The Savage Brawl [Round 5: Battletopia]

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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The plan had been simple enough. Head to the security room, kill everyone inside, reanimate their corpses.

Suddenly being pounced on by a feral creature that resembled a giant panther on spider legs with a giant carnivorous plant growing out of its back hadn't been part of the plan. Neither was having its head grow back in mere seconds after a laser blast from Konka's cybernetic eye.

Granted, he wasn't in much danger of actually dying. But the beast might disassemble him, and possibly swallow a bone or two.

Fortunately, the dilemma was resolved by a shotgun blast knocking the creature away.

"There's another one, Jack!" a voice shouted. "Down on the ground! We'd better take him out, too, before he gets up!"

"Cool it, Ezekiel," another voice said, this one gruffer but calmer. "This one might be friendly."

Rar picked himself up, and stared. Two humans walked towards him. One wore a military uniform and held a still-smoking shotgun, the other was dressed in rural attire and carrying a large pitchfork. The sight of the latter was unnerving for Rar, but not actually threatening. Although he certainly hoped no one in the area had a torch.

"Friendly? He's a freakin' skeleton, Jack! Probably wants to steal our bones or somethin'!"

"I said cool it," the military man replied. "If there's one thing I learned in the war, it's that there's no sense making enemies when you don't need to. Now let me do the talking."

Jack lowered his weapon and waved his arm.

"Hello!" he said slowly. "Can you understand me?"

It took Rar a few moments to process what was going on. Then he realized it.

"Ah, there we go," he said, in the friendliest voice he could manage. It still sent a chill down Ezekiel's spine. "Good day, gentlemen. I apologize, my translation processor needed a few moments to integrate your language. My name is... Quoun'car-Iarr."

Ezekiel muttered something under his breath about "dang foreign names".

"Good to meet you, Quoun... er... is it all right if I call you that?" The lich nodded, and Jack continued. "I'm Sergeant Jack Nelson, and this here's Ezekiel Jones. He's a farmer. We were brought here by a saucer and the aliens asked us a bunch of questions about Earth. I suppose the same thing happened on your planet?"

"That is correct," Rar said.

"Well, anyhow. We figured that, now that the cells are open, we may as well give these aliens a parting gift. Unfortunately, not all the other prisoners are as cooperative as you, like you saw just now. You mind lending us a hand?"

"Not at all, Sergeant Jack Nelson," Konka Rar replied, acting as ignorant as he could. "These beings have taken me from my homeworld. I cannot allow that to pass unpunished."

"Great!" Jack said, extending a hand. He paused. "Uh, you grab it and shake. Earth greeting, see."

"How fascinating," Konka Rar said, grasping the man's hand as clumsily with his cybernetic arm as he could. "Were our circumstances more favorable, I should like to learn more of your Earth culture."

Jack smiled.

"Who knows? Maybe you'll get the chance, Quoun. Now let's go find Daisy. I don't like leaving a pretty lady alone, after all."

Ezekiel muttered something under his breath again.

"My translation processor is unclear on the meaning of that last term, Ezekiel Jones," Rar said. "Could you elaborate?"

The farmer's face turned red.

"You, uh... You heard that?"

"Oh, I apologize. It had not occurred to me that your hearing range might be more limited than mine. Clearly human biology will take me some time to adjust to as well."

Konka Rar wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, but he was enjoying this.