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Dragon Fogel · 10-10-2014, 11:28 PM

BreadProduct Wrote:>Tell your past self to run deep into the mountains, find a old man who knows the secrets of the universe and has wicked martial arts moves and have him teach you only to forget you know wicked martial arts moves till you hear the following phrase. "Turkey Nuggets Moving Kings to Friday."

You feel helpless. If only you'd spent your youth learning amazing martial arts skills instead of going on stupid vacations to Snow Land!

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Wait... Technically your youth hasn't been spent yet.

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You tell your younger self to seek out the great martial arts guru who probably lives in the mountains and to train yourself with a code phrase so that you will forget about the skills until this very moment.

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"Yeah, sure, whatever."

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Ugh. You finally made it. Man, this was a boring trip, better than that stupid vacation though.

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"Welcome, child. No doubt you have gone through many hardships to come here."

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"Many have sought my wisdom, and many have failed. You are one of the few courageous and skilled enough to make it here, and so you are worthy to learn from me."

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"However! I have much wisdom, and little time to share it. You may only ask one thing of me, for I can teach no more than that to a single pupil. Think carefully of what you will ask for."

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Man, what's this guy going on about? Why were you even looking for him in the first place?

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"Can we make an awesome snow fort?"

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"A very wise choice, my child. Of all my many skills, my talent at making structures out of snow may well be my greatest."

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"You have learned all that I have to teach, child. But be warned: when you leave this mountain, you shall forget these talents until the time is right. Only when the proper words are spoken shall you recall your gift."

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"Yeah, whatever. I'm bored. Cool snow fort, though."

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Meanwhile, days before this whole thing happened and years in the future from your perspective, you attempt to recall the secret knowledge you gained. Mostly you're hoping that your guess for the magic words that unlock your knowledge is right.

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Yes, these are the right words. You feel the lost knowledge flowing into your mind.

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You ready yourself to face your foe. You will do this!

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Wait, that's not quite right.

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Wow, you really dropped the ball on these secret martial...

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...arts skills?

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Wow, this is way cooler than your Snow Senate.

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"Well, Aureliano, it's good to see that you've done something with your waste of a life. Now it won't end as a complete failure."

You can pretty much guess what happens next.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

Godbot Wrote:> Throw oats in his eyes.

It occurs to you that you have a weapon at hand.

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Looks like somebody's about to get a nutritious breakfast.

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"Gah!"

He's thrown off-balance! Now's your chance to strike!

AgentBlue Wrote:Steal his beard.

Which, of course, you will do in the most productive way possible.

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Success! Without his beard, he'll be powerless!

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Or maybe just really, really, angry.

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What's he doing?

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Throwing exploding watches, apparently. This could be bad.

Andorxor Wrote:>Build yourself a snowfort and man it with snowman

It's clearly not safe in here. You're going to need some better shelter.

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"Fishsticks! Iron lung! Mobile phone! Artichoke!"

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Wow, he's so angry he's not even forming coherent sentences. This isn't going well.

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"Turkey nuggets! Moving KINGS! TO FRIDAY!"

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Whoa, suddenly you feel strange and mystical knowledge filling your head.

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You don't know where this knowledge came from, but you can tell that it will aid you now.

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Before you know it, you've constructed a secure fortress out of snow.

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A very secure fortress.

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This should give you time to come up with a plan, at least.

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"You still haven't taken care of that worthless grandson of mine? Honestly, I was sure you'd be done by now."

DuckyRoanNubbles Wrote:> Call in the snow artillery support

"Well, fortunately I know exactly how to deal with this."

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This could be a problem. What are you going to do?