Zoostuck 2

you aren't

Yeah, let's face it, Pooplord. You're just a dumb kid with a stupid name and an extremely short attention span. You're already getting kind of bored of this whole the-future-of-the-universe-is-in-peril thing. Isn't there something else you can do?

Forget about that little spat, there really isn't anything to actually worry about, everything is under control.

Maybe you can just give up and help this Loather out. It's not like you have any real friends, a megalomaniac trying to rewrite the universe is as good a place to start as any.

Everyone else seems to be doing something, and your mom accidentally kicked the scallop off you so you can get up. You head over to Loather, who's apparently not very good at basketball because the ball still hasn't gone in the hoop.

Wow, you sure know how to pick teammates. Even if she'd helped you out, she throws like someone who isn't very good at throwing things. Not that you'd say that out loud, of course, that would just be rude.

Anyways, one of your other selves has the ball now and he's probably going to use those wind powers you vaguely remember him having to make sure it goes in the net.

Man, maybe you should just let him rewrite the universe. Wind powers are way cooler than anything you've got. All you've got is a dumb name and this hat that you kinda like.

You are now the hat. Over the course of this entire adventure, you have been steadily accruing more Mysterious Hat Knowledge. You now have enough that you may actually influence events.

But you may only do this once. You must choose wisely how you will use this power.

become all of them

You decide to use it to become everyone. You are still a hat, but you are also Zoosmell Pooplord, two John Egberts, a no-talent hack, Zoosmell's mother, the Loather of Irk, and an army of assorted crustaceans.

This means, on the one hand, that you are in control of all their bodies. But it also means you have inherited their various disparate motivations. You want to disassemble the universe, recreate it so that your pitiful levels of creativity are still higher than everyone else's, recreate it so that an incredible multimedia experience will come into existence, recreate it so that you are the supreme ruler, recreate it more or less as it was before except in such a way that it cannot be recreated again, and not recreate it at all. You also have your original desire to fix this whole mess.

But all of these disparate and contradictory feelings are overwhelmed by an intense desire to quit working for the Loather and go back to the ocean. So how are you going to do that?