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03-28-2013, 02:44 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:> Well, he's you, this is your birthday, might as well share the cake, perhaps it just SMELLS bad. It hasn't been your birthday for three weeks! And it tastes bad, you just tried it yourself!
Plus, even if he is you, there's no way you're sharing it with him! He's a total jerk, and this is your cake!
Professor Science Wrote:> Throw it at Eggdumb On the other hand, there's something to be said for generosity. If by "generosity" you mean "throwing a cake in his face".
You are now John Eggbad or whatever that name you picked was, and you've just been hit in the face with a cake by the fool with a stupid name who has stolen your rightful place. While this does not actually interfere with your plans, which are being put into action elsewhere, it did interrupt your maniacal laughter and you cannot allow that to stand.
How will you destroy this pathetic inferior version of yourself?
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03-28-2013, 02:59 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.
Drop a piano on him
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03-28-2013, 04:43 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Xindaris.
>Drop a train on 'em!
(Props to anyone who recognizes this reference)
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03-28-2013, 04:55 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> Do to the windy thing.
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03-28-2013, 05:53 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:> Do to the windy thing. Ah, yes. Nothing like blatant overkill to put you back in a good mood. You start gathering the winds in preparation.
![[Image: outlaworator.png]](https://dl.dropbox.com/u/73600486/outlaworator.png)
You seem to have caught that guy from the moon up in your storm, but never mind that. You have vengeance to perform.
omegawill Wrote:Drop a piano on him Xindaris Wrote:>Drop a train on 'em!
(Props to anyone who recognizes this reference) Your winds fly through Portland, picking up a grand piano and a train, which you fling towards the insignificant, useless, laughable mockery who stole your existence. Soon he will be crushed, a meaningless gesture as the universe is about to be reordered, but still a satisfying one.
You are now the conductor of a freight train. Your train was just picked up by a huge gust of wind and is now hurtling towards some kid with a dumb name. Also, the train is probably going to collide with a grand piano. Also, some weird guy dressed in bandages is floating around you and complaining that his bad idea ray was stolen.
What are you going to do?
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03-28-2013, 05:54 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.
EDGAR, DROP THE TRAIN ON 'EM!
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03-28-2013, 10:02 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> You have only one hope of avoiding a train crash: The untested and highly dangerous train-control jets.
EDIT:
> John Egbert: Tell the hipster that the standard laws of physics and euclidean geometry is unimaginably popular. Then give him something that will divide him by 0.
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03-28-2013, 10:06 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Alcastar.
> Bad Idea Guy: sentimentally bond with train
> Conductor: Freak Out
> Zoosmell: Become distracted by a shiney object
> June Beetsmart or whatever his name was: Get hit by bad idea ray, Decide that the best way to defeat your inferior counterpart is to destroy yourself, Crush self with a Piano playing train.
>Dead Hispter: Realize that being hipster is too mainstream.
>Mr. Pooplord: Be Hard-Boiled. Realize there is no Boombox, that there never has been one, and that there probably wont ever be one. Pick up the Bazooka.
(that should spur some ideas)
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03-29-2013, 04:07 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:> You have only one hope of avoiding a train crash: The untested and highly dangerous train-control jets. Oh, right, those things. Yeah, you never understood why they installed those things without testing them first, but now's not the time to complain. You fire up the jets and...
Wait, what's that awful smell? Is that methane?
The ensuing explosion which knocks the hooded guy back and somehow stops these strong winds suggests that yes, yes it is. You and the piano fall to the ground, miraculously not landing on any of the myriad characters in the area.
You are now Zoosmell Pooplord's dad, and you are wondering why this fire you've been breathing out this whole time didn't set off the methane first. After all, you've been able to smell it for a good while now.
What could possibly be the reason for that?
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03-29-2013, 04:10 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.
Some masturbatory metafictional nonsense from that Edmonton fellow.
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03-29-2013, 10:54 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
>Also, that's a good sign it's not normal heat-fire.
>> You probably should tell your son about his name, and soon. You might not be able stop his better named copy...
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03-29-2013, 12:45 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Alcastar.
>its not fire, just your Jack-Lantern Personal Powersource (which you ate by accident and NOT because it looked tasty) acting up. that darn cat must have crushed it.
