The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

SpoilerShow

So occasionally I do this thing where I have more commands than I want to deal with and I just post some of them and then I do the rest in a later update. Or sometimes more than one.

This script was looking fairly long, so I'm going to do that. Feel free to make suggestions based on the current state of things, I will then work them in at whatever stage we're at after I work through the queue, no matter how little sense they make in context.

Nothing. Just sit there, stock still, and do nothing, after all this setting up.

You do absolutely nothing as the wedding proceeds.



Dr. N. Seyn doesn't seem to notice. It looks like if you just keep doing this, the wedding will go perfectly! You'd better do something pointless, and fast!

Get married! It's pointless to sabotage a wedding by getting married.

Wait, that's perfect! Since you want to sabotage the wedding, it's pointless to actually take part in it! So that's what you'll do!



You immediately say "I do."



Dr. N. Seyn then gets confused. Was that part of the ceremony? He decides to start over.



Well, drat. You successfully delayed the wedding. You'd better try something else.

Eat the bride.

You eat the bride.



However, since the bride doesn't actually exist, this doesn't interfere with the ceremony at all.

Random: Escape with the bride.

You are now Random. Your cloaking device and hover-boots are working perfectly. None of the others have noticed you sneaking about.



You just left the secret underwater dungeon, and took the Magic Bride (also known as a Magic Bridle) from within. With its power, the world will soon tremble at your feet!



You head off to begin your evil scheme. Mwahahaha!

Originally posted on MSPA by BigBurkhart.

---

Murder is the only solution. To everything. Ever.

Originally posted on MSPA by Leylite.

---

>Take the pogo-stick and try to use it as a saw in order to saw your arm off, so you can break out of the grapple.

Originally posted on MSPA by ~ATH.

---

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

Originally posted on MSPA by Plet53.

---

>Weren't you supposed to be punching everything?

Originally posted on MSPA by Leylite.

---

Whatever: Attempt to secure a low-interest loan from Uncle Pennybags in order to kickstart your Evil Empire of Lime-ade.

Originally posted on MSPA by Epamynondas.

---

>Grope the bride.

Originally posted on MSPA by Xander.

---

Squeal like a fish and piss on N. Seyn.

Originally posted on MSPA by Lordlyhour.

---

> Shout MAGENTA. IS. POWER! and then turn Teal instead

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

Whatever: Hold a hot dog eating contest.

Whatever decides that it would be really random to hold a hot dog eating contest at a wedding.



After a very confusing process, the still-unconscious Maid of Honor is declared the winner. Somehow.

Nopor Puss: Just walk off and get lost. There would be an incredible point to having a spouse be supportive of you and having a marriage for tax purposes, so if you just get lost and pointlessly avoid all your friends, you should be able to avoid accomplishing anything useful.

You are Nopor Puss again. You decide to wander off so the ceremony can't proceed.



You soon come back to the same clearing despite never walking closer to it. You can't see any reason why this would happen, so you decide not to wonder about it.

Nopor Puss: But make sure to take the bride with you while you're trying to run away from the bride, or else you might accidentally succeed.

It suddenly occurs to you that your attempt to run away would be less successful if you took the bride with you.



In fact, taking this reasoning a step further, if you brought the entire wedding procession with you, they could still continue the wedding and you'd fail to disrupt it.

>Oppose the marriage between Whatever and The Maid Of Honor, arguing that Dr. N Seyn owes you five bucks.

You suddenly stop and make an objection that doesn't make any sense to a wedding that isn't taking place.



You are once again Random. What the heck is with this forest? You made a very meticulous map, and you're sure you weren't circling back, but you ended up back here anyways! And what exactly are these interlopers doing, anyway?



You decide to start invisibly following them. Maybe they'll find a way out of here. It's the best idea you have.

Take the marriage with you, but never let it proceed.

You go back to being Nopor Puss. You have decided to steal the concept of your own marriage and run off. This means, of course, that you're still stealing the wedding party.



Oh hey, you're back here again.

> decide to marry the lake instead.

You pointlessly change your mind and instead of marrying a Nopor Puss who doesn't exist, you announce you're marrying the lake.



The ceremony proceeds. Which means you'll have to find some way to disrupt this ceremony, too!



