Consistency

Dr. Hook and the Medicine Band.

Ah, yes. That's the perfect title for your story about Captain Hook's later years, where he completes medical school and starts a rock band with his classmates.

Now you just need to figure out the title of the song that they'll play in the dramatic climax where they have to face off against Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, who came over to the real world just to mess with Hook. What are you going to call it?

The Anti-Vaccination Lobby.

Yeah, you're sick of sitting around in your room, but you don't feel like heading out in this weather. Especially with the talk of measles going around. Good thing it hasn't reached the Anti-Vaccination Hotel yet.

You head over to the elevator and emerge in the lobby, but when you step out, someone points at you in a panic.

"MEASLES!"

Wait, what? You couldn't have the measles! You're supposed to be safe here!

What are you going to do now?

Do chestnuts eat hedgehogs?/That would be scary wouldn't it!

You glance at the slain Chest Nut. There is something green and leafy hanging out of its latch, and the Hedge Pork merchant was complaining about his supply going down recently.

But this one Nut couldn't have eaten that many Hedge Hogs. If that's what's been going on, there must be more of them... a lot more. And that's only possible if someone is actively breeding them.

So are you going to press on and see what else you can find in this dungeon, or head back to town and warn everyone?

shoot the shit, it's a real crapshoot

You start talking with your opponent as you ready your gun and aim it at the dice table. You ask them if they've played much before.

"Oh, you could say that." They reach into their jacket and pull out a Tri-State-Area Craps-Shooting Champion trophy. "Won this five years running."

Uh-oh. You're starting to think maybe you shouldn't have wagered so much on this game.

But you have to stay calm, and focus on the dice. There's a 1, a 3, and a 6 that haven't been hit yet. Which one will you aim for?

I'm going to die of laughter! Please stop stabbing me with your funny boner.

You can't take this punishment any more. You like your bones, after all! You promptly surrender and tell your interrogator that you're headed to the Die of Laughter.

She looks at you skeptically before putting her bone-removal tool away.

"If that's where you're really headed, this would have been a mercy," she says, undoing your chains. "But if you insist, we may as well take you the rest of the way. After all, it's not as if you'll have any way to tell anyone of our existence once you're there."

Uh-oh. You feel like you don't want to take her up on her offer. You still have to get to the Die, but under these circumstances? That doesn't sound like a good idea.

How can you escape?

explosive peanuts are the best snack! The FDA approves it as the tastiest, most dangerous snack one can have on an airplane. Fortunately, no one cares what the FDA thinks on these matters.

In fact, the FDA is illegal! Where did this paper come from?

You read over the message, baffled. Why did the French Diaper Association send you this missive about explosive peanuts? And more to the point, how? You dismantled their whole organization a week ago. It's true that some sympathizers might have started up a new branch, but how could they possibly have found the means to contact you so quickly?

This calls for an investigation. Who will you assign to the task?