Zoostuck 3

Zoosmell Pooplord

Yes, your name is Zoosmell Pooplord. And you spend every waking moment thinking about how you're not nearly as great as the the greatest guy in the world. You don't even have a cool name like he does, a cool name like...

>John Egbert

Yeah, that's... no, that name sounds vaguely familiar, but it's not the name of the greatest guy in the world who you have no hope of ever being anywhere near as cool as. It's still a cooler name than Zoosmell Pooplord, though. That's a dumb name that you totally deserve for being so dumb. You don't deserve a cool name like...

> Dragon Fogel

...like that, wait, no, who would name their kid that. Well, okay, it's still better than Zoosmell Pooplord, pretty much every name is. But it's still a loser name for some kind of loser.

No, the name you're really jealous of is the coolest name in the universe, which is of course

Jogh Edgebert

Jogh Edgebert. Seriously, that's an awesome name. His first name makes no sense at all, which is way cool, and his second name even has "Edge" in it, which is a cool word. What an awesome guy, you think about him all the time and you wish you could be his friend but you're so uncool that'll never happen, even though he's the coolest guy and never says anything mean to uncool people. Not even you, and you're the uncoolest of all.

Man, you wish you were cool.

You can be.

No you can't, you're super uncool. Seriously, you wouldn't even know where to begin on being remotely cool. You're pretty sure it would violate a fundamental law of the universe if you somehow became cool.

How is a total loser like you supposed to be cool? What could you even do?