The Grand Battle S2G1! [Round Six: Eddelin City]

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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The dungeon was not what Arkal had been expecting. For one thing, he had been expecting a dungeon.

What he found, when the mothmen let him go, was a large, purple room with no furniture at all. A dozen or so creatures sat in a half-circle; in the center of the implied circle was a man in blue armor who appeared to have a large golden key for a head.

"Jailer, the King wants this one for questioning," one of the mothmen said to the key-headed man. "Try to keep him sane enough to answer."

"Man is a fragile creature," he replied.

"Yeah, whatever. His Majesty should be back in an hour or so, after that you can do whatever with him." The mothman and his partner left, clearly not interested in staying any longer than he needed to.

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste!" the jailer called after them.

For five minutes, Arkal could do nothing but stare at the proverb-spouting stranger. Finally, he decided not to bother waiting around, and stood up. There was no cell here, he might as welll just leave.

He took three steps before he hit something he couldn't see or feel.

"We are all trapped in prisons of our own making," the key-headed man said calmly.

Arkal tried to pound on the invisible wall, but this was difficult because the wall didn't seem to actually exist - he just stopped when he hit a certain point. Finally, he gave in and simply asked.

"What the hell is this all about? Why can't I leave?"

"No man can escape himself," the Jailer replied. He sipped on a cup of tea; Arkal was sure it hadn't been there two seconds ago.

A large snail in the next "cell" turned to Arkal and chuckled.

"It's no use tryin' to get any real words out of him," the snail said. "I've been at it longer than anyone. He never says a thing."

Suddenly, the snail's eyestalks widened.

"Hang on a second! You're a Human! A real, bonafide, honest-to-Hoss Human! How did you get in here?"

Arkal stared back at him.

"I'm in a battle," he said. No other explanation seemed to fit.

The snail squealed with delight.

"A battle, you say? It's arrived here at last? Ooh, that means it's time! The end is coming! I can hardly wait!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't tell me you don't know! About the Amalgam's glorious plan to wipe out the last of us inferior species and make Humanity reign supreme! The battle's how it gets in and finally destroys the filthy nonhumans in the Place and puts an end to its greatest foe!"

"Silence is golden," the Jailer interjected.

"Shaddup yer ownself!" the snail yelled back at him. "Cut me some slack here, it's not every day ya get to meet one of yer gods. Place, it's rare enough that you see that devil Hector."

Arkal had been called by many titles in his lifetime, but "god" was a new one. It wasn't one he was comfortable with.

"Shame Jailer here's driven the rest of the boys mad," the snail continued. "They're in no shape to hear the good word - that our miserable nonhuman existence is about to come to an end. We just need the Champion of Silver to win this battle." He suddenly took notice of Arkal's anvil. "Well, wouldja look at that! Yer carryin' a fine hunk of it on your back there. Well, what are you waitin' for? Use it already!"

Confused, Arkal set it down and took out his hammer. Then he scratched his head.

"So what am I supposed to forge with?" he asked. "I can't exactly move very far, and I can't even see a single thing in this room besides the walls."

"What kind of Champion are ya? The silver's supposed to transform this cruel, wicked, inhuman world to a paradise of Humanity, wipin' the filth like us out in the process. It ain't suppose to just sit there while you hammer on it!"

Arkal grunted.

"Have you never seen an anvil before?"

"What the Place is wrong with you? Have you forgotten your duty in the name of Hoss?" A dawning expression suddenly crossed the snail's face. "Oh. That's gotta be it. Some other contestant messed with yer mind!"

Arkal hadn't fully grasped what his fellow captive was saying, but he knew an opportunity when he saw it.

"Oh no," he said unenthusiastically. "I guess I'd better get out of here and stop them, then. And then go and dominate everything for humanity."

"Yeah! You go, oh Human! I may not have a damn clue how to break out of a prison that doesn't exist, but that's what makes me inferior! But a perfect Human like you, a Champion of Silver... why, a weakling like the Jailer can't possibly hold you!"

"It is rude to talk behind someone's back right to their face," the Jailer said suddenly.

"Consider yourself lucky, Keyface!" the snail fired back. "You'll have your inferior nonhuman existence wiped out well before the rest of us!"

Arkal ignored them and looked down at his anvil. Then he sat down, and reached for the wall that wasn't there.

The world's greatest blacksmith smiled. He wasn't entirely out of materials.