Spiteland: New World [Choose Your Destiny]

I LIED ABOUT HOW LONG IT'D TAKE TO START

working on stuff now

you can still get in while i'm working

Name: Logalog
Gender: Tree
Race: Tree
Class: Astronaut
Biography: Logalog always wanted to be a lumberjumper, leaping from lumberjack to lumberjack as they floated down the rivers of British Columbia. Unfortunately, tre had a horrible fear of lumberjacks, and tris fathermother said that the only way to cure it was to go to space. Not a very smart fathermother, but Logalog listened to tris parent-tree and went to space anyway. It was hard work getting through space academy as a mighty redwood, but finally, after three hard years, it finally came to light that Logalog was too large to fit in the space shuttle, and tre was kicked out of the space program.

Logalog repaid the space academy by jumping on each and every member of the board of directors.

Name: Totes McGoats
Gender: Purple
Race: 1/2 Chupacabra, 9/2 Lemming
Class: Internet Blogger
Biography: Totes feels guilty when he eats goats because they aren't free-range. Totes don't got lots of options, man. Totes figures people need to start up some ranches that treat their goats properly.

Totes would also appreciate lessened government interference both economically and socially. Totes has some diamond-shaped diagrams, dubious graphs and pamphlets on Bitcoins to show you.

All entries accepted. Distributing Bonus Stats, based on entries.

SpoilerShow

Bigro: Dud

+2 Persistence
for never giving up, and/or finding the easy way out.

DenizenShipper: Socko

+1 Morality
for attempting to not be a violent, monstrous ex-criminal.

Kieros: Lirweed Smokekick

+Skill: Imperial Metrics - Extra 1d8 to any mathematical action regarding the weight or size of narcotic substances.
for carefully measuring goods

Garuru: Garurar

+5 Meta
because guess

Whimbrel: Sproutling

Damage Bonus: *1.5 against other trees
for nearly cannibalistic dreams.

AgentBlue: Gee Force

+4 Radicality
BONUS TO BEING RAD
WITH AWESOME THEME SONG
HOW DOES HE MAKE ME SO GLAD
I'UNNO

Palamedes: Resplendor the Magnanimous

+2 Mysteriousness
Who knows what's up with this whale? Her backstory's mystery carries over to her very self.

ProfessorLizzard: Piunk Blastoff

Protection: 50% Emotional damage resistance
Having a stoic lack of tears means nobody gets under your skin. Plastic. Whatever you're made of.

SupahKiven: Liph Phawrence

Damage Bonus: *1.5 against Supertoasters, regular toasters.
Your cause of death caused both slight annoyance towards toasters, and a strange ability to make them break rather easily. This is good against the appliances itself, and toaster based robots.

Crowstone: Yaoueueia

-8 Literary Integrity
+Skill: Deus Ex Machina - Do whatever is convenient at the time.
By nobly sacrificing your ability to affect anything in a meaningful way, you get quite a powerful ability indeed.

Dragon Fogel:Allen Gation

+3 JUSTICE
With such a strong sense of justice behind you, of course you're gonna be real good at upholding it

ICan'tGiveCredit: Toasty Megalo

+Skill: Uranium Addiction - Take 2d6 Emotional, Physical, and Mental damage every hour when you go without Uranium for 24 hours, but gain 100% Radiation Damage Resistance during that time.
Smoking all that Uranium's had an effect on you. Now you just can't go a day without taking another hit.

Yewchung: Lee "Potato" Wong

+Skill: From the Top Rope - Jump down onto a target and deal 1d8 damage for every meter above them you attack from.
You at least picked up one good skill they were teaching the wrestlers as it started going Pro before you left. How to jump from real high up without hurting yourself or anybody else. Naturally, you ignored the second part.

Coldblooded: Oscar McGarbageson

Protection: Immunity to being kicked out of a group
Years of mooching has taught you the most important skill: Keeping it up without everybody voting to stop letting you mooch. You're there to stay as long as you want!

yd12k: Kilhe Wrahle

Penalty: -10 Sense
for crimes against Aquaman, who is actually legitimately awesome, you jerk

MasterBlade: Beethoven XXIXIXIIXIX

+20 Sword Proximity Range
When your sword is in Organ form, it can get a little bit further away from you, to compensate for your need to sometimes just basically throw it at an enemy.

