Zoostuck 2

praise satan

Praise Satan? Never! That would require acknowledging an entity greater than yourself, which you know to be both physically and conceptually impossible. Satan should be praising you for the masterpiece you will bring into the world!

Well, you suppose you might be able to accept it if Satan is actually your future self. You therefore conditionally praise Satan if and only if he is a future version of you who has completed your masterpiece and continues to understand how perfect you are, and by extension how perfect he is.

That should cover your bases. Now you wait and...

Nope. Nothing. Good thing your praise was entirely conditional, were you not so careful you might have gained a flaw, which would be unacceptable. Time to come up with a new plan.

Deal the deck.

And that plan is to deal out this entire deck of cards across space and time. You can probably steal the time machine that kid came in to do it, so therefore the task should already be done and there's no need to inconvenience yourself with scattering them across space and time.

You are now Ryan North. You are in Hell and you just picked up the Three of Hearts. What are you going to do with it?