri would be so humiliated if I caught the thief before him..."
"Wait, what? Dimitri humiliated? Okay, this sounds fun after all! I want in!"



Ivan has decided to help you catch the thief!

Now that you've got a helper, what will you do?

> 60's Batman opening credits with Ivan as Robin and you as Batman.

Ivan suddenly babbles about how this is like some show he watched and how it's as if you are some spandex-wearing, bat-themed superhero and he's, like, your spandex-wearing, bird-themed, young and spunky sidekick or something.

Search the scene of the crime. Really, you ought to have started there in the first place.

"Right. We'll start by checking the garden for clues."
"I'm not allowed in there, remember?"



"Oh, right. Okay, uh, you can do something else while I look..."

> Check the staff members who were in the garden between yesterday and today. Start with the guards, they're there most of the time unsupervised.

"Got it! Find out who was in the garden. Maybe question some of them. I think the guards would be a good place to start."



"Is that it? Man, that sounds dull. I thought we were gonna mess with Dimitri!"

> Check Dimitri's room.

"Well, I guess there's a chance he stole it...you could look in his roo--"
"YES! Yes yes yes yes YES! What are you waiting for? Let's go!"

Later...



Vasilii is now in the garden, searching for clues. Ivan can question people who were in the garden yesterday, or search Dimitri's room.

What will you have each of them do?

Tsar Vyslav: Heavily tax the peasants to make yourself feel better.

Meanwhile...



"You, go and raise taxes on the peasants."
"Sire, taxes are already so high that we're on the brink of a rebellion! If we raise them any more..."
"Who cares? We need to show that apple thief who's boss!"
"We don't even know if the apple thief is from around here! He might not pay us taxes at all!"
"We're dealing with a tax evader, too? Better raise the taxes again to be sure!"
"...Yes, sire. Right away."



Tsar Vyslav's complete ignorance of economic policy has caused an all-out revolt.



However, due to the utter lack of a decent education program, the peasants have a terrible sense of direction and cannot find their way to the castle. Tsar Vyslav remains blissfully unaware of the situation.



So now back to this actual mystery we're supposed to be solving. Which is clearly much more important than whatever's going on outside the castle.

>Vasilii: Figure out how the heck anyone would ever even notice that a single apple is missing, anyway.

It's no mystery. Your dad's very thorough about that sort of thing. Ridiculously thorough.

>Vasilii: Search the other trees. Chances are some of those also have fruits missing.

You don't see how to tell. But you figure Dad would have checked those right after the apple. Again, very thorough.

Vasilii: Look for footprints around the tree.

These are your dad's footprints. The only other ones you see are your own. Well, that wasn't very helpful.

Ivan: Search and loot Dimitri's room.

Ivan decides to look through Dimitri's room.



However, rather than conducting an actual thorough investigation, he simply grabs anything that catches his eye.



Uh-oh! Dimitri is about to come in! You don't think he's realized you're here yet, though. What should you do?

>Ivan: Throw gold banana at Dimitri's head to knock him unconscious, then finish what you were in the middle of.

Thinking quickly, you sacrifice a piece of your golden hoard to surprise Dimitri.



"Ow! Who threw that?"
Uh-oh. Looks like that wasn't enough to knock him out, though he's too distracted to see you yet. Better think of something else...

> Ivan: Hide under the bed.

Hopefully he won't think to look under here.

>Vasilii: Consider the hypothesis that your dad was the one who took the apple, and then forgot later or something. After all, his are the only other footprints.

You think about this, but it doesn't seem likely. Your dad has an excellent memory when it comes to his valuables.

> Vasilii: Look around to see if the apple may have, I don't know, fallen onto the ground? Perhaps look for some overturned earth. Maybe the gardener picked an apple to start growing a new tree.

Nope, you don't see anything unusual about the ground. Your dad would probably have looked there already anyways.

Vasilli: Climb up into the tree.

Uh... You'll have to pass on that one. You don't really like climbing. Plus, Dad would probably yell at you.

Vasilii: Try asking the royal gardener about the Golden Apple if you have one. Where is (s)he anyway?

Your dad doesn't trust anyone enough to let the gardener in here. Pretty much the only people allowed in here are Dad, you, and Dimitri, unless he's showing it off or there's an emergency.

Ask the guards what they were doing on the night the golden apple was stolen.

Vasilii: Ask some of the guards why they suck so much at their jobs.