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03-29-2013, 06:27 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
Alcastar Wrote:>its not fire, just your Jack-Lantern Personal Powersource (which you ate by accident and NOT because it looked tasty) acting up. that darn cat must have crushed it. Oh, right! You just remembered that, you were given the experimental prototype portable pumpkin, and you vaguely remember something about it generating a weird kind of fire that didn't always ignite stuff. You don't really know the details, but you swallowed it - by complete accident, that is, not because of how delicious it looked and the fact that you hadn't eaten all afternoon - and it must have been activated when the weird creature got stuck in your throat.
Well, that explains this fire-breathing at least. Too bad it doesn't really help you do something about it, though. It's not like there's some kind of device that makes pumpkins disappear that you could use to get it out of your throat easily.
DS Piron Wrote:>> You probably should tell your son about his name, and soon. You might not be able stop his better named copy... Oh, right, your son was asking about that before this whole windstorm started and now he's coming over to ask you again. Well, you suppose you owe him an answer.
MrGuy Wrote:Some masturbatory metafictional nonsense from that Edmonton fellow. Basically, you did it because some guy in a weird place called Edmonton called you up and made a bet, and you lost, and so you had to change your last name to Pooplord and call your kid Zoosmell. It's a pretty embarrassing story for everyone all around.
Oh, now he's asking what the bet was about. Well, dang, that's the even more embarrassing part of the story.
You are now Zoosmell Pooplord's favorite hat. You are sitting on the head of a cat and using your hat powers to keep it from being so hungry it devours the world.
However, at the moment you have a bigger concern. Zoosmell is learning the truth behind his name. He now knows that his name is the result of his father losing a wager. It is safe for him to learn that much, but you must prevent him from learning what the bet was about in the first place.
Why was that, again? For that matter, what was the bet even about?
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03-29-2013, 06:31 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.
If he finds out why, he'll join forces with Eggheimer, spelling the doom of your reality.
And the bet was about whether destiny can be changed.
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03-29-2013, 07:36 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> He'll conclude that This Is Stupid and change his name back, and reality will go back to dull normalcy, before meteors put it out of it's misery.
> How many pilebunkers can be put into a half-hammer's space, or something. Or was that the bet that was used to prove the real bet...
>
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03-29-2013, 07:57 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Alcastar.
He would join Eggbeater, spelling "the doom" on all the pumpkins in this reality.
The bet was over who shot first in the origional War in the Stars Movie: Vann Bolo or the four armed three legged reptilian alien. The guy in Edmonton tricked you because the movie was actually called Vengance of the Sun God and it was a pumpkin man who shot both Vann and the alien encasing them both in solid blocks of Veridium.
when asked why he would use such horrible trickery, the Edmonton guy explained he was hit by a bad idea ray, and by (Sun) God he was gonna follow it through.
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03-29-2013, 08:05 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Alcastar.
>Dead hipster: Dont (Do?) realize hipsters are mainstream, resulting in an implosion that prevents Mr.Pooplord from telling his son what the bet was about, for suspence and laughs.
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03-29-2013, 11:32 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
MrGuy Wrote:And the bet was about whether destiny can be changed. MrGuy Wrote:> How many pilebunkers can be put into a half-hammer's space, or something. Or was that the bet that was used to prove the real bet... Alcastar Wrote:The bet was over who shot first in the origional War in the Stars Movie: Vann Bolo or the four armed three legged reptilian alien. The guy in Edmonton tricked you because the movie was actually called Vengance of the Sun God and it was a pumpkin man who shot both Vann and the alien encasing them both in solid blocks of Veridium.
when asked why he would use such horrible trickery, the Edmonton guy explained he was hit by a bad idea ray, and by (Sun) God he was gonna follow it through. Ah, yes. The bet was about whether destiny could be changed: in the abstract, at least. In the specific, it was about who shot first in some movie. The Edmonton guy claimed that the experimental pumpkin-powered half-hammer could be filled with pilebunkers to allow it to travel through time, but this would not allow destiny to change and the movie would remain the same. But Zoosmell Pooplord's father believed destiny could be changed, and so he went back and altered the plot of the movie.
When he returned, the plot had been changed... or so he thought. The movie he changed had been cancelled regardless of its script, and the closest scenario happened in a different movie entirely. He lost the bet, and it was discovered that the Edmonton guy had only made it due to being zapped with a bad idea ray.
