Duct Tape

Originally posted on MSPA by Fengar.

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>Make a duct tape compass.

Originally posted on MSPA by Tasr.

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Make a duct tape skyscraper, ride the duct tape elevator to the top and survey your surroundings.

Originally posted on MSPA by Bamoehn.

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Spider-Man Style Swinging!
You can go higher and get a better view!

This is the best thing forever.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Make a map out of duct tape!

You can't just make an accurate map when you don't actually know the layout very well, but you can make a map and keep adding to it every so often as you find new places.

You have made a DUCT TAPE MAP.

>Make a duct tape compass.

You suddenly realize that you don't have a direction indicator marked on your map. In an attempt to remedy this, you make a duct tape compass.

Unfortunately, since the duct tape you produce isn't magnetic, the compass doesn't actually point anywhere.

Spider-Man Style Swinging!
You can go higher and get a better view!

You make a long string of duct tape that's sticky on the other end, and toss it at the nearest building.

Unfortunately, everything on this street is a one-story house, so you can't swing very easily.

Make a duct tape skyscraper, ride the duct tape elevator to the top and survey your surroundings.

You suddenly come upon a solution! You spend several hours producing enough duct tape to create an entire skyscraper, then you go inside and get in the elevator, which obviously works perfectly, and there are clearly no inconsistencies in whether the things you make out of duct tape actually function.

In any case, you climb the duct tape stairs to the roof, and then use your duct tape string to swing around. Unfortunately, because you only built one duct tape skyscraper, you can't move very far and can only see things in a circle around you, but it helps you update your map. Unfortunately, you don't recognize anything in sight; you never paid much attention to anything on the route between your house and the supermarket.

Walk through the streets in a rough spiral until you find somewhere you recognise. Leave a trail of duct tape to clearly indicate the path you have taken in case you get lost again.

You climb up your duct-tape string and ride the elevator back down to the street. You've suddenly had a great idea.

Inspired by the story of Theseus in the labyrinth, you go down a street, leaving a trail of duct tape behind you. With this, you'll be able to keep track of where you've been and eventually find your way home!

You find your way home much faster than expected. You go in, get out the cereal, pour your milk on it, and have a nice mid-afternoon breakfast.

Suddenly, you hear a loud noise and feel the house shake. Looking outside, you discover a roadwork crew tearing up your front walk!

Oh man. This is going to drive you crazy. It could take them months to finish, and you know you won't be able to put up with the noise for that long. What are you (and your unlimited supply of duct tape) going to do to about it?

Originally posted on MSPA by Jacquerel.

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Tape tape over your ears

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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DESTROY THEM

Originally posted on MSPA by Godbot.

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> Fix the road with a layer of duct tape

Originally posted on MSPA by Tasr.

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Go live in your skyscraper while construction is under way.

Originally posted on MSPA by Fengar.

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>Soundproof your house with thousands of layers of duct tape.

Originally posted on MSPA by JRCrusher.

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Fill the engines of their machines with duct tape.

Originally posted on MSPA by Pancakes.

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GUEST UPDATE!

Tape tape over your ears

Of course, you decide to make a perfect set of duct tape ear muffs and block out the noise. This works perfectly, you can't hear anything. This includes your favorite day time soap opera.

You throw your ear muffs to the ground in excitement as Miranda whispers her darkest secrets to Biff.

DESTROY THEM

You march outside with two wicked duct tape whips in either hand. You flog the construction workers mercilessly until they are encased in swaths of the tape. However, the ever present city planning bureaucracy won't stop sending low-wage workers to finish construction.

You give up before they send the cops back to find you.

> Fix the road with a layer of duct tape

You decide to lay down a little bit of the structural perfection they call Duct Tape to solve this problem. You did not, however, account for what may be the single greatest source of duct tape destruction in the universe: Hot Asphalt. The tape you placed peels away like so many banana peels at the metaphorical hand of a blazing chimpanzee.

Go live in your skyscraper while construction is under way.