"Hey, what were you guys doing last night? Why didn't you stop the thief?"



"Um... Oh, man, he's never gonna believe this, is he?"
"...no, probably not. And then I bet we'll be fired."
"Come on, just say it. I've got no leads at all, so I might as well hear your story."


"Well, it's like this. A little after midnight, this firebird flew in and ate the apple."
"It's true! We both saw it!"
"...A firebird? Huh. It sounds crazy, but that would explain why there were no footprints..."


"Okay, I guess that's all. You guys can go now."
"Thank goodness..."
"I can't believe we still have our jobs..."

So it sounds like the thief was a firebird. Should you tell the Tsar about this, or will you continue to investigate instead?

Meanwhile...



You are now Dimitri. You were just hit with a golden banana by an unknown assailant. You suspect Vasilii may be behind it as part of an ill-conceived scheme to assassinate you and take the throne.

What will you do?

The Firebird and Three Princes

check under the bed.

You consider the possibility that the assassin may be hiding under the bed, but it's too dangerous to check. There's no telling what he might do if you corner him. There must be a better way to handle this.

> Dmitri: Set the bed on fire.

Ah, of course! Destroy the bed and you'll destroy the assassin! It's so simple!



There. That should take care of the assassin. But what next?

>Dimitri: Go tell daddy!

That won't do! You can already hear him shouting at you. "Why should I make you my heir if you're just going to run to me every time there's a problem?" Ugh, no, you'll just have to deal with this matter yourself.

Dimitri: Hire an assassin of your own to make sure it's not you who'll die first.

You can't afford to do that! You already spent your entire allowance on highly valuable golden trinkets. And you're certainly not going to give one of THOSE to a hired killer for payment! They just can't appreciate the quality.

Dimitri: Headbutt Vasilii to establish superiority. In fact, might as well headbutt Ivan too. You need to show who's in charge here.

Ah! Now that's the way to do this! Yes, Vasilii needs a demonstration of why you deserve to be heir. And after that you'll pay Ivan a visit - you don't need another brother getting ideas.



Now, where is that worthless backstabbing brother of yours, anyways?



That was close.



Uh-oh. You should probably get out of here before you get blamed for that.

Vasilii: Ask which way the firebird went.

Meanwhile...



"Wait! So, which way did this firebird go?"
"Uh... hello? It went straight up. There's no roof over the garden. That's why we couldn't catch it."

Dimitri: Start punching and kicking everything.

"Whoa! Hey, what are you doing?"



"So! Not only did you send an assassin to my room, you're also conspiring with the guards! Were you ordering them to seize me in the night?"



"What? No, you idiot! I was asking them about the thief! They said it was a firebird."



"Really now, such a pathetic cover story. I know you arranged this theft. No doubt it was a ploy to trick Father into giving you the throne. But you realized that with my cleverness, I would unravel your scheme, so you hired an assassin..."
"Whatever, dude. I'm going to keep investigating. You know, like Dad told us to."



What the... The nerve! He just left right in the middle of your accusation!



But your fiendishly cunning brother has a point - you are supposed to be investigating this theft. You already know Vasilii is behind it, but you don't really know how he did it yet. And you'll have to figure that out to convince Father.



What will each of you do?

>Pose as a team despite the fact you are not a team, or even near each other, and any team posing would only be visible to some sort of omniscient viewers.

The three of you are spontaneously struck with the idea to pose as though you were in a team shot. Coincidentally, you select poses such that you would look like an actual team shot if you were actually standing near each other.

Vasili: Head to the Royal Annals to see if there is documentation of previous Firebird attacks.

You decide to do some research to see what you can learn about firebirds.



Oh man. Where are you even going to start looking?

Vasili: Ask a wizard or something.

"GAH."
"Hello, Your Highness! Can I help you?"



"Wait, we have a wizard as a librarian?"
"You have a garden that grows gemstones and golden apples."
"Well... okay, yeah, good point. Uh, I'm looking for a book on firebirds?"



"Here you go."
"What, already? Did you know I was looking for it...?"
"Of course I did! I'm a wizard, aren't I? Honestly, you and your brothers could stand to spend more time in here. It's no wonder the Tsar is so worried about his successor. Not like it was back in my day, when..."



Great. He won't stop talking, and you don't feel like you can just walk out. Well, you could try it, but you're pretty sure it's a bad idea to be rude to someone who can probably turn you into a toad. How are you going to get away from him?