Regardless, you cannot allow Zoosmell to learn this story, because if he does...
MrGuy Wrote:If he finds out why, he'll join forces with Eggheimer, spelling the doom of your reality. DS Piron Wrote:> He'll conclude that This Is Stupid and change his name back, and reality will go back to dull normalcy, before meteors put it out of it's misery. Alcastar Wrote:He would join Eggbeater, spelling "the doom" on all the pumpkins in this reality. ...he will, with his young and susceptible mind, become convinced that Eggsworth there was onto something. He'll try to change his own past, prove that destiny can be changed, and cause his father to win the bet.
But in doing so, Zoosmell will become Eggfurter. For the sake of the world and hats everywhere, you cannot allow that to happen. Too bad you can't do anything, being just a hat...
HAVE YOU ALREADY FORGOTTEN THE TELEPATHIC LINK WE NOW SHARE
I HAVE SEEN ALL YOU HAVE PONDERED
I KNOW OF THE COMING DISASTER
I CAN WORK TO PREVENT IT
ESPECIALLY NOW THAT MY PEOPLE ARE HERE
Oh, hey, those weird underground-dwelling creatures have arrived. They look just like cats. Although since most people in this world don't know what cats look like, they're probably freaked out, especially since they can't be captured on film.
Okay, hat. You've got the help of a telepathic cat and an army of underground cats. Mr. Pooplord is still stalling, too embarrassed to reveal the full story, if you act fast you may be able to thwart this disaster.
It's time to move.
You are now John Eggwhatever. You are just recovering from a methane explosion. Fortunately, the remaining two phases of your plan will succeed despite this minor setback, and even if those were somehow thwarted, judging by the conversation between Pooplord and his father, Backup Plan 59-G is still plausible.
You aren't particularly fond of Backup Plan 59-G, as it entails allowing that insignificant Pooplord to live the life you have worked so hard for; admittedly, he is you, so this still furthers your overall plans, but you would prefer to have the satisfaction of destroying him.
Wait, what's going on? Those subterranean creatures seem to be up to something. But what could they possibly be doing, and how will you stop it?
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03-30-2013, 12:49 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> Probably best to try diplomacy; and ask what they are trying to do.
>> And if diplomacy fails, you are a god tier, you possess a powerful hammer, and your combat abstract is HAMMERKIND. Inshort:
>>> Hammertime.
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03-30-2013, 01:15 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.
The cats are leaping, obviously, leaping is the greatest thing cats can do and anyone can do it if they BELIEVE (... that was an actual movie, right? not a dream?)
Also they're calling in a favour from Randolph Carter as Yog-Sothoth for helping him during his Dream Quest
also they are singing and saving each other from a giant cat piano
they're also lapping up some milk and playing with mice chew toys and running away all the time to kill birds and get run over by cars
ladies and gentlemen, "things I remember about cats"
SpoilerShow Oh. My. Goodness this was the one post that put your adventure at a higher post count than mine. ZOOOOOSTUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!
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03-30-2013, 05:07 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
omegawill Wrote:The cats are leaping, obviously, leaping is the greatest thing cats can do and anyone can do it if they BELIEVE (... that was an actual movie, right? not a dream?)
Also they're calling in a favour from Randolph Carter as Yog-Sothoth for helping him during his Dream Quest
also they are singing and saving each other from a giant cat piano
they're also lapping up some milk and playing with mice chew toys and running away all the time to kill birds and get run over by cars Either you're still dizzy from that methane explosion or the subterranean creatures are engaged in a series of elaborate performance pieces in order to distract the Pooplords.
That would be problematic. In your current state, you might have difficulty correcting any problems your minions encounter in carrying out your plan. You need Backup Plan 59-G to remain an option, at least until you regain your bearings and deal with any immediate threats.
Well, then you'll just have to disrupt the performance. Now what would be the best way to do that?
DS Piron Wrote:>>> Hammertime. Ah, yes. Your weapon. You haven't had any need for it in some time, but you're in no state to command the wind as expertly as you usually do. You summon your weapon and begin assaulting the creatures.
Of course, if your minions succeed, this will prove unnecessary, but you're not inclined to take chances right now. You need to be prepared in the event something goes wrong.