Gnauga: Player name

+3 Strength
it was the first thing on the list

Granolaman: Stumpy

+50% chance to become Berserk
Because it takes a toll on you after a while. Next person that gets in your way just might make you flip the fuck out.

Entilliumn: Olbaid Le

+100 Bullshit
oh fuck i already gave the mary sue stat bonus. Um. Things are more likely to go your way when clearly pulled out of your ass or something i don't know do these stats even affect anything in the first place?

Mehgamehn: Captain Plunk

+Skill: Outfly the Guilt - When fleeing any encounter, instantly regain 2d12 Emotional Damage.
Apparently you totally can.

KittenEater: Penne Parmesian

+6 Evil Influence
Maybe the vampires had a poor influence on you. Or perhaps it's just the fact that all wizards are evil and let's face it, pastmancers are basically just a highly specialized kind of wizard. Either way you absorb and expel evil more easily.

Schazer: Healthy

+5 Nourishment
It took a lot of work, but eventually you managed to get your goat intake down. You still need to feed on them, but now there's less visits to the back alley goat dealers, and less chance of getting caught doing something you don't want people to see.

Not The Author: Appallo

+6 Imagination
It takes a lot for a Trash Golem to be formed without quite a bit of trash comprised of it, but you being mostly cardboard with only a bit of rotten materials must mean one thing: You dare to dream.

Mirdini: Socks McSockington/Von Calvinklein

+Skill: Invert - Turn inside out. With proper timing, you can take on a half inside out state for a split moment to combine the powers of both sides. How well you can change sides on command depends on the situation and awareness of the predicament.
The skill that there was basically no choice but to add

Pick Yer Poison: Logalog

+Skill: High Gravity - There's a switch in your suit to change from normal gravity to low gravity, but you tried switching it even harder this one time and now you can switch it so you're like really heavy and fall faster, which is bad news for whatever is beneath you.
for extra stomping power

MrGuy: Totes McGoats

+2 Livestock
You get to start with two goats, donated by a generous reader of your blog, who's certain you can use this to help start your free-range goat farm.

There seems to have been some confusion with some of the new inhabitants of this town. Some figured they were moving simply to Spiteland general, where they could use a little more violence in their lives, whereas others came for the New World portion, hoping for something a bit more peaceful. Of course, this can be forgiven, because the fliers never really made that clear either, and actually held conflicting information? Before an all out civil war is declared before the town even really exists, somebody proposes they all settle down here!

Anyways there are two villages ready to be set up no more than a stone's throw apart from each other. Everybody is suggested to pick a side, or just do their own thing nobody gets to tell you what to do communities are dumb


hold on who even suggested this two village thing anyways

Those who wish to join Old Spitelander's Respite, to the left.
Those who wish to join the New World Haven, to the right.
All others do whatever you want I'm not your boss.
Both sides are also looking to put together flags. You can decide on those amongst your sides.


Also, the area in general can still support more immigrants. Signups are still on.

I guess I will go right. Also I challenge Toasty to a duel. I'm assuming that my heightened meta skills allow the results of our actual duel to become an ingame thing.

(Yes ICGC I am calling you out now come back to DN)

(unless you dont wanna, then just reject my challenge?)

What! You were informed this place had a space program! (No, you were not.) Geez, gotta do everything yourself. Cordon off a preliminary launch zone near the lake somewhere, don't want the forest catching fire. Gotta find parts to start construction, gotta find a fuel source... At least you have a crew.

Well. A crew is present. Don't want to get too carried away. (Yes, you do.)

Explore along the coast past New World Haven. If pressed, you'll concede to being a resident of New World Haven - I mean c'mon it has "New World" right there in the title you literally cannot pass that up.

OLD IS BETTER! Beethoven will push his piano towards Old Spitelander's Respite, and will play a Piano Refrain while people do things.

I guess I will go right. Also I challenge Toasty to a duel. I'm assuming that my heightened meta skills allow the results of our actual duel to become an ingame thing.

(Yes ICGC I am calling you out now come back to DN)

(unless you dont wanna, then just reject my challenge?)

