Zoostuck 2

Toss them both into the snake pit. Fate usually has cooler battles.

Yeah, this is really lame. You should just toss them both in a snake pit and take over this lame team, or maybe one of the other lame teams.

Unfortunately, there don't seem to be any snake pits around. Just a ridiculous amount of Swiss cheese shaped into a basketball court. Wow, what a dumb battlefield. Everything about this is so dumb. The arena is dumb, the combatants are dumb (except you, obviously) and the whole premise is dumb.

How are you even supposed to work with this nonsense?

best.

By making this the best damn climactic showdown for the fate of the universe you can, of course. Sure, it may not have grandeur, or a cast of thrilling characters, or even make one iota of sense, but that just makes it more of a challenge.

And the way to start making something great out of this total mess is...

wurst

With this bratwurst you were going to eat when you got summoned to this battle for the fate of the universe. You grab some of the Swiss cheese the landscape is made out of and put it on, then consume it.

Unfortunately, this fails to grant you power over the Swiss cheese, as you were hoping. Now you can't reshape it to your will into something cooler.

But you do feel a strange power awakening within you. Yes, it's clear now. You've gained the ability to... to...

To do what?