The Further Pointless Adventures of Nopor Puss!

Originally posted on MSPA by Chwoka.

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Try to get in the third suit of armor, which does not exist.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

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Try to get in the third suit of armor, which does not exist.

That's silly! Obviously, you should be trying to get in the FOURTH suit of armor.

Originally posted on MSPA by Xander.

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That's silly! Obviously, you should be trying to get in the FOURTH suit of armor.

No! The 87th!

Originally posted on MSPA by Kgummy.

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No! The 87th!

While trying to turn into the 88th.

Originally posted on MSPA by Cake Ninja.

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While trying to turn into the 88th.

After already having become the 8889th.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Throw up between the two suits of armour so as to better lubricate.

It is pointlessly difficult to throw up between two suits of armor without getting any vomit inside the inner suit or outside the outer one, so you make the effort to do it. Meanwhile, Whatever seems to be occupying himself with something random.

>Give Whatever a hug.

Moving the armor with a ridiculous amount of difficulty, you manage to give Whatever a hug. He decides that hugging a suit of armor with another suit of armor inside with his sworn rival inside is random, so he hugs you back.

>Go see a doctor. You're not injured or sick, so what would be the point?

You decide that, as you are in perfect health, this is an excellent time to see a doctor.



But wait! If you see an effective doctor, he might give you good advice for leading a healthy lifestyle!



So instead, you make your way to the medical offices of Dr. N. Seyn, Mad Scientist. And by "medical offices" I mean "laboratory".

>you will have to roll around on the ground if you want to move, so you should try to jump inside of the suit

You attempt to jump while inside the suit of armor. Despite the immense weight, you somehow manage to make it off the ground.



However, in the process, you hit your head on the helmet. You fall unconscious.

Start a marathon race with whomever you can get to run it, with some grand prize that you have yet to determine, and some horrible consequence for being in a specific position of the race, especially if it's more than the total number of people in the race. Attempt to reach the finish line with any means possible, but right before crossing it, assume that you ran in the wrong direction and go to the other way. Once you reach this new finish line, take a nap before crossing it. Assume that you have won, and forfeit the prize.

While unconscious, you have an extremely vivid dream in which you set up and enter the Viking Races.



Before the race concludes, however, you awaken to find yourself outside of the armor and in Dr. N. Seyn's office. Whatever is nowhere in sight.



The doctor says that he's pretty sure your problem can be solved with explosions, but he asks you what it is first just to be thorough.

> With the armor greatly limiting your flexibility, attempt to ride dragon statue as though it were a mechanical bull.

There is no dragon statue, and you are no longer in the armor.



So you ignore the doctor's question, and attempt to ride a nonexistent dragon statue like a mechanical bull while having your mobility limited by two suits of armor that you aren't actually wearing.

> Alternately (or subsequently, or both), retrofit the dragon statue to BE a mechanical bull, but then don't use it.

You then attempt to modify the nonexistent dragon statue into a nonexistent mechanical bull.



You do this by throwing various nonexistent items at it, since there's no reason to expect any of them to successfully change it into a mechanical bull.



After a while, you are convinced for no reason whatsoever that you have succeeded, and then pointedly (or pointlessly) do not ride or in any way use the nonexistent mechanical bull, which wouldn't even be an actual mechanical bull if it really existed, which it doesn't.



Dr. N. Seyn gets annoyed at you for not answering his question.



He attacks!



Before you can react, Dr. N. Seyn presses a button.



CrusherBot has joined the battle!

What will you do next?

SpoilerShow

I have more planned, but I figured I might as well get this part of the update out. More to come soon, possibly.

Originally posted on MSPA by Gustave.

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>Impale yourself on CrusherBot

Originally posted on MSPA by Leylite.

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>Curl yourself into a ball - it'll be pointless to crush yourself if there's a perfectly serviceable crushbot available to do the job for you.

>Go find a president of a medical school so you can avoid getting his signature for a new medical degree for Dr. N. Seyn, who clearly doesn't need one.

Originally posted on MSPA by Xander.

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I have a brilliant plan, but before I can tell you, I need you to go back to the temple by taking the longest path possible.

Originally posted on MSPA by zeddidragon.

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I have a brilliant plan, but before I can tell you, I need you to go back to the temple by taking the longest path possible.