Toasty is slightly afraid of Liph Phawrence but realizes that they can't cooperate no matter WHAT side they're on and simply decides to go to New World Haven.

(Hell yes i'll take your challenge.)

(Post-by-post i'll see you on DN). Crap. Apparently I can't go on DN and im now acessing these forums on this crappy phone. Computer's broke T_T

~A FELLOW ASTRONAAAAAUUUUT~
~BLASTOFF WILL COME TO SPAAACE~
~WITH YOOOOUUUU~
*the riff-raffiest riff*
New World Haven

I look around. I see several EVERYTHINGS OH MY GOD.
Listening to the music coming from everywhere, I laugh.
I then finish by not chuckling and decide to go into the other-verse where aliens kick me in the balls and I hop over to old.

Logalog begins floating towards New World Haven, then floats past it to join Appallo, because fuck cities there's space to be in.

Healthy sure as hell ain't going to waste time with carnivore city-slickers; she's going to need to catch people on the new frontiers to find people receptive to new ideas like dietary regimes.

She makes tracks for New World Haven and starts foraging for farmable crops or arable land.

Lirweed agreed with Healthy. "You know, we need to find, like places for growing stuff. Like where the best place for my favourite crops are".

Lirweed proceeds to broadly survey the land, looking for the best planting area where those pigs won't find any of the highly illicit crops that are being self planned. Or for wild Cheetos. Either of those work.

Surely this New World is in need of JUSTICE! Allen heads there.

GEEEEEE FOOOORCE needs a car to be rad enough. It hangs back to see which village starts producing heavy metals first, and also begins digging at the ground a little bit.

Liph notices the dude with the brief case go into the new whatever place. Must be important. Surely this new world needs all the protection it can get! Liph heads to Old Spitelanders Respite.

Sproutling turns both the tents into bales of hay. Enjoy your shelter, bitchessss

Of course, he doesn't say that, and instead acts surprised at this new development, like all of the other ridiculous not-wizard professions.

Oscar is just standing there mulling over his choices, when all of a sudden the tent in front of him turns into a hay bale and his KILLER INSTINCTS KICK IN.

HOLY WAVE, GO!

While everyone's distracted, he quickly looks around the group for somebody in a wizard hat.

A-ha! It must of been Socky over there! He'll go find out what that guy's deal is later. For now, no reason to let a perfectly good holy wave go to waste.

"So..... has anybody here heard the good news of Melodica?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiuPwxO8neo

Totes, goats in tow, scopes out the nearby towns for presence in the lumber industry and both social and economic laws. Totes doesn't move in somewhere without bothering to figure out the score first.

Player Name immediately holds the w key walks north.

Penne Parmesian wants to create a world without italian vampires. Such imperfections can only exist in a broken, ancient land, and as such, she will join the New World Have- waitaminute who turned the tents into hay?!
She concentrates her magic and turns the hay into a tepee made of uncooked spaghetti. Much more stable.

Yaoueueia digs a hole in the ground. it will be a well. for both villages

Captain Plunk gonna just hover around the Old Spitelanders' Respite

Chillax in the air and shit

OH DANG LATE ARRIVAL

Name: Dr. Horatio Hastings, Ph.D.
Gender: Male
Race: 1/2 Lizardman, 1/4 Chupacabra, 1/4 Orca (It's as unfortunate as it sounds.)
Class: Destructive Mathematician
Biography: Before we begin, let's just say that Horatio Hastings is not as much of an expert at math as he is at bullshitting. Yeah, that Ph.D.'s totally legitimate, what are you talking about, no you can't see it go away.

He actually went into the Destructive variety of mathematics after finding the regular variety rather boring. Because hey, what's the point of learning confusing bullshit if you can't use it to blow things up? There is none. He's totally an expert at destructive mathematics, and he definitely didn't just drop out of college after taking a few basic courses. Don't be ridiculous.

And besides, who wouldn't believe a guy who's one-quarter Orca? And who's wearing, y'know, a tie and stuff. He's good at sounding like he knows what he's talking about, in any case - and sometimes, he accidentally succeeds.

Eventually he decided to run away to New World to use his genius to help build up a grand empire, and certainly not just to find new ways to destroy things with basic mathematics. Nope.