Let's go vampire hunting

Say you're from the blood bank and ask if she's willing to make a... "donation". That will totally convince her you're a vampire.

> Stare at her boobs.

AUGH CAN'T STOP STARING

> Be sure to point out how intimidated you aren't by her boobs, in a really dodgy Transylvanian accent.

'Hyello, i'am boobdering if i can be enterink your lovely home since i am cleearly not intimitated by your cleava- i meen rack, i mean i mean breasts i uh oh crap...'

'Uhh...'

Say you're from the blood bank and ask if she's willing to make a... "donation". That will totally convince her you're a vampire.

'I am vonderink if I can be enterink your lovely home...

beecause i am from the blood bank and i would like to have a small donation.'

'Tee hee! i haven't heard that one in years, you must be new 'round these parts, right? I urge you come in so we can have a proper meeting, sir'



HOLY SHIT IT ACTUALLY WORKED BUT CAN'T STOP STARING AUGH



'Is there something in particular you'd like to drink, sir?'

OH CRAP SHE'S BEING NICE WHAT DO YOU DO AAAAAAAAAAAAH

SpoilerShow

Let's go vampire hunting aka Ed's erotic vampire fantasies 2012

You're a vampire. You drink blood. To ask for anything else would break your cover.

You're a vampire. You drink blood. To ask for anything else would break your cover.

'Any type of blood in particular?...'

Literally. Any. Type.'

>O negative: Universal donor. Everybody likes a bit of O negative.

>Unicorn blood of course! You vere vonderink how I stay so youthful and handsome?

>Unicorn blood of course! You vere vonderink how I stay so youthful and handsome?

Because you're a vampire? :P

>Take them all and mix them. You like the little clots.

A positive. Shaken, not stirred.

>Vampire in the portrait: Take out your gun and shoot the hunter.

Keep up the class act and ask if she has anything vegan.

Diet.

>Unicorn blood of course! You vere vonderink how I stay so youthful and handsome?

Because you're a vampire? :P

'Unicorn blood of course! You vere vonderink how I stay so youthful and handsome?'

'Do ho ho!, you're quite the charismatic rogue, i'll be right back'



Heh, unicorn blood.



Hmm?



'WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN MY GIRL'S PLACE?!'

'AUUUUUUUUUGH'

Try the blood bank story again, this particular guy doesn't seem too bright.

"Hey, she invited me in. You got a problem with it, take it up with her."

Admit to being a vampire hunter in the most sarcastic tone of voice possible.

> Tell him you're just her latest hapless victim

I am your girl, you don't recognize me? :(

Special Agent, First Class, from the Environmental Protection Agency: Bat Studies Division.

(You should have a copy of that in your backpack.)

I am your girl, you don't recognize me? :(

'It's me, hon. You don't like my new look?'



'DON'T TRY TO PULL A FAST ONE ON ME, MORTAL! IF YOU DO NOT PROVIDE AN ACCEPTABLE REASON TO BE HERE YOU SHALL BE TORN APART LIMB BY LIMB!'

Special Agent, First Class, from the Environmental Protection Agency: Bat Studies Division.

(You should have a copy of that in your backpack.)

'Yes, sir... I am Class Special First Agent, from the Protectionental Environmention: Bat Studies Division...'



'WE ARE NOT WORTHLESS MORTAL ANIMALS RUNNING AROUND YOUR PUNY PLAINS WAITING TO BE INVESTIGATED BY TINY INSIGNIFICANT HUMANS! VAMPIRES ARE POWERFUL DEMONS FROM THE MOST FRIGHTENING CORNERS OF THE UNDERWORLD, GHOSTS THEMSELVES SHIT THEIR ETHEREAL PANTS WHEN THEY SEE US!

I SHALL FEAST UPON YOUR SOUL, FOOLISH HUMAN!'



'Honey? What's going on?!'

"I'm- OH DAMNIT THE LITTLE SHIT JUST STABBED ME IN THE EYE"

Vampire dude> Be dodgy about losing your vampire job and having to come home early.

>Bite his hand!

Wait, maybe inhale first

>Give him a big wet sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Use your garlic breath to attack him! It all comes together

Struggle!