The brilliant plan is to walk that path backwards while on a pogo stick.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

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>Apply shoe polish to the (already perfectly shiny) big red round thing on the robot.

>Wear his labcoat. Since this would be easier if you removed it from his body first, do not do so.

Originally posted on MSPA by Cake Ninja.

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>This is obviously one of the members of your party that you saw with future you! Simply walk away and don't ever go anywhere near this guy ever again in order to cause a paradox.

>Alternatively, completely ignore the above statement, it makes too much sense.

Originally posted on MSPA by Chwoka.

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Put the Doctor into the nonexistent suits of armor, in the process taking off your own nonexistent suit of armor, leaving you completely naked even though you aren't and wouldn't be even if you did have the suits of armor on in the first place. Act like you're naked anyway.

Originally posted on MSPA by Mike the Foxhog.

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> Take salsa dancing lessons.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Buy materials to make a mech using the spare 60,000 dollars you have.

You ask Dr. N. Seyn if he has some materials for making a mech that you could buy for $60,000.



It turns out that he does!



So instead you make the offer to CrusherBot.



He doesn't seem interested in making deals.



So you give him the money and get no materials in exchange!

>Make a mech.

You make a mech with your nonexistant materials.

>Steal the world's rubber duckys using that mech.

You then order the mech to steal the world's rubber duckies.



A few minutes later, when the mech that doesn't exist doesn't come back, you conclude that it must have succeeded!

>Hold them ransom for 50,000 dollars.
>???
>Lack of profit!

You inform Dr. N. Seyn that you are holding the world's entire supply of rubber duckies for ransom and will only release them for $50,000.



He accepts your terms, and tells CrusherBot to pay the ransom!



You receive $50,000 of your own money back.

>Buy materials to make a mech by trading various things you've come across for slightly more valuable things in a tedious and protracted sidequest

You decide that the previous experience wasn't unprofitable enough, and so you opt to start a trading sequence.



Of course, since you can't leave the room, your only trading partners are a mad scientist and his psychotic robot.



So you trade with various people who aren't there, and also with yourself.



Eventually, you succeed in making $40,000, after losing all of the $50,000 you started with.



You then offer the money to CrusherBot for materials again, with similar results to last time.

>Make a mech out of materials other than the ones you just bought, leaving those aside.

You now gather up your new nonexistent materials.



You then ignore them, and instead build a mech out of the dragon statue that you converted into a mechanical bull, and the first mech that you built, which still hasn't returned.



In other words, this mech doesn't exist either.

>Steal the world's rubber duckys using that mech, but don't steal or attack any of the factories used for making more

You order your new nonexistent mech to steal the world's rubber duckies, but tell it to leave all rubber duck factories alone.

>Hold them ransom for less money than you made trading, but don't notify anyone your ransom demands or even that you have them.
>???
>Lack of profit!

You then decide that you won't tell anybody that you are holding the world's rubber duckies ransom for $30,000. In fact, you strike up a conversation with Dr. N. Seyn specifically so that you can not mention this.



However, a short way into your conversation, the doctor remembers that he was attacking you!

do both for no reason.

You already did. It would be pointless to do both sequences of events again simultaneously.



So you set to work on doing so immediately.



After the resulting confusing series of events, CrusherBot is enraged!



CrusherBot's anger is starting to overload its cooling systems!



CrusherBot explodes spectacularly! Unfortunately, you are not hit by any of the shrapnel.



Dr. N. Seyn is pleased, as CrusherBot's explosive mechanism hasn't been working properly lately.



In gratitude, Dr. N. Seyn joins your party!

Originally posted on MSPA by Leylite.

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Dr. N. Seyn: Ask Nopor Puss why he entered your office if he clearly lacks any medical or scientific problems.

Nopor Puss: Observe a large number of buttons and machines, and refuse to touch any of them.

Originally posted on MSPA by Chwoka.

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> It's not yesterday anymore.

Originally posted on MSPA by Kgummy.

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Nopor Puss: Get treated for every single problem that you don't have.
Dr. N Seyn: Misinterpret what problems Nopor Puss is saying.

Originally posted on MSPA by Chwoka.

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Party like it's your birthday.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dfaran.