This is a great idea, you're going to live in the lap of luxury. The Jefferson's theme song fills your thoughts as you march triumphantly back to the duct tape tower. When you arrive you find that you are not the only person with this idea, and the tower is completely full up with wealthy laundromat owners and their families.

>Soundproof your house with thousands of layers of duct tape.

You have it! You'll use the same strategy you heard from major news sources for combating airborne terrorist chemicals. You begin encasing your house in duct tape, no window is left unsealed. Right before you fatally asphyxiate you remember why you didn't do this the first time, and cut away the tape just in time.

Fill the engines of their machines with duct tape.

Having had quite enough of this FOOLISHNESS, you step outside, open the hoods to the machines that they are using for this project, and unceremoniously fill them with the stickiest tape known to man. The bureaucracy's budget cannot cope with such expensive machinery being disabled and closes down.

You return to your soap with a smug smile. After having shed many tears over the tragic romance of Miranda and Biff you are feeling mighty parched, however, the same department that runs construction also runs the water supply in your city, and they are FLAT BROKE. There is no water to be had, what are you going to do about this?

Originally posted on MSPA by Fengar.

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>Build a duct tape car and head to the nearest river or lake.

Originally posted on MSPA by JRCrusher.

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>Concerned Citizen: Go to the local waterworks and try to figure out how to get water flowing again. (What? You didn't say only duct tape and Ted is totally an alias for Connie... totally.)

On a more serious note,
>Construct an aqueduct and pump system out of (wonderfully water-resistant) duct tape and connect to nearest water source. If for whatever reason your pump doesn't work, go get that elevator from the giant skyscraper you left sitting around and use that instead.

Originally posted on MSPA by Niall.

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Make a fake cloud out of duct tape and begin to entice real clouds to come closer so you can get the precious water out of their bodies.

Originally posted on MSPA by Tasr.

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I am irate at those interlopers in our duct tape tower! Quickly make a duct tape deed of ownership and planning permits and stuff, make them pay back rent or whatever! We cannot abide this terrible injustice!

Originally posted on MSPA by Godbot.

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> Just drink the milk instead.

Using, uh, duct tape. Make a duct tape straw.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Build a duct tape car and head to the nearest river or lake.

You make a car out of duct tape and start driving it. Unfortunately, because the road is all torn up, you can't even get off your own street. Man, stupid roadwork ruins everything.

>Construct an aqueduct and pump system out of (wonderfully water-resistant) duct tape and connect to nearest water source. If for whatever reason your pump doesn't work, go get that elevator from the giant skyscraper you left sitting around and use that instead.

You construct an elaborate pump system to get water through the city. Unfortunately, before you complete it, some cars drive through the streets and knock over key supports.

Stupid drivers. Don't they realize you're trying to help them get water?

Make a fake cloud out of duct tape and begin to entice real clouds to come closer so you can get the precious water out of their bodies.

Now that's an idea. You create a duct tape cloud and fling it into the sky. Except it's not light enough, so it comes falling down to the ground.

The real clouds don't seem to be particularly interested in a duct tape cloud all the way down here. Stupid clouds.

I am irate at those interlopers in our duct tape tower! Quickly make a duct tape deed of ownership and planning permits and stuff, make them pay back rent or whatever! We cannot abide this terrible injustice!

Frustrated at your failed attempts to get the water back, you decide to take it out on those wealthy laundromat owners. You create some paperwork out of duct tape and tell them to pay rent or else.

They pay you quite a bit of money. It seems your duct tape skyscraper is the most popular building in town. Unfortunately, the city confiscates the money from you in fines to pay for the machinery you broke, and then they get back to the roadwork. They say they'll get the water working later.

> Just drink the milk instead.

Using, uh, duct tape. Make a duct tape straw.

Frustrated, you make a duct tape straw and drink some milk as you watch TV. You've just learned that Biff was kidnapped six episodes ago and replaced by his evil twin cousin Steve! Except, the Biff/Steve standing by Miranda insists that Steve/Biff is the actual evil twin cousin and is just pulling a bluff to take Biff/Steve's place! Miranda is holding them both at gunpoint; will she shoot the right one?

