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**OTTO** · 03-18-2013, 07:13 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

> Remain calm. Tell him to stop. Be prepared for when he doesn't.

**OTTO** · 03-18-2013, 10:42 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

Lie down in the mud

Dragon Fogel · 03-19-2013, 05:43 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

DS Piron Wrote:> Remain calm. Tell him to stop. Be prepared for when he doesn't.

You calmly tell the lizardman to stop, but he doesn't. He tackles you and knocks you to the ground. You drop the hose and it starts soaking into a nearby patch of dirt, which coincidentally is also where you landed.

The lizardman is approaching, probably for another strike. It's time for Plan B.

omegawill Wrote:Lie down in the mud

Plan B, as it turns out, is lying down in the mud. It's pretty sticky. Fortunately, it's also sticky enough that the lizardman gets two of his legs stuck in it as he draws near, and flails about desperately with his arms and third leg trying to get out. This only results in him falling flat on his face into the mud.

Suddenly, you start to feel yourself sinking. Oh great, this must be quickmud! You and the lizardman sink in deeper.

You are now an underground-dwelling creature. Two surface-dwellers have just fallen through your mud-ceiling. One of them has four arms and three legs and is passing gas, the other is wearing a mask, a coat, and a bright red hat and has an axe.

Clearly this can only mean the surface-dwellers are invading your subterranean realm. What will you do about this?

**OTTO** · 03-19-2013, 05:48 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

> First. Check if they're conscious. Then shove them back up through the ceiling.

**OTTO** · 03-19-2013, 07:18 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

> Continue to lie down
> Continue to lie down
> Continue to lie down
> Ford, what about my home?
https://www.ign.com/faqs/2008/the-hit...through-429003

**OTTO** · 03-20-2013, 05:51 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.

> It's super dark in here, attack from the shadows!

Dragon Fogel · 03-20-2013, 11:23 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

Professor Science Wrote:> It's super dark in here, attack from the shadows!

What are you talking about? Where there is no light, there can be no shadows!

Oh, hey, that sounded profound. You should write it down, maybe you can be a wise elder someday.

You quickly do that, then turn your attention back to the intruders.

DS Piron Wrote:> First. Check if they're conscious. Then shove them back up through the ceiling.

How are you supposed to know if they're conscious? You're not a doctor or anything like that!

But if you shove them back up through the ceiling, maybe they'll get confused and invade the surface world instead. That seems like a good idea.

You are now a distressed homeowner. Your house is on fire and one of the firefighters got attacked by some weird (and smelly) lizardman, then they both sank into a mud puddle.

Now some weird creature just shoved them out of the mud puddle before sinking back underground. You have no idea what that thing is, but you're freaked out because apparently it's been living under your house.

Which is still on fire, by the way.

So what are you going to do about all this?

**OTTO** · 03-20-2013, 11:25 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

> Build a new house out of the mud.

**OTTO** · 03-21-2013, 12:12 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

> Panic, Grasp the Axe, and attack the firetruck to release all of its water onto your house.

**OTTO** · 03-21-2013, 04:07 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.

> Ask to stay at the lizardman's house.

**OTTO** · 03-21-2013, 12:55 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

Bring out the big guns, it's time to take care of business

Dragon Fogel · 03-21-2013, 04:24 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

DS Piron Wrote:> Panic, Grasp the Axe, and attack the firetruck to release all of its water onto your house.

You decide to start by dealing with the fire. You grab the unconscious firefighter's axe and start attacking the firetruck.

After about five minutes of this, you remember that they don't keep the water in the truck, they get it from the hydrant. Meanwhile, in those five minutes, your house has burned down completely. Well, looks like you need a new plan, and a new home.

snuffysam Wrote:> Build a new house out of the mud.

You promptly start packing mud together to build a new house. Unfortunately, this mud doesn't seem to pack well, and you think you're slowly sinking in it. Probably right into the underground cavern where that strange creature's been living. Well, that won't do.

Fortunately, the lizardman and firefighter have regained consciousness now, and the firefighter tosses you the hose and pulls you out. He apologizes about your house.

Well, at least it was insured. You'll just need to find a place to hole up until the paperwork is done to get you a new house.

Professor Science Wrote:> Ask to stay at the lizardman's house.

It suddenly occurs to you that you wouldn't be in this mess if the lizardman hadn't attacked the firefighter. You point this out to the lizardman, and he grudgingly agrees to let you stay if you give him the axe. Well, that seems reasonable to you. You hand it over.

