Zoostuck 2

the hiring range

Yes, of course. The hiring range. A beautifully simple concept, except as far as you can tell from looking through the phone book, it doesn't exist. Clearly this is yet another of your brilliant ideas that reality has tragically failed to produce as of yet.

At this point, lesser beings might give up and simply place a classified advertisement in the newspaper, or call an employment agency. But you cannot be satisfied with such half-measures. No, if the hiring range does not exist, you shall simply have to create it. It may be a difficult task with only the resources of a high school principal, but for a mind of your caliber, nothing is impossible.

In a matter of days, you will have started the hiring range, used it to hire yourself a server monkey, and set them to work expelling all the students. Unfortunately, while all that comes together, there is a slight risk that a plotline might actually be resolved. You'll need a more immediate method to keep the students occupied.

Of course, since your own attention will be primarily on organizing the hiring range, you'll need some assistance. You need to recruit someone to aid you. Who shall you contact to keep the students busy while you make your arrangements?