Petty Squabble [ROUND 3] [Goldhenge]

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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"What in the Devil's name are you doing, Stein?" Parsley yelled, staring at the acid up ahead. The mirror shard showed it to be a raging river of water, which was little better. "Is this damned creation of yours a boat, too?"

"Um. Unfortunately, no."

"The door's jammed!" Clarice shouted, desperately pushing and pulling at it in hopes that one method would work. "Tom, I told you we should have gotten them checked out before we left."

"Well, to be fair, being out in this rain probably isn't much better," he replied. He pushed at his own door to no avail. "But yeah, this one's stuck too. And, uh, I don't want to go out the front window either."

"And here I thought that, whatever yer crimes, ye at least knew what ye were doing, Stein," Parsley sighed. "Move aside, I'd best handle this matter."

Parsley reached across Tom and put a hand to the door. Slowly, it started changing to bread.

"Can you, uh, work a little faster?" Tom asked. "That river's getting closer pretty fast. And an umbrella of some sort would be nice, too."

"I'm nearly at the hinges," Parsley growled. "This would be easier if ye hadn't made the damn thing so hard to understand. Now be quiet, I need to focus."

A minute later, the door snapped off and Parsley held it out overhead as a shield, Tom and Clarice scrambling out after him and then desperately climbing up the slope of the riverbank. The Broderburgs watched sadly as the RV tumbled into the river.

"I hope our warranty's still good," Tom sighed. Clarice looked up nervously at the door, and more specifically the acid droplets falling through it.

The issue of shelter, fortunately, was rather easily solved. A woman clothed in flames soon came running over to them, with two men holding up an enormous slab of rock over her head. With her were a pleasantly familiar boy and baby, though the sight of the latter just floating through the air was disconcerting, and an unpleasantly familiar dice-headed robot.

"Emma! Ethan!" Clarice shouted, running under the slab and giving them both a hug. Tom soon followed, with Parsley dragging the door along and joining them.

"Why do we have to hold this heavy thing up?" Name grumbled, watching the reunion.

"I am a rock, I am an island," Song replied. Name simply glared at him.

The glare Clarice gave Six was stronger.

"What is that thing doing here?" she growled at the flame-clothed woman. She was a bit worried at just how revealing Fertility's outfit was, but the robot kidnapper was a more immediate concern.

"I asked him here," the goddess replied. "I am Fertility, and I have brought you your children. Metaphorically, and now literally as well." She smiled.

"Well, thank you for that, but you seem to be confused. My third child is a teenage girl, not a crazy robot!"

The conversation was suddenly interrupted by a bubbling sound from the river. Followed by the sound of a motor.

"Holy sh..." Tom began, then he felt Clarice's glare reminding him that Ethan was present. "Er... Holy shuffleboard, is the RV still working after all that?"

His question was soon answered as the RV emerged from the river and drove up to the road, looking no more damaged than when he had desperately scrambled out of it. A pudgy, balding man in a strange tribal outfit was sitting at the wheel; it reminded Tom vaguely of a business suit.

"Excellent! By proactively leveraging our synergies, we've managed to initiate a new paradigm," the man said with a smile as he stepped out of the RV. "It's that kind of outside-the-box thinking that demonstrates my leadership qualities."

The three gods present all sighed.

"Wonderful," Fertility grumbled. "As if Dice weren't bad enough, now we've got to deal with Management."