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>Play Space Invaders! ...with your eyes closed!

>Drink whatever is in those test tubes.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Find a rapier and a file. Proceed to file down the rapier at the tip point, thus making the rapier pointless.

Of course, use the paper information type file as opposed to the type that would actually be effective. Be sure that it's a file that will be important later on first.

You ask Dr. N. Seyn if he has any important files you can ruin, or any rapiers.



He hands you a file on the Inflatable Amulet of Pomposity, which he has been unsuccessfully trying to make explode.



He also hands you an exploding rapier.



You then put them down and proceed to file down a non-existent rapier with a non-existent file instead.

Nopor Puss: Even better, use the rapier to whittle down the file.

Oh! That's a good idea. That is an important file, after all.



However, the rapier explodes before you can get near it.



You then proceed to whittle down the file with a non-existent rapier.

Whatever: At a random moment, use the crystal to transform into a Super Ice Dragon, since that's obviously what the crystal does.

That sounds like a pretty random conclusion to arrive at. And fun, too!



You make a note to try it out at some random time in the future.



But right now isn't nearly random enough. You'd better wait.

Try to interact with the Point Meter.

Oh man! That would be pretty random! You should do that after you find Nopor Puss again. You could just go back and wait outside the doctor's office for him, of course, but that wouldn't be very random.

Various suggestions involving wearing/transforming into nonexistent suits of armor.

You start stuffing yourself into various nonexistent suits of armor in a pointlessly specific order.



You are now not stuck in any suits of armor at all, so you ask Dr. N. Seyn to push you around as if you were.

SpoilerShow

More updates to come! Still working my way through the suggestions.

Originally posted on MSPA by SleepingOrange.

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>Get the crab

Originally posted on MSPA by Draykon.

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It occurs to me that Fogel is already finished with the update, and is currently uploading it. So I will now pointlessly make a suggestion so that it may have no bearing on the story.

Since I have decided to do this, it would be pointless for me to make this post without actually making any suggestion.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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>Impale yourself on CrusherBot

CrusherBot exploded!



So it is, of course, pointless to attempt to impale yourself on it. Especially as none of the pieces you can find are particularly sharp. Also, you're only allowing yourself to move by having Seyn push you, and he doesn't want you damaging his pile of CrusherBot parts.

>Curl yourself into a ball - it'll be pointless to crush yourself if there's a perfectly serviceable crushbot available to do the job for you.

Yes, it would, but again, CrusherBot exploded.



Dr. N. Seyn says it will take a week to repair it. Although it should be easier to get the explosive mechanism working now.



So you decide to wait for him to fix it before crushing yourself.



And, of course, if you're waiting for that it's pointless to keep Seyn busy helping you do pointless things instead of fixing the robot.



So you ask Seyn to push you out of the room, because you can't think of a single good reason to leave the file on the Inflatable Amulet of Pomposity behind, completely unguarded.



You are now in Dr. N. Seyn's waiting room.

>Go find a president of a medical school so you can avoid getting his signature for a new medical degree for Dr. N. Seyn, who clearly doesn't need one.

Well, you have no reason to believe this exploded receptionist-bot is president of a medical school, so you do believe it.



It is quite easy to avoid getting a signature from a robot that's already exploded, so you enact an extremely convoluted plan to not get a signature instead.



In the end, your plan somehow fails. Dr. N. Seyn now has a signed medical degree.

I have a brilliant plan, but before I can tell you, I need you to go back to the temple by taking the longest path possible.

Well, if it's a brilliant plan, you don't really want to hear it.









So that means it would be pointless to take the longest possible route back to the temple and then leave before hearing the plan.









So that's what you do!

The brilliant plan is to walk that path backwards while on a pogo stick.

But you don't have a pogo stick! It would be pointless to follow this plan.









So, of course, you go back to the temple...



...and leave again, walking backwards while on a pogo stick you don't have. And with your movement constrained by several suits of armor you aren't wearing.









However, as it is very difficult to accurately retrace your steps backwards while pretending to ride a pogo stick and be stuck in a large number of suits of armor, you end up lost.

Originally posted on MSPA by Dalmationer.

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god, I was hoping this would come back!

Doctor: madly fit Nopor Puss with dynamite
Nopor Puss: Pointlessly don't explode.