You are Random again, and you're coming to the conclusion that following these idiots will never get you out of here.

>Nopor Puss: See that shovel? See your head?

...see what I mean?

Oh, a shovel! It would be pointless to hit yourself on the head with it!



And if you're trying to hit your own head with the shovel, it's pointless to throw it at thin air.



Oh, who's this? Whoever he is, you have no reason to believe he's your former bride-to-be, Nopor Puss, so that's what you believe.



You declare that you're marrying Nopor Puss after all and breaking the lake's heart, because that would be pointless.



Of course, now you have to stop this wedding again.

Take the marriage with you, but never let it proceed.

> decide to marry the lake instead.

Combine these and take the lake with you.

As a result of your pointless thought process, you decide to take the lake with you.



You attempt to do this by stuffing it into the vial, which is already full.



And suddenly you're in England. What are you going to do now?

SpoilerShow

As usual, other commands are queued up, but feel free to suggest because it will probably be out of context and therefore pointless by the time I actually get to it. I'll catch up sometime, I swear!

Originally posted on MSPA by Xander.

---

Flail about in a distracting manner.

Originally posted on MSPA by Whimbrel.

---

Nothing. Attempt to not so much as breathe for at least an hour.

Originally posted on MSPA by Plet53.

---

>Everyone: Run repeatedly into walls and receive brain damage.

Originally posted on MSPA by WaveOfBabies.

---

>Get ye flask. Ye English flask, in this case.

Originally posted on MSPA by Epamynondas.

---

Hey Fogel I think now it would be a good time to let you know that this is one of my favorite adventures. The way you play with comments and take them out of context to create some semblance of plot development is just great, and it gets at least a chuckle out of me for every update.

So thanks for making this, and keep up the good work!


>Dr. N Seyn: Have a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything that's been going on.

>Nopor Puss:All this walking and teleporting around is making you feel extremely tired.

Do some pushups.


>Holy shit was that an helicopter??!?

Originally posted on MSPA by Crowstone.

---

[in up for grabs thread]Way ahead of you.

In my mind I squealed a squeal of hurbabbruba
Because i didn't know you had updated it
because i didn't resubscribe to the thread when the forum was renovated or something a year or something ago
since i forgot
and then i didn't see it around since
UNTIL TODAY
so i'll catch up at some point, but not tonight...

Originally posted on MSPA by Protractor Ninja.

---

Weep for your lost fianc

Originally posted on MSPA by Dalmationer.

---

>Punch an englishman.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

Murder is the only solution. To everything. Ever.

Perfect! You decide to murder England, because you have no idea what it even means to murder a place, and therefore it's pointless to try.

>Take the pogo-stick and try to use it as a saw in order to saw your arm off, so you can break out of the grapple.

In your pointless quest to murder England, you come up with a pointless solution to a problem you aren't facing which involves an item that isn't here.



And somehow that's brought you into the next room.

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

You shout "BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" at the top of your lungs for no reason.



Oh look. That opened a mysterious portal, which probably leads somewhere interesting and/or useful. So you'd better find a way to close it again!

>Weren't you supposed to be punching everything?

You don't remember making such a pledge.



So of course there's no reason to assume that you did.



You punch the strange portal.

Whatever: Attempt to secure a low-interest loan from Uncle Pennybags in order to kickstart your Evil Empire of Lime-ade.

That sounds very random. You ask the unconscious stranger if he has any idea where you can find Uncle Pennybags.



He doesn't seem too interested in helping you. Oh well!

>Grope the bride.

You can't do that! You don't know these people at all, you don't know anything about any bride, and oh yeah, you're still unconscious.



Maybe you should do something about that last part. Who knows what you're missing.

Squeal like a fish and piss on N. Seyn.

How exactly does that further your evil plans? Or help you destroy these interlopers? Honestly, it's as if you're trying to be unhelpful.

> Shout MAGENTA. IS. POWER! and then turn Teal instead

That is completely absurd.



Everyone knows Crimson is the color of true power!



Now you can destroy these fools with ease! Or at least, you could if you weren't still unconscious.

Flail about in a distracting manner.

You are Nopor Puss again, and you've decide that it would be very pointless to distract an unconscious person. So that's what you've decided to do!