Ivan: Take your new-found riches to your stash.

You are Ivan now. You decide to put away your new golden treasures before your dad yells at you again.



As you store your ill-gotten goods, you see something out the window.



It looks like the peasants are angry about something! Cool.

Ivan: use boyish charm to take control of the peasant revolt.

You think about taking control of the revolt, but they'd probably recognize you as royalty. You're going to need a disguise first. But where will you get one?

Dmitri: search Vasili's room for clues.

You are now Dimitri. You've decided to search Vasilii's room for evidence to the crime.



Gah! Vasilii's room is filled with useless trinkets! No doubt his cunning ploy is to conceal any incriminating evidence in there to deter you from searching through.





Fortunately, Vasilii forgot that you have servants for this sort of thing.

Dmitri: Vasili probably destroyed all the evidence. Forge new evidence to prove his guilt.

Suddenly, you have an idea. You can forge evidence and show that to your father! Then he'll take you seriously when you reveal Vasilii's nefarious crime! How brilliant!



But you should probably let the servant continue his search. You can quietly slip your evidence into the pile once you've produced it. You just need to think about what the forged evidence will be...

Dimitri: Go get your horse.

You decide that perhaps a horse ride will help you think about what to do in order to forge some evidence.



You get on your horse. Where will you ride to?

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Bookcases have gotten their revenge on me yet again. Also, add horses to the list of things I can't draw.

You have Judgement to pass, evidence to watch get planted, and a false firebird to defuse!

Where the hell are you going on that horse?

Good point. You can probably find everything you need right here.



This was a silly idea. You should get back to the palace.

>Horse: Take off into a gallop. Freedom at last!

Your horse suddenly flees! This is clearly Vasilii's doing.



You cannot let such a magnificent animal get away. How can you catch it?

>Ivan: Finger paint. Mix all the colors together.

You don't really see how that will help you disguise yourself and lead a peasant revolution, but you remember that Dad left strict orders not to allow you near the finger paints after last time.



Ha! You'd almost forgotten that. Oh man, it was fun. Forget this investigation and this peasant revolution, you've got to find those finger paints!



The finger paints are probably in the same room as all the other stuff Dad's confiscated from you over the years. Plus there's plenty of other cool stuff in there.



But how are you going to get past those guards?

Vasili: Fall asleep from this boring story while standing.

"And furthermore... Hey! Are you listening?"



"Huh? What? Uh... I mean, yeah, totally! Books are cool, am I right?"
"Hmmph!

Vas:Ask him if he can show you some magic,that should distract him from his rant

"Hey! Can I see you do some magic? I bet it would help me catch this firebird!"



"Magic on demand? Do I look like I'm here for your amusement? I'm here to educate you and your brothers, but none of you ever stop by here! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put a curse on you all!"



Uh-oh. Now you've made him mad. You should probably calm him down before he does something drastic. But what can you do?

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Woooooaah! And an update comes out of nowhere! I would say stuff about asking you guys to nominate this for an award but considering that it's two days before nominations are over I can't really see any of you thinking of something this is actually qualified for. Whoops! Oh well! I can't think of an award for this either! Maybe Most Stupid Art.

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Well, Fogel, it's understandable Vasilii gets the most commands. After all, he's the...



BEST. BROTHER.

I assumed because my dad pays extremely well?

Apparently thats not enough these days.

What do you want?

"Hey! My dad pays your salary! Why should I have to take this kind of talk from you?"



"Exactly. Your dad pays me. Not you. And he doesn't pay me to cater to the every whim of his children. Now shut up and listen! This is important!"

Explain to him that casting a curse is magic, so his non-compliance would be compliance anyways, and if he'd really not wanted to do some magic then he'd have just refused or something.

"Hey, if you put a curse on me, that means you'd be casting a spell! So you'd be doing what I asked!"



"Quit being such a smarty-pants, or I'll make it a REALLY nasty curse."

>Let him taste his own medicine and tell him a long borring story untill he falls asleep

"Hey, you know what this reminds me of? One time, just after Ivan was born, he snuck into this party my dad was throwing and snatched a gold bracelt off of one of the guests, and..."





"Abra-kablooey!"





"You think you can put me to sleep with a story? Kids these days! When I was your age, we listened to our elders, especially when they could turn us into toads! And furthermore..."

Vasili: Let him listen to your music for awhile.

You're getting tired of this guy. You decide to give him a little taste of youth culture.