The lizardman thanks you, then tells you it may take a while to set things up because the planet-ship his homedwelling is on is currently engaged in battle with a flying cardboard fortress. They aren't likely to respond to transport requests until that's taken care of.

You aren't entirely sure what he's talking about, but you figure a cardboard fortress can't be that tough to bring down. You just have to think about how.

omegawill Wrote:Bring out the big guns, it's time to take care of business

Oh, of course! You'll just need the big guns and you can take care of a flying cardboard fortress, no problem.

Except, the big guns were in your house. Which just burnt down.

Well, this is just great. Where are you going to find a spare set of big guns?

**OTTO** · 03-21-2013, 05:16 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by omegawill.

The police station? Or do some crimes until they come, that's like a police delivery service

**OTTO** · 03-21-2013, 08:43 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

> Your house is on fire right? And cardboard is flammable? Put two and two together.

Dragon Fogel · 03-22-2013, 01:51 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

snuffysam Wrote:> Your house is on fire right? And cardboard is flammable? Put two and two together.

Of course! That's it!

You can just take over the cardboard fortress and live there, it's the perfect solution. But you're still going to need to get the big guns to do that.

omegawill Wrote:The police station? Or do some crimes until they come, that's like a police delivery service

Oh, wait, the police totally have big guns. You're pretty sure they do, anyhow. And all you need to do to get their attention is go on a crime spree. That's how it works, you're pretty sure.

So what's your first crime?

Anomaly · 03-22-2013, 02:07 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Anomaly.

Robbing Big Guns R Us, of course.

**OTTO** · 03-22-2013, 02:21 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

> Fuse with the fire-truck, become a Transformer. Or, atleast, a Fire-truck-robot.

**OTTO** · 03-22-2013, 04:57 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.

> Rob the police station.

**OTTO** · 03-22-2013, 09:52 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Hob.

Kidnap a criminal, take their place.

**OTTO** · 03-22-2013, 11:29 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by snuffysam.

> Threaten to eat the mayor.

Dragon Fogel · 03-23-2013, 12:21 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

Anomaly Wrote:Robbing Big Guns R Us, of course.

Professor Science Wrote:> Rob the police station.

Oh, of course! The police station, which also serves as the local branch of Big Guns R Us. It's the perfect way to get the police's attention so you can steal their big guns!

You rush right over there and... Oh, dang it, someone else is already robbing the place! Now what are you going to do?

Hob Wrote:Kidnap a criminal, take their place.

Ah, yes, the perfect plan. You grab the criminal and prepare a clever plot to take their place... wait, huh, the police are cheering. You just saved the day. Well, dang, you've got to turn this around fast if you're going to start your crime spree!

You take a look at the criminal you captured and...

Wait, is that the mayor?

snuffysam Wrote:> Threaten to eat the mayor.

Thinking quickly, you threaten to eat the mayor if your demands aren't met. Unfortunately, the moment after you make the threat, you realize you haven't actually thought of any demands. Well, this is embarrassing.

You are now the Mayor of Portland. You were robbing the police station to take their guns when some nutcase took you hostage and threatened to eat you.

What are you going to do now?

**OTTO** · 03-23-2013, 12:28 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by DS Piron.

> Ask what he wants, perhaps you two can work together to accomplish both your goals.

< Also, don't forget your Ham Powers.

**OTTO** · 03-23-2013, 01:00 AM

Originally posted on MSPA by Professor Science.

> Threaten to eat the other guy.

Dragon Fogel · 03-23-2013, 01:33 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

Professor Science Wrote:> Threaten to eat the other guy.

You promptly threaten to eat the guy threatening you if your demands aren't met. Now the police are just confused, as is your captor.

Perfect, you've bought yourself some time. Now you just need to think about what to do with it.

DS Piron Wrote:> Ask what he wants, perhaps you two can work together to accomplish both your goals.

You ask your captor what he wants. He says that he wants to take over a cardboard flying fortress and live there because his house burnt down. Well, that seems logical enough to you.

You tell him you can help him with that, he just has to do exactly what you say.

You are now Sun God. And you're bored.

You made a deal with an unknown nefarious force to get yourself a better sun to rule over, and all you had to do was send a few sun nuns off to destroy the civilization of a planet-ship. But apparently they still haven't managed to do that, and you haven't heard back from any of them.

So you're basically just sitting here on your solar throne waiting for something to happen, and you're sick of it. What are you going to do?

**OTTO** · 03-23-2013, 08:16 PM

Originally posted on MSPA by Xindaris.

>Fry some idiots.