You are now one of Johnsmell Egglord's minions. Which one, and what just went wrong?
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03-30-2013, 05:10 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by MrGuy.
Everybody died, some of them multiple times.
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03-30-2013, 12:06 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.
> The Planetship has gained sentience, and realized that running SBURB is a bad idea.
> The creator got assault rifle'd. to death. Bro.
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03-30-2013, 12:56 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
DS Piron Wrote:> The Planetship has gained sentience, and realized that running SBURB is a bad idea. Right, yes, you're the tattooed lizardperson and you're back on the planet-ship. Unfortunately, the global computer system seems to be aware of what you're doing and is trying to stop you.
From what you understand of Eggheimer's plan, it isn't supposed to go this way; the global computer system is supposed to help you install the game. But now you're locked out of the system, probably because you're an escaped prisoner, and you and this crazy old lady are just running from the various lethal security systems.
Oh, but it gets even worse than that.
MrGuy Wrote:Everybody died, some of them multiple times. Everyone else on the planet-ship is dead. They keep getting cloned, of course, but there's a forty minute-cycle authorization delay for new clones, so none of them can access the global computer system either. And it keeps killing them again every thirty-nine minutes.
What's more, you don't even have the package; the global computer system took it away from you in order to stop you from smashing it or otherwise triggering one of the various automated scans. You have no idea where it even is. You're not even sure if you're trying to escape or find an override system or what.
Didn't Eggboy say something you barely understood about the webcomic artist's consciousness fusing with the global computer system? What happened with that?
DS Piron Wrote:> The creator got assault rifle'd. to death. Bro. You are now Stupid Jerk, and you're in trouble. The webcomic artist you were beaming bad ideas at just fell over dead. You asked Sun God if he can resurrect the guy, but he says he can only do that on the sun.
Worse, you're being confronted by some guy who keeps pelvic-thrusting, some guy called Will Smith carrying an assault rifle, and an undead pterodactyl. What the hell are you supposed to do here? You're a super-hacker, not a fighter.
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03-30-2013, 03:52 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.
Dead Webcomic Guy Wrote:>Stupid Jerk: Hack my computer and connect to the planet-ship. Connect the computer to the planet-ship? What? Well, that might have helped with the plan, except you've still got these much-better armed nutcases out here, plus the guy who you'd want to link to the planet-ship is dead.
Dead Webcomic Guy Wrote:>Stupid Jerk: You still have that bad idea ray. Use it on them. Oh, right. You can shoot bad ideas into their heads. That should give you a nice tactical advantage. You point it and...
...and the dumb thing explodes in your face. What, did someone set it to explode if anyone tried to actually do something useful with it? Well, that's out, nice going there mysterious voice in your head.
Dead Webcomic Guy Wrote:>Sun God: Drop some SICK BURNS. And by that I mean fire. From the sun. You are now the Sun God and you feel a voice in your head compelling you to send a solar flare down at these guys. But it's going to take time to get here - your solar flares move at the speed of light, so you'll need to stall for eight minutes.
Dead Webcomic Guy Wrote:>Stupid Jerk: Hack the speed of light. You are Stupid Jerk again, and you're just puzzled now. You may be the greatest hacker on earth, but you can't hack the laws of physics!
Dead Webcomic Guy Wrote:>Stupid Jerk: Yes you can. Whoa, all of a sudden you think you can. You open up your laptop and in just five keystrokes, you make light move 48 times faster. In about ten seconds, a huge fireball comes hurling into the atmosphere towards the other jerks.
How the hell did you do that?
Dead Webcomic Guy Wrote:>Stupid Jerk: Now connect my computer to the planet-ship. Yeah, okay, that'll be easy. You rush in and step over the dead guy's body to his computer, then you hack your way into the planet-ship. Now they're linked up...
Dead Webcomic Guy Wrote:>Stupid Jerk: Good work. I'll take it from here. You have no idea what that was about.
You are now the pelvic-thrusting guy. You and Will Smith hitched a ride here on an undead pterodactyl, using your agency's extensive surveillance network to track down the stupid jerk and the sun god. You took out the guy they were beaming bad ideas into, but you still have a sun god and a stupid jerk to deal with. The stupid jerk seems to be messing with the computer, and the sun god seems to be sending a massive fireball down at you. This could be a problem.
What are you going to do about it?
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