Zoostuck 2

Distract the monster by causing mass chaos; switch all the numbers around!

You do what you do best and change all the numbers in every phone book nearby! Surely the ensuing confusion will give you a chance to strike down the monster!

Wait, no, it's not working, the monster's still attacking and nobody's even using any of the phone books. Dang! You thought for sure that would work.

cook the books

Since your plan failed utterly, you decide to get rid of the evidence. You don't want anyone thinking you're bad at being a superhero, after all! You decide to roast all the phone books over a fire and then eat them. That should throw all suspicion off you!

The IRS can't POSSIBLY check if you've cooked your phone books

For a moment you worry that the IRS might be on to you, but then you see the monster wreck their building and you figure you're covered. You eat the books and are ready to advance to the next stage of your plan!

Which is to run away and start spending all that money you won in poker games. What are you going to buy with it?