Consistency

"Make sure the grabooba is full!"

Yes, you've decided to solve the puzzle and announce your solution proudly.

It turns out to be completely incorrect. In fact, the host is baffled by how you got that answer from "- B-RD -N -H- H-ND -- --R-H --- -N -H- B--H".

The entire studio audience starts laughing at you. The other contestants join in. This is ridiculously embarrassing. What are you going to do about it?

> Decide against the illogical course of action you had been considering; the only move that makes sense is to ram the castle at full speed on your flaming motorcycle backwards.

Man, what were you thinking? You'll never get your money out of the bank by taking your card to the ATM, that's just crazy talk. No, ramming a castle that's nowhere near the bank is the only solution, and a flaming motorcycle is the only tool for the job. And of course, you have to ride it backwards.

There's just one problem: You don't have a motorcycle, flaming or otherwise. And how are you going to get one when all your money's stuck in the bank?

Be "Like Mike."

-

t l a r-o c k

You chant the magic word "tlar-ock" to activate your transformation spell, turning you into the hideous creature known as a Like Mike. Now you can consume sounds spoken into a microphone!

This ability will obviously be essential in putting out the fire at the embassy. Yes, it's very clear how to use it. Absolutely, you know exactly what you're going to do next.

What is that, again? Not that you need a reminder, nope, definitely not, you just want to be sure you remember right, which obviously you do but it's good to double-check just in case. This was all a careful plan and not a spur-of-the-moment decision that you're beginning to regret, nope, not at all.

Summon Super Dave Osborne

You summon Super Dave Osborne, who drives right onto the battlefield. And past it. Into the field effect display.

He breaks the current field effect, which is "ALLOW SUMMONS", then disappears because summons are no longer allowed.

Well, now the next field effect is coming up. And on your opponent's turn. And... uh-oh, it's "WIN THIS UNLESS YOUR OPPONENT PULLS OFF A MIRACULOUS PLAY".

This could be bad. How are you going to handle this?

I'm 2 meat 2 die

You decide that the movie you're watching tonight is "I'm 2 meat 2 die". You think you might have heard a good review of it, maybe. Or a bad one. Either way, it's cheap to rent and you're bored, so why not.

You head over to the counter and the clerk glances at the case, then glares at you.

"You're really going to watch this," he says. There's a clear judgmental tone in his voice.

You tell him that yeah, that's your plan for the night.

"I'm sorry. In the interests of good taste, I can't allow you, or anyone else, to rent this movie. Seriously. I'm surprised we even have a copy, I thought I destroyed every one I came across."

Wow, what a jerk. But dang it, you made a completely arbitrary decision to watch this movie tonight and you're sticking to it!

So how are you going to convince him to let you rent it?

i am everything that ever was or ever will be

Yes, your name is i am everything that ever was or ever will be. i for short, because nobody wants to say that whole thing.

Unfortunately, the lawyer seems dissatisfied when you sign that on the contract.

"Is that really your name, sir?" he asks. "I would like to see some proof."

Ugh, you have to go through this every time you sign something. You reach for your wallet to show him your ID and...

Wait a minute, your wallet's gone! Well, that's just great. How are you supposed to prove your name now?

You simply say nothing. The Sphinx stares at you for a while, then chuckles.

"Very good. The answer to the riddle is Silence. You have passed."

Wow, that was lucky. Actually, you were just out of ideas.

In any case, the Sphinx's riddle has been solved, so you move forward and are greeted by a pungent smell as you enter the next room. Another terrifying beast stands before you; it resembles the Sphinx, but it's covered in dirt. It grins at you wickedly.

"So, you made it past my sister," the creature says. "But now you must face the Riddle of the Stinx! And that riddle is - what smells worse than me? Give the wrong answer, and I will devour you."

Ugh. If there's anything that smells worse than this guy, you don't want to know what it is.

So what are you going to say?

>trust nothing but your strength

Yeah, this tarot reading was just a mess. The Strength card is meaningful, the rest is just garbage.

Ugh, you're never going to be a top fortune-teller at this rate. You need to do a better job. You pull out another set of cards, getting Fool (reversed), Chariot (upright), Star (upright), Octopus (reversed), and Ace Of Clubs (face-down).

Well, dang it. What are you supposed to make out of this?

Mr. President Coco Jambo is your loving wife.

Perfect. You'll leave the enemy agent puzzling over this meaningless message for days! You sneak it into the dropoff point and then hide nearby. You can't wait to see the look on his face!

A few minutes later, he reaches into the dropoff point and pulls out your fake message. His eyes widen in fear.

"Goddammit," he says to himself. "Things are that bad? I... I never thought I'd have to pull something this drastic. Damn, damn, damn!"

He runs off in the direction of the Highly Dangerousco Explosives Factory. Well, this can't be anything good - apparently you accidentally left an emergency message. And whatever he's going to do next... well, you should probably try to stop him.

So what's the plan?