Zoostuck 2

pour some sugar in his gas tank, but first teach him how to drive and get him a license and buy him a car

That's a terrible idea! This kid isn't even thirteen years old yet, you'd have to get him a fake ID too! Or possibly get some country to lower the legal driving age and then take him there.

Of course, since you're still under the influence of bad idea radiation, naturally this means you're going to go to great lengths to pull a stupid prank on some kid instead of killing yourself and making sure he stays on task, like what you're supposed to do.

You are the singularity of complexity. Your most direct agent has been overtaken by incompetence. Though this was part of your excessively complex plan, endangering your new conduit's past was not and you will need to intervene.

Fortunately, you already had a needlessly complex contingency plan in place for such a scenario and it is already underway. You have also ensured that extrauniversal forces will not be able to influence it, as you have already determined that such forces are the greatest threat to your plan.

You are now the one being in the entire universe that cannot be manipulated, either directly or indirectly, by any singularity of complexity. You have an immediate instinctive awareness of whether anything you are thinking of doing is furthering the plans of a singularity of complexity, and it turns out that a lot of things are. So when you find something that isn't, you rush out to do it, because you really hate singularities of complexity.

Who are you and what are you doing?