Zoostuck 2

You are secretly one of the cards from The Deck of Many Things that was shuffled into a mundane deck of cards as some sort of stupid prank. Your powers could decide more than just the fate of this game, they could decide the fate of the world. On a completely unrelated note, they are playing Texas Hold em and you are the river.

That doesn't sound quite right, you don't remember having a vastly more complicated origin than anyone would suspect. You have pretty clear memories of being printed by a playing card manufacturer. And who would bother implanting fake memories into an inanimate object, even one as essential as yourself?

Your role will determine the balance of racial stereotypes for years to come.

Okay, that seems a bit more plausible, even if you aren't sure how it's going to work. So that leaves the question of which of these guys is supposed to win, and how you're supposed to help them do that. If only you could get another vague premonition like the one that you got telling you this game was really important. But what are the chances of that?

You are now the Spirit of Vague Premonitions. You were supposed to teach some evil wizard about the true meaning of Christmas, but apparently he died partway through so now you're supposed to deliver some vague premonitions to a playing card.

The only problem is, this delivery is dated for many years into the future and you really don't want to just sit around waiting for the right day to arrive, that's boring. So how can you get to the future faster?