Zoostuck 2

an evil wizard to transform them into detectives

Rock music.

Ah, of course. An evil wizard, who with proper motivation will transform them into detectives with no memory of their past existence, and can easily manipulate them into joining a band. But the wizard must also be rock music - fortunately, your manipulations have already created an evil wizard who constantly regenerates into an entirely new role. You need only arrange his demise in the proper way so that he returns as you need him. What is his current status, for a highly relative value of 'current' given that you are operating outside time and space?

Ah, hmm. This is troublesome. He's caught in a simulation which will destroy him entirely if he is defeated within it. You can resolve this by destroying his two opponents, assuming they are not crucial to your plans. If they are, then you will need to disrupt the simulation entirely.

Ah. It seems this will be particularly complicated. One of the other two must survive, but the third must be destroyed within the simulation. Fortunately, you are complexity incarnate and therefore entirely capable of resolving this matter. You review the two opponents in order to formulate your plan.

One of them was a young girl in a relationship with a vampire. However, she aspired to be a lonely young girl who didn't fit in, and in her efforts to do so, she ended up dying. Now her ghost has inadvertently possessed a football star's body immediately before the playoffs; she needs to return from the simulation before the halftime break ends so she can win the game somehow.

The other player is a sentient bicycle from a planet of sentient bicycle who always does things strangely. His human avatar in the game is currently attempting to stand on his hands and sit on his knees at the same time. He must be destroyed here, both because he threatens to disrupt your plans for the bicycle planet and because his death within a simulation will lead to the discovery of the bicycle planet by other forces.

The plan soon becomes clear. You shall simply alter the universe so those within video game worlds enter the real world, and vice versa, with the exception of this one bicycle. Then the only task that will remain is destroying him within the game world, as well as killing the wizard in the real world and regenerating him as rock music.

What needlessly convoluted process will you use to accomplish these goals?