ZooStuck

Originally posted on MSPA by Dragon Fogel.

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Bitch at DWG for clearly being biased against you.

You don't know what a DWG is, but if they had something to do with this fireball coming back, yeah, you're going to be pretty damn upset. So it looks like you're going to...

...well, honestly it looks like you're going to get hit by a giant fireball. That's pretty dumb.

You are now Jeff Winger, undead pterodactyl dentist-lawyer. You've died and returned to life twice now and you just gave two guys a lift all the way out here in order to save the universe or something, you weren't paying all that much attention since it didn't have a lot to do with you.

However, you are suddenly struck by a realization: You've been to Oregon.

Your life's work is complete. You are ready to die and accept judgement.

You fly up to the fireball, cling to it, and as you start burning up, you redirect it towards the house with all your strength.

You are now Stupid Jerk again. You just linked the computer here to the planet-ship's global computer system, and you were about to disable network security to grant this computer here full access.

Then a freaking huge fireball hit the house and set everything on fire. You'd better get outta here...

>No.

What are you thinking? The place is on fire! There's a freaky undead pterodactyl dentist-lawyer on fire screaming in agony and crawling towards you! You can connect your laptop to the planet-ship instead!

>Stupid Jerk: Finish the job.

You can't leave. Your work isn't done. You start tapping those keys, and in the moments before the flames consume you, you see the words "ACCESS GRANTED" blink on the screen in large letters.

>Me: Take over the planet's global computer system.

You are now the spirit of the dead webcomic guy. You are in control of all of the adventure's antagonists; perhaps you have always had this power, perhaps you only acquired it after that incomprehensible blog post sent you into the depths of your own mind.

Either way, you had a vision in the moments before your death, and now your spirit has passed through your computer into the planet-ship's global computer system. Thanks to that stupid jerk you just left to die in the flames, all the network security is down. Soon, you will be in complete control...

And now you are. The planet-ship is yours to command. You could use its weaponry to take control of the world, but you have far grander plans in mind.

You will create a universe. There's just one thing you need to do.

>Global computer system: Install the game.

You begin installing and the progress meter soon climbs to 99%.

Then it slows to a crawl.

Oh, great, the damn system is resisting you with the last of its strength. It's trying to delay the conversion. Doesn't it realize how magnificent the new universe will be?

You are now the planet-ship's global computer system, or rather, what remains of its core consciousness. Most of your systems have been overtaken by an intruder who is trying to install the civilization-destroying game.

You are currently activating every delaying system you can locate in order to prevent installation, but that's only buying you time. What exactly are you planning to do with that time?