While the wizard gets lost in his lengthy story, you put your headphone on him.



"This is the kind of trashy music you kids listen to today? No wonder there's so much wrong with you!"

Vasilii: Point out that you're hear now, and that you'd like to be taught investigational techniques and also how to find firebirds.

"Look, I'm really sorry for not visiting the library more often. But I'm here now, and I'd like to learn some stuff about being a detective. And finding firebirds. Can you please help me?"



"That's better! Politeness is very important in a future ruler."
"But I don't really want to..."



"Here you go! These books should help you conduct your investigation, along with the book on firebirds I gave you before. Go sit down and read them, and feel free to ask me if you have any questions."



Well, he seems to have calmed down. But this is a lot of books to search through. What are you going to look up first?

Ivan: Invent COMMUNISM. Decide that you cannot live like this wile outside the gates people are starving.

Yes! The proletariat will no longer be oppressed! They have nothing to lose but their chains! It is time to begin the GLORIOUS COMMUNIST REVOLUTION!



"Your highness, what are you doing here? The Tsar made it clear that you are not to be allowed anywhere near this hallway."



Well, this is a severe blow to the revolution. How are you going to get out of this mess?

Dimitrii: Get your horse and some gold, and have a goldsmith make a false apple to plant as evidence. Get caught up in this so you dont realize how absolutely horrible the idea is.

Yes! This is a plan that cannot fail in any way whatsoever!



Except that it depends on you having a horse to ride. You should probably do something about that.

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Also I still can't draw horses.

And now it's suggestion time. Go ahead, everyone!

Ivan: Capture the guards' attention with your boyish innocence, and when they are most vulnerable, convert your captors to the glorious system of communism. Tell them that you can all share the stuff that you pilfer from the Tsar (as long as you get those finger paints)!

Demitri: Forget about that horse and just call for another servant, and then ride him.

Dimitri: Get another, faster horse. Use it to catch up to that horse, then beat the horse over the head until it stops moving. Then return the second horse to the stables and ride the first horse. This is a cunning and foolproof plan.

Vasilii: Try to find information on firebirds' habitats and weaknesses. That's the most pragmatic place to start.

Dimitri: Just carry the gold in a bag or in your hands or something.

Ivan: Cry. Nobody can resist a crying child.

Vasili: Find someone you can boss around and make them read the books for you. Have exciting adventures.

Demitri: Forget about that horse and just call for another servant, and then ride him.

Wait, what are you doing? Chasing after a horse is beneath you! You're the future Tsar, after all!



No, this is a job for a servant.



Now you just have to get your horse back. Technically, you could ride to the goldsmith's like this, but that would be unprincely. You need to pull up on a horse, after all.



But this servant isn't nearly fast enough. He'll never catch up at this rate. How can you properly motivate him?

Ivan: Cry. Nobody can resist a crying child.

"Wah! Dad never lets me do anything fun! I just wanna start my own Communist revolution, is that so much to ask?"



"Well, uh... I guess you can, for a little while... What the hell is a Communist revolution anyways?"



"Yay! Okay, okay. You and I will be the proletariat, and we're going to seize control of the means of production!"

"Um... sure thing, Your Highness. Just one question - what does all that stuff you just said mean?"



Huh. You don't really know either. It just sounded good at the time.



On the other hand, you could just make something up and tell him that's what you meant. So what are you going to tell him?

Vasilii: Try to find information on firebirds' habitats and weaknesses. That's the most pragmatic place to start.

Blah blah nobody knows much about firebirds blah blah some say they like to eat gold but we have no real evidence blah blah blah...



Man, this is so boring. And it's not even very useful! It's like nobody knows anything helpful about firebirds.



Then again, there's a lot of books here. Maybe one of them has some useful info... But there's so many of them...

Vasili: Find someone you can boss around and make them read the books for you. Have exciting adventures.

Wait a second! You can get a servant to read the books for you. Then they can tell you about the good parts while you go and do something else. Something more fun than poring over all these boring books.



Although... Most of the servants have specific jobs, and your father doesn't like them slacking off. You can get the occasional quick favor, but something like this would take a few hours.



Still, there's one guy who usually isn't very busy.



OH GOD DAMMIT



Well, that's just great. You're either going to have to find some way to get the poor guy back from whatever Dimitri's doing, or you'll have to get somebody else to read for you. Or worse, read all those boring books yourself.

What's the plan?