Nothing. Attempt to not so much as breathe for at least an hour.

It then occurs to you that it would be completely pointless to do nothing at all, including breathing.



It's not long before you pass out.



Oh, hey. You're awake now. And by the looks of things, you and your team were captured and thrown into some kind of elaborate deathtrap while you were unconscious.

So what are you going to do?

SpoilerShow

So it turns out this is the 50th update. Hooray!

I'm still queueing up commands, continue to make more in the meantime. Maybe next update I'll actually be caught up!

Originally posted on MSPA by mythLeader.

---

>Steal Whatever's clothes

Originally posted on MSPA by Epamynondas.

---

>Play hide and seek alone. Ask Whatever if he can help you find yourself.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

---

>Everyone: Run repeatedly into walls and receive brain damage.

Taking charge, you order everyone to partake in a pointless escape plan.



Oh. Darn. It looks like it worked.



And now this guy is talking to you. You think that whatever he's talking about might be important, so you ignore it.



Oh, and now he's attacking you. What will you do?

>Get ye flask. Ye English flask, in this case.

You get the flask. You think it could be very useful!



So you won't actually be doing anything with it.

>Dr. N Seyn: Have a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything that's been going on.

It's all quite simple, really. To begin with, you took the Inflatable Amulet of Pomposity from the Temple of Pointlessness so you could use it in one of your inventions. Namely, the Exploding Amulet Polisher.



Then, Nopor Puss was brought to your laboratory so you could treat the injuries he gave himself when he came to your laboratory. Which you did, with explosions. You then ended up following him into a strange forest.



After some time in the forest, Nopor Puss gave you a massage with a strange potion.



The potion had a delayed effect that changed you into a copy of him and rendered you unconscious.



Later, when you drank the lake water, that undid the potion's effect and turned you back to normal.



Some time later, some villain who said his name is Random ordered his robot minions to capture you, for purposes which are no doubt sinister.



From what you were able to gather from his ramblings, you think it has something to do with some strange crystals that Nopor Puss and Whatever found and gained mysterious powers from.



And now you've escaped and are confronting the villain who captured you, and you're working on improving this evil space fortress by converting it into an exploding evil space fortress. That pretty much covers everything anyone could want to know.

>Nopor Puss:All this walking and teleporting around is making you feel extremely tired.

Do some pushups.

You're starting to feel exhausted. You haven't gotten any actual rest outside of falling unconscious.



So you opt to do push-ups because there's no reason to when you're this tired. The flask falls out of your inventory as you do.



It then occurs to you that exercising could build up your strength and stamina, so you stop doing that. Instead, you watch television, which is pointless because there's no television here.

>Holy shit was that an helicopter??!?

You're pretty sure it was, yes. In fact, you're so sure of it that it would be pointless to go back to the forest to check. So naturally, that's what you're going to do!



You decide that the most pointless way to return to the forest is to find a way to drop this evil space fortress on it, because that would be highly dangerous and you'd have no idea how to ensure you landed in the forest, and also you don't actually even know that this evil fortress is in space at all.



And you also have no idea how you'd drop the evil space fortress in the first place, making it even more pointless to try it!



Oh, and on top of all that, you're still in the middle of a battle, which has now expanded to include Random's robot henchmen. You forgot that because there was no reason to.

SpoilerShow

There's still a few commands I didn't get to, but I figured I'd taken enough time with this update already and this was a decent stopping point. As usual, feel free to make commands in the meantime, since they will probably be pointlessly out of context by the time I get to them. Hopefully I'll catch up next update.

Oh, and thanks to Epamynondas for the kind words! I really appreciate them.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dalmationer.

---

SpoilerShow

Yay! This is back!

>Realise that you are in fact RandomBot #5, long lost brother of RandomBots 3 and 2. Engage in wacky hijinks while you try to convince them of this, before wandering off.

Originally posted on MSPA by Plet53.

---

>Remeber the whole "punch everything plan"? Enemies are now excluded from this list.

>Obligatory "continue punching everything" command.

Originally posted on MSPA by suomynonAyletamitlU.

---

> This seems like an incredibly inappropriate time for a poetry recital. Sounds good!