You Are About 10 Seconds Away From Execution By Firing Squad

Give him the lad in exchange for safe passage

In a bold display of courage, you offer the monstrosity your younger self in servitude or something.



However, the duck head - which you suddenly recall is a judge - starts screeching something.



Apparently he wants you to prove you have legal custody over your younger self, or else you can't actually hand him over to the monstrosity. At least, that's what you seem to be getting out of it.



Ugh, this is a lot of paperwork. How long is it going to take you to figure this out?



There. Done. Hopefully you can get things sorted out now.



Oh, great, apparently there's a whole trial to go through too. Ugh, what a pain.



You engage in an impassioned argument that, since this kid is you, of course you have legal custody over him and can do whatever you want with him, since in the end you're the one who has to live with the consequences.



For example, by keeping him out in the cold for hours on end while you fill out forms and hold a trial, you have to live with the consequences of freezing to death years ago. Namely, disappearing from existence because you couldn't possibly be here.

BAD END
Reloading from last save...

>Offer your beard as a gift to the most attractive of the three heads without specifying which is the most attractive.

You decide to make the beast an offer, carefully worded in hopes of causing the heads to fight amongst themselves.



Oh. Wait a minute. Your beard seems to have gone missing, probably while you were riding that chocolate artillery shell. You've got no idea where it is.

Well, if bribery won't work, maybe you can try another approach.

The horse head looks educated! Appeal to its sensibilities as a scholar and ask it, as a learned man, not to resort to violence, the last resort of the stupid, and simply to let you pass!

You decide to take your chances with the most reasonable-looking of the heads. Maybe if you can get one on your side, the others will leave you alone.



What's this?



Oh. The horse is running for Senate. Maybe it wants your vote?



Wait a minute. You're an enemy of the state. Do you even get to vote?



Wait a minute. Corruptia is a dictatorship. Does anyone get to vote?



Wait a minute. Does Corruptia even have a Senate in the first place?







Oh. Apparently it doesn't.



And apparently this would-be Senator is upset by the fact that there's no Senate for it to run for, and it's inclined to take its anger out on you.

What are you going to do about it?

SpoilerShow

Happy fourth anniversary, Firing Squad! Yes, we've been at this for four years now, can you believe it?