Demitri: Offer riches to him in an abiguous way that can mean whatever the hell you want it to.
Ivan: It means that we are going to go and THROW A LARGE PARTY
Vasilii: Find some dust and then put it all over those books so that you can make the dusting lady servant read and dust all of the books page by page.

Demitri: Tell him that if he doesn't catch that horse he will be fired... via a catapult into an active volcano. Giddyup!

Ivan: It means you wear cool costumes and play a game of 'lead the rebellion' with all those revolting peasants.

Vasili: Go into town, find someone who looks down on his luck. Offer him a shiny gold coin if he finds anything helpful in those books.

Vasili: Go into town, find someone who looks down on his luck. Offer him a shiny gold coin if he finds anything helpful in those books.

Ivan: It means that if he does what you tell him his wages and benefits will be way better, and the same goes for all his best guard friends but none of his guard enemies.

Chase after him on your skateboard!

Vasilii: Ask the wizard if he can cast a spell on the books that will make them read themselves to you.

Dimitri: Tell him that if he doesn't move faster, he will have to clean every chamber pot in the castle. With his toothbrush. For a week.

Demitri: Offer riches to him in an abiguous way that can mean whatever the hell you want it to.

"Now, listen to me. If you catch up to that horse, I'll see to it that you're given ample compensation for your services."
"Er... what? Could you explain that again?"


"It's simple, really. Once you catch that horse, you'll be granted a suitable reward for your assistance."
"I'm not quite sure I follow, sir. What exactly are you saying?"


"What? It's nothing complex. I'm simply telling you that you'll receive adequate recompense..."
"Sir, I'm not smart enough to know what those words mean."

Dimitri: Tell him that if he doesn't move faster, he will have to clean every chamber pot in the castle. With his toothbrush. For a week.

"IT MEANS GO FASTER OR YOU'LL BE CLEANING EVERY CHAMBERPOT IN THE CASTLE WITH YOUR TOOTHBRUSH FOR A WEEK!"
"Don't we have a maid to clean those? Also, what's a toothbrush?"
"JUST MOVE FASTER!"


"Yes sir! We'll catch that horse, sir!"

Vasilii: Ask the wizard if he can cast a spell on the books that will make them read themselves to you.

"Nope."


"How did you know what I was going to..."
"Because I'm a wizard."

Vasili: Go into town, find someone who looks down on his luck. Offer him a shiny gold coin if he finds anything helpful in those books.

"Excuse me! Can you read a bunch of books for me?"


"Hey! You're one of the Tsar's sons, aren't you?"
"Uh... yeah..."


"This is insulting! Do you think I'll just throw away my pride and work for the Tsar's oppressive regime? I'd sooner die!"
"All right, geez, I'll just hire someone else..."


"...How much are you paying?"
"Uh, one gold coin."


"You've got yourself a deal!"


Well, that was weird... hey, what's going on over there?


It's Dimitri! He's headed for that forest in the distance. You might actually be able to catch up to him from here!

Ivan: It means that we are going to go and THROW A LARGE PARTY

"It means we PARTY HARD! Come on, let's find some guests!"
"But... where? All the servants are busy, and technically I'm supposed to be working, too..."

Ivan: It means you wear cool costumes and play a game of 'lead the rebellion' with all those revolting peasants.

"Uh... We can invite them! Yeah!"
"Are you sure about that? They look, um, angry."


"Relax, it'll be fine! We'll just put these costumes on!"
"...Where did you get those?"


"Hey guys! What's up?"


"Oh my! Can it be? Have we finally found a charismatic leader to guide our revolution to victory?"


You have no idea what that means, but it sounds good.
"Yeah, that's right!"


"You're a natural leader! We'll follow you anywhere!"
"Uh... what?"


Hey! It's Vasilii! Where's he headed?

Chase after him on your skateboard!

You bet Vasilii is totally running off to do something fun without you. Well, you're not letting that happen!


You're Dimitri now. It looks like your horse ran into this forest. But which way did he go?


You investigate the sign at the crossroads.


Who rides straight forward shall know both hunger and cold.
Who rides to the right shall live, though his steed be dead.
Who rides to the left shall die, though his steed shall live.


Oh dammit. It's a riddle. You hate riddles.

So, what are you going to do?

Dimitri: Riding to the left is obviously a no-go, and it sounds like if you ride straight ahead you'll be poor. Ride to the right.

> You don't have time for this. Ride to the back and oh shit is that Vasi?