Just as she fires, though, the broadcast is interrupted by a news bulletin.

"Attention! Witnesses have described a cow flying a jetplane and terrorizing the citizens. Strangely enough, both cow and jet appear to be made of duct tape."

Well. You can't let this stand. You're going to have to do something.

You missed the thrilling conclusion because of this news broadcast! How are you going to fix this? (With duct tape, of course.)

Originally posted on MSPA by Godbot.

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The only solution is to shoot the cow out of the sky so it stops being news. Make your own plane and give chase.

Originally posted on MSPA by Ixcalibur.

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> Make your own tv channel and exciting daytime soap out of duct tape. Watch that instead.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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The only solution is to shoot the cow out of the sky so it stops being news. Make your own plane and give chase.

You get to work on assembling another duct tape jet so you can take down your cow and stop these news broadcasts from interrupting your TV shows.

As soon as you finish the jet, your duct tape car runs you over, gets in the new jet and takes off. Man, stupid ungrateful duct tape creations.

You pick yourself up and go inside to find that the news is now on a 24-hour special jetwatch, pre-empting every program on every channel. Looks like you're not getting to watch your soaps any time soon.

> Make your own tv channel and exciting daytime soap out of duct tape. Watch that instead.

You decide to take matters into your own hands, and start acting out your own soap opera with duct tape figurines inside a duct tape television set. After six episodes, you hear a knock on the door. You go over and answer it to find a bespectacled man in a suit carrying a briefcase.

"Mr. Pacut?" he says.

You nod your head.

"I'm here on behalf of the producers of the hit soap opera The Contrived And Complex. It has come to our attention that one of the central cast members on your little show has an identical character arc to Jack Spencer of the aforementioned program. We are therefore issuing you with a cease and desist order on the basis of copyright infringement, and should you continue this performance of yours, we will issue a lawsuit. Do I make myself clear?"

Well, this is just great. Now you're facing a lawsuit. How will duct tape get you out of this mess?

Originally posted on MSPA by Fengar.

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>Duct tape him to your basement. Problem solved.

Originally posted on MSPA by Solaris.

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Make a constitution out of duct tape that says that the copying of characters is okay as long as they are made out of duct tape.

Originally posted on MSPA by Ixcalibur.

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> Only Duct Tape Lawyer can save you nooooow!

Originally posted on MSPA by Lazro.

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Duct-tape the LAWYER's MOUTH shut.

Fan-art, prematurely perhaps, but fan-art nonetheless-

SpoilerShow

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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SpoilerShow

Thanks for the fanart, Lazro!

Make a constitution out of duct tape that says that the copying of characters is okay as long as they are made out of duct tape.

You quickly present the lawyer with a hastily-prepared duct tape constitution, and point him to Article 32C.

"This document is clearly a forgery," he says, adjusting his glasses. "What exactly do you hope to accomplish with this?"

Uh-oh! How did he ever see through your clever ruse? You'll need to act fast to get out of trouble!

> Only Duct Tape Lawyer can save you nooooow!

In desperation, you make your own lawyer out of duct tape.

"Pardon me," the Duct Tape Lawyer says, "let's have a look at that cease-and-desist order."

He glances it over.

"Well, this seems clear cut to me," he says. "Hey, how much do you guys pay? This cheapskate hasn't even given me a retainer."

This isn't going quite how you planned.

Duct-tape the LAWYER's MOUTH shut.

Quickly, you shove duct tape over the Duct Tape Lawyer's mouth before he gets you in even more trouble. The other lawyer just stares at you.

"Are you done playing with duct tape, or are you going to agree to cease performances of this show of yours?"

Oh right, you still have that guy to deal with.

>Duct tape him to your basement. Problem solved.

You grab some duct tape and tape him to the ceiling of your basement. You do the same to your duct tape lawyer, too. Then you resume your duct tape soap opera...

Oh no! The lead duct tape actor has run off! This won't do, you were just about to watch his SHOCKING REVELATION. How will you and your endless supply of duct